Chapter Ten

Strength

Later, in the depth of the night, they held each other, the two of them entwined beneath the blankets of their bed. Neither of them could quite fall asleep.

Kiritsugu gazed up into the cold void of the dark ceiling, the light from the dying fire low, but he did so without fear because he was holding Irisviel close against him. He felt her soft, light fingers move across his bare chest, tracing tender lines as she listened to him tell her as much as he wanted to about more of his life with Natalia Kiminsky.

For the most part, he avoided the gruesome details, though he suspected that her developed imagination would fill in the gaps, which was preferable to him. Still, he was pleased that Irisviel was so interested in what his surrogate mother had been like, perhaps because in being an expectant mother, Irisviel was intrigued by the fact that even though Kiritsugu had thought of Natalia as a mother, her behavior went very much against all of the sentimental tropes in all of the reading material Irisviel had gotten her hands on since becoming pregnant.

At the moment, he was recounting the time he and Natalia had confronted the madman Heinrich Zepter, who had been experimenting with resurrecting the dead and twisting human bodies into creatures that were nothing more than sick perversions of nature.

"That was one of our more... interesting targets. To put in perspective the kind of...mother...Natalia was, well...she saved me from being hypnotized by pure madness by sticking me with the burning tip of her cigarette."

Irisviel gave a snort of uncertain laughter. "I guess if it's an effective method…."

"Well it was," Kiritsugu admitted in Natalia's defense. "That didn't mean it didn't hurt."

"So is she where you picked up your smoking habit?"

"Uh-huh. I wanted…to be like her—apart from her reasons for doing her job, which for her were purely pecuniary—and…I won't lie, she made smoking look so cool. And it's hard not to pick up a habit like that when your line of work consists of a lot of waiting, and—now and then—no small amount of stress."

"And was it from her that you learned how to be so cold?"

Irisviel impulsively hugged Kiritsugu tighter, and Kiritsugu did the same to her at her question, stroking back her soft hair, even as he hesitated, a little thrown.

"More or less," he finally said. "It became clear to me shortly after I started working with her that that was how I had to be, and even though it came to me easily enough, it was…the aftermath that always killed me."

"So I suppose it's safe to assume you don't like what you do. As an assassin."

"Not really, no. But I decided a long time ago that it was necessary, and I can't afford to change now. It's why…why I have no choice…."

Irisviel laid her hand over his beating heart. "I think…you're a person who feels too much."

Kiritsugu took a hold of that hand, caressing it with his thumb. "I suppose so."

Irisviel lifted her head and looked at him in the dark. "It's no wonder you desire the world's salvation so desperately."

"Hm?"

"It's a bit of a contradiction really. What goes on around you affects you acutely and and stays with you as though it were attaching itself to what you call your soul. It's made you kind in your own way—too kind—so when the world is cruel you feel it even when it has nothing to do with you. You've had to cut yourself off from the powerful, rampant beast that is your heart, but in the name of these same wonderful things you carry within it." Irisviel lowered her head, becoming oddly shy in what could only be admiration. "It's part of what attracted me to you. You present this cold, mechanical demeanor to the world, and yet when I was thrown into that blizzard, you went against practical logic and saved me, even when you yourself said I should just be destroyed and replaced."

Kiritsugu smiled bitterly. "Ah…please don't add to my long list of regrets."

"But your saving me cancels it out, so it doesn't count," Irisviel teased.

This tugged a sincere laugh in the end out of her husband, and he gently threaded his fingertips through his wife's soft, silver hair.

Her eyes were bright like jewels in the dark as they flicked up to his face again. "I mean it when I say that ever since then, I've taken everything you've taught me, every word you've said, and kept it for myself as a beautiful treasure. Not because you did it at all when it would have otherwise never happened, and not because you treat me differently than the rest of my Einzbern kin, but because of your passion for it. I told you before…the way you spoke to me—like you were giving voice to a flame inside you—when you first spoke to me of anger and the will to fight for my own sake, rather than as a tool, it stayed with me from that very moment. Every day it burns brighter…." Her silver eyelashes came close to fringing the curved peaks of her fine cheekbones.

Kiritsugu's heart quickened, his eyes widening. In this moment, he desired her very much, particularly when combined with the fact that she was carrying his child. There was so much he wanted to tell her, but he was rendered back into his old ways quite quickly of letting his actions speak rather than his words. At the same time, she seemed to read the desire in his eyes because her breath caught then, and then she glowed so bright that Kiritsugu could no longer help himself, and he leaned in close.

So the kiss he offered her said quite a bit, like, How is it I'm so undone by someone as sweet as you?

With an aching heart, he deepened his kiss, and she responded in kind, opening up for him like the lily-white iris that she was. So delicate yet so strong, so precious.

"Iri…please…."

"Yes…Kiritsugu…."

Touching her this way, he was only made all the more aware of how precious she had become to him, how despite everything she could love him this way. He had given her that, had given her a soul, and that coupled with the child she was carrying inspired such a swell of hope inside him to the point that tears again welled up in his eyes.

As they flowed freely again, he pulled away only to burrow into the sweet hollow of her shoulder, hiding in her soft curtain of hair. "Do I make you happy then?" he croaked.

Irisviel laughed brilliantly, and he felt it through her whole body as he held her to him. "Yes."

Kiritsugu held her even tighter, giving a small cry that was a mixture of both joy and pain. "Good. I'm glad," and he wept into her hair, until his tears had dried up again, and all the while she stroked and caressed his hair in turn, holding him against her with the sweet, gentle patience of a mother, which for a while made Kiritsugu weep even harder.

His sleep though was thankfully peaceful, and when he woke up in morning, he felt this quiet as in the aftermath of a catastrophic shift in the world.

Enveloped in the warmth of his wife, he found her still asleep, and thought she looked even more beautiful, if that was possible.

Irisviel heaved a contented sigh and stretched a little in her slumber, much like a cat, murmuring instinctively as she settled again. Kiritsugu couldn't help an admiring smile, and laying his head down on the pillow and stroking the back of her hand, he went on watching her sleep for a little while longer.

True, in a different world, he might have been able to lead this kind of life every day without being haunted by dark thoughts of guilt and regret, without having a soul weighed down by despair and the blood of countless others, by the terrible fact that he would contribute to the death of the woman he loved dearly. But on the other hand, he might have taken such things like his wife for granted if he'd otherwise led such a complacent, commonplace life. For now, in this moment, watching Irisviel sleep beside him, while there was great pain, it equalled that great new joy that had grown inside of him too.

And then Irisviel stirred, and that alone was something that Kiritsugu would forever cherish. For her sake too, he wanted this to be a beautiful memory he could give to her in return.

"Hello," he murmured, stroking back her lovely silver hair.

Irisviel took a moment to adjust to being awake, blinking sleep out of her bleary eyes. And then she smiled. "Hello."

When she reached up and touched his face though, he could see a flicker of insight in her kind, loving eyes. Before he could say anything, she came up and slid her arms around him, holding him together as best she could.

"My love," she sighed against him, and with a terrible, unquenchable ache inside of him, he returned her embrace, hugging her tight to him.

In the way she quivered, he could tell she could feel the desperation within him, and he marveled at how one sweet and beautiful woman could be both his weakness and his strength at the exact time, his pain and his joy, his despair and his hope.

But he began to see this as Fate's way of playing with and punishing him for all the blood he had spilled. So he resolved to endure it and ride out the storm. Yet, he couldn't know then that he had yet to suffer his greatest punishment. That didn't matter at present though, so for now he did the only thing he could do, and held the woman he loved close to his beating heart.

The following day, Jubstacheit called for a meeting between the three of them after Irisviel's alchemy session. Irisviel was apprehensive that it might concern the fact that Kiritsugu had pulled a knife on Malte, but Kiritsugu told her that whatever happened, she needn't worry.

"I can handle these sorts of matters," he said, with a confident wink for her benefit.

Here Irisviel gave him the trust of a child, as she had done perhaps from the very beginning, and slid her hand in his as they walked down to the alchemy chamber together.

Kiritsugu waited as usual for the conclusion of their session, and then Acht invited Kiritsugu to join them below.

But Kiritsugu couldn't help noticing that Irisiviel looked a little paler than before. This wasn't an entirely abnormal occurrence, but it didn't mean Kiritsugu wasn't any less concerned about it.

"Iri? Are you all right?" he asked in a serious, gentle undertone.

"I'm fine," Irisviel told him, but Kiritsugu kept an eye on her as Jubstacheit began the meeting.

The three of them seated themselves at a small wooden table off to the side from the main workshop full of books, papers, vials, and bottles full of chemicals, samples of metals as well as several stacks of notes pertaining to, among other things, experimental trials to forge a Philosopher's Stone. The empty cultivating tank in which Irisviel was created unfortunately reminded Kiritsugu too much of an empty glass coffin.

Acht, in his usual blunt fashion, got straight to the heart of the matter. "So, Emiya, I understand you have some issues with our choice of Heroic Spirit for the Saber Class."

Kiritsugu took only a moment before responding, understanding now the entire purpose of this meeting. Irisviel looked strangely panicked when her husband gave a mirthless laugh, to which Acht raised an accusatory eyebrow.

"No, no, it isn't that I have no respect for you. Far from it, Elder. But I can tell from your attitude alone that you are far more intent on having Arthur Pendragon as your puppet for the War than I had previously thought. To say the least, I'm just a bit surprised, actually."

Acht steepled his hands together, resting his elbows on the table. "All the calculations point to Arthur Pendragon, summoned in the Saber Class, will prove to be the strongest in the battle. Easily. And more importantly, a strong servant that can be controlled."

"Oh?"

"Indeed. For example, we—my fellow Einzbern researchers and I, Malte included—" Irisviel tensed a moment at this "—played for a while with the idea of a possible summoning of the epic hero Gilgamesh, which, speaking in terms of power would be like summoning a god, but unfortunately an arrogant one, if you get my meaning."

"Ah. Yes, I do."

"Good. For we Einzberns, as great as our pride may be, will not go so far as to allow our downfall to lie in arrogance." He stroked the frozen waterfall of his beard thoughtfully. "I could see someone like Tokiomi Tohsaka making that error however…."

"Very well." Kiritsugu heaved a sigh. "You do make a good argument, logically speaking. I can't deny that."

"And let's not forget that Irisviel has developed an admiration for King Arthur," Jubstacheit pointed out.

Kiritsugu looked at Irisviel, and Irisviel looked back at him like she was prepared to defend her position if need be. Kiritsugu didn't blame her, considering that was something from their argument the other day that hadn't quite been resolved. With this in mind, Kiritsugu offered his wife a contrite smile.

"I understand."

This coaxed a smile out of Irisviel. But then, she still seemed pale, and Kiritsugu caught a subtle tremor in her hand when he reached for it.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"I think…so.…"

Irisviel paused and put a hand to her head like she felt a throbbing ache there, and quite suddenly her face shined with sweat. Kiritsugu had only a moment's warning in the way her eyes fluttered and lost focus before she swooned. He managed to catch her in his arms as she fell in a faint, his knees crashing to the floor. Clutching her against him, he could tell just by the feel and sound how painful her breathing had quickly become in a matter of seconds.

"Iri."

He gave her an urgent shake, not knowing what else to do, utterly bewildered by this occurrence yet maintaining a calm control on the surface. His years of self-discipline in this matter notwithstanding, the last thing he needed was to break down in front of Jubstacheit, who was unfortunately observing this with all the shock of a scientist being surprised that he'd let the fluid in his flask boil over.

"What's happened to her?" Kiritsugu demanded with pure coldness, betraying none of the fear that roiled unbidden in his heart.

"It would seem I might have overdone it on today's adjustment. Clearly the relationship between mother and fetus has been thrown out of whack by this. But nothing a simple elixir can't fix once I determine the miscalculation in question."

"And why would symptoms like this manifest because of that?"

"It has to do with her—as well as the fetus—being created as Vessels for the Grail, that particular construction that they possess," Acht explained as he examined the unconscious Irisviel. "In fact, the fetus will be far more unique even than her mother, which might count as another explanation for this event. At any rate, Irisviel will experience this on a much greater and more powerful level when her time comes to fully become the Vessel and bring the Grail into being with the sacrifice of the defeated Servants."

Kiritsugu glanced back down at his wife, at her face twisted in pain and sweating profusely as though in a fever, even as she remained insensible to the world. This is how she'll spend the remaining days of her life? Weak and in agony?

Of course, he hadn't expected it to be all that easy for her. It was the act of dying after all, and there had to be some pain involved. She certainly wouldn't just pop instantly into the Grail like in some strange fairy tale. But still…did she have to suffer like she was being torn apart from the inside?

Jubstacheit finished making his assessment and went to prepare the elixir. Kiritsugu meanwhile felt again that same paralyzing fear he did the day he found Shirley tearing chickens' heads off with her teeth to drain them dry of their blood, recalling echoes of her screams as she begged him to kill her before it was too late—

His hold around his wife tightened. He cradled her against his chest and his wildly beating heart, the only part of himself he allowed to lose control at the moment, as she curled inward, fighting internally against whatever pain had taken ahold of her. He felt a wrench with every sharp, shallow breath she took.

It seemed to take an age for Jubstacheit to finish the elixir. Actually, Kiritsugu was close to breaking through his facade at what appeared to be the Einzbern family head taking his sweet time. To his credit though, rather than try to feed it to her, Acht dispensed a dosage of the elixir into a syringe and injected it into a vein inside the crook of her elbow, introducing it immediately into the bloodstream.

Within moments of administering the elixir to her, Irisviel's breathing eased up and her body relaxed. She remained feverish, but Jubstacheit assured Kiritsugu that that would subside with a day or two of rest. As for their daughter growing inside, she seemed to be doing just fine, despite her mother's rapid changes in condition.

Kiritsugu waited until Acht was back at his workbench and couldn't see his face before he offered a gruff, "Thank you," but the Einzbern family head didn't appear to be concerned with whether or not his son-in-law was grateful. To him, it was all just business as usual.

Having nothing more to say on the matter, Kiritsugu gained his feet and carried Irisviel upstairs back to their room, calling for Aloisia, one of the homunculi installed as a maid of the household rather than scrapped (like Irisviel almost was), to accompany him. After he laid his wife out on their bed and covered her with the blanket, he gave Aloisia instructions to watch over her whenever his work took him from her side. Aloisia gave her assent and retrieved a washbowl and a washcloth for a compress for Irisviel's fever. Until work took him away with a call from Maiya, he stayed with Irisviel and looked after her just as she'd done for him when he'd been ill. When it came to speaking with Maiya over the phone, he managed rather easily to speak with her as he normally did and betray nothing of what was in his heart.

Returning three hours later, Kiritsugu asked Aloisia as she stood upon his entrance: "Has she woken at all?"

Aloisia shook her head. "She's slept soundly though, Master Kiritsugu. And her fever has come down considerably."

"Good."

Kiritsugu's eyes flicked in Aloisia's direction, and he could see in the way she regarded him, despite her being a failed Einzbern homunculus, that she didn't much approve of what he knew was a very cold and empty expression on his face in light of Irisviel's condition. But she said nothing on the matter.

"Will you be taking dinner here then, sir?" she asked him.

"No." Kiritsugu shrugged off his jacket and pulled off his tie. "But thank you," he added, though he didn't look at her. At the moment he couldn't have possibly brought himself to eat anything.

Aloisia bobbed a curtsy, taking this as her cue to leave.

After she was gone, Kiritsugu resumed his seat in the chair beside the bed, where he slid his hand in Irisviel's. Just the feel of it was enough to tell him that some of the life had returned to her, but it also still spoke of just how much physical strength the attack she'd suffered had sapped from her. He watched her with his heart anchored there, restless with anxiety yet transfixed and afraid to move in case she woke up. While he was no stranger to waiting out the hellfire and cries of anguish and rage on a battlefield as he hid in the shadows picking off targets, here he could do nothing but watch as he waited, with only his dark thoughts for company, dark thoughts that pressed in on him, taunting him with reminders that this was and would be all his doing, that this pain she would suffer again would all be part of how he would kill her in the end.

At the peak of his breaking point, just when he came so close to losing control again, he hung his head, eyes shut tight as again he fought back his anguish. By then, the night had come to an end and dawn shed its rosy light into the gloom of that small chamber. It was at that moment that Irisviel stirred awake, blinking her crimson eyes into focus on the bed's canopy sitting aloft. Then her hand became aware of her husband holding it and she responded, closing her fingers around his, giving it as much of a squeeze as she could muster.

His head snapped up at once, grateful to find her awake and smiling at last, even though she still looked a bit worn. Grateful that he'd managed to hold out long enough before those accursed tears started flowing again. He didn't even care that when he returned her smile it might come off as fragile, and because of this, he felt it grow stronger instead.

"Iri…."

"Kiritsugu…there you are again…waiting for me to wake up…just like last time…."

"Mm…I suppose so…." Kiritsugu ran the pad of his thumb over the soft skin of her hand as he allowed himself to find solace in the feel of its softness.

And then Irisviel frowned a moment before giving a weak chuckle. "You know…I never asked…why you were there…when that happened? Was it because…you felt responsible for me…since you'd rescued me and everything…?"

For a moment Kiritsugu didn't know what to say. The truth of it was he'd simply happened to be there when she'd woken, that he'd only gone to check on her because he'd found that only in her presence did his frustration at the time dispel itself. In hindsight, it had actually been rather selfish of him.

But then he began to wonder if even then he'd felt an obligation to the life he had rescued. Before Irisviel, he had never saved anyone per se, not in the traditional sense. His "saving" had all been done through elimination to tip the scales in favor of the majority. Really it had been a new experience for him, and he suddenly realized then that there was, underneath everything else, one of many of the phenomena that had endured through the ages, that there would always be a bond that would form—whether brief or lasting a lifetime—between the rescuer and the rescued, between the savior and the one being saved.

Was that why he…?

"You weren't scared, were you?" Irisviel asked, drawing Kiritsugu out of his thoughts. Her lovely face was now pinched with concern.

Kiritsugu looked away, even though he knew there was no point in lying, not that he wanted to anyway. But this time he let honesty win out. "Of course I was scared," he told her.

Irisviel bit her lip, her eyes brightening with the threat of tears. "I'm sorry…."

Her husband turned his fierce expression on her. "You have nothing to be sorry for," and seized by a painful ache he pressed his lips to her knuckles, treating them the way an artisan would treat precious pearls. "You will never have anything to be sorry for. Ever. The fault…will always lie with me…."

Though her smile came back, he could see it was full of compassion for him, compassion he didn't deserve even as he was beyond thankful for it.

"Oh Kiritsugu…I think I love you far more than you love yourself…so we'll have to fix that if we're going to keep at this…."

Irisviel gave another small chuckle, and Kiritsugu couldn't help responding in kind, drawing strength from she who was strong in all the ways he could never be.

"Very well then," he said. "I accept your challenge."

"Good." Irisviel nodded slightly in her approval, her smile turning imperious. "After all, a true champion accepts all challenges."

By morning the following day, Irisviel had indeed recovered, just as Acht had predicted. Her fever had disappeared and she was well enough to get out of bed. It was just a pity that at the same time a snowstorm rolled in, encasing the entire sphere of the castle, forest, and mountain's Bounded Field in ice as fiercely as it did the day Kiritsugu rescued Irisviel from the snow. So unfortunately there was no question of going outside in such weather to celebrate her recovery.

On the bright side though, the inside of the castle, while normally fairly gloomy, was brightened for once by the sparkle of—of all things—Christmas decorations. The Einzberns seemed to celebrate the holiday mostly out of respect for Western traditions, though as mages they fused elements of it with the pagan holiday of Saturnalia. Actually, Kiritsugu thought it was a bit pointless since both Saturnalia and Christmas were celebrations of light in the darkness of winter, but here it was always winter.

Still, he was glad to see how enchanted Irisviel was with all of the beautiful, twinkling decorations, the baubles and shining beads adorning a large Christmas tree in the great hall, and Kiritsugu took the opportunity to pull a few well-known carols with the intent of teaching them to Irisviel, being that they were easy songs to learn. That and it really did present an opportunity for him to hear her singing voice. Really, he couldn't help himself—he wanted so much to enjoy the time he had with his wife while he still could. She gave him the courage to indulge in that at the very least. And besides, it made Irisviel happy to see him happy. That was plain to see.

Kiritsugu's own experience with Christmas was rather limited, but there were a couple he'd spent with Shirley and the other villagers on Arimago Island, and those were precious memories he carried in his heart like talismans against the darkness. Feeble talismans at best, but talismans nonetheless. And though he had never been much for singing, he'd liked listening to the carols, even if they were built on a faith that quite frankly he couldn't help but be conflicted about after all he had done and seen.

But he picked a few Christmas songs based on his own personal favorites, the ones he remembered reaching inside him as a boy and igniting the flame, the belief that humanity, at its core, had a collective soul that would be worth saving. And he was glad to see that Irisviel was equally moved, and as with everything else he had taught her, she caught onto the concept of music quickly.

There was an old piano in the library that was covered up in its lack of use. They uncovered it, kicking up a faint stirring of dust which they brushed aside before taking a seat next to each other on the bench in front of it. For Kiritsugu's part, he had taught himself how to play piano years ago as something other than smoking to pass the time when he'd been in a country broken off from the former Soviet Union and torn apart by civil unrest escalating into war. He remembered very distinctly practicing at it in the morning, only to slip out in the afternoon to hunt and kill several targets who had presented themselves as enemies to peace. Now, he paused a moment as he briefly recalled the one kill he'd returned from in which he hadn't cleaned the blood off his hands, and as if possessed he'd set to playing a soothing melody, smearing the white keys with bright red.

"Kiritsugu?"

Kiritsugu surfaced from his brief revery and managed a smile. "I'm all right. It's just…been a while since I've played, so I'm a bit rusty. But I supposed we'll do as we always do and just do the best we can."

"Okay."

As ever, Irisviel was enthusiastic and thrilled to be learning something new from Kiritsugu. There was no trace of weakness from when she'd suddenly fallen ill, and Kiritsugu still wondered at his own feelings for her, how he could not only love a person this powerfully, desire so much for her happiness, but even when he knew that one day he must accept her death, and indirectly at his hand no less, his heart refused to simply go through the motions any longer. Doomed as she was, he still actively did all he could to care for and protect her. Even if he couldn't be open about it with anyone else but her, the truth of it was still there, and he knew that it made her happy because it was real, and because he had helped to create within her a soul she could call her own.

It was evident not only in her laughter, not only in her tears, not only in her anger, not only in the pleasure she took in learning new things and the compassion she expressed towards him, the mutual love she shared with him, but also now as she began learning one Christmas carol after another, adapting to the concept of making music, and performing it for herself and for him splendidly. Her fingers grew nimble on the piano keys just after a few weeks of practice, and her singing….

If there was any other sound so fine and warm like summer sunlight breaking through winter's cold iron, Kiritsugu didn't know it. Even in its uncertain trembling here and there in its inexperience, Irisviel gave voice to each song with such grace that Kiritsugu felt again like that boy spellbound by the fairy dust of things that inspired hope in youth.

He could not have asked for a greater Christmas gift, and though some might have considered the return trite and cliche, he didn't care, as he presented her that December morning with something he never imagined he'd give to any woman—but he simply couldn't help himself, after the old movies he'd seen when he'd been younger of men presenting the women they loved with such sparkling treasures.

Indeed, it was a necklace of starlight—or at the very least fine gems that glittered as such. But he had been very precise with the artisan he'd charged with crafting and delivering it: "a necklace with gems that gleam like sunlight on seawater". The gems themselves were a very rare variety, the best only found in San Benito, California, reflecting a beautiful seaside—one of the only peaceful memories he had during his brief time with Natalia in America.

"This is so unlike me," he admitted as he fastened the clasp about the neck of his breathless Irisviel. "I'm not usually given to flights of fancy like this. At least…I wasn't. But I've remembered things. Simple things that even though they're cliche, there's no harm in them if they're genuine. And if they make you happy. Really…I was trying to find a way to bring the sparkle of the sea to you."

"Yes…it's like you're giving me a physical piece of something kind from your memories." Her crimson eyes were shining as she looked around at him, such a simple gesture but a beautiful sight nonetheless and the gems sparkled brilliantly about her neck. "That too, makes it beautiful. I'm happy to know that there were still kind things in your life, in spite of everything. Thank you…."

"Ah…Iri…." Kiritsugu closed his eyes and touched his forehead to his wife's, just breathing her lovely iris scent. "Hm. You are certainly a wonder."

"Only because of you, my love."

By the time Christmastime had passed, the child growing inside Irisviel had come along considerably, to the point that it was clear from the swell of her stomach that she was pregnant. And much like any other pregnant woman, Irisviel, despite being a homunculus who'd didn't require food, suddenly found herself overcome with the occasional craving for things like chocolate and strawberries, which naturally Kiritsugu provided for her without hesitation. Perhaps it had to do with the fact that their child was so unique, possessing traits of a human as well as that of a homunculus, not to mention the power of a cluster of magic circuits within her, that Irisviel experienced these cravings of pregnancy.

Actually, Kiritsugu couldn't help thinking it was nice, mostly because Irisviel didn't mind sharing, so now the two of them would often have their usual lessons in the library at the table while sharing whatever Irisviel was craving at the time.

One afternoon, they were sharing strawberries while studying books and pictures of stained glass windows in gothic architecture. Irisviel was naturally impressed, able to see more than what she knew of such things from the Einzbern summoning chamber.

"It's much better than when you keep me company for dinner in the kitchen and I'm the only one eating," he teased. "Otherwise I feel like such a ridiculous glutton."

Irisviel giggled as she bit down on a strawberry, which she took care as always to chew slowly and savor the flavor, which she'd described upon first trying a strawberry as tasting like "red sparkles". Then she went back to the book she was examining.

"It's just amazing how beautiful something so simple as coloring glass and filtering light through it can be," she marveled, looking over the colored photos. "I just can't get over their ability to take a person's breath away when they see them."

Kiritsugu smiled as he always did at Irisviel's childlike wonder. "You're honestly too cute," he said as he popped a strawberry into his mouth, and Irisviel laughed.

"Silly man." Becoming absorbed in the color photos again, Irisviel traced the brilliant patterns with her fingers, but paused she did so, her hand flying to her stomach as her face revealed the disturbance inside her.

Kiritsugu became tense at once. "Iri?"

"It's—" Irisviel's eyes became very round, and then she smiled. "I think it's the baby. I think it's moving around inside me!" Her expression changed to one of pure delight.

Kiritsugu's mouth went dry however, thrust into unfamiliar territory. But then Irisviel urged:

"Quick! Come feel!" Irisviel beckoned her husband over to her, with that joyous impulse of hers that he himself had gifted to her.

Of course Kiritsugu was hesitant, but he didn't want Irisviel to feel she was evoking such a sentiment in him. And actually, if he were entirely honest with himself, he was genuinely curious and intrigued. So he slowly rose to his feet and came around to the other side of the table, where he knelt down before his wife much as one would kneel before a beloved queen. Doing his best to hide his trembling, he reached out and laid his palm over Irisviel's baby bump.

What he felt was a small pressure from within, pressing against the inside of Irisviel's womb. Was it a little foot? Or a fist? Unable to help himself, Kiritsugu was already thinking about it when he felt it. He stopped breathing in a moment of impulsive awe.

"You feel that?" Irisviel's voice radiated with even more excitement than it did whenever she drove the Mercedes around the courtyard.

"I do." Kiritsugu concentrated, and then, very carefully, he leaned in and gently pressed his ear to her belly, and after another moment, he felt the pressure again, and he thought he could hear their daughter wiggle around in there. "She's eager to come out, I imagine. She'll have a great thirst for knowledge, just like her mother does."

And then he felt Irisviel's soft fingers thread through his dark hair. But he immediately noticed that there was an odd tremor to them. He looked up, taken aback at the pallor of Irisviel's face, the quake of her smile that betrayed something like—

Fear.

"What is it?"

"I was just…thinking…it's such a tiny life…such a tiny movement…and if I had…when I fell ill that day…if I had…the baby would've…and I would've.…"

Irisviel's shaking worsened, and Kiritsugu grasped both of her hands in his to steady them.

"It's all right. Just speak slowly."

Irisviel gave a sharp gasp, her eyes filling. "Not even when I was facing those wolves in that blizzard did I know anything like what I felt…I was scared…I was so scared…and the pain…." She gulped. "Grandpapa said…that's how it will be…when my time comes…."

A painful lump rose up in Kiritsugu's throat that wouldn't go away when he tried to swallow it down. He held Irisviel's hands tighter and said, "Iri, look at me," fixing her with a focused expression.

"Yes?" Irisviel blinked as she tried to hold back tears.

"Remember when I asked you…if you wanted to know more about the world? When I gave you the choice to walk away from fate?"

"Yes…."

"Do you still want to do this?"

"I—"

Irisviel's eyes suddenly became very wide as she looked into his eyes, and he saw her realize what he was showing her in his heart: that he was making a promise that whatever decision she made, whatever path she continued down, he would support her, regardless of his own feelings, because he wanted to do for her whatever she desired in order to be happy.

A selfish part of him hoped against hope, one last time, that she would take the option of turning and running. But by now he knew his wife too well. The two of them were united in both their love and their goal for the Grail, and though the fact that Irisviel now wanted to fight and give her life for his dream because she loved him rather than simply because that was how she was programmed as a homunculus meant far more to him than maybe she could ever know, and though it didn't change how painful it was for him to know that he would have to lose her, when Irisviel's smile broke through her fear in his show of strength for her, in that moment all of that felt worth it.

"Of course I do," she told him as the tears still broke through. "Because I'm doing it for you."

"Hm." Though Kiritsugu had to resign himself, there was still the light of happiness thriving inside him for his wife. So he could share in her smile as he kissed both her hands in reverence before he stood. "Come on," he invited. "What do you say to a break? I'm suddenly in the mood for a movie. Something ridiculously corny."

Irisviel wiped the tears away with a nudge of her shoulder across her face. Sniffing and now positively beaming, she said, "I think corny is as good as cure-all as any, from what you've taught me."

This coaxed a laugh out of her husband, and he lifted her to her feet.

The film they watched was certainly corny, but Kiritsugu paid far more attention to Irisviel than he did to what was onscreen to really care. In truth, he was keener to observe her reactions to the film than he was to observe the film itself. He'd seen the film enough times that he didn't need to pay it any real attention.

He just wanted to be happy for Irisviel's being happy.

So it was that that evening he concentrated all of his efforts on simply sharing in all the joy and sorrow that came along with living everyday life. His weariness from his work from earlier in the day did catch up to him later on, and he ended up laying his head in Irisviel's lap, but this was becoming a favorite thing now, as was Irisviel stroking his hair when he did that. As she did this now, he looked up at her, and he remembered his reaction from when he'd first met her, when she worked as nothing more than an emotionless doll. Now she was his wife, carrying their unborn child, and in the meantime, she had blossomed into a beautiful personality in her own right. And in being the person who had made that possible, though he still felt some regret for it because her fate remained unchanged, he did his best to find meaning in the fact that he could still be a human being when he wanted.

Was it possible, then, that when this War came to an end, and Irisviel had served her purpose, that he could come home to their Ilyasviel and be human again enough to go on loving and raising her, in spite of all that he had to see sacrificed?

Maybe…just maybe…it could turn out all right….

As if somehow reading his thoughts through contact with Irisviel, he felt the kick of the baby against his ear and he gave a quiet laugh.

Irisviel heard him and looked down at him, her smile turned curiously inward. But Kiritsugu quickly gathered that it was an expression unique to expectant mothers.

"Careful now," she told him, in a playfully sly voice. "I don't think our Ilya is going to be the sort of girl who takes nonsense from her father."

Kiritsugu laughed again, with more heart this time. "You know something, Iri? I hate to admit it, but I think you're absolutely right."

And then he laughed again, which prompted a giggle of affection out of Irisviel, as she went on tenderly brushing back his hair.