Chapter Twenty-Five

To Smile in Grief

Though Kiritsugu had indeed not shown Elke an inch of his mercy, this time, it proved to serve him in gaining victory over her and the Bounded Field at last. Leaving behind her corpse with some satisfaction, Kiritsugu, heart thumping with excitement and new life, at last was able to make the rest of the trek up the mountain to the Einzbern Castle and push his way through the great front doors.

As expected, since he'd breached the Bounded Field when no one had thought he would at this point, there was an armed force of more homunculi waiting. Even the blood-members of the family, like Greta and her lot, were waiting, all prepared to duel him with all of their magely honor attached.

Trading his Contender for his Calico, Kiritsugu turned a rain of bullets on all of them, their blood smattering his pale, cold, indifferent face. His dark eyes were sharp, seeking any and all threats against him and eliminating them with equal efficiency.

One after another he killed as he moved on up the stairs, finally coming to Jubstacheit himself in the main upstairs hallway. The old fool prepared to attack him alchemically, creating the shape of a lion out of his hair, much in the way Irisviel had been able to do, but Kiritsugu used the Contender this time, and fried his Magic Circuits beyond repair with an origin round. The Einzbern family head wailed in such a manner as even Kiritsugu had not believed possible, writhing in agony and vomiting blood much as Kayneth Lord El-Melloi Archibald had done. Whereupon when he stopped writhing, did Kiritsugu approach him and finish him off with a bullet to the brain courtesy of the Calico.

From there, covered in blood, he made his way to the room he and his wife Irisviel had shared all that time ago, with Ilyasviel's room connecting. He blasted that door open when he found it locked, angling the shot so as not to hit anyone occupying the room within. Then he kicked open the door, and wasn't at all surprised to find that his daughter Ilya, rather than wait in her own room, was waiting at the window that he himself had looked out of when he'd first held her as a newborn.

At the sight of her, everything came flooding back, and he tossed the gun away, though not out of reach, just in case.

"Ilya…."

Ilya turned, and though she saw her father covered in the blood of the Einzberns, she beamed to see him. She couldn't have cared less whose blood he was covered in, because her father had come for her at last.

"Daddy!"

Kiritsugu fell to his knees when they reached each other, catching his daughter to him as she ran into his waiting arms. He pressed her close to his beating heart, and before he knew it, he was sobbing and stroking her hair, awash in her scent of violets mixed with the scent of blood in the air.

And when Ilya spoke, he could hear in her voice that she too was shedding tears as she trembled in his embrace.

"Oh Daddy…Kiritsugu…you're late! Ilya's really angry with you for that, you know…!" But the way she tightened her hold on him told him she had already forgiven him.

"I'm sorry, Ilya…Daddy had to work really hard to get back…there were a lot problems with the Bounded Field…."

"It's okay…you're here now…Ilya's happy…."

Happier beyond anything, Kiritsugu pulled back just long enough to take his beloved daughter's face in his hands, if only to reassure himself that he had not indeed blown off her head, as the visions in the Grail would argue otherwise.

"Come, Ilya. We can leave this place now."

But then Ilya's tearful smile disappeared, disappeared as those tears turned red…into blood.

"No…Ilya can't go with Daddy…she can't…."

"Why not…?"

But something tugged Ilya back, out of Kiritsugu's hold on her. Even when he tried to keep her to him, she was being pulled away by a dark force, slipping away from him.

"Ilya…!"

"Daddy…Daddy, the Grail…it won't let me go…it won't let me go…!"

"No, Ilya…please…."

But as Ilya was pulled up into the darkness above, Kiritsugu was sucked down into the darkness below, feeling again that dark, cursed mud of the Grail consume him.

"No! Let me go! Ilya! Give me back Ilya! Damn it…give me back my child…!"

"DADDY!" Ilya screamed as tiny white hands wrapped around Ilya and dragged her further into the dark. "DADDY! MAKE IT STOP! DADDY!"

Even as Kiritsugu was dragged further beneath, he valiantly reached out for his daughter as she valiantly reached back, and then—

She was gone.

"ILYA—!"

Sucking in a gasp of air, Kiritsugu jerked awake, leaving him panting and covered in sweat as he found himself tucked into his futon at the Emiya house. Swallowing hard as he caught his breath, the horror of the dream rang fresh in his mind, and his heart was breaking all over again.

"Ilya…Ilya…." He turned over onto his side and curled up into a ball, whimpering his daughter's name into his pillow like the wounded animal he was. "Iri…Iri, I can't reach her…I can't reach Ilya…what do I do…? How can I save her…?" He sniffled, and after a few moments catching his breath, he whispered, "Ilya? Are you crying right now too? I'm sure you are. I'm sure you're lonely…."

Kiritsugu didn't even care if his daughter hated him right now, if she were fed lies that he had abandoned her, and having no evidence to the contrary except the life they had shared together before he left, she would eventually have no choice but to believe those lies, to feel nothing but anger towards him. Or at least, he only cared about the fact that for her to harbor such feelings would only increase her suffering, and his heart suffered all the more for it, to think of his child enduring such torment and he unable to do anything to protect her from it and comfort her. It made him all the more desperate to reach her, and even if he finally did and all she wanted to do was beat and tear at him, he would accept that. It would be a cruel parody of all those times she'd pound his knees with her little fists when he wasn't playing fair at their walnut game.

It wasn't just Jubstacheit punishing him, but the Grail too. He was beginning to see just how far Angra Mainyu's curse would go to pay him back for making the choice to protect the world from its destruction. The price for saving the world was losing the last part of Irisviel he would have had left to him, the whole reason he had been able to love her, to believe that that love would be worth something in the end. His wrist throbbed in agreement, and as he rubbed at it, at each twinge of pain that it caused him, flexing his fingers, he thought he sensed more of something dark coursing through his blood, reaching his pumping heart. Like a slow poison.

He curled further into himself, shutting his eyes tight as more tears flowed unbidden. Like the fool he had always been, he would still keep trying to save Ilya, because she was his daughter, because she needed him, because he wanted to see her again, and make her happy like before. He wanted to take care of her, and raise her with Shirou as best as he could. That bright, happy face that so resembled his beloved Irisviel's and to which he had waved goodbye flickered in his mind, wavering, and he ached to hold her smallness close in his arms, for those tiny hands to reach up and brush against his cheeks, to hear that giggle at how his stubble would tickle her fingers, to hear her murmur that word that was among those so dear to her…

"…Daddy…."

"Ilya…please hold on…just a little longer…."

This echoed a constant mantra in his head that was always there, underneath the surface, in his subconsciousness throughout his days of late. And it was as much for himself as it was for his daughter.

He eventually drifted off to sleep again with these words on his lips, and awoke again at the break of dawn, the song of the Japanese bush warbler trilling the melodies of spring…the first spring to follow the winter of the Fourth Holy Grail War…a spring that Irisviel would never see, and Kiritsugu had hoped Ilya would see. He still held that hope, fragile as it was now, in his heart.

As his thoughts came more awake, the tones of the bush warbler served to remind him too that the cherry blossom trees would be in bloom soon, which reminded him that he had another trip to Germany to make another attempt to rescue Ilya planned for later that week, which then reminded him that in the meantime he was going to be spending some time with Shirou as much as possible before trying to start him in school. All which gave him the strength at last to push himself up into a sitting position, as if now he could because he had remembered again all the reasons he still had left to keep facing each day, to hope that it would be a good day rather than a bad one where his heart was concerned.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, drinking in the air, sensing Shirou still asleep in the next room. Keeping that in mind, he kept as quiet as possible as he slid out of and put away his futon. Then went through the ritual of drawing on his black kimono and sliding on his geta sandals at the door, which served as something that gelled him into this new life that he was cultivating for himself. Perhaps it was fitting, as he now tried to live each day with a traditional sense of quiet honor, after living so long so dishonorably. He had once been a cunning hunter in the shadows: now he had put aside that kind of life and wanted nothing more than to live in what little peace he could manage to find, even if he was unworthy of even that much. The guns were all still in Germany with his old contact, and his collection of black suit and tie outfits were hung, only taken out when he took another trip to attempt to rescue Ilya again.

After tiptoeing outside and making sure the new Bounded Field he'd put up was still surrounding the Emiya compound in its gentle protection, he went to visit the growing iris blossoms beneath the flowering tree there. This too served as another reason to face the day, as it gave him a chance to give him some semblance of feeling like somehow he could speak words that he could only pray were reaching Irisviel's spirit somehow. If he could even have that, have a moment in the day where he felt so much like he was somehow speaking to her that he could believe that she could hear him, that too was enough to ease what he otherwise suffered in his heart.

"Hello, Iri..." he murmured, placing a gentle palm on the dewy soil—the greeting came easier than it had at first. "I'm still here, living as best I can...despite everything. But I know you'd certainly never forgive me if I...simply gave up and…put that gun to my head... Besides, there's Shirou...and as for Ilya..." His attempt at positivity faltered a moment. "Anyway, there're already so many things you must be furious with me for..."

He swallowed and tried to smile again, just as he would've done if she were sitting right there...only if she were, he wanted to believe she would have still reached out with her tender fingers and touched him that way that had always been soothing to him.

"I think I'm beginning to see...I mean...you...probably would be faring so much better than I am most days had our roles been reversed. After all, you were always so strong...so much stronger than me...so strong and so beautiful and so wonderful... You deserved...so much more...so much better...than what you were given... You deserved a husband...who would've found a way to save you...or at least a way to save Ilya...without screwing things up like I did... You wanted so much for her...and I...I can't...give any of it to her...no matter how hard I try...I keep failing her..."

Kiritsugu bowed his head, gingerly caressing the tender new leaves and buds of the irises. Though he was beyond tears in the light of day, by night he had shed many, leaving nothing left but a voice that spoke now with heartbreakingly quiet sorrow.

"Iri...if only I could..."

He lifted his face to the lightening sky. Another beautiful dawn, and he appreciated all of its rosy colors for Irisviel's sake.

Please let me find her again...please ...even just so I can tell her how sorry I am...

Somehow too, he had this sense of Saber watching as well. Then his ears picked up the sound of movement, and he looked around and managed to offer a wan smile to a sleepy Shirou rubbing one eye with a knuckle, already wearing his own little kimono. Ilya would do the exact same thing when she woke up.

"Good morning, Shirou." Kiritsugu regained his sandaled feet.

"Good morning…jii-san," Shirou croaked on a yawn. Blinking his golden-brown eyes, he flicked them between Kiritsugu and the bed of irises before asking, "Am I starting school today?"

"Not yet," Kiritsugu told him as he tucked his hands in the enormous sleeves of his kimono and started towards the main house. "When I get back from abroad again, that's when you start."

"You're…going away again?" Shirou asked in a smaller voice once Kiritsugu was a few steps ahead of him.

Kiritsugu stopped and looked at him, trying to make his smile encouraging and hopeful, even when it was hard as he himself felt so discouraged and hopeless deep inside of late. "Yes, but I'll be back. I always come back, don't I?"

Shirou lowered his eyes, as though he felt guilty for even asking. Actually, now that Kiritsugu thought about it, Shirou was very much unlike most children and seldom complained about anything, if at all. And if he did, he was always quick to try and take it back or apologize for it in some way. As though deep inside he felt he didn't deserve to ask for anything more than what he was already given. Again, Kiritsugu felt a sense of kinship between them at this thought.

"I know…you do…jii-san…."

"Shirou…." Kiritsugu heaved a sigh and tried for the smile again. "What do you say to some breakfast? And then we can spend the entire day doing whatever you want. How does that sound?"

Shirou looked up at Kiritsugu. Asking him what it was he wanted to do was always a hard thing, because Shirou always seemed unable to think of something.

But this time, Shirou had a different answer other than, "I don't know, I can't think of anything."

Instead, he said: "Can we…maybe…go to the seaside?"

"The seaside?" Kiritsugu unfolded his arms and put out a hand to feel the rising breeze whispering of the coming spring with its warmth. "All right. I think it'll be a nice enough day that we can do that."

Out on the sunlit shore of noontide later that day, the two of them found a spot empty of other people, and there was a quiet and peaceful solitude that enveloped it, almost as though it were a Reality Marble unto itself. Kiritsugu chuckled to himself at his having made the comparison, as he watched Shirou digging around in the sand, foraging as children do for interesting, creepy crawly things. As he followed close behind Shirou, he was again reminded with painful, bittersweet nostalgia of the days when he and Ilya would play together, hunting for those illusive walnut buds.

He felt again that underlying ache for Ilya, and against his will he imagined her with him and Shirou in this situation, in a world where he had already managed to rescue her. By now, he would've bought her a little yukata, and she might've joined Shirou in digging around in the sand, and then the little crab that Shirou found now…she would've shrieked and leapt back while Shirou, in his boyish tendencies, would've held it up by the leg, curious and unconcerned by the pincers…and then she would've run away and come to hide behind Kiritsugu, away from the icky crab. And Kiritsugu would've been able to laugh, loud and true.

Instead, all he could do was offer Shirou his smile he knew was touched by sadness. Still, Shirou seemed happy enough, and returned his smile, and was pleased to see Shirou experience a kind of wonder in mercifully setting the crab down and releasing it, watching it in fascination as it crawled away. Had it been a more sentient being, it might've even shaken one of its pincers at Shirou in defiance. Regardless, Kiritsugu was a little happier just to see that Shirou was genuinely amused.

As he watched Shirou go back to digging for more critters, Kiritsugu was glad in his heart that he could foresee that this day would be a good one, rather than a bad one.

The mountain on which the Einzbern Castle was perched in Germany had grown, if possible, even colder. Though Kiritsugu was no stranger to putting aside pride, here he actually felt the sting of it. A groveling mongrel reduced to begging at the icy doorstep for his daughter's release.

Once again, he was greeted by Elke, who this time had the welcoming gift of a giant silver halberd on hand.

"Must we do this again, Emiya?" She sounded wholly bored, if anything.

"I told you…nothing but death will stop me from trying to reclaim Ilya." Kiritsugu raised his Calico, his Thompson Contender holstered and readied with a fresh origin round from the twenty he still had left to him.

"Then I will simply have to eliminate you outright, rather than merely chase you off, even as you foolishly endeavor to break through a barrier you cannot even break through." Elke leveled her halberd with surprising ease, despite her delicate physicality. "If that is what it takes for you to see sense."

Without a word, Kiritsugu fired from the Calico, and when Elke dodged, instead of pursing her, he shot the origin round at the barrier, and then ran at it, evading it when it threatened to rebound on him and blast him back. He felt the wind of that force pass over him, and there…he saw it…an opening that he could at least work with, if he just—

But then Elke was there, halberd raised, and Kiritsugu had to quickly shift his position to avoid getting sliced by the blade. However, even managing that, Elke switched tactics too and, since she couldn't get him with the blade, she blocked him with the shaft of the halberd, holding him back.

And though Kiritsugu struggled and tried to pull away to get around her, it was to no avail, and it left him reaching out to that one closing window of opportunity within the barrier.

"No…Ilya…Ilya! ILYA…!"

So it was that Kiritsugu could only watch in despair as that hole closed on him. Acting fast, he leapt back, tossed aside the Calico, and furiously dug for another origin round while he dispensed of the empty shell in his Contender. But Elke came at him with the halberd, increasing the difficulty of his efforts, not that they weren't difficult before.

Yet even as he tried to avoid her attack, his hand got nicked by the blade of the halberd such that he lost his hold on his Contender. Immediately after, she came at him again, and this time, in his efforts to evade her, he came away with a cut to his other hand, losing the Calico just after he'd taken it back up. As he fell back, Elke raised the halberd, switching targets again and brought the blade down on the Calico, splitting it clean in half with the magically reinforced blade and rendering it destroyed and useless.

Clambering back to his feet, Kiritsugu got a hold of the Contender, but Elke blocked him again, whereupon she whispered in his ear:

"If I really wanted you dead, Emiya, I could just let the barrier kill you as you try and fail again and again to break through, for I sense a presence growing within you that eats away at your Magic Circuits…. You…are a slowly withering plant…Emiya…."

Kiritsugu growled as he struggled against her again, and for a moment his eyes flicked up hopelessly to the Einzbern Castle. If only it were possible that Ilya might be able to see him, to see how hard he was trying to break her free…maybe she could…maybe that would give her a chance….

"ILYAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he yelled, struggling again to break free. "ILYA! ILYA! ILYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" He screamed wildly as he had never screamed in his life, beyond desperation.

Elke made a sound of disgust and shoved him off her, sending him sprawling onto his back again.

Though again, Kiritsugu had lost none of his grit, he could feel his exhaustion creeping on him far too quickly for his liking. As he made to leap up to his feet again, he staggered back as Elke wielded the halberd again, where it stopped just short of slicing open his face.

Panting and biting back his anger, he was forced to drop his mask and speak from his breaking heart. "Please, Elke…for Ilya's sake…just…let me get inside…I…can't do it without…help…." He swallowed hard, his eyes stinging, not just from the cold. "I promised her. I promised her I'd come back. She needs me. My daughter needs me. Please."

Elke shook her head, not lowering her halberd. "Mistress Ilyasviel does not need you, a failure and a sham."

Kiritsugu's anger rose up again, and he glared sharp daggers at Elke. "I'm her father!"

"Leave this place, Emiya," Elke commanded him. "Leave this place or die."

"I would rather die than abandon Ilya."

"Oh? So, are you going to abandon that little boy instead? Do not think we have forgotten about him."

"No. And don't think I don't suspect that you've been feeding Ilya lies about me, about this whole situation. I know the liars when I see them."

"Of course you do. As you are one yourself."

"What're you telling her?"

"Only the truth as Grandfather Acht sees it, which is the only truth we need be concerned with."

"You bitch! She isn't like you and the others, she was born, not made! She was born out of the love between my wife—between Iri and me…she's only a child, she doesn't understand…." For a moment, Kiritsugu felt like he was going to vomit as another thought occurred to him. "And you've already started…cutting her open…haven't you…? To prepare her for your stupid Fifth War..."

Elke's red eyes were as cold as ever. Though they were fundamentally an exact copy, they were nothing like Irisviel's. That was in and of itself a mockery that Kiritsugu could not abide.

"That…is none of your concern."

"Of course it's my concern: I'm her father!"

His anger made him heedless again of the halberd and he rolled over out of the way and managed to leap up to his feet.

But again, Elke was there, standing in his way. However, he managed to get hold of his Contender again and reloaded it, whereupon he pointed it at Elke.

"You have to give this up! It's a wasted effort! It's the Grail that's the sham! Please! Give this up while you still have a chance, and let Ilya go! Please…. Stop causing my child pain and let her go…."

Elke sighed and lowered her halberd, turning away. "I am done here. Do as you wish. The barrier will kill you off eventually."

As she reentered the barrier, Kiristugu looked up with a gasp and tried to follow…only to be thrown back as he had been so many times already, spitting up blood for his pains.

"Ilya…."

Again, and again, and again, he tried to break through. He fired another origin round, and the window of opportunity opened for him again, as he barely avoided the throwback rebound again by the skin of his teeth. But even as he reached the hole and started to work trying to break through the rest of it, something still blocked him, something within him held him back.

Angra Mainyu's curse….

"No…Ilya…Ilya…."

Before he could finish, the barrier closed up again, and caught him in its grip, causing him unspeakable pain that forced him to stagger back, vomiting and coughing up more blood. Over and over he did this until he ran out of rounds.

"Damn it…damn it…damn it…."

Choking again on blood, and utterly drained of strength and what little mana he could still use, he collapsed in the snow, struggling just to breathe.

"Ilya…Ilya…."

Tears fell, cold in the snow, mixing with the blood and sick, and he felt again like he was back on that boat after he'd shot down Natalia's plane. But this time, it took him far longer for him to pick himself up and stand again, even as it grew dangerously cold and his body was threatened with succumbing to hypothermia. He could only cry, curled into himself, and only made it worse when he looked up at that accursed castle…he couldn't find Ilya in any of the windows that he could see, and he dearly wished he could even just spot her looking out of it.

Driven alone by that, he wiped the sick and blood from his mouth, and tried circling around to find another window, but he failed even in that regard, and he collapsed sobbing in the snow again. Sobbing not only for his own sorrow and grief, but for that which he knew Ilya must be suffering too, which only caused him greater sorrow and grief, because he could do nothing to relieve her of that. As a father, he could do nothing to free his child from her pain. After he had helped to bring her into this world, had raised her with Irisviel, had held her in his arms from the moment she'd been born…swearing an oath that he had tried to live by since that very day…that he would see to it that she would never have to suffer the way he had in his life….

"Ilya…Ilya…Ilya…."

It was only when the darkness and the cold was close to killing him that he, in a zombie-like trance, gathered himself up to his feet and stumbled away like a drunkard out of a pub, barely able to walk but for propping himself up against a tree every few steps, as he made his way weakly down the mountain once more.

This time, death might've taken him in the end anyway, when, despite is efforts, he collapsed again on the outskirts of the village below. It was only by the intervention of a passing stranger calling for an ambulance from one of the hospitals in Frankfurt to peel him off the ground that he managed to survive.

Waking up a couple of days later in the hospital, his fuzzy brain managed to put everything back together well enough…and he could feel nothing then but a stab of something far beyond the pain of regret and guilt. Every time he tried to save Ilya, it seemed he only came close to killing himself in the effort, and in the meantime, Shirou was waiting for him.

With a weak hand, he reached up to the sterile hospital ceiling lit by fluorescent lights. "Shirou…Ilya…I can't…you both…." He closed his eyes and let his hand drop, allowing himself just a moment to rest. It was the only useful thing he could do for himself at the moment.

You both…. Nothing will ever change the fact…that you are both…my children….

As he fell asleep and into the depths of his dark dreams, he could hear the sound of Irisviel weeping again, calling his name, still desperately trying to tell him something, to reach him. Intermixed with this came a cacophonic slew of memories.

"Kiritsugu…I wonder…would it be appropriate for me…to love you…? Can we—can we stay this way? Just for a little while…? Kiritsugu…I love you…."

"Iri…."

"I know this will be hard…but it will be worth it too…I want you to be happy, despite what lies ahead for us both. I want to be the one to make you happy, if I can. This is my solution. I can give you a part of myself to have and to hold beyond the ashes of war, a reason to go on living. I want that so much for you…."

"Iri…."

"Iri…please bear me a strong child…."

"Kiritsugu…! Daddy…! Mama…!"

"Iri…Ilya…."

And meanwhile, deep within his heart, he felt both pain for his losses as well as the pain of the dark curse of Angra Mainyu working deeper into his blood, into his Magic Circuits…into the very forces that served to keep him alive.

Luckily, he had enough time to recover before his flight back to Japan departed. Physically, anyway. Inwardly, he was still that broken man limping in the snow dying of hypothermia and his own wounds.

Even so, when he returned to the warming spring of Fuyuki, he wanted to feel that at least he could appreciate the unfolding beauty of the season in Irisviel's stead, remembering how she would always tell him in her soothing voice that even after she was gone from his life, she would always be with him, because in falling in love with him and marrying him and doing her part to help him achieve his dreams, she had become a part of him. But it didn't help that with Ilya trapped where she was, there could likely be no true peace for Irisviel's spirit any more than there could be for Kiritsugu's.

On the other hand, he did feel his dark veil of sorrow lift just a little when he saw Shirou's smile upon his return to their house in Miyama Town. And he reached out to ruffle the boy's hair when they met at the front gate, glad to see that Taiga had his well-being well in hand.

"Welcome back, jii-san."

"Thank you…Shirou. And Taiga-san." He nodded in the direction of Taiga's approach, her face bright with a grin. He couldn't help but notice that the early spring dress she was wearing not only likened her a little more to Shirley, but was also a bit nicer than the casual "kick-back" clothes she usually wore when she wasn't wearing her Homurahara Academy uniform.

As though she were dressing to impress, as it were.

"Welcome back, Kiritsugu-san." And then she too ruffled Shirou's hair. "Well, Fuji-nee must be off! But we had fun, didn't we, Shirou? And those rice balls you made were fantastic!"

Shirou pushed Taiga's hand away, but he was blushing a bit, and doing his best to hold back a grin, clearly glad that she had liked his first attempts at cooking.

Taiga shook her head, but she was still grinning as ever. Turning to Kiritsugu, she added, "And I'll be around Monday after school for my English lesson as usual, but I'll be a little late. Okay?"

"Okay. I look forward to it." Kiritsugu returned her grin sincerely.

At this, Taiga got a flush of color in her cheeks, but she was still unabashedly happy and bright as she shouldered her overnight bag. As she stepped out through the front gate and onto the road though, her sunny disposition turned strangely sour, and her facial flush spread all the way up to the tips of her ears, as she appeared to have spotted someone Kiritsugu and Shirou couldn't see coming up the lane.

Kiritsugu and Shirou both poked their heads around, both of them inescapably curious, as Taiga said, "Ryuudou-kun! What on earth are you doing here? Did they let you out of the hospital early or something?"

A broad-shouldered young man who looked about Taiga's age came strolling up and waving, wearing jeans and a t-shirt, his nose blanked out by a patch of white gauze, as though it had recently recovered from a bone-breaking blow. He also had little bandages here and there that covered scars and scrapes.

"I wasn't as in bad a shape this time," the young man called Ryuudou laughed, waving away Taiga's concern, which was hidden behind her mask of frustration.

She bit her lip, clearly holding back a lot of things she wanted to say to this man, and decided to escape into the realm of introductions and decorum. Clearing her throat, she said to Kiritsugu and Shirou, "Kiritsugu-san, Shirou, this is my good friend Ryuudou Reikan. Ryuudou-kun, Emiya Kiritsugu, and his son Shirou."

"Ah, so this is the guy, eh?" Reikan Ryuudou sized Kiritsugu up, somehow unafraid. Perhaps even the sort of person who laughed in the face of danger.

Right from the off, it was clear Reikan Ryuudou had a large personality, and given that he was solidly built, Kiritsugu didn't have to ask to know the man was probably an ace athlete of some sort, one who took on a martial art as his forte, probably karate or judo.

"Pleasure to meet you, Emiya-san," said Reikan with a bow, ignoring the way Taiga had snapped, "Reikan!" at him.

"Of course, and you, Ryuudou-san," said Kiritsugu, bowing genially as well. "Your family is the head of the temple on the hill, yes? Ryuudou Temple?"

"That's right!" Reikan's grin was all teeth.

Shirou attached himself to Kiritsugu's pant leg as per usual.

Reikan didn't miss him though. "And hello there, Shirou-kun! Ah, he's just as adorable as you said, Fujimura. And about Issei's age, if I'm not mistaken." He grinned at Kiritsugu. "That's my little brother."

"Yes, yes, it's all very nice to meet everybody, please come by for tea sometime," said Taiga sarcastically, waving a hand. "Now, I have to be going, so if there's something you want to discuss, you can walk me part of the way home, before my father sees you."

"But this is excellent! This time I have an audience for my amorous declaration." Reikan lifted his eyebrows hopefully at Taiga.

Taiga took a step back, the flush in her face returning. "Reikan…."

"See, I was thinking that your father wouldn't expect me to go running off to ask you out again right after getting out of the hospital, me still being so vulnerable in my recovery and all," said Reikan. "So I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to—"

"You idiot!" Taiga shook a fist at Reikan. "He'll just have you put back in there sooner or later!"

"Come on…Taiga…." This time, something like a pining plea entered Reikan's overly cocky tone, but he didn't get much further as Taiga proceeded to bop him on the head with an expert chop from the side of her previously fisted hand.

"HEY! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME THAT?" she demanded, but even as she glared there were tears springing in her eyes. "NO ONE CALLS ME THAT AND LIVES, YOU JERK! IF YOU WANT, I CAN PUT YOU BACK IN THE HOSPITAL MYSELF!" But then, after a hasty apology to Kiritsugu and Shirou, she dashed off with her overnight bag in tow, trying to hide the fact that being called by her first name had somehow made her cry.

"You should have at least called her Fuji-nee," Shirou muttered.

Reikan, who was probably still seeing stars, furiously rubbed the spot where Taiga had hit him. "Yeah, but kid, I don't see her as a big sister, unfortunately." Somehow, he was still grinning.

"What's this all about?" Kiritsugu asked, looking after where Taiga had already disappeared down the road. "I call her by her first name all the time, and she never reacts that way. Though Shirou here seems to know you shouldn't, apparently."

"Yeah, well, I think you're a special case." Reikan had a weird gleam in his eye. "Anyway, she might be the 'Tiger of Fuyuki', but for starters, the tiger stripes on her shinai disqualified her from any championships. It's against regulation to have something like that on your shinai, after all. That and…I'm not sure she wants to be synonymous with something beastly like a tiger, even if it's just that her name sounds like the English word for it." He heaved a sigh. "Well, I suppose I'd better just slink back home and wait for another opportunity."

"To ask her out at the risk of her father having you beaten for it?" Kiritsugu asked, having keenly worked out the dynamics of this particular situation, and clearly a habitual one at that.

"That's precisely why I persevere at it, good sir," said Reikan.

"Ah, well then, I wish you luck," said Kiritsugu sincerely.

After bidding Reikan Ryuudou farewell and watching him go, Shirou said, "The first time I called Fuji-nee by her first name, she didn't hit me, but she did cry. She was smiling though."

"That's because she knew you didn't know better," Kiritsugu reassured him.

"I still felt bad that she cried."

"I see. Well, that's just so. After all, Shirou, boys who make girls cry end in ruins."

"Hm." Shirou nodded. "Yeah, I can see that."

Kiritsugu's fingers itched for a cigarette as they hadn't in rather a long while, the first time since the Grail War, actually. But he couldn't help it: for all the encouragement he'd tried to give Shirou about his first day of school, he realized too late that he was equally nervous. He wasn't entirely certain that he could ever get used to…civilian life, not like this anyway. The whole parental parade of dropping off one's child at school and coming into contact with other parents and their little kids was too foreignly normal.

That and, as he and Shirou—he in his suit and Shirou in his new uniform—made their way through the school gate and into the little front courtyard where all of the other parents and kids were gathering before the welcoming ceremony, he couldn't help but pick up on the vibe, rather quickly actually, that a lot of eyes were following him, most of them belonging to mothers. Some of them he could see were married, others single: but they were all catching sight of him and suddenly turned from a pack of gathering, gossiping hens into giggling schoolgirls.

Good heavens, does this mean every mother in this school's going to come after me?

And then he couldn't help a smile when he imagined what Irisviel would think of this. He'd still never brought it up with her that he'd suspected that she might have been just a little bit jealous of Maiya and the kind of relationship he'd had with her, that Maiya had known him in a way that Irisviel herself hadn't quite been able to given everything. Now that it seemed he would soon become the amorous target of bored housewives and unsatisfied career women who also had children going here, it was almost too comical.

Ah, Irisviel probably would've pulled him by the ear or something, warning him that he'd better not get any prurient ideas. As if he could be so easily persuaded to…and she'd know that too.

Before he knew it, he snorted a laugh that held no trace of sadness.

Shirou looked up at him as the two of them made their way inside the school, blinking in confusion. "What's so funny, jii-san?"

"Oh nothing," said Kiritsugu, waving it away. "Let's find your class, shall we?"

"Okay." Shirou followed close beside him.

And although Kiritsugu watched from the back as Shirou sat with his class, there was still something about him that distinctly separated him from the other children, and the fact that he was nervously stand-offish didn't help.

But then, Kiritsugu had been the same way when he'd first arrived on Arimago Island with his father.

While Shirou was at school, Kiritsugu had an appointment with Dr. Wakahisa just to do a follow up on the bloodwork they'd done a few months previously. Had it really been only that long? So much had changed since then.

In any case, by now he had a good idea that whatever was "wrong" with him that Wakahisa was picking up on had something to do with the curse that Angra Mainyu had left him. Perhaps he just found it mildly intriguing to hear a non-mage doctor's interpretation of whatever was happening. And besides, he'd be remiss in not at least having it clinically monitored, just to be able to make his own prognosis based on his knowledge of magecraft.

As he waited, Kiritsugu engrossed himself in a novel he was reading. In the old days waiting on battlefields, he'd have had a cigarette in his mouth instead or as well, but of course, he'd given that up. In those painful moments when he'd waited for Irisviel to recover from one of her collapses, or while she'd been giving birth to Ilya, he'd had nothing but his thoughts, too anxious to distract himself with anything like a book.

The door opened and as it happened, he was met with Akiko Fukui again as his nurse. Not that this was unpleasant. There was something about her that drew him to her, a comforting aura, as if she were in fact the secret guardian angel of the entire hospital, and not even she knew it. After all, she did possess this quality of being ageless—sage, yet youthful—and she was bountiful in kindness. Actually, the idea itself was so intriguing that Kiritsugu half-toyed with idea of turning the premise into a short story of some kind, bringing the scenario to some kind of conclusion.

And Akiko didn't fail to return his smile. "And how are you today, Emiya-san?" she asked.

"Just fine, thank you, Fukui-san." Kiritsugu closed the book and set it aside. "I just took Shirou to his first day of school today."

Akiko's face lit up as she made preparations to take note of his vitals. "Really? That's wonderful! Was he nervous?"

"Oh, very much so, of course. But I'm hoping he'll grow out of it."

"He will. He has a little more to deal with than most kids his age, but even so…if there's one thing I've learned when I've done my work in the children's ward here, it's that kids are far tougher than I think most people give them credit for."

"Hm."

Perhaps it was because of what torments he knew Ilya to likely to be undergoing even now under the "care" of the Einzberns, even at this very moment, and he powerless to stop it, that he was doubly comforted by Akiko's observation. That, and he'd always said as much to Irisviel that their child was strong. With a measure of him passed onto her, he did have the sense at least that his daughter would be the sort to grit her teeth and bear things too, not cower in a corner and wallow in self-pity. And well, with Irisviel as her mother, it went without saying that she would endure anything after she'd shed her share of tears over it.

Ilya….

"What're you reading?" Akiko asked him as she took his blood pressure.

"Oh, nothing special," Kiritsugu answered with a shrug. "It's supposed to be about a renowned pianist who gets his fingers broken when he saves a little boy from getting hit by a car."

"And then he can't play piano anymore?"

"Yeah. It's one of those…ironic stories…I suppose. Or…one of those sad facts of life that the nature of karma gets distributed improperly."

"You mean in that bad things happen to good people and vice versa?"

"Yeah. Unfortunately."

Kiritsugu met Akiko's eyes, and there was something like a light of silver violet that he noticed in hers that was rather ethereal. He also didn't fail to pick up on how there was a subtle rise in color in her cheeks.

Then the band tightening around Kiritsugu's arm to get his blood pressure reached its limit and Akiko looked away, clearing her throat as she undid the Velcro.

"Well, that all seems in order," she said, wearing her grin again. "Wakahisa-sensei should be in with you soon."

"Yes, thank you, Fukui-san." Kiritsugu still gave her his kind smile.

After Akiko bowed and left, he picked up voices in the quiet hall. Though the examination room doors were usually built thick and soundproof enough such that there could be maintained a level of privacy and distance between doctor and patient, Kiritsugu's hearing was still as keen as ever, even if he couldn't seem to see as well in the dark as he remembered being able to before.

"Aki-chan! There you are! Yuki and I were just about to go on lunch, want to join after you're done with this one?"

"Hey, was that him?"

"I…uh…what?"

"The guy! Emiya-san!"

"It was, wasn't it? You've got that sad look that only comes over a girl who's pining for a man…."

"Ah, how poetic! A real case of Florence Nightingale Syndrome…."

This was followed by a pair of giggles, and then Akiko muttering, "Stop it, it isn't like that…I just…."

But then the three nurses moved away and Kiritsugu lost the conversation. Still, he'd heard enough to get the picture, and he couldn't help shaking his head and smiling to himself, as amused as he'd been earlier that morning with all of the mothers at school checking him out. And then there was Taiga, who always seemed rather flushed around him lately, like how she'd get after they'd had another exerting kendo match, just the two of them.

Shortly after, Dr. Wakahisa returned with Akiko, whereupon she took his blood as before after a brief examination from the doctor. And indeed, Akiko's hand did tremble a little at first, but once she was engrossed in her task, she didn't waver, and the taking of a blood sample from him went like clockwork.

"Excellent," said Wakahisa. "Well, things don't appear to have changed all that much, if at all, Emiya-san, but we'll have this new sample undergo some new tests and get back with you with the results. Thank you for coming in."

"Of course."

After they had bowed and bid their farewells, Kiritsugu took his book and left the hospital. But on the way out, he caught sight of Akiko leaving with her two friends for lunch, and she hastily looked away, uncharacteristically flustered, as if she suddenly realized that he had somehow heard her and her friends talking earlier.

After coming home from his first day, Shirou seemed to have had a much better day than he had clearly anticipated. Though he admitted than he hadn't really spoken to anyone, he did seem eager to set to work on the assignments he'd been given to complete and turn in the following day, so that's exactly what he did after he changed out of his little uniform and into his kimono.

Kiritsugu, wearing his kimono as well, watched him a moment, as his adopted son got that look of focus as he set himself to his task, before the bell to the front door rang. Shirou didn't even look up at the sound, and Kiritsugu wore that proud smile all the way to the door, and slid it open to find Taiga there, clad in her spring uniform and carrying her schoolbag.

"Well, I made it, Kiritsugu-san, despite my being late! But I want to apologize for that again anyway." Taiga bowed several times in her enthusiastic show of contrition.

"Ah, hello, Miss Taiga," said Kiritsugu in English. "I accept your apology. Please, come in."

"What, are we hitting the ground running?" Taiga asked off-handedly on a chuckle in Japanese as she followed Kiritsugu into the house and slid the panel door closed behind her.

"What was that?" Kiritsugu asked in English, cupping his ear with one hand and acting as if he couldn't understand what Taiga was saying. "I am afraid I cannot speak Japanese. Do you speak English at all?"

He looked over his shoulder and found Taiga giving him an irksome expression.

"I don't know if anyone's told you, Kiritsugu-san, but English doesn't really suit your speaking voice," she said in Japanese. "Anyway, I didn't even catch half of that."

Kiritsugu grinned rather mischievously and tilted his head to one side. "I still cannot understand you," he said in English.

Heaving a heavy sigh of resignation, Taiga finally went about working off her school shoes as she said in exasperated—and rather broken—English: "Fine…I…be…I speak…English…also…Mister Kiritsugu."

"That is excellent progress," Kiritsugu complimented, again, rigidly keeping to English until their lesson was concluded. "If you will follow me, Miss Taiga."

After they had finished, Taiga made a sound of relief as though she'd just done running a marathon upon Kiritsugu's returning to speaking to her in Japanese.

"Okay, can I just say that my teachers at school have nothing on how tough you are?" she told him as she finished off the tea Kiritsugu had made them. "Seriously, why aren't you a teacher for a living?"

For the first time since beginning his own schoolwork, Shirou actually looked up from his assignment, as he was still working on it at the table while Kiritsugu and Taiga had conversed in English for Taiga's English lesson.

"It just isn't my thing," Kiritsugu said, effectively brushing the question aside as he poured water into the rice cooker to start preparations for dinner.

"Oh, being secretive, are we?" Taiga teased, as Shirou, completing the last of his assignment, put his books away and said eagerly, "Let me help, jii-san!" Clearly, he wanted to learn more than just how to make rice balls where cooking was concerned.

Tactfully, Kiritsugu responded to this with, "You're welcome to stay for dinner, Taiga-san, if you'd like."

"Hm? Are you sure? I don't want to impose…."

"You? Not want to impose? I think that highly unlikely where free food is concerned…."

"Hey…."

Kirtsugu turned to see Taiga get a steamed-up look on her face, but that was only because she knew he was absolutely right. Both pleasantly and painfully, Kiritsugu was reminded of times when Ilya would look at him like that.

As ever though, he managed to smooth things over. "Besides, Shirou and I like having your company. So long as your father doesn't mind."

At this, Taiga couldn't help a smile, cupping her cheek in her hand with her elbow leant on the table. "Oh yeah. You're the least of his worries."

The dinner itself was pretty enjoyable, but Kiritsugu thought he best liked the parts where Shirou's handiwork shone through. Afterward, while Shirou was taking his bath, he and Taiga shared a little more sake between them, but, perhaps given recent observations from other females, as well as that incident with Reikan Ryuudou, Kiritsugu began to suspect the new flush on Taiga's cheeks probably was only due in part to the alcohol. For his part, the alcohol served to dull the fact that deep down he hated himself a little for having happy moments like this in face of what he knew his daughter must still be suffering.

As if reading his thoughts, Taiga suddenly said to him as they both sat out on the little porch where they could look up at the moon over the garden: "Kiritsugu-san? Can I ask you something?"

"Certainly," said Kiritsugu, his voice a little hoarse from drink, his guard a little lowered.

Taiga swilled her own cup of sake. "The next time…you go abroad…do you think…you might…be able…to take me along?"

Kiritsugu glanced sidelong at her, and he could clearly see that her tongue too was loosened by the influence of drink.

Taiga quickly looked away, twiddling her thumbs. "It's okay…if you can't. I mean…it's not my business, it's just…I've always wanted to go traveling and…." She quickly knocked back a little more sake.

Kiritsugu wondered too if she'd noticed the way his eyes would drift over now and then to a spare spot at the table, when he'd been imagining Ilya there with them….

He heaved a sigh, and he smiled, because there was so much Taiga didn't know, and he wanted to keep it that way, same with Shirou. At least until….

"Ah…maybe…someday," Kiritsugu said carefully. "Now just…isn't a good time."

"Oh…I see." Taiga seemed to relax a little, but only into a bit of a dejection. She took yet another hasty sip of sake.

Feeling a little bad for her, and also getting the same kind of feeling he'd had when he'd spoken like this to Shirley and she'd asked him what he'd wanted to be when he grew up, or when he and Irisviel had stood together at their bedroom window and watched the night, Kiritsugu said, "Hey…Taiga-chan."

Taiga's ears pricked up at this, and she looked up at him. He'd never used "chan" with her name, but clearly she didn't mind him calling her by her first name, and besides…he'd grown quite as affectionate towards her as he had towards Shirou.

He reached over and put his hand fondly on her head, smiling in the soft moonlight. "Stay as sweet as you are. You'll do that for me, won't you? Don't ever change a thing."

Taiga stared at him, and her face went entirely red as she looked away.

But Kiritsugu could tell she was smiling as he withdrew his hand.

"I can probably manage that. Though I never thought of myself as sweet," she added.

Kiritsugu laughed, that same mixture of sad and happy, and looked up at the moon again. "But you're my kind of sweet, Taiga-chan."

Taiga made a small kind of squeak, like she was trying to say something acknowledging, like, "Ah," but it just came out in that small, nervous sound. Or maybe she was privately, quietly celebrating something.

Then she piped up with, "Oh! I see your irises are blooming nicely."

They were indeed, of course. Healthy and strong irises with soft, lovely petals. Kiritsugu set aside his empty sake cup and padded across the lawn. "Come here, Taiga-chan."

Taiga set aside her own cup and joined him beneath the flowering tree. She sucked in her breath when he decisively picked one of the iris blooms and gave it to her.

"I thought you might like one, maybe to brighten up your bedroom at home?" Kiritsugu offered as Taiga took the bloom.

"I have a better idea," said Taiga after some thought, and she slid the iris into her ponytail, so that the way the petals spilled over like a pleated gossamer gown had a lovely effect in her hair.

"Very nice," said Kiritsugu sincerely. "You're quite the innovator, Taiga-chan."

Taiga beamed, as if this were possibly the happiest moment in her life.

Just then, Shirou came out from his bath, wrapped up in his little kimono again, and he joined them in admiring the irises in the moonlight.

Drinking in their scent, Shirou let out a satisfied kind of sigh and said, "You know what, jii-san? I think these are my favorite flowers."

"Is that so?" Kiritsugu ruffled his hair the way he knew now Shirou liked it. "I believe they're mine too. Comparable only to violets," he added, thinking again of Ilya.

"Irises and violets, eh?" said Taiga. "An interesting combination."

"Interesting indeed," said Kiritsugu, a little absently as his thoughts were drifting away for the moment.

After coming to himself again, Kiritsugu invited Taiga to accompany him and Shirou in going to see the cherry blossoms bloom, and naturally she accepted.

Thus the three of them watched as those pink flowers burst forth and then snowed pink all over the lovely stone paths of parks all over Fuyuki. Kiritsugu's only regret in that springtime splendor was that he didn't have Ilya at his side like he'd hoped. He saw her in every father he watched pass carrying his little daughter on his shoulders, and it would've been more than he could bear if it hadn't been for Shirou and Taiga. At one point in their stroll amongst the crowds, he watched fondly as Taiga took Shirou by the hand and pointed up at one cherry blossom tree that grew tallest among all the others.

And though Kiritsugu was also painfully reminded of his wife's last words to him, asking him to promise that he would bring Ilya here to see such wonderful things, there was something in the dance of the wind carrying along the delicate petals of those flowers that made him feel like Irisviel was walking beside him just as they had walked together so many sunny afternoons in the icy beauty of the Einzbern mountains.

As the wind rose up, he felt his heart lift with it, the petals flying upward like birds who couldn't fly but desperately tried to.

Iri…Ilya….

He closed his eyes, and tried to imagine that he was sending these beautiful visions to his wife and daughter respectively, even if it was only a way to grant his heart some semblance of peace. It was all he could do, powerless as he was, and though he couldn't entirely shake the guilt, and the grief, he wanted to believe too that Irisviel certainly wouldn't stand for his wallowing in despair either, despite everything.

There was something extra gentle in the wind, and for one moment, he thought of Irisviel's hand on his face again, stroking it in that way she had always done when she'd reached for him.

Iri….

Kiritsugu….

Though he smiled in sadness, as he could only seem to do right now, when he heard Taiga call his name, and saw her and Shirou running over to him, he turned to them with a gladness that was pure and sincere. All of a sudden, he felt a little stronger than he did a moment before. Such a pattern continued with every step he took after that, each step one more further into what little of a life he had left to carve for himself. Just so, even if it was little, he would live it as he fully as he could, and in the meantime, he would keep his hope for his daughter alive, each and every day. Like so many steps backward before in his life, he would push stubbornly onward, if only to justify, in every sense of the word, every single breath he took.

As long as Ilya and I are both alive, Iri…I'll keep going, as best as I can…for both of your sakes. I'll keep trying to free our daughter. I won't give up. I believe…I can…with time. I just have to keep trying.

And as he followed Taiga and Shirou forward along the path, he again had that impression of Irisviel smiling like warm sunlight at his back.