Sonic the hedgehog was creating multiple accounts to criticize negative reviews of Sonic Boom on GameFaqs with whilst working through a stack of chilli dogs when he got a phone call from Amy Rose whose number he had saved as 'Cray Bitch' in his contacts, and not without good reason.
"Don't act like I didn't see that Myspace post," he vented into the phone. "You know, from our date at Mario's New years party. Look, I don't know how to tell you this so that you'll finally understand, but we're not -"
"This girl's a real handful," a gruff voice that was definitely too deep to be Amy's interjected. "I don't envy you one bit, pal."
"Who are you?" Sonic squeezed a chilli dog so that the sweet hot juices were ejaculated directly into his hungry gaping gullet, with enough skill and practice under his belt that he did not miss a single drop. "If you're Amy's boyfriend I swear to God there's nothing going on between us. That insane bitch has been stalking me for years. "
The voice on the phone chuckled.
"I don't swing with humans, or whatever the heck this is. Just don't see the appeal. But your girl here, she's," the voice paused to mull over its next few words. "Lemme just say she's fallen on hard times, and looking pretty BONED right now. MARROWly avoided death, I'd say. Lucky for you I've seen one of these phone things before so I could tell you, seeing as yours is the only number here."
Sonic's eyes bulged and his quills stood erect as a thoroughly grilled hot dog. "What did you do to my girlfriend?"
The mysterious caller disconnected without answering, and could not be reached again. Sonic's impotent rage was replaced with fear, as well as regret over the way he had treated Amy. Somewhere, far away, President Obama glanced at a photograph of Sonic and Amy smiling together on his desk and briefly wondered where it all went wrong. In any case, despite the tumultuous seemingly one-sided nature of their relationship, let's say for the purpose of this story that Sonic the hedgehog's bland character design did allow for him to begin to harbor deep feelings toward Amy. Perhaps not as a lover, but more like an annoying little sister.
Sonic had to act and he had to do so at the only rate he knew how – quickly – but first he needed to get a clue, and there was only one friend he could rely on in situations that required him to think.
Meanwhile, Amy's limp body lay at the bottom of a cavernous pit. Still alive, thanks to cartoon logic, but in a world of trouble as the skeleton in a hoody looking on had previously attested to on the phone. After he hung up on the mad mammal, Sans decided to scan through the contents of Amy Rose's media card, only to find unsightly fan art and candid photos of Sonic, and a music selection that was comprised mostly of Regina Spektor and Fiona Apple selections, which listening to the starts of a few only made his day that much worse.
"Maybe the neighborly thing to do would be to hide her someplace safe," Sans mused, stroking his fleshless chin, "but I'm beginning to wonder if she's even worth the trouble."
At least a phone could be wiped, he thought with a grin, and so he walked away with the pink Iphone plastered with flower stickers stuck in his pocket, leaving the unconscious Amy to fend for herself.