Levi had intended to simply calm the kid down in the onslaught of Hanji's questions, but it soon became clear that when Levi had said "not a monster" the kid had taken it as "completely innocent." He was beyond frustrated as the kid backtracked on almost everything he had said previously and that Hanji was allowing him to do it. He could easily attribute Hanji's willingness to listen to the kid's changing story to their desire to explore all possible alternatives but, Levi knew exactly why the kid was willing to backtrack and it had nothing to do with faulty memory.
We don't live in a black and white world, kid. Your dad can be guilty and not be a monster. Life is complicated. You know that but you just can't fucking let go of that little piece of hope, can you? A little part of you wants him to be completely innocent. Nobody is completely fucking innocent.
As Hanji went to whatever part of their mind that handled processing and researching their theories Levi moved to the kitchen to clean. Hanji would never do it themselves and the kid had cooked dinner. As much of an asshole as Levi was, he wasn't an unfair one. On the other hand, he also knew that the kid would probably seek him out and join him. He worked through the stack of dirty dishes slowly, giving the kid time to decide that occupying himself and potentially talking to Levi was preferable to Hanji's intense silence. Levi lack tact and social grace but he was hardly a social idiot; he understood people well and the kid might as well have been an open book to him.
Levi had worked through most of the dishes by the time the kid came into the kitchen. He paused to allow the kid to dry half of the dishes in the draining board before continuing with the rest. He watched as the kid calmed down and was lost in his own thoughts, the tension in his body draining as he worked through the mindless task of drying dishes. It was only when his shoulders finally relaxed fully that Levi spoke.
"I think that pot is dry enough." The kid stared blankly at Levi a moment before looking down at the pot in his hands.
"Right, just lost in thought." No shit.
"You shouldn't force your memories."
"What do you mean?" Are you shitting me kid? This entire evening?
"Even if you're angry with him, you want so badly for Grisha to have done nothing wrong. There are shades of gray, kid. Just because he worked somewhere shady doesn't mean he was a monster. Don't force yourself into remembering things that aren't real. You sounded pretty sure the lab's name started with a 'C' and that it maybe had an 'R' in it the other night. Don't convince yourself otherwise because it looks like there's a convenient solution that absolves Grisha of any guilt. He doesn't have to be innocent to not be a monster."
"So you think I remembered it right the other night?"
"You sounded at least a little confident then, now you sound like a yes man. Just run through it in your head; what words sound familiar?"
They lapsed into silence again and Levi let it go. Hanji was so engrossed in their work that Levi didn't even bother saying good bye, simply telling them that they should lock the door after they left. He knew they would probably forget, but it was worth a shot. The walk down the stairs and to Levi's car was silent, as was the drive. He never felt any need to fill silence with words just for the sake of sound and he was especially unwilling to break the silence when the kid was (hopefully) trying to think. He watched out of the corner of his eye as they drove, willing the kid to remember something useful. They were halfway down River Road when the kid turned to face him.
"Cronus. The lab was called Cronus." Good job, kid. He allowed himself a tiny smile under the cover of darkness in the car.
"You sure you're not making things up again? Don't think you need to remember it right now just because. I don't have a gun to your head."
"It was Cronus. I'm almost positive."
"Well unless you're completely positive…" He trailed off and watched the kid gape at him and then start to glare. "That was a joke. I make those sometimes."
"That was a really shitty joke."
"Sometimes I tell shit jokes."
"Tell me one then."
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"You wouldn't appreciate it."
"I wouldn't appreciate a shit joke. Seriously?"
"Yeah. Too refined for a shitty brat."
"So was that a shit joke?"
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" Levi kept his deadpan in place as he chanced a look at the kid in the passenger's seat. His face looked like he couldn't decide between exasperation or fury. He huffed and turned back to look out the window.
"You're an asshole."
"No fucking shit."
The silence only lasted a moment before the kid turned back.
"Why are you such an asshole all the time? Don't you want people to like you? Even a little bit?"
"I'm an asshole because I want people to stay away from me."
"The other day you said that 'friends die' but that's bullshit. Everyone dies, whether you're friends or not isn't going to stop them from dying." Levi's grip on the steering wheel tightened and then loosened.
"Why don't heroes get involved with people romantically? Because their partner is a liability. Anybody you're close with is a liability. I don't like having liabilities, it's that simple."
"You said Hanji is your friend. Are they a liability?"
"Hanji is fellow superhero. They can take care of themselves."
"But somebody who doesn't have superpowers or crazy science or whatever the fuck is so weak that they're always a liability?"
"Yes." Drop it, kid. Leave it alone.
"So I'm a liability."
"You would be if I gave a shit."
Eren looked like he'd been punched and Levi was doing his damnedest to ignore the way he was looking at him. He wasn't going to look at him; he didn't want to see the hurt and the frustration and the disappointment.
Heroes don't lash out. Heroes aren't assholes. Heroes are friendly. Heroes let people in.
He could run through a whole list of what heroes were and were not and a hell of a lot of his particular character traits would be in the "not hero" category. It was just one more thing he had made peace with.
I'm no hero. Just a wolf in sheep's clothing.