Chapter Sixteen

Suffering Heart

For a time, Kiritsugu simply held Irisviel and stroked her back as he went on whispering soothing words. When her crying had exhausted her, they returned upstairs to call it an early night. They dismissed Elke while Ilya went on sleeping deep and peaceful as ever.

In the quiet of the night and silver darkness of their room, Kiritsugu watched his wife sleep as he lay beside her, threading strands of her lovely hair through his gentle fingers. She was curled up and facing him, her breathing soft and easy. His gaze on her was fixed, almost hypnotized by her, by every rise and fall of her chest, by her aura of sweet softness. His heart ached terribly, filled to the brim with a strong motivation to take care of her like this always, though he knew that could not be. Even so, in this moment he felt more keenly and more painfully than ever his desperate new desire to watch over his wife and child, rather than abandon them for his ideals, as he knew only too well that he must.

"Iri," he croaked in the dark, keeping his voice low so as not to wake her with his longing. Just watching her was enough to inspire a precious, golden warmth inside of him, for she possessed one of the most beautiful souls he had ever encountered, which was ironic in its own way.

As she shifted and murmured something indistinguishable in her sweet voice, he slid his hand out of her hair and into her hand instead, clasping it with gentle fierceness, running the pad of his thumb over her white knuckles. His dark eyes never left her, intense in their loving gaze upon her.

Until Ilya coughed awake and made a small whimper in the depth of the night. Irisviel jerked as her sleep was disrupted by the sound. But Kiritsugu leaned over and whispered for her to go back to sleep, that he would take care of things. And then he got up and saw to Ilya, finding her wide awake in her crib, which he realized seemed suddenly a bit small for her.

She looked up at him with her wide red eyes and reached up to him with her small arms. "Keesugu," she moaned.

And she evoked an ache in him similar to the ache her mother evoked in him. He smiled and picked her up, cradling her close. She slid her arms around his neck, imitating the act of an embrace.

When he pulled back, Kiritsugu chuckled under his breath at her examination of his face. "It seems I indulge in your fancies too much, little one," he murmured, and pressed his lips to the back of one of her tiny hands. "I think I'm going soft over my baby girl."

Ilya made a soft sound of amusement and leaned her forehead against her father's, compelling Kiritsugu to nuzzle her tiny nose as she reached up and touched his face with those small, small hands. And then she leaned in further and sucked on the bridge of his nose in turn.

"Ah...Ilya...does this mean you're hungry?" Kiritsugu awkwardly inquired on another quiet laugh.

"Kiritsugu?"

Father and daughter both pulled apart again and looked round at Irisviel. For his part, Kiritsugu thought his wife looked even cuter and prettier when she was just waking up, blinking blearily, with her hair a bit disheveled, as she was now.

"I'm sorry, Iri. Unfortunately, I think little Ilya's hungry," for Ilya had gone back to sucking on his nose.

Irisviel took in the scene before her and then positively giggled behind her hand. "I see. Oh, Ilya, sweet, don't suck on Daddy's nose. Here." She reached for her daughter and Kiritsugu handed her off to her, after gently prying her off his face. Then she pulled one side of her nightdress far down enough to give Ilya access to her milk.

As Ilyasviel nursed, Kiritsugu sat down beside them on the bed. "She seems to be outgrowing her crib as the days pass. I think it's time we consider her need for a room of her own soon."

He could tell Irisviel already had difficulty with letting go as far as weaning Ilyasviel off nursing went. Separating her from them into another room was equally troubling.

"Iri..."

"I know, I know. I'm letting that 'dangerous attachment' show."

"It's only dangerous if it hinders our daughter's development as a person. I understand...it's hard otherwise to let go." Kiritsugu reached over and stroked back Ilya's hair with great affection.

Irisviel watched him carefully, and not without a small measure of reverence. Kiritsugu secretly wished she wouldn't, but he let it pass, because he could see that she was happy, basking in this warm glow that descended in these times they spent together as a family. And he was equally happy too. He was determined not to lose that, not right now.

He returned her smile. "How're you feeling? Better?"

"I am. Much. Because l woke up to a wonderful thing: my darling husband holding our beloved daughter."

"Ah...and now he's making suggestions so he can raise his daughter right."

"First thing being not to suck on people's noses."

At this, Kiritsugu outright laughed, and Irisviel did the same. She finished nursing Ilya and then handed her back to her father, who cradled her back to a peaceful slumber, happily satiated with her mother's milk. Before thinking about it he found himself humming softly and tunelessly to his daughter.

He stopped only for a moment when Irisviel cleared her throat and raised her eyebrows at him as she took some time to brush her lovely hair out. She smiled knowingly at him but said nothing, and despite everything, Kiritsugu couldn't help resuming his humming tune to Ilya in his arms. And when he finished he kissed her brow before getting up to settle back down and tuck her back into her crib.

Rejoining Irisviel on their bed as she finished brushing out her hair, the two of them settled down beneath the sheets and duvet, wrapped in each other's arms and holding each other.

Irisviel sighed. "This is nice. Just being with you. As long as I have this, I'm the happiest woman in the world."

"Really?"

"Mm-hm. You and Ilya are all I'll ever really need in this life."

Kiritsugu touched his wife's cheek and kissed her hair, cradling her against him, wishing he could express in words how much he loved her and Ilya, but all he could say instead was: "Are you tired then? Or did you want to just talk for a while?"

"I can talk for a bit. Whatever you want to talk about. So long as I can listen to the sound of your voice."

"Okay."

So they talked for a long while, losing track of time, their words interweaving with each other's streams of consciousness as they fell asleep, clasped in each other's arms and brows touching, lulled by the wintry night wind outside.

A few days later, another order Kiritsugu put in for arrived. After getting Ilya sized, he'd ordered her a small purple coat and hat that looked rather like her mother's, and a small pair of purple boots. He and Irisviel had decided that it was time they take Ilya outside with them for the first time.

Then after ice-skating practice, then combat training, and then lunch, Kiritsugu took the afternoon off again and they dressed Ilya up in her new outdoor wear to take her on her first outing into the winter forest.

As Irisviel led her by the hand, Ilya quickly became possessed by a frown of determination as she tried her best to fight through the thick snow with legs as tiny as hers were, her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated picking up her feet one in front of the other as she grew accustomed to her first pair of boots.

"I have a feeling she won't like losing much," said Irisviel, and nudging her husband playfully, added, "Wonder where she gets that from."

Kiritsugu laughed. "Where indeed?" He caught Ilya's eye, and she beamed wide and tried her hand at giving him a big, enthusiastic wave, like the way she must've seen her parents do, whether to each other out of the window, or together in or outside. There wasn't much it seemed that Ilyasviel could miss.

"Let's see how she does free-handed," Kiritsugu suggested, jogging ahead just far enough to turn around and, with knees bent, clapped for Ilya to make it all the way through the field of snow without holding Irisviel's hand.

Ilya clutched Irisviel's hand with both of her mittened ones for just a moment, but Irisviel gave her daughter a grinning nod and word of encouragement.

"Go on, Ilya. Walk to Daddy. You can do it."

Ilya looked between her parents, and then very carefully let go of her mother and took one giant, unsteady but strong step after another, wading through the snow.

"Come on Ilya, come to Daddy."

Carefully Kiritsugu watched his daughter make her way toward him at a staggering pace. Their eyes met again and her expression became adorably steely, as only she could make it, and she stumbled the last few steps to him, though he was there to lurch forward and catch her underneath her arms and lift her up high in praise, at which Ilya flung out her arms, laughing as she must've imagined again that she had the power of flight.

"Well done! That's my girl!"

Filled again with that incomparable happiness, Kiritsugu hugged his giggling daughter to him and she nuzzled him, equally as happy.

"Shall we go again?" he asked, setting Ilya back on her feet. "Now walk back to your Mama."

Ilya gave him a veritable nod. "Hm. Kiritsugu!" she called him, clear as a bell.

Kiritsugu looked up at his wife. "Did you hear that? Her first word!"

"Clear as a bell!" Irisviel laughed. "But do proper names count as a first word?"

Kiritsugu shrugged. He really couldn't have cared less. The fact that his daughter had begun to speak with her own voice was more valuable to him. It was like a whole new world was on the brink of opening up, one where he and his first and only child could speak to each other. There would be so many beautiful and wonderful things to talk about.

Ilya meanwhile reached up her hands as she made her way back across the snow to Irisviel. "M-Mama!" she called out gleefully.

Irisviel covered her mouth upon hearing it, overwhelmed and moved at hearing her daughter call out to her with that small, simple, yet very precious word. And then she called back, arms open, her voice breaking just a little with emotion: "That's it! Come to Mama, baby!"

As Kiritsugu watched Ilya make her way, he couldn't help a throb of emotion himself at seeing his wife and daughter so happy. But somehow the fragility of all of this pressed upon him as Ilya reached her mother and fell laughing into her arms, Irisviel laughing with her.

If only the three of us were somewhere else, like a park in Tokyo maybe...watching the cherry blossoms blooming...

His cursed despair settled upon his suddenly tired shoulders, and though he returned Irisviel's smile, he felt how brittle it was, like his heart had become in this moment. As it began to ache almost unbearably, he pretended to be looking off into the distance at the birds flying overhead as he turned away, falling against his will into old painful thoughts and memories.

So many horrible things that I've seen, and how...how do I have any right to be happy? More than that, but how can I go on bearing this, how can I afford to keep bearing this, when I've known from the beginning what's at stake?

He felt a chill inside him, as though his heart was once again turning slowly to ice, gathering cold frost as it once did before. He felt himself grow empty: the natural defense mechanism he had developed for himself.

Yes, I can slip back into the skin of the cold killer more easily than I thought. I just have to—

A hand touched his arm, and he jerked away violently on instinct, turning his cold eyes on his wife, eyes that had become flat discs that possessed a strange intensity in their emptiness, carved deep into their sockets.

But Irisviel was tactful. She withdrew carefully, meekly. "Kiritsugu? Are you all right?"

"Irisviel..." And then everything flooded back as he held her crimson gaze of genuine concern for him. He felt the frost melt away again, but the pain returned with it. Even so, somehow at the same time he was relieved, and heart throbbing once more with love and feeling, he let out a heavy sigh. "Iri..."

Tentatively, Irisviel took this as a cue that she could move in closer and slid her hand in his. She smiled when he squeezed back with his.

"I'm fine," he assured her. "It's nothing."

He drew her closer, and she slid her arm in his, turning him toward their daughter as she worked to catch up to her parents in the snow.

"Were you lost in thought?" she asked him kindly.

"Hm."

"May I ask what about?"

"I was just thinking...it'd be nice if we were somewhere else...like a park in Tokyo maybe..."

"Tokyo? I thought you hated crowds."

"Eh?"

"Well, Tokyo's a very densely populated city, isn't that what you told me?"

"Yes, but... Ah..." At last Kiritsugu managed a smile and a laugh, real ones. "If I had to be honest, I suppose I'd prefer the small-town setting, like when I was growing up."

"On Arimago Island?" Irisviel prompted.

"Yes. I always thought that...my father...didn't do enough to really get to know the people of that village. I wish he had. Maybe he wouldn't have... Anyway, maybe I resented him a bit for that...you know...among other things..."

"Oh Kiritsugu..."

Ilya looked up as she reached them, and she beamed and waved again.

Kiritsugu's smile widened. "I'm glad she's so happy. I'm glad you both are." He gave his wife a kiss on the cheek, pleased to see the blush of fervent delight on her face and dancing in her eyes at his touch.

Then he reached out a hand to his daughter. "Shall we go into the woods now, Ilya?"

Ilya looked at him and her mother in wonder as she took his hand. Irisviel relinquished her hold on her husband and took her daughter's other hand, and the three of them walked together into the winter forest with Ilya in between. Along the way, Kiritsugu hoisted Ilya up by her wrist, and Irisviel, observant as ever, did the same, and the two of them watched with joy as their giggling daughter swung in the air between them for a moment, kicking her tiny legs experimentally.

Deeper into the woods, they entered a thicket full of walnut trees, as well as of those tangled rosebushes that, but for the one Kiritsugu and Irisviel had spotted that one day months before Ilyasviel was born, never bloomed in the eternal ice of winter that Jubstacheit kept in his bounded field surrounding the Einzbern Castle, grounds, and private forest. As for the walnut trees, they were really the only "fruit" the Einzberns could keep in this weather, always budding and blooming ripe for picking no matter the temperature. A strong nut to be sure, and Kiritsugu liked keeping the keenness of his eyesight intact by exercising in the act of finding walnuts that were in the budding stage, as of course they were much smaller and more difficult to find than ripe walnuts.

At least with an untrained eye.

But Ilya spotted one, and released her parents' hands as she reached out to touch it when they drew near. After a moment of calculation, Ilya pulled off her mitten to expose her hand to the air. Her eyes grew round as she used her bare hand to feel the fuzzy texture of the bud.

Kiritsugu couldn't help that proud smile of his and he knelt beside her. "Look at that, Ilya! You found a walnut bud."

Ilya looked at her father. "Buh-buh…bud…?"

Kiritsugu laughed and threaded his fingers through her hair, patting her new hat on her head. "Precisely, little one."

"Oh…." Ilya pressed the bud between her fingers again, and giggled again at the strange texture of it.

Irisviel giggled too. "Just as you thought. Very curious."

Kiritsugu grinned up at his wife. "Well…to be fair, most children naturally are to begin with. But I'd like to think that she'll go on being curious, with a hunger to learn as much about the world as she can."

"Oh!"

Next to the bud, part of a tangled rosebush had actually climbed up far enough to be on level with it. Taking her curiosity to the next step and feeling out the thorn that stuck out after having felt the walnut bud, Ilya had unwittingly pricked her finger on the rose thorn's sharp point. At the end of her thumb, a small dot of blood had appeared. Ilya stared at it as though not quite sure what to make of it, only to quickly realize how much it hurt to get pricked.

Her red eyes filled with bright tears as she gave a whimper, and then another and another until she was crying openly.

"Owwwwwwww…!"

"Ilya!" Irisviel dropped down beside her daughter and took hold of her while Kiritsugu, who had only been frozen for a moment by the tiny cut, immediately took action and had a closer look at the wound.

"Ow! Ow! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwww…!" Ilya sobbed.

"It's okay, Ilya," said Irisviel soothingly, even while her voice broke as she stroked her child's hair.

"Your mama's right, Ilya," Kiritsugu added, smiling for his daughter since she couldn't.

Ilya looked up at him through her shining tears, holding her mother's hand in her free one. She watched as Kiritsugu, never breaking his gaze with hers, bent over her thumb thickly spilling blood and sucked it off.

More came up of course when he withdrew, and for a moment the blood on his daughter gave him disturbing pause, an impression of more than just the blood from his child's thumb spilling….

"Daddy…?" Ilya said in a very small voice, forgetting her own pain for a moment.

"Ah…." Kiritsugu shook his head and mastered himself again, his smile returning. "It's okay. Daddy's almost got it all." He sucked more of the blood off again, and then he used a small torn piece off his shirt to serve as a temporary bandage until they could get Ilya inside the castle.

From there, Irisviel carried their daughter as she and Kiritsugu made their way back. Ilya had gone quiet, cradling her injured thumb, and all the while Kiritsugu watched her carefully, his arm around Irisviel's shoulders.

The Einzbern maids had a look at the wound and applied the necessary healing magic, which Irisviel observed with that thoughtful expression of hers that suggested she was pondering something strategically. After they'd put Ilya down for a nap, she said to Kiritsugu:

"I think I'd like to work on my magical healing abilities in addition to training in combat. After all, for the present, that would be all we would have to work with as far as something that can be used to quickly treat wounds in a battle situation out in the field."

"It's curious to me that that wasn't a requirement of yours by Acht," Kiritsugu admitted, watching as the Einzbern maids left their rooms in a single file, closing the door behind them. "Your…ah…sisters…appear to have that ability in spades. Didn't that come automatically with you as well?"

"The aptitude for it does, but that's meant as a kind of backup, in the event that I were to be discarded as a Vessel, but kept on as a maid, just like my…sisters," Irisviel explained, and went about stripping off her gloves as she continued. "Traditionally, as you know, I'd have been going quite on my own, with just the maids attending me, so…in the case of previous Grail Wars, all Einzberns homunculus maids who attend the one designated as the Vessel are in charge of healing. After all…the Vessel herself…becomes…useless…when the conclusion of the War draws near…."

Kiritsugu, who had yet to tug off his own coat, looked sidelong at his wife, and noticed that she was carefully avoiding proximity to him, or even looking back at him, as she spoke of this stage. For his part, he did his best to simply accept the explanation for what it was—the answer to how it was previous Einzbern Masters, all of the homunculi and Grail Vessels like Irisviel, managed to maintain their positions as Masters when in the latter half they would gradually deteriorate into near-death states shortly before the Grail took them in as the required sacrifice for its activation. It seemed that the maids assigned to guard them took on the roles of caretakers in the final stages of the War, so even if the Master was not only incapacitated by the function for which she was created taking hold, but perhaps, at that point depending on how things went, without a Servant, having lost it in the course of the fighting, that Vessel's body would be protected until the very end, when the Grail at last would appear. As caretakers in this capacity, they were meant not only to heal, but to draw a certain mana circle that would maintain the Vessel's humanoid body until the very end, keeping her, in a sense, alive, until the very last.

But with Kiritsugu involved, that would fall on his shoulders too. In fact, he imagined that he would ask very little of the maids in this round of Grail Wars. Even if he couldn't save his wife from her fate, as her husband, he at least wanted to be the one in charge of keeping her safe and comfortable when she reached that vulnerable point. Of course, he would micromanage it with the assistance of Maiya as well as their intended Servant, for he knew that he was the sort of Master that had no choice but to be active on the front lines of the War—he could never be content hanging back and watching, as some Masters did. He had too much hunter's instinct, too much drive to ensure victory using his own field-tested strategies, too much desire to be active in this respect, to do otherwise. He had always fought his own battles, and that wasn't going to change.

In this, though, he was actually somewhat comforted for the first time that Jubstacheit wished to procure King Arthur Pendragon in the Saber Class as their Servant, a Servant who was surely strong enough to grant them victory as far as laying hands on the Grail was concerned. After all, as much as Kiritsugu begrudged the fairy tale of Arthur's code of chivalry and honor in terms of applying it in battle, he also knew that such a knightly personality would be unwavering in aiding the protection of a lovely maiden like Irisviel. Damsels in distress, and all that. One such as King Arthur would guard Irisviel with the loyalty of a knight to his princess, a role for which Irisviel was very much suited, all things considered.

And Ilya too, for that matter. For now, the two of them both were Kiritsugu's princesses, and with that came the willingness to be that knight for their sakes, instead of Arthur. Even so, once the Fourth Grail War was underway, he would have to cast off that illusion.

But none of what Irisviel had said had really answered his question about why she felt she needed to take on the role of healer in this coming War, only to learn that she had been thinking along the same lines he had been, that if they weren't going to be quite as reliant on the Einzbern maids, she was going to have to be out on that field possessing knowledge of quick and efficient healing magic, not just for their Servant, but for Kiritsugu, and for Maiya too, if that would be possible.

The only thing that went unconfirmed was Kiritsugu's sudden suspicion that his wife also felt she had been a bit useless to her daughter, and she had already spoken of her not wanting to be useless anymore. When it came to Ilya, both Irisviel and Kiritsugu wanted to be everything they could for her.

Perhaps that was why that impression of blood on his daughter followed Kiritsugu that night into his dreams. There he found her with a gaping hole in her small chest, her whole body dark with blood, so much red flecked into her silver hair, how close in shade it was to her red eyes that pleadingly looked up at him as she croaked:

"Daddy…."

Kiritsugu's heart hurt so terribly it woke him with a sharp gasp, like he'd been knifed in the ribs. There were tears in his eyes, and it ached just to keep breathing. He trembled as he looked over at Ilya asleep in her crib, and even he too couldn't help a pang at the idea of separating from her, even in the simple situation of putting her in a room all her very own.

"Ilya…."

He reached over and poked his finger through the bars of the crib, lightly touching Ilya's tiny hand, limp in sleep.

Irisviel stirred beside him. "Kiritsugu?"

He felt her reach for him, and looking over at her, he accepted her embrace, and his pounding heart slowing as his agitation was calmed again by her touch.

"What's wrong? Is it the nightmares again?"

"Yes," Kiritsugu rasped in the dark. "But different ones." He held his wife closer. "But what about you?" He withdrew to examine her face, and observed that her red eyes were strangely shadowed.

Irisviel sighed and burrowed into his shoulder. "I'm finding it hard to sleep. I just wish I could have been stronger for Ilya's sake today."

Kiritsugu managed a dry chuckle at this, despite everything. Then he dropped a kiss on her silver head. "It seems we're being kept awake by the same worries. At least that makes it more bearable, wouldn't you say?"

Irisviel blinked up at him and then smiled. "Indeed it does."

Kiritsugu stroked the length of her back over and over. "At the very least, the important thing is we did what we could as parents. This isn't the last time she'll get hurt, but at least she's learned from today that it would be wise not to be so unguarded around thorns. Pain is…an effective teacher that way."

"Ah…."

Without having to say anything, Irisviel seemed to understand that her husband was echoing something that afflicted him deep in his heart, all that the pain in his life had taught him. All that needed be done was for her to reach up and touch the side of his face, and he felt better about everything, at least for a small while.

Save Ilya…if I can just save Ilya…she can be first my personal victory…and I can go on bearing things…bearing this dark life…in a world that will have no need for the likes of me anymore….

Kiritsugu had a bit of a love-hate relationship with mornings. On the one hand, there were days where, despite how much personal discipline he had put himself through, in a half-awake state he would briefly slip back into that young man screaming out his pain on that boat as Natalia's plane crashed into the sea to the peaceful music of seagull calls, a young man who wanted nothing more than to curl up and die, drowning in tears. Thus, for a minute or two, he wouldn't be able to bring himself to stir from bed and face the day, for usually it was more than likely that it would be filled with nothing but more despair. Then he would snap out of it, and begin his day instead with a sense of hope that he would do his damnedest to make the most of what time he had, even if there never seemed to be enough time to go around.

The fact that his time with Irisviel was far shorter didn't change this pattern. Rather it exacerbated it. Morning would come, and while on the one hand, it was another day gifted to him that he could spend with her in his spare time, on the other hand, it was one day closer to when he would have to let her go. In this sense, he struggled with getting up and just being able to lie there holding her for a little while longer.

Thank goodness for Ilyasviel, who bounced back immediately the day after she pricked her finger on the rose thorn, eager to play with her mother and father again when they were able to. And thank goodness for Irisviel herself too, for she was the one who usually got her husband out of bed on days when it wasn't the other way around between them.

Nor was she ignorant of the fact that after the incident with Ilya pricking her finger, her husband had grown melancholy again, even as he tried to shield himself from it by burying himself mechanically in his work, catching up with Maiya and his other contacts. But she did her best to cheer him up without letting on that she knew anything, and though he knew she knew, he didn't want to cause her pain by letting her know, and he let her cheer him up as best as she could.

Actually, there did come one afternoon when he was buried in work that he came across something that served to lift his spirits. He was in the middle of building their personal playing field, poring over a large table-sized map of Fuyuki City on his desk, when he came across an unmarked property that appeared to be located in Miyama Town, a suburb of Fuyuki that contained a lot of old and traditional Japanese housing. The property itself seemed to coincide with leylines—according to his notes—that would be beneficial in particular to Irisviel, as far as constructing a magic circle that she could rest in when she became too weak to keep on functioning as a human being on her own.

He traced the property a moment with his finger, reminded of what Irisviel had told him once about how she'd really like to have the chance to see a "Japanese mansion", before referring to his computer, and with a little digging, managed to come up with some cursory information. Just the basics, really, that it was a traditional Japanese home like all the others in the area, but uninhabited. Yet it wasn't like the property was in any condition to be condemned. True, he had no photographs to go on, but what small description of the place he could get his hands on made it sound like the place just needed a bit of fixing up here and there, nothing more.

So why hadn't it sold? And after that, was there a possibility he could purchase it for his own use?

Phoning Maiya, he asked her to look into this property. A few hours later, when he was in the middle of gathering other pieces of data, she called back with a full report.

"The property isn't publicly for sale, since it stands as a piece of land wealth for a small yakuza group operating in Fuyuki," she said.

"Yakuza, eh?" Kiritsugu leaned back in his chair and stroked his chin thoughtfully. Though he'd never had contact with any members of any yakuza before, he had a certain respect for what most of those groups did, since they seemed to operate like a collective, more business-oriented version of him. Indeed, like the Italian mafia, and other such crime organizations the world over, it was all a business, separate from the law, yielding to its own law of personal armed weaponry (despite Japan having no law granting citizens the right to bear arms, but that didn't matter to one who operated separate from the law, did it?). But on the other hand, there had been many instances where yakuza groups had been of service to the Japanese people in times of crisis and natural disasters, and quite frankly with a faster response time than the Japanese government.

Kiritsugu couldn't help going with his gut on this one, even if all he wanted to accomplish out of it was procuring a property as a base of operations in the latter half of the Fourth Holy Grail War.

"What's the head of the family's name?" he asked Maiya.

"Raiga Fujimura. Though I did have to weed out a couple of fakes to get to him."

Kiritsugu thought he almost heard a smile in his assistant's voice, but at least that indicated that she hadn't gone so far as to actually kill anyone to get this information.

"All right," he said, making a notation back on the map next to the property in question. "See if you can get me in touch with him about possibly buying this property from him. We'll need it as a base of operations during the coming War, during the latter half anyway."

"Understood."

Click.

"Brief as ever, Maiya," Kiritsugu muttered to himself as he hung up the phone. Still, it made him happy…that on top of everything else, he could still do this much for Irisviel.

I'll let it be a surprise, he thought, unable to help a secret smile to himself as he leaned back again for a moment in his chair. I hope it makes her happy…that she can pass on the last days of her life…in the kind of house she always dreamed of being able to see….

And then it suddenly was that Ilya really and truly was far too big for her crib anymore. More than that, but she'd just been fully weaned off of her mother's milk, and now she was eating small amounts of solid food, as a normal human girl would. Understandably, she was a bit distressed at the implications of having her own room, especially now that she could be far more vocal, and at the same time, far more protesting.

"Crib!" To illustrate her point, Ilyasviel, wearing a new dress that was tailored to look like a miniature copy of her mother's white and gold gown, gripped the bars of her crib, no longer needing it to hold herself upright (she could now do that well enough on her own) but simply to hang onto it for dear life, refusing to be separated from it.

"Now, now, Ilya," Irisviel chastised, "won't you come see what a beautiful bed your daddy had made for you in your cozy new room?"

"No!"

Kiritsugu sighed, because he and Irisviel both knew it wasn't the crib itself, but the security of having her parents beside her while she slept that Ilya lamented.

"But sweet," Irisviel pressed, kneeling beside her daughter, "you're much too big for this crib anymore. See? You're tall enough to pull down the safety bar all on your own now."

"But bad dreams! I have bad dreams without you and Kiritsugu with me!" Ilya cried, her eyes filling with tears.

Irisviel frowned, and shared a disturbed look with Kiritsugu, who was stood by the door leading to a small room connected to and accessible only through theirs, that they were conveniently converting into Ilya's room.

Bad dreams?

"Whatever do you mean, my love?" Irisviel inquired, patiently stroking her daughter's hair. "What bad dreams?"

Indeed, this was the first that either she or Kiritsugu had heard of this.

"There's a lady…that looks like you…but it's not you," Ilya mumbled. She still had a bit of a harder time with longer sentences. "She tells Ilya…bad things…."

Irisviel's hand impulsively flew to her mouth, and Kiritsugu wanted to ask who Ilya could be talking about, but Ilya herself gave the answer.

"You know who, right Mama? Lord Justeaze…."

Just hearing that, Irisviel forgot all about everything else and compulsively hugged her daughter to her, and now that the source of Ilya's greatest distress was clear, Kiritsugu didn't wonder at the tears that sprang to her eyes, unbeknownst to her daughter. He himself felt the same stab of pain that Irisviel did at hearing Ilyasviel utter that name, in addition to guilt, that even as young as she was in body, Ilya's nature of being an Einzbern homunculus was laid bare just in the fact that Justeaze Lizrich von Einzbern could still make contact, as she had been able to do with all her homunculus daughters who had followed her to the fate of the Grail.

"Mama…." Ilya sounded ready to cry herself.

Kiritsugu could no longer bear it. "Daddy won't let those bad things happen, Ilya."

Ilya and Irisviel both looked up at him, and to his relief, he saw hope in their eyes.

This gave him the strength enough to smile. "Even if you're in your own room, Mama and Daddy will still be near." He came and knelt down beside the both of them, his gaze level with his daughter's. "Daddy will slay all the dragons for his princess. That's a promise." And in very knightly fashion, he took Ilya's hand and kissed the back of it, as a medieval courtier would have done to a noble lady.

Ilya considered her father for a moment, and then the door leading to her new room. And then she nodded, relenting at last, because she believed in Kiritsugu's words. "Okay. Then Ilya won't be scared anymore."

"That's our girl," Irisviel praised, beaming and hugging llya again, her tears this time ones of hope and happiness.

And thankfully, Ilya too managed a grin that grew wide as she hugged her mother back. Then she said into Irisviel's shoulder, "Okay, Mama. I'll do it."

"Oh, Ilya…." Irisviel petted her daughter's hair, and then pulled back, looking her in the eye again, taking her by the shoulders. "You should know then, if you have any more of those bad dreams, you can come running, and Daddy and Mama both'll slay those dragons for you." She winked. "Mama can slay dragons too, you know."

Ilya's eyes went wide in wonder, and beamed even wider for her mother and father. Kiritsugu returned her smile, but the guilt he felt wasn't entirely diminished.

After they had both tucked Ilya in for the night in her new canopy bed in her new room, turned out the lamps and closed the door, he and Irisviel both sank onto their own bed with a communal sigh of exhaustion and relief. They watched the door as they sat beside each other, and then Kiritsugu reached for Irisviel's hand.

He felt her look at him, but he kept his gaze level with Ilya's bedroom door. "I will slay those dragons for her, Iri. I promise."

"Kiritsugu…."

"I was thinking…I could take her…somewhere quiet…and cut-off from the rest of the world…when…everything's…over…. Maybe…she and I could find a place like Arimago…remote but…a place where she could make friends with other children…her own age…." Kiritsugu's hand tightened in Irisviel's as his voice broke.

Irisviel tried to reach for him, but he turned away, even as he kept hold of her hand. He was losing control again, badly this time, and he hated it when this happened. But the tears came no matter what he tried, no matter how he tried to control his breathing and his heartrate. He could only gasp out one choked sob after sob after another, clutching Irisviel's hand as he curled further and further into himself.

But then his wife followed him, laying down beside him on the bed, wordlessly cradling him against her with her hand gently petting his dark hair, letting go of his hand with her other so she could stroke his back as best she could.

"Iri…Iri…it's too much…it's too much…." He buried his face in his hands as he went on weeping, but even if he didn't say so, he did hear her whispers of reassurance, and they did reach him.

"It's all right, my love…it'll be all right…. That's my promise to you…."

When all of his tears were spent, he wiped what was left away, as did Irisviel, and then the two of them simply lay quiet beside each other for a while, listening to the winter wind outside. And then Irisviel kissed his brow and he looked up at her. He managed to share her smile, and reached up to touch her face. Then he leaned up and brushed his lips against hers, enveloped in her sweet iris scent.

"I've been sad for a very long time, without even realizing it," he confessed, kissing her again before pressing his cheek against hers. "Even so…I'm tired of being sad, Iri."

He hugged her close, and she hugged him back as she whispered in his ear, "I know you are. That's why…I wanted to help you."

Kiritsugu gave a little moan of feeling. "I can't even imagine how it must be for you…you've had such a tiny life…and…."

"Yes but…you've made it so full. You've given me so much…I can never thank you enough for that…."

Kiritsugu held her even tighter when he heard tears in her voice as thick as his had been. "I think I've said before," he said with a watery chuckle, "there's no need to thank me." He pulled back and looked at her, running the pad of his thumb over her soft cheekbone. "You know I do it…because I love you."

Even though her smile was a little sad, it was still a smile, and Kiritsugu kissed her again, grateful in his heart that he had come to know a woman as wonderful and amazing and brilliant and beautiful as Irisviel was. For now, that alone was a joy worth silently celebrating.