EXT: IN THE FIELD - The van is suspended in mid-air. Miranda and Stevie stick their heads out of the front windows. Gary and Andrew run up to the gentleman.
MIRANDA: GARY! Get us down!
GARY: What's going on?
GENTLEMAN: You are on private property!
GARY: We're here for the Food Festival! I booked a pitch!?
GENTLEMAN: Well, why didn't you say?
MIRANDA: You didn't really give us chance?
GENTLEMAN: I did knock!
STEVIE: Miranda could sleep through anything!
MIRANDA: I didn't see you waking up?
STEVIE: I had my earplugs in! Gary may have grown to block out your snoring but my ears are very sensitive! It was like sleeping next to a fog horn!
MIRANDA: Rude!
GENTLEMAN: If I can interrupt? Do you have your paperwork with you?
GARY: Its in the van!
Miranda disappears then reappears with a folder. Gary runs underneath her and she drops it. All the paperwork falls out and blows across the field. Gary and Andrew run after it all.
MIRANDA: Oops! Sorry!
GARY: (Sarcastically) Thank you dear!
He peels the last piece of paper off of the ground and hands it to the man.
GENTLEMAN: Right. Yes. Okay! Your spot is over there! In the corner!
He points to the other end of the field.
GARY: Right? Okay!
GENTLEMAN: We'll take the van on over shall we?
MIRANDA: Now that you've gone to the effort of lifting us, yeah, you might as well!
GARY: Isn't there anywhere else we could go!? That seems rather tucked away?
The gentleman whips a map of the field.
GENTLEMAN: Well, if you look, we're fully booked. Don't worry, you won't be alone!
ANDREW: What's that massive thing in the middle?
GENTLEMAN: That's the Demonstration tent.
MIRANDA: And what happens in there!?
Andrew, Gary and the Gentleman look at Miranda with a confused look.
STEVIE: (Sarcastically) Its where they sumo wrestle!
MIRANDA: Sumo wrestling at a food festival?
Stevie slaps her right hand against her forehead.
GARY: Its kinda in the title! Its where chefs put on demonstrations of their work!
MIRANDA: What chefs do we have this weekend?
GENTLEMAN: We have a few famous chefs and a few amateur chefs too!
STEVIE: Famous chefs, you say?
GENTLEMAN: Yes we have James Martin...
STEVIE: PHWOAR!
GENTLEMAN: Gino D'Campo, Jamie Oliver and Raymond Blanc!
MIRANDA/STEVIE: Raymond Bloody Blanc!?
GENTLEMAN: Have you heard of him?
MIRANDA: (Sarcastically) Have I?
GENTLEMAN: You'll have to pop by a few!
MIRANDA: I will if I ever get down from here!
The crane starts to move again, it goes across the field and drops the van down into the corner. It comes down with a bump. Stevie runs out of the back and kneels down.
STEVIE: Thank god!
Miranda gets out of the van and is a bit dizzy.
MIRANDA: I feel all funny!
She falls into the gentleman's arms. Gary and Andrew pull up in the car, they park it behind the van. Gary gets out and walks round to the front, he clears his throat, the gentleman let's go of Miranda who then falls to the floor, on top of Stevie. Stevie's head is pushed into a muddy puddle.
MIRANDA: I'm so sorry!
Miranda, Gary and the gentleman start to laugh. Andrew helps her up. Stevie is covered in mud.
STEVIE: Is there anywhere I could get cleaned up?
GENTLEMAN: There is a washroom in the opposite corner to us! Can you see it?
STEVIE: All I can see is mud!
Andrew hands her a towel.
STEVIE: Thank you! Does it have hot water?
GENTLEMAN: Hot ish, yeah!
STEVIE: (Sarcastically) Great!
Andrew and Stevie walk to the washroom. The gentleman walks off too. Gary goes into the van and starts to set up.
MIRANDA: What time does it open to the public?
GARY: 10am.
MIRANDA: So I have time to ring mum?
GARY: I suppose so!
He walks out of the van and goes to the car. He comes back with a set of deck chairs. He sets them up and returns to the car. Miranda takes a seat. Gary comes back with more chairs and a fold up table.
GARY: Make yourself comfy! Its okay, I don't need any help!
Miranda is on her phone.
GARY: Talk to yourself Gary!
MIRANDA: Hey Mum!
PENNY: Hello darling! Are you all set up?
MIRANDA: Yeah Gary's on it!
PENNY: Missing us?
MIRANDA: I'm missing the twins of course! Where are they?
PENNY: Your father's taken them for a walk into the village. He loves to show them off!
MIRANDA: I really wanted to see their faces! Text me as soon as they're home!
PENNY: Will do dear! Give my love to Gary!
Miranda hangs up.
MIRANDA: This is marvellous!
GARY: What is?
MIRANDA: The way I can see them on my phone! What's it called?
GARY: Its called Skyping! Its nothing new!
MIRANDA: Well I think its wonderful!
Gary has finished setting up.
MIRANDA: Would you like some help?
GARY: Awh, how kind of you to offer, now that its all done!
MIRANDA: Shall we get on with the prep work? What are we cooking?
GARY: There are a few different dishes! We have starters, mains and desserts. They come in these little containers. A compartment for each course.
Gary takes a plastic container from the van. It has the slogan "Hey Presto-n!" on it.
MIRANDA: Sticking with the name?
GARY: Yes! I'm not budging!
MIRANDA: Right let's crack on shall we! We have an hour!
GARY: You chop the onions!
They walk into the van and get on the appropriate protective gear. Miranda starts to cut the onions. She puts a wooden spoon in her mouth.
GARY: What are you doing?
GARY: I was told if you bit down on a wooden spoon it would stop you from crying when chopping onions!
GARY: That won't work! Trust me! If you cry you cry!
MIRANDA: I'll take my chances!
Miranda carries on. Gary starts to fillet a salmon.
MIRANDA: That looks fiddly!
GARY: Its okay if you know what you're doing!
MIRANDA: Hence why you're doing that and I'm cutting veg!
Gary smiles.
GARY: Now no throwing food today! We need all the ingredients we have!
Miranda puts her thumb up. She has started to cry. She rubs her eyes.
MIRANDA: Oh no! Bad idea! Ahh! Gary, my eyes are burning!
Gary tries to help her, she starts flapping. She hits the chopping board off of the side, the knife falls and lands in between Gary's feet. The onions go everywhere!
MIRANDA: Oh my, I'm do sorry!
GARY: Its okay! Leave it to me! Go on over to the restroom and wash out your eyes!
Miranda cannot see, she tries to exit and knocks everything off of the sides.
MIRANDA: Sorry!
Gary stands there, one hand on his hip, the other on his head. Miranda stumbles off towards the washroom.
SCENE ENDS.