The Key to Salvation
Chapter Eighteen
Athos knocked on Aramis' door and waited. When the door opened his friend immediately looked at the bundle he was carrying.
"What's that?"
"Can I come in?" Athos asked. When Aramis moved aside he entered the room and deposited the items on the bed. "Your pauldron, sash and cloak."
"Why? I've already told you that I can't accept the return of my commission."
"Sit," Athos said gently. He sat on the bed next to the pool of blue cloth. "It's time we discussed what happened." He held his peace until Aramis sat on the chair opposite. "Baron Neuville arrived at Court this evening. The King gave us the honour of arresting him. He has denied all the charges. We did not inform him of your rescue so he believes he is safe."
"What has that to do with these?" Aramis waved his hand in the direction of the bed.
"You are the only direct witness to what happened. We can testify about finding you aboard the Spanish ship but not how you came to be there. He will attack your character. Despite your pardon you were still a convicted criminal and some people will believe the worst of you. You were also stripped of your commission which makes you a disgraced former Musketeer. Refusing to accept a return to the regiment only reinforces that view."
"My character will not stand up to scrutiny. I seduced his wife and made her pregnant. I destroyed his marriage. How can I be anything other than a disgrace to the uniform?"
Athos could see the covetous glances towards the pauldron and pressed ahead with his arguments. "Think how much more compelling it would be for you to give evidence as a Musketeer. It is a clear sign that the King has accepted your innocence. Treville has already told him the full story. He could easily have withheld your commission despite your pardon."
Aramis went a little pale. "He knows everything?"
"It was the only way Treville could persuade him to lay charges. He had to explain the Baron's motive for abducting you."
He could imagine what his friend was thinking. What if the King had confided in the Queen? What would she think about the fact that he had fathered another child? "Look at me." Aramis' gaze remained fixed firmly on the floor. "Aramis, it is time you stopped blaming yourself and looked at the facts."
"I have."
"No. You have let your heart rule your head. Your relationship with the Baroness was fully consensual?"
A flush replaced the pallor. "Of course. I would never take a woman against her will."
"She chose to enter into your affair and she chose to keep you ignorant of her marital status. When she discovered she was pregnant she didn't turn to you. She returned to her husband. Even when he cast her aside she made no move to contact you. How is any of that your fault?"
"Every woman I have ever cared for has come to grief. If I hadn't looked at her, encouraged her, none of this would have happened."
"You exaggerate. Don't deny that you love the Queen, and she is well."
"But in danger because of what we did. If anyone were to discover the truth…" He broke off with a choked cry. "My lack of restraint has brought us here."
"What would you have done if you had known about the child?"
"I would have stood by her and provided for her as best I could."
"Yes, you would. Yet, the child would still have died." Athos knew he was taking a risk but this was something his brother needed to hear. "The priest told us that she was born sickly. He had given shelter to the Baroness, taken care of her. She was not living alone in some hovel. She had the best of care when her time came."
"This is true?" Aramis' face was filled with hope.
"I wouldn't lie to you about something so important. You could have done no more for her."
"I wasn't responsible for my daughter's death?" His eyes shone with unshed tears.
"There was nothing that could have saved her. I'm sorry." He stood up and crossed the room, leaning forward to rest both hands on Aramis' shoulders. "Let it go, Brother. There is nothing you could have done for either of them that would have made a difference. There wasn't anything the Baroness could have done either. It was fate that decreed the outcome, and fate can be cruel. Don't let it destroy the rest of your life." He straightened up and looked solemnly at his friend. "If it is truly your wish to retire to a monastery we will not stand in your way but I beg you to make the decision for the right reasons. I will leave you to think on what I have said."
Aramis reached out and caught Athos' hand. "Thank you."
"Get some rest. The trial is scheduled for tomorrow. The King is impatient to bring matters to a conclusion."
Aramis swallowed hard and nodded. "I will see you in the morning."
Athos left the pauldron, sash and cloak on the bed, encouraged by the fact that Aramis didn't tell him to remove them. He rejoined his other brothers in the yard feeling inexpressibly weary.
"Well?" Porthos asked.
"I don't know. We will find out in the morning."
TMTMTM
Aramis slept poorly having much on his mind. Well before dawn he rose from his bed and lit a candle. He walked over to the table and reached out to caress the leather of the pauldron. It had been his most prized possession and it was again within his grasp. He imagined what his life would be like if he went to Douai. It would be peaceful, full of contemplation and penance…and boredom. Yet, he still felt unworthy to wear the insignia of the King of France. He ran his fingers through the fringes of the sash and sighed. The King knew the truth and had still offered a commission. Was it due to guilt because he had been falsely condemned or remorse because of the events at Savoy? Was there really a way for him to find redemption without leaving the secular life? He yearned to accept the gift that he had been offered. Surely there was more than one way to dedicate his life to God. He could return to his post and devote all his energy to protecting God's anointed. Would it be a betrayal?
He walked over to the night stand and poured water into the bowl. He washed and fetched a clean shirt. Once he was dressed he returned to the table. His hand trembled as he reached out to the pauldron and he stopped just short of touching it. In his heart he knew the right decision. His God was a being of infinite mercy and he needed to find the strength to accept that. He drew in a shuddering breath and gripped the leather. He slid it up his arm and buckled it in place. Next, he wrapped the sash around his waist and secured his weapons belt. With each movement his resolve strengthened. After sliding his sword into its scabbard he picked up the cloak and draped it over his arm. He could feel that he was standing taller, prouder, now that he was back in uniform. The weight that had been resting on his shoulders seemed to have dissipated. He still had to face the trial, look the Baron in the eye and meet the accusations about his conduct but he would do it with his brothers by his side and a lighter heart.
He left his room and walked down the stairs to the yard. His friends were waiting for him and he saw their faces light up when they saw what he was wearing. He returned their smiles as he reached the table and laid down the cloak. He held out his arm and waited while three hands piled one on top of the other.
"All for one," he said with a hitch in his voice.
There was a brief pause as each looked at the others.
"And one for all." Three voices spoke in harmony.
Then he was being enfolded in their arms and he knew he was home.
Tbc