A/N: Unbetaed, all mistakes are mine.
Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.
Chapter Six: Close to You
I try to ignore the way Halley's tshirt molds to her body and how droplets of rain cling and run over to her fair skin. It isn't easy to keep my distance or act like everything is normal because we both know it's not. My hands itch to trace the lines of the water and finish what we almost started.
Almost. I almost kissed her in the park. If it hadn't started raining, I probably would've. A shiver races down my spine and the part of me that hasn't been the same since I got my soul back screams this is for the best.
But is it really? Am I wrong to want her? Or is it a sign of my humanity, a part of myself I tried to deny for too long?
She lingers for a moment and I pretend not to notice, but there's an unmistakable tremor to her body and her cheeks have a pale pink glow. As soon as the bathroom door closes I let my head drop back and swallow hard. Being with her and acting like this is just about getting the demon is a whole new kind of torture. But dancing on the edge of something I can't have?
Rubbing my neck, I pull out my phone when I hear the shower start running. I need to get myself under control. Protecting Halley was the goal, even if that means protecting her from me. So I do the only thing I can, the thing I've done far too much lately. I call Dean.
"Hey, Sammy. How's it going?" He picks up on the third ring. "You make it up to her yet?"
"You're such a jerk," I answer, stripping off my soaked shirt before sitting on the edge of the bed. His good natured ribbing sets me off. He knows me better than anybody and I know he's trying to put me at ease the way he always has, even as he lay dying. I try to play it cool. "If I had, you really think I'd tell you?"
"Dude, chill out. I'm just saying it's just like riding a bike." My brother and his one track mind. He doesn't let go. "Have you kissed her? Tell me you've at least kissed her."
"Dean." I'm surprised at the almost growl of my voice. He's trying my patience.
"You need to get laid," he answers and I hear Jo cackling in the background. There's a shuffle and soon she's wrestled the phone out of his hand.
"Don't listen to him, Sam," she says in the soft tone she always seems to use when she's trying to smooth things over.
"I really think you should be here with her and I should be hunting this thing with Dean," I tell her hoping she'll understand.
She sighs and asks me to hang on for a minute. I can't make out what it is she says to my brother, but the next thing I hear is the door slamming. "We've been over this. She's more comfortable with you. If she wasn't, one of us would be there," Jo tells me. There's a short pause and she adds, "You know Dean means well. At the end of the day, he just wants you to be happy."
"I'd be happy if Halley was safe." The words are quiet and my tone sounds every bit as broken as I feel. "Look, Jo, I'm not sure I can do this. I'll never forgive myself if she gets hurt. Do you need a refresher on my history with women?"
Jessica? Dead, just like mom. Madison? Werewolf, shot by yours truly. Ruby? Not one of my finer moments.
And Halley? Even being around her for only a couple of days I know she's different in a way that would make losing her that much more painful. The closer we get, the more I'm sure I wouldn't recover this time.
The water stops running and I clear my throat. Jo takes a hint but says quickly, "Yeah, Dean will be back soon. This is a good thing, Sam. Stop overthinking it."
There are a lot of ways I wish I was like my brother. He'd take this in stride and not blink. He probably would've already taken Halley to bed. I admire my his strength. But I've never envied the way he thinks with his other head.
"I'll take that under advisement, but if you guys don't find something soon..." I reach for the laptop and lower my voice. It's time to act like nothing has changed. Research. Prepping the room. Something to keep my hands busy so I don't put them where I want to. On her.
Halley pauses in the doorframe and clicks off the bathroom light. When she doesn't move into the room, I look up from the computer. I realize what's different immediately. She's wearing a nightgown. This is the first time things have been settled enough that she hasn't fallen asleep in whatever she was wearing in the car.
It's also the first time I haven't put her to bed. I should look away, but I can't. The thin, white garment is shapeless with lace at the neck and a ruffle at the hem. It's a reminder that I've dragged her away from her home on the farm. My mouth goes dry and I close the laptop, rubbing my palms against my jeans.
She cants her head to the side, watching me with caution? Curiosity? I can't tell, but it catapults me back to when we met and I get a flash of memory so vivid it stings.
"Well," she said as I looked at the few people in the bar. "Sam, I... Thank you for..."
When I knew it was safe - that there weren't more demons lurking in the immediate area - I looked at her and held her gaze. Her name rolled off of my tongue and I moved closer so she was right beside me. "Halley."
Then I kissed her. Hard. And she gasped into my mouth before melting in submission against my chest. I can feel the heat of her body and the needy, kitten-like way she accepted my tongue. It's shocking to feel the depth of my body's hunger for her.
Following minutes behind and slipping into the bathroom, I can feel Halley's fear when I locked us in. The dark, sick thing I was fed on her emotions and how wide eyed she became.
Control. Power. Lifting her to the edge of the sink, roughly tugging her hair and assaulting her mouth. Had I really been that forceful? Everything slams into me and my words echo in my ears. "Come on, Halley," I said to her, my erection rubbing between her legs as I stood between them. I held her prisoner with my hands and mouth. She didn't object. "You know you want it."
"Sam?" Halley's in front of me now, her hands cradling my jaw. I blink at her and wonder how she isn't afraid of being this close to me. "You were a million miles away..."
Her voice is sweet, comforting. She stands between my knees and it's too close, so close I can make out the dusty rose colored crowns of her breasts beneath her gown. I'm afraid to breathe.
I close my eyes to avoid staring. There's a hitch to her breath and one of her hands cards into my hair. My fingers twitch on my thighs and I lift my hands to push her away, but I can't.
Maybe she's whispering or maybe my heart is beating so loudly it just sounds like she is. Her fingers flex and she murmurs something about elephants in the room, using her grip on my head to tilt it back slightly. "I'm gonna count to ten," she says softly. I watch her gaze drop to my mouth and feel my tongue slide over my lip without thought. "And then I'm going to kiss you."
Eyes the color of a robin's egg stare at me and she shakes her head slowly, our noses brushing together. "So if I'm reading this wrong, if you don't want me to..." she's rambling. And it's the damnedest thing, because the more she talks... "You're gonna have to stop me."
I don't wait for her to count to ten. I'm powerless to resist her invitation. We're both nervous and if Halley is brave enough to take a chance, I am too. Jo is right. I need to stop thinking and feel.
Pushing to my feet, I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her flush against my chest. My heart thunders in my ears as I lower my mouth to hers and quickly capture her perfect petals in a searing kiss. When her lips part on a surprised gasp, I take advantage.
This isn't like before. I can feel her smile against my mouth and tongue. The noise she makes is one of excitement and joy. My palm skims along her jaw and I cup her face. Pulling back, I can't help the grin that forms as my thumb drifts along her kiss swollen lower lip. "Well, that was, uh... different."
She swallows. Her eyes are wide and innocent, lashes fluttering as she looks up at me. "Good different?"
I've seen that look before. Not on her but in my own expression. Fear of rejection. Sitting on the bed, I settle Halley in my lap and tuck her hair over shoulder before angling her face. "Definitely good," I tell her, humming a sigh before nipping at her lip. "So good I can't get enough."