Later that day, almost at bed time I sat in the window seal by the stairs and just looked outside. People were passing by and I could feel their vision on my neck but I didn't meet them. And they all just passed by and I just kept on staring out the window without actually seeing what was there.
"Hey" I didn't turn my head away from the window until I heard Mike talking to me and I saw in the corner of my eye that he came and sat down by me. "What are you thinking about?" I shrugged. "Oh come on, I can see there's something and you can talk to me." I nodded and twisted my hands around each other as I used to thinking hard about something.
"Yesterday when I met… when I met Faiz and his children and all of that it just… so much came back you know! And then I…" I sighed and wondered about how to really put words on what it was that I felt. "…I'm just afraid…. I'm afraid that with being here and all of that it might make me… it might make me forget about what it was like not having it all!"
Mike nodded and stroke his chin before he used his other hand to ruffle in my hand- God I hated him doing that! "Soph… that is most part of your life so far! You wouldn't forget it if you tried! And if you being in England lets you have the same opportunities as whoever else is here. That's not doing something bad towards anyone who hasn't. And you're not going to forget how it was not having what you have now. Or having what you don't have now!"
I crouched and hugged my legs. While the thoughts were just spinning in my head. I had things now that I didn't then- the knowledge that airplanes flying over the area wouldn't drop bombs, the knowledge that I could eat until I was full for every meal and it wouldn't mean I would go hungry later. And the safety of being in a place where no men with black clothes and weapons would walk in to ask something- and then shoot when I didn't know.
In about a month I would go to school, for the first time in my life since Luce was always the one teaching us like all older sisters and brothers old enough for doing that does to their younger siblings because people won't let everyone go to school. And it would be a school with about as many girls as boys- and not all boys and just a few girls in the whole school.
But…. In Gota, even though it had been a long time ago! I had had a mother, a father, a sister and two brothers. So I guess now without them, I didn't actually have anything. I would have chosen to be along with them back in Gota not having safety or food or anything- than here with all of that, but without them any time.
"Sophia." Mike continued. "What happened back in Gota was not your fault. Neither is it your fault that you lived and they didn't. And there's no reason for you to feel bad about that because it was not in any way your fault!" Mike patted my back, and for a moment I just wishes so, so badly that I could believe in what he was saying.
"Mike?" Well… I guess here was where I would say what really bothered me the most. "What if… You know, you are like a dad to the children here!" Mike shrugged but I could see his eyes were just shining with pride. "And… I mean… not everyone here had but I did have parents, and siblings and stuff…. And now when I'm here with you and everyone… "
"I could never take your father's place Soph!" Mika moved his hand downwards and laid his arm around my shoulders. "You don't even need to worry that you will let me because there is no way I'm going to try and take his place" I tried to smile at Mike, stood up and hesitated about where to go before I turned down the stairs and walked out in the backyard where Tyler, Stan, Joe, Johnny and Elias were playing football.
"Can I join?" I asked without hesitating, ready for whichever team that they were two in would without hesitating themselves only let me join and no talk about that. Then I only hadn't counted on that Elias wasn't used to the game we all played here.
"No! No girls" He stated before any of the others had had a chance to say anything. "Get lost!" Even though the wind was howling, and Harry, Shawn and Ivy sat right by playing the yard seemed to have gone weirdly silent when he used that rude tone towards me. And all of the others playing football had stopped when he spoke, and while Johnny bent down to pick up the ball Tyler stomped over to Elias.
"You can't just come here and act like you own the place." He said angrily. "If someone should get lost it's you Chocolate!" The younger boy of them two- who obviously was a mix between both black and white gens. And when Tyler had called him chocolate his usually brown eyes went so dark, even from when I stood a good bit away could see that they had gone black.
"Do…." Elias wasn't shouting, but a dark shadow seemed to have fallen over the yard and over him and the low, fizzling tone made shivers go through my spine. "…Not… call me that." Tyler didn't seem to care about it- and for a second it hit me that his mother was too partly African, even if it was gone two seconds later.
"Really?" Tyler seemed way to cocky and this would never end well! "Chocolate!" A low sound, almost a growl raised from Elias's throat and before I knew it the smaller and younger one of the boys had jumped over the other one and was hitting and kicking just about every spot he could reach.
Tyler wasn't slow with answering and within the matter of a couple of seconds it was a full blown fight in the garden while Harry had run to get Mike and Ivy stood right by crying. "ELI STOP IT!" She shouted at her brother. "STOP IT! YOU'RE HURTING EACH OTHER STOP IT!" tears were spurting from Ivy's eyes and she stood hugging her stuffed animal Katie tightly to her chest.
I didn't know what made me do it, but I could see Harry running up towards the house and Ivy crying and the others just standing around, I knew it would be yet a while before Mike had the time to run up so suddenly, without thinking and crazily I ran up to the two boys fighting and since Elias was currently on top I tried to grab him from behind and pull him away from Tyler.
"Stop! Stop! Stop!" Elias's hoarse tone echoed through the yard. "GET OFF ME! I'm gonna kill him" I pulled him back and suddenly just flinched, and in the same moment I felt him pulling his arm back, and then his sharp elbow hit me in the stomach- right at the point where I had been shot, and despite all the time that had passed since I was in Gota last and gotten shot. I felt pain shoot through my whole body and let go of Elias, and with both arms wrapped around my stomach I fell to my knees and then rolled over on my stomach.
"Soph?" Joe's voice reached through the numbness my whole body responded to the pain with. "Are you alright?" I felt his hand on my shoulder and he kneeled and sat down on his knee behind my back. "What happened?" And so everything I heard was Mike coming running and forcing Johnny and Stan to pull away Elias and Tyler from each other and take them to the kitchen while Mike himself kneeled by me.
"Sophia?" My whole body was shaking and trembling with the pain. "Sophia, what happened?" But as the pain very slowly but steadily started easing and I started returning to reality and what was going on. "Joe, call for an ambulance! I don't know what happened but whatever it is this needs more care than what I could give."
I tried telling Mike that I didn't need a doctor or an ambulance because I really didn't believe that's what it took. I thought that I would just have to lie here and wait until the pain eased. But so I could feel something wet soaking the hand I held pressed towards my stomach right by the wound. And realized that it wasn't just because it was soar. Something had ripped the wound and the stitches open- and if still not badly, it was bleeding.
I couldn't help but to feel quite scared when I realized it was bleeding. Since it took me a while to realize it wasn't bleeding much for a moment I was almost afraid that it would be bleeding too much and that I… no! It couldn't be bleeding that much could I?
I was still shaking but I needed to hold onto something else then myself so I reached out one of my hands and tried to take onto Mike's hand but before I had reached it Shawn had crawled forward and took my hand in his and then lied down on the ground where he looked me in the eyes and stroke my cheek with his other hand.
"It's okay Sophia. I was afraid of the hospital too. But they're all really nice there." I made a failed attempt to smile at him, he was just too cute trying to calm me down! "And they can give you medicines so it doesn't hurt." I had to look away from Shawn. Hearing him talk about that only reminded me of the fact that him ending up in hospital was my fault from the start, and I tried to dream away as good as I could through the pain not to have to think about that.
"It's okay" Dr. Moreno told me while he examined the wound. "It's bleeding but not much so I only need to clean it and tape it and then you'll have to keep it clean and dry for a few weeks and you'll be as good as new!" I sighed and look away, trying to ignore Mike who just agreed with the doctor-I doubted that I could ever be "as good as new" or anyone else for that matter.
"I've got to make a phone call." Mike stood up. "Call up the dumping ground and tell them you're going to be fine. What happened by the way because… I have a feeling you weren't fighting! So I want to know the whole story, from beginning to…" He pointed to the wound on my stomach. "That!"
"It's kind of silly actually…" I explained to him what had happened from me wanting to play football with the boys, to how Tyler had called Elias chocolate, to how I had tried to break it off with pulling away Elias from behind. "…I guess I should have just let it be huh?" Mike gave me a look that I knew meant about "You think?" before he stroke his chin and hesitated a bit before he talked again.
"I don't know what is up with Elias!" Mike thought out loud. "But can you do me a bit of a favor Soph?" I nodded. "Can you keep an eye on him? Try to watch him along with Ivy and along with you and along with Tyler etc. etc. And come to me with what you see. I would do it myself but I want to know what he's like when I'm not around!"
"Of course Mike! I can do that." I answered him and then just laid still and silent all the while during the while the doctor taped what had been ripped open in the wound and then wrote another prescription for new painkillers that I would get as he said "Just in case!" And then I was free to go.
As soon as we came home I sat down and sketched by the table in the living room, ignoring the questions about what had happened when I grabbed Elias to try and pull him away from Tyler and just answering "Fine" when someone asked if I was okay now.
I had meant to do what Mike told me and keep an eye on Elias but soon I was so gone in my own thoughts again I didn't even notice he left the room. I just continued on sketching and didn't even look up much more until I had finished the sketch that I- when I at last could say I was finished and held it a bit away from me to really see what I had done I finally noticed what I had been drawing.
It was a drawing of something that I had been reminded of when Elias was so angry about Tyler calling him chocolate. A picture we had seen back in Gota… about what this war was really about.
Flashback
"GET UP, GET UP, GET UP, GET UP." I woke up in the middle of the night from hearing someone shouting, and already before we had even gotten out of bed I knew that it was a man from the Emerino, and they were at our neighbor's. "GET UP, GET UP, GET UP! GET OUTSIDE. GET OUTSIDE. GET OUTSIDE."
I heard dad and Luce get out of their beds and looked to Sophie who as usual lied right by me. Even though we had our own single beds we would somehow end up in one bed. It felt safer when we weren't alone. Sophia looked about as scared as I felt but still we both stood up and silently followed dad and Luce outside.
"Sophie, Sophia." Luce almost whispered. "Get back inside!" I and Sophie grabbed onto each other and stood absolutely still until Luce had turned around again and then kept on walking after him and dad even though Luce had told us not to.
Out at the yard someone had lit up a big fire, and by the fire three children laid on their knees with their hands tied behind their back. The children were of the kind that were discriminated in Gota- possibly the rest of the world as well with the typical Asian looks. The brown skin, the certain form of the eyes, the high cheekbones and… yeah just everything that was so typical with Asian people.
The children's names were Ronin, Isamu and Katsumi- two boys and one girl. And behind them and on either sides stood each black- dressed man from the Emerino with guns and black caps pulled down over their faces, pointing their guns towards the children as two other men were pulling out the owner of the house behind- Adam onto the streets and pushed him down onto his knees in front of the fire.
"Here goes for a traitor." One of the black- dressed men almost shouted and grabbed Adam by his dark thatch before he pressed Adam down so he had his face right in the fire. "Here goes for rule- breaking" The man pressed Adam's face hard towards the burning firewood. And for me it was but a question how he could have his hand so close to the fire without burning himself so much he had to let go. "HERE GOES FOR THE TRAITOR"
At last the man pulled up Adam's head out from the fire. As of a miracle Adam was still alive, and still awake. But the skin on his face seemed… melted and he didn't look anything like he had just a few hours ago. "And here goes for the traitor." One of the man grabbed Ronin's shirt and pulled him closer to the fire before doing the same to him as he had just done to Adam.
Ronin was the smallest and the youngest of the three children, he and Katsumi were sister and brother and in the beginning when the man started pushing down Ronin's head towards the fire we could hear his panicked screams echoing through the block.
"KATY. KATY. KATY HELP ME. KATY HELP ME. HELP. HEEEEE…" When his face was pressed down in the fire he stopped screaming, and that sound was replaced by Katsumi fighting and struggling to get away from the grip of one of those men trying to get to her brother and shouting and crying words and prayers in Gote.
"So you're Katsumi?" The man that had held Ronin down towards the fire had now thrown the four year old to Adam where he just laid silent. Katsumi nodded and shouted something in Gota that I didn't understand. "So you want us to just kill you? Well why don't we take you last then." The man stepped away from Katsumi and grabbed Isamu's shirt instead, to do the same thing to him as he had just done to Adam and Ronin. And as Isamu's shouts also died out.
Katsumi's only got louder all the while until at last one of the man grabbed her by the hair and pulled her towards the fire, right as he grabbed her, her shouts died out almost instantly. "Well scream then! It hurts doesn't it?" The man threw Katy down on her knees and kicked her hard in the ribs with his boot. "Scream then, you silly girl"
Katsumi didn't make another sound, and didn't do that either when the man pushed her down into the fire. Not one sound rose from her lips, but so she was pulled away from the fire and one shot rang out, then another, then another, and another. By the eighth of the shots and they had all gotten two bullets in them each it silent. And the whole world had seemed to go all silent.
And it continued being silent as Luce turned to us while the men dressed in black left the square. Luce sighed when he saw that I and Sophie had followed him outside. But still it just seemed all quiet as he put one hand each towards my and Sophie's backs and led us back into the house, but we still couldn't help but notice that dad had run over to do what was needed with the bodies.
And in our heads, the sound of Adam and those poor children's screams would echo for a long time
End of Flashback
And that's it. Third chapter finished for my 500- words project. Well I know that that flashback is kind of… well I don't even know what to call it. See you next time.