Chapter 16 - Regret

As the morning brightness hit my eyes, I turned my head to look at him. He lay there still fast asleep. I cast my eyes over the beautiful man that laid next to me. His hair was all messed up, but he looked so peaceful. I dared not move, just so I could stare a little longer, secretly hoping this would happen a lot more often. Breathing a happy contented sigh, I couldn't help but grin.

As if he knew I was watching him, his eyes fluttered and opened slowly. As soon as they focused on me he beamed and muttered softly "Hey" with a slight morning croak. "Hey yourself." I replied back.

"Something amusing?"

Oh no! Just sexy as hell!

"Nope!" I looked like the cat that got the proverbial cream.

"What you grinning at then?" He rolled onto his back and stretched out.

"I guess I'm just happy to wake up to a beautiful man in my bed." I slid closer and he lifted his arm so I could rest my head on his shoulder.

Don't blush, don't blush!

"How long have you been awake?"

"A while. I was watching you sleep." He squeezed me tight by my shoulder and kissed my forehead.

"Was I snoring? My throats a bit sore." He groaned.

"I don't think so. Maybe It's me making you ill?" I raised my head to look at him again. Letting it soak in I'd woken like this for the second morning on the trot. Something that didn't even happen in my marriage.

"I don't think I could ever get sick of anything associated with you." He grinned showing me his perfect teeth.

Resting my head back on his chest I said. "Oh I can think of a few."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" he tittered with humour in his voice.

"I can't cook; I'm a slob, I'm a frequent flyer, I hate, no! Detest water. I like the loo roll facing outwards; I watch trashy movies, I smoke.."

"Ah well I agree with that one." He interrupted.

I continued. "I eat little, and fart a lot. I have thousands of meetings, drink way too much wine and snog men for money while being filmed."

He chuckled aloud and turned towards me tightening his grip around me. "You are amazing, do you know that?"

"That wasn't on my list."

"Well, I just put it on there."

"Did you really?" I teased.

"Aha." He said jabbing me in the ribs, making me squirm.

"Oh no! No tickling!" I warned.

"Oh? Why's that then?"

Yep I asked for it really didn't I?

"No! Stop! That wasn't on my like list!" I pleaded, panting for all the wrong reasons.

"Say it!" He pinned me down with one hand holding my wrists together while he moved to straddle on top of me, poking a finger in my ribs.

"No! I won't" I wriggled unsuccessfully.

"Say It!" He pushed again.

"Never!" I raised my head and blew cold air onto his genital area.

"What the fuck are you trying to do?" He sniggered.

"Watch and see?!" I blew again, long and slow.

"Oh No! Stop that!" He felt it working. "Jen!"

He got in another jab making me scream. So I blew again.

"Stop it!"

"Make me!" I dealt him another long cold blow hoping it would make him want to pee, so he'd have to set me free.

"OK I will!" With that he kissed me hard keeping me in hold. His free hand cupped my left breast, letting his finger tips tease my hardened nipple. My body relaxed, completely drugged by his touch. He shifted position and pushed my thighs apart using his knees. I could feel his now hardened length teasing my sex. Suddenly I didn't want to be free. I liked being restrained, in this situation anyway.

"You want more?" He breathed breaking our kiss.

"Aha!" I tried pushing up against him as he nuzzled my neck.

"Louder." He groaned.

"Yeahh." I whined.

His mouth moved down over my chest and began sucking on the other nipple, being sure not to leave it out.

"Ah shit!" I arched up.

His free hand fell south and began exploring my entrance.

"You like me holding you still don't you?" He spoke against my skin.

Yep! I think I did.

"Please?" I begged.

"I think I may have to bring something to secure you there next time. So I can use both my hands."

"Fuck! Please!" I panted, writhing around to stimulate myself on something, anything.

Sliding a finger inside, he chuckled sexily. "You do like it don't you?"

I nodded ."Aha!"

He curled up his fingers and I whined loudly.

Oh he was just loving this. Now I was the putty in his hands, or should I say fingers.

"Good girl." He grinned and released me to lean over to my bedside table for a condom. He rolled it on quickly and retook his position, pulling up my right knee to gain better depth he pushed himself inside.

"You are one sexy lady Jen Austen." He growled low and deep. My eyes closed and I entered the darkness off my pleasure. The rhythm increased as did my blood pressure. I grabbed his face and brought him in closer kissing him hard. He pulled away as I moved my hungry kisses around his neck, coming to rest on his earlobe. Sucking it in, I heard him groan. Bringing my teeth into play I nibbled on it. My hands began clawing at his muscular back wanting, needing him, clawing him closer.

"My god woman, you are hot! Your body is delicious." I was unraveling fast with his words. He licked a finger and ran it over my hard nipples rolling it between finger and thumb. With the pace now fast, he threw back his head and groaned loudly filling me, his throbbing topped me over my edge and I shook with the electric shocks that surged through my body. He collapsed onto me, spent and breathless.

"Shit!" He gasped. "I think I need to give up smoking!"

.

"I'm going to get a coffee, want one?" I said after we'd recovered and held each other for a while.

"Please." He stretched out again allowing me slide out of bed. Wrapping my robe around me I pattered downstairs and to the kitchen. I had to giggle when I saw all my paperwork and script strewn about the floor. I picked them up and put them back on the counter, thankfully the script was stapled together, otherwise I'd be handing it to Marcus to sort into order again.

I grabbed two cups from the cupboard and stuck one under the Tassimo machine. Lazy coffee I called it. A pair of arms appeared around me and a mouth began to nuzzle my neck. "Thank you." He said softly between kisses.

I raised my right hand and placed it against his stubbly cheek, inhaling his musky scent. "You are more than welcome." My left hand wandered round my back to my left and I felt his warm skin pressed against me. "There seems to be a naked musician in my kitchen."

He giggled and continued kissing my neck. "...and exactly what are you going to do about it?" His soft voice combined with his kisses were just getting too much again.

"I think.." I began, but the words faded as I tilted my head away from his mouth, elongating my neck to make room for more kisses.

"Hmm? Think what?" He probed me for an answer.

Slowly I turned, still encircled in his hold. "I think.." I said securing my arms around his neck. "..I'll pass on coffee!"

His eager mouth found mine once more and he swept me off my feet again, heading back up to the bedroom.

.

.

A call from Trent later that day changed both our lives completely with one conversation and it wasn't the way I wanted it to go either.

"So what did the manager what?" Marcus asked once I'd hung up, biting on a rectangle of toast.

"Argh. He's throwing a hissy fit, something about the premiere venue and inadequate security yadda yadda yadda" I flapped my hand in a mocking gesture.

"Does he know about us?" His question caught me unawares.

"No, not yet. I think he'd blow a valve if he had that on his conscience too at the moment." I huffed.

"He will find out soon enough though." He shrugged matter of factly.

"Well, yes I know that but I think we need to chat about us a bit more first."

"Uh oh! That doesn't sound good." He sat up straighter on his stool that he sat on up to the breakfast bar.

I needed to sort this in my mind. I stood up from the sofa and walked to his side.

Where were we going from here?

"Look. You know how much I enjoy your company and I really like you, right?" I started. He scowled and threw down his toast onto his plate.

"Don't you dare. Don't give up on me! If this is the it's not you it's me shit, then I don't wanna hear it." His head moved slowly from side to side.

"Marcus, please? I just don't know what to do. How are we going to work?"

"Don't! Don't you dare!" His voice grew stronger.

"You know I have to go back to New York Marcus." I tried using my softer tone, but judging by his expression the effect wasn't helping.

"I know you said you did, but not now, right?" The hurt started to show in his eyes. I couldn't hurt him. I wouldn't. This is exactly what I was afraid of.

"I fly back on the 29th Marcus." I hoped saying it slower it somehow would soften the blow. I was wrong about that too.

"That's.." He looked in his lap working out the days. "..that's in two weeks!" He bellowed.

"That's why I'm telling you now!" My voice raised slightly too.

"Well how long will you be there?"

"I don't know when I'll be back, this is my point. Filming starts in October and.."

"Wait!" He stood up from his stool and held up his hands. "You aren't coming home after the premiere are you?"

Bingo! He'd worked it out.

I felt the tears start to sting my eyes.

"It's not worth.." I began before he cut me off again.

"No Jen! It's me that's not worth coming home for, is it?"

"No! I..I didn't say that! Please Marcus?" I needed to make him listen.

"Then what's not worth coming home for Jen? Huh? Cos' I thought we had something here? We just had the two most incredible nights of my life and you just up, leave and not bother coming back?" He gestured his hand back and forth between us.

He was hurt I know he was, and I started to feel his pain now too as the tears spilled over out in my eyes and down my face.

"We did and we do have something Marcus, Look if I can make this work; I'll do anything, but my job requires me to be in America, you know that!"

"Well how long will your scenes take to film? Couple of months?" He held out his hands in question.

I didn't answer. I didn't want him to go, to storm out, and I knew he would when he found out. Instead I looked to the floor like I was hoping it would answer for me.

Growing impatient he repeated his question. "Jen? how long?"

"They can take anywhere up to six months." I said quietly.

"Six months!" He boomed. Making me jump. "So that's it, is it? We're done? Thanks for the nice time. Maybe we will catch up in six months when I figure its worth coming home again?!" I could see tears in his eyes now too. I'd done what I swore I'd never do. I'd hurt him.

Of course I didn't want it to end. "NO! Marcus, I know.."

"No Jen, clearly you don't know!" He turned around and picked up his shirt to leave.

"Marcus. Please don't go, I'm sorry.." I wailed.

"Save it!" He spat, spinning around to face me again. "You gave up on me without even asking what I wanted, without even thinking what I was prepared to give up for you and you know Jen...that's what hurts like hell!"

That was that. He'd fled. With a slam of my door I'd lost him. I was alone again, just me and my stupid career and once again I blubbered curled up on my sofa. Ignoring everyone and everything for four days.

.

.

My phone sang out for the 44th time that day. Tasha knew something was up, I never ignored her when she rang me. Too tired to fight anymore I picked it up and finally took her call.

"Jen? What's happened?" She cut to the chase.

"Nothing." I put on my best 'I'm fine' voice.

"You don't fool me Jen Austen. I've been ringing all day!" She was right I couldn't fool her, she wasn't my best friend for no reason.

"I must have knocked it on silent."

"Bullshit! I can hear it in your voice. Have you had a fight with Marcus?"

"No!" I lied.

"Jen?!" She tried once more.

"Look I have to go, I have lines to learn."

"You promise you're OK?"

"Yes. I'm fine. Speak to you Friday."

"OK, but ring me if you need me! You swear?!"

Of course I wouldn't. I had to get through this alone somehow. This one was a doosy and totally all my own fault.

"Bye Tash." I replied and hung up.

.

This was so hard. Days turned into nights and nights turned into days, I couldn't eat, drink or sleep. I stared at my lines, praying they would just soak up into my frazzled brain somehow. I repeatedly told myself over and over again to snap out of it, this was my job. I had to learn it, it was important.

Several times I typed out a text message to Marcus, and several times I deleted it. I should never have started something I knew I couldn't finish.

This was completely and utterly my fault. I now had to deal with the consequences.

A/N: Nooooooooooooooooooo! It all went wrong. She didn't explain that one properly did she? Silly Girl!

Thanks for my beta's ongoing support. Love and big snuggles. xx

Onwards then? You don't want more do you? *cups ear* Oh you do? Cool! cos I have more written!

DeathToBeReborn xx