And then there was one
It was another busy day at Armstrong's Authentic Mexican Diner and Eatery. Alphonse and Alex were working in unison, finishing meals as fast as the orders came in. Edward was stationed out front taking orders while practicing his family friendly greeting. As the hour passed the people came and went, but there was one last customer to deal with before the trio could take a breather.
"What can I get you?"
The man, tall and lanky with a scruffy beard looked at Ed and flashed a smile that lacked many teeth.
"Y'ello Yungun, Id's like the Armstrong special if ya don't mind!"
Ed nodded and jotted the order down on the ticket.
"And is that all for you sir?"
The unclean and skinny man nodded and flashed another smile complete with missing yellow teeth.
"Yup! But I's can't pay for dis meal here, so I'd like to work it off."
Ed's face went blank as he tried to understand what the guy was getting at.
"You mean you don't have any money?"
The man nodded, "Yarp, but these old bones can still work!"
Ed glanced back to make sure Al and Alex were still busy. There was no way he was going to have this smelly old guy working around him.
"Here…" whispered Ed as he fished around his pocket. "Here are a few bucks to buy your meal, and then you don't have to work, deal?"
The man shook his head in protest before holding up a finger.
"Nah son, I don't take bribes, it aint dignified!"
How the hell would you know about dignity?
"But!" The scruffy dirty man imposed. "I'll take yer taco hat instead."
Ed's face dropped into a frown of disbelief. This guy really didn't get it.
"But the whole point of me giving you the money was so you didn't-,"
"Nope! I aint doing bribes, but I'll take yer hat!"
"But, you can't pay with my-,"
"Son, are we doin dis deal or not?"
"I-I don't think I can just give you my hat…"
"Then I guess I'll just have to work!"
The guy walked past the counter and to the kitchen. Al and the major glanced up at the commotion of Ed trying to drag the man away from the kitchen.
For being so skinny this bastard is strong!
"What is the meaning of this Edward Elric!" The major put down his knife and approached the two with his hands on his hips.
"M-major! This guy-,"
"I can't pay so I'ma work fer my food!"
There was an awkward silence before an answer arose.
"Well I suppose we could use some help cleaning up… fine! But you eat after."
The man smiled and awaited his orders.
"Well I suppose you can-,"
"Major." Ed interrupted in a whisper, leaning in and covering his mouth with one hand. "Don't you think this is a bad idea?"
The major shook his head and pointed to the trash.
"You can start by taking out the trash; there is a can out in the back."
The man nodded and hastily moved to his order, leaving a smile on Alex's face.
"He seems nice enough; we'll let him work for the day."
Alex returned to Al's side as they finished chopping up stuff for salsa.
Damnit, why me?
With his shoulder's dropping in a pouting position, Edward walked over and grabbed a bucket and mop. He found out that it's easier to do what he figured needed to be done than to be ordered to do it. He was still getting used to that.
As he filled the pale up with water and soap he couldn't help but smile.
I'll be damned if I forget the soap again.
With a slosh and a splash the mop hit the floor of the courtyard, mopping away the dropped food and dirt. Most of the customers were gone, so he figured it about time to mop before the dinner rush. To his surprise and disgust, the man dipped another mop in and began following Ed's lead.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" demanded Ed.
"Why Ima workin to eat, remember?"
Ed paused mopping and rubbed his temples with his two digits. There was no way this was happening.
"Look, why don't you go see if the others need help, alright?"
The guy ignored Ed's request and continued sloshing everything around the courtyard, totally disregarding the remanding customers.
"Watch it buddy!" cried a customer who had his shoes mopped over.
"Just a cleanin." replied the tall and skinny man.
Edward tried to resist a fit of anger, but the guy was pushing his limits. He managed to cover the entire courtyard with suds and water before just dropping the mop on the ground.
"That seems about it, don't yar think?"
Ed gave a blank and cold stare. "No, no it sure as hell isn't! There is still water and soap everywhere!"
The man gave a wave of disconcern and began to walk away.
"Where are you going!?" cried Ed. The guy stopped and spun to face the angry employee.
"Why, I'd sure be inclined to finish if I could have that hat of yours."
The straw that broke the camel's back…
"The hat!? You want this piece of shit!? Go ahead and take it you worthless bastard! You smell like crap and you're the worst worker I've ever seen!? Why the hell are you still here!?"
The man cocked his head and smiled at him. It wasn't long before Al and Alex came running out to see what the matter was.
"What's going on brother?"
Al and the major stood and observed the flooded courtyard and noticed how angry Ed was.
"He needs to leave, now." mumbled Ed through gritted teeth, his nail digging into his palms from tight fists.
"We had a deal and I must honor that Edward."
The skinny man nodded and pointed to the major with his thumb.
"Now see yungun, this man has some dignity."
"Why you!?" Al had to hold his brother back from pummeling the unwanted stranger; the thick irony that spewed from him was enough to make Ed irate.
"Calm down brother, he can come help us, alright?"
Edward managed to calm down and take a deep breath. "Fine, I'll clean up this mess…"
Al nodded as he and the major escorted the man to the kitchen.
"You think you can handle dishes?" asked Alphonse with hope.
"Sure thing kiddo! I can do dishes like nutin joo eva seen!"
All nodded and showed him the sink and pile of pots, pans, and plates.
"All this needs washed, got it?"
The guy nodded and began filling the sink with water.
"Ok major, let finish this up."
The two of them began to finish the last of the chopping, but it wasn't long before complications arose.
"Where is sumthin to scrub wif?"
Al pointed to the back of the kitchen.
"See the bathrooms? There is a small cupboard next to them that holds cleaning supply; there should be a sponge in there."
With a nod and a wink the man continued on.
"Why did you let him in here Alex?"
The major looked at his perplexed friend before focusing on the dicing.
"Because I believe anyone can work for something he desires, and I believe that this man is just as worthy of anyone else to work for his meals."
Al nodded. He supposed that was true, but aren't there some exceptions? This guy seemed a little odd, it's not that he is worse than everyone else, it's just that… isn't it counterproductive to have him in here? Why not just send him on his way? Then again, if people thought of him like that several years ago, he would have gotten nowhere.
I mean, why help an empty suit of armor?
Al's thoughts were interrupted by a rough scrapping that came from behind him. He turned to look at what was going on.
"What's that-."
Al's face went pale and his eyes grew big as his mouth shriveled. "T-That's! You can't use that for dishes!?"
The man paused and looked at the sunned Alphonse.
"And why not?"
Al stuttered for a moment before releasing his words of distress.
"B-because that's the brush we use to clean the toilet!"
The man shrugged and continued to scrub. "Don't see no difference, if it cleans it cleans."
Al took a deep breath and looked to the major, but he had disappeared.
"What the?"
A faint conversation was heard in the courtyard; Alex must have gone and checked on Ed.
"Well you-," Al paused a moment, this time giving a hysterical chuckle once he noticed that the man was wearing a taco hat.
"You- I mean- where did you-," Al stammered, but a hand quieted his voice.
"Now I know you might be jealous, but joo can't have my hat, you hear?"
Al just moaned and stood with a blank expression. What was he to do?
Brother was right, this wasn't a good idea.
The man began to hum a tune as he washed dishes with a toilet brush, leaving Al to stand in disbelief.
What a day…