A Gift of Love

An adaptation of "Christmas Guy"

based on Villains' Bad Girl's universe

by LDEJRuff

Chapter 4 - Cheering Stewie Up

Later that night, Stewie was watching A Year Without a Santa Claus or Sex on the living room couch, but he was still sad. Vinny, now dressed in a classy outfit and a pair of glasses, took a deep breath after looking at the couch, and came down the stairs.

"Hello there, Stewart," he greeted in an English-like accent. This got Stewie's attention.

"What's this?" Stewie replied. "What are you doing, Vinny?"

Vinny replied in his normal voice, "I'm acting like Brian for you. Hey, whose leg do you gotta gagoosh to get an amaretto disaronno around here?"

"That's not how Brian's catchphrase goes," Stewie regarded.

"Come on," Vinny shrugged, "I went through a lot of trouble. Your family cheered me up, so I'm returning the favor to you. For example, I know Brian was rather into politics, so I read the newspaper. What is going on with all these politics, huh?"

"Well," Stewie replied, "that is about Brian's level of political awareness."

"Yeah," Vinny agreed. "And you know how Brian wrote Wish It, Want It, Do It? Well, I wrote a book, too; a little something called Wish It, Want It, You Blew It."

"Really?"

"Yep. Let me read you an excerpt." With that, he pulled out a piece of paper, reciting a line from his book. "'You wish you were a millionaire. You want more money. Guess what, you blew it. You wish you could change the neighborhood. You want to be a selectman. You blew it. You wish you could open up a restaurant. You did not want to pay protection money. Knock, knock. Who's there? You blew it.'"

"'You blew it' who?" Stewie guessed.

"'You blew it bad,'" Vinny added. "You know what the last page of the book is? A mirror. So you can see exactly who blew it. Being you."

Stewie looked down.

"Look," he began. "I appreciate all this, Vinny. But there's only one Brian. And it's tough for me that he's gone, just like it's tough for you that the puppies aren't here, especially around the holidays."

"I understand that, Stewie," Vinny replied. "It is tough for me. Anyway, I know something else that'll cheer you up. How about you open up one of them Christmas presents? Turn that frown upside down."

"I can't do that," Stewie protested. "Mom will get mad."

"She's in bed asleep," Vinny replied, "at least, that's what I think."

But Vinny thought wrong. Lois was still awake, but dressed in her pajamas, as was Peter. They were already in bed.

"It's a good thing that Vinny was home safe and sound," Lois said. "I just can't imagine that thinking about the puppies made him sad."

"Me neither," Peter replied.

"Oh," Lois moaned, "I sure wish we hadn't sold them. But at least they're happy wherever they are now."

"Anyway," Vinny continued, still in his costume, "I got you this. Merry Christmas." With that, he gave Stewie a thin box.

Stewie opened it and saw that it was... "A bowling shirt?"

"You can wear it anywhere," Vinny replied. "To the beach, a wedding on the beach, beach graduation, beach funeral, business conference which could be at a beach, a stroll through the park, should that park be adjacent to a beach."

"Thanks," Stewie said, unimpressed.

"What, you don't like it?" Vinny asked. "How's about we go to the mall and pick out something you do like?"

"Well," Stewie began, "I suppose I could browse the toy store. Possibly pick up a new action figure."

"That's the spirit," Vinny replied. "I even rented one of those Prius cars to be like Brian. I tried to impress a lady at a stop light by stepping on the gas, but it was like a gay guy's fart, silent."

"Yeah," Stewie agreed. "One end is silent, and the other end can't read an Us Magazine in silence."

"There you go," Vinny replied. He then sniffed. "Hey, did you fart, Stewie? 'Cause I didn't hear nothing."

"Okay, watch it," Stewie regarded. "We're not that close yet."

"All right," Vinny said, "I better get out of these professor clothes before I kick my own ass. We'll head on back to the mall first thing tomorrow morning."

"Yeah," Stewie agreed. "It's a good thing the Carnival lasts for the next few days."

Author's note: Again, this last bit is combined from the animatic and the final process versions of the episode.