Author's comments: Right, and now for the chapter I meant to post yesterday. I did try, but my brain went to that place where it couldn't piece a thought together, so I figured it would be best if I waited and got some sleep. Also, trying out a new format with the chapters. (and for any of you Whovians there is a Tenth Doctor quote in here, so keep an eye out for it)

xxxi.

"Can you not leave off for a fraction of a time?" Loki demanded.

"Mmm, no," the cat replied saucily, lying on its back with each of its four paws pointed into the air.

"You're trying my patience," Loki growled.

"What? All this time and I'm only trying?" The tip of the cat's tail flicked. "Gee, I'm disappointed."

"You leave me alone, or I'll, I'll…" Loki stammered.

"You'll what?" the cat asked, slanting blue eyes at the flustered Asgardian. "Do tell, Loki, I'm not dying to know."

"I'll turn you into a human," Loki said ominously.

"A human?" the cat snorted. "Loki, you hate humans even more than you hate cats."

Loki deflated. "That's true," he sighed.

"It is indeed," the cat answered. It rolled over and rose elegantly to its feet. "Well, suppertime. I suppose I'll go steal off Geri and Freki again—since you stopped feeding me along ago."

"Am I supposed to feel guilty about that?" Loki inquired. "Because I don't."

The cat's whiskers twitched in amusement. "I wouldn't expect any different, Frost Midget. We have known each other for nine months, now."

"We don't know each other at all," Loki said coldly,

The cat turned its head away in disinterest and made to leave. "I'll be going now. Oh, and I can you that your idea with the trampoline won't work in advance, because there was this one time as a kitten… Actually, that's too long a story for now." So saying, the cat slinked out of the room.

Loki shook his head and muttered something under his breath, returning to his interrupted task. 'Caffeine—NEVER AGAIN' he wrote.

xxxii.

The cat made its meandering way to the gardens. While Geri and Freki's meat was easily attainable and always entertaining to retrieve, the cat had a craving for fish, and Thor never failed to satisfy. As for the fact that Thor was in the gardens with his lover, Jane... eh, people were always honored to be interrupted by a cat.

Unless you were Loki, of course.

The cat came to the right corner of the gardens and announced its presence with an endearing meow, and both Thor and Jane found themselves distracted.

"I'm sorry," Thor began to apologize to his dearest, but she made a delighted sound and sprang from her seat.

"You didn't tell me you had cats on Asgard!" she exclaimed.

"You like cats?" Thor asked.

"Well, obviously she likes cats, did you see the look on her face?"

"I love cats!" Jane said excitedly. She knelt down by the cat and made crooning noises. It looked at her imperiously. "I had a cat when I was a kid, Sol, oh he was great."

"Was?" the cat repeated. "Oh, so Midgardian cats are mortal, too. Shame."

It stiffened in surprise when Jane set her hand on its back and began to stroke. The cat was about to protest and leap away, when she changed the angle of her fingers and scratched behind its ears. It felt… not bad. Pleasant, even.

"Oh, Sol would have loved you," Jane said with a smile. "And your green would have been perfect with his gold."

"Well, my green looks pretty marvelous with anything," the cat replied. It pouted. "Oh, it's no fun when they don't respond." Its sulkiness was but brief, for Jane's hand reached its shoulders and it arched its back into the touch.

The Midgardian—she may as well have been a queen, for the way she treating the cat—looked up at Thor. "Do all cats come in green here?" she asked curiously.

Thor shrugged and gestured vaguely. "They come in many colors," he replied. "Green, blue, red…"

"Gold," the cat murmured, thinking of its mother.

"Oh," said Jane. She looked back over at the cat. "This fella looks so much like the cats back on Earth. Except he's longer, and he looks… slinkier, y'know?"

Thor stuck with his policy of honesty and shook his head. Jane chuckled lightly. "You're not much of a cat guy, are you?" she said.

"I must confess I haven't taken much interest in them," Thor answered truthfully.

"Your loss," the cat said. "Oh, and Thor? I didn't come here to be fawned on." It meowed plaintively.

Thor looked down at the cat, an amused smile further lightening his features. "I know what you're here for," he said. To Jane he added, "Loki doesn't feed the cat very often, for… reasons. It loves fish, so I've taken to bringing some with me wherever I go."

Jane and the cat both stiffened at the mention of Loki, but on different grounds.

"Thor, if you tell her that I'm Loki's cat, like you do everyone else, Heimdall help me I will claw you…"

"So that explains the lunchbox," Jane said. She kept her tone carefully neutral as she stroked the cat. "Loki didn't strike me as the type who'd share space with a cat."

"Share space with a—Thor, this mortal gets it!"

Thor smiled slightly. "It's a strange story," he said.

"It's always a strange story when a cat's involved."

"I like this girl," the cat stated. "Keep her, Thor. And where's my fish?" It meowed again.

"Yes, yes, of course," Thor said. He grabbed the fish box and pried the lid off, setting it down before the cat. It mewed in pleased tones and pranced out from under Jane's hand. Tail arced into the air as a sign of delight, the cat bent its head down into the box, teeth parted to grab the first bite of heavenly fish.

Then everything around the cat exploded in hues of light that Thor instantly recognized as Loki's magic. When the shadows cleared, sitting on the floor in the cat's stead—with a rather stunned expression in place—was a small, green-haired man in cream-colored robes.

The human puzzled at its hand, as though it didn't understand why it had one, then looked up at Thor. "By Gungnir," the cat—human—said. "He actually did it."

xxxiii.

Jane stared up at the now-standing, now-human cat. "Was that supposed to happen?" she asked.

The—cat?—turned and looked down at her. Its nose twitched, and with a certain lack of whiskers it looked a bit odd. "Definitely not, Jane," it said, seemingly unconcerned by its situation. Seeing her expression, the cat had a pleased one flit across its own face. "Oh, the vocal operatives are in working order, how nice! That means you all can hear me now." A devious looked appeared on its face and it chuckled.

Thor was stunned. In fact, this was almost the most stunned Jane had ever seen him. "You're human," he said incredulously.

The human spread its arms wide. "So I am," it said. "Strange, isn't it?" It looked over its shoulder with a frown. "No tail." It perused its fingers and wriggled them around curiously, curling them in and out. "And longer fingers. So many joints! Honestly, what do you need such a number for?"

Thor's face turned grim. "Do not worry, my friend," he said, tones somber. "We shall return you to your true form immediately."

"I'm not worried," the human said dismissively, still examining its spontaneously altered body. "After all, what can Loki do to me? I'm just as durable in this form as I am in my natural one." It pulled a face and moved its tongue around. "New teeth. That's weird."

Thor looked doubtful. "I wouldn't be so sure about that," he warned. "Loki's shifts have been proven to be quite… thorough."

"That's one way to describe it," Loki said. Everyone turned and saw him leaning against a tree, last of his raven feathers fading into his leather tunic. The Trickster smirked at them, smug in his accomplishment. "This is what you get for tangling with a sorcerer, cat."

The human drew its hands together in a slow, sarcastic clap. "Oh, well done, Asgardian," it said dryly. "You've successfully directed a shapeshifting spell on someone other than yourself." It smirked back at Loki, and it was disturbing to see just how much they looked alike. Jane reflected on the saying that pets looked like their owners, and vice versa.

Loki's smirk grew to a teeth-baring grin. "You're mortal now," he said.

"Yes, I am. Good on you, Frosty One."

"No," said Loki, grin spreading. "You're a mortal now."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," the human replied.

"We'll see," Loki said, sounding very confident in his success.

"Yes, we'll see," the human agreed. It gestured. "After you."

Loki stepped forward, parting from the tree, and he and the human left side-by-side.

Thor mostly restrained his groan. He should have known that these two were going to assure that Jane couldn't have a peaceful and pleasant visit.

"What's going on with them?" Jane wondered, staring as the human and Loki left.

"Loki's trying to kill him," Thor said tiredly.

Jane stared at him in horror. "What?!"

xxxiv.

Outside the gardens, Loki and the ca—human, Loki and the human, were discussing plans. Or more accurately the human was eagerly laying out the options. Which was far more disturbing than anything had a right to be.

"Unfortunately, you picked rather a late time of the day to transform me, so not so much activity now since it's evening," the human said. It was strange, actually hearing its voice reverberating off the walls. "Tomorrow, though, tomorrow you can really get things going." It rubbed its hands together. "Ooh, should we start with acid or nuclear devices?"

Loki gave the human a sideways look. "There is something wrong with you," he stated. "You are not supposed to actually anticipate being killed." He set a hand to his chest. "That's my job."

The human pulled a face. It was alarming, to see how quickly it was getting the hang of that. And disconcerting to see how it still, in spite of being more than five feet tall and sporting hands, looked so very cat.

"What? You're saying I can't get some fun out of this, too?" The human and Loki approached a wide staircase. The human's head tilted curiously. "Hm, it's going to take some getting used to, not talking with those italics."

"Eh?" Loki glanced over, puzzled.

"Nothing. Anyway, acid or nuclear devices?"

Loki tossed it a glance that was laden with sarcasm. "Do you really have to ask?"

"Nuclear devices it is, then!" The human started up the staircase, wobbled, then careened backwards onto the floor, landing heavily on its seat. It looked up at Loki with rather a surprised expression, and Loki looked back with rather a surprised expression also.

"Well!" the cat exclaimed. "These human bodies are quite useless! Not a tail to be had, and much the clumsier for it!"

Loki started to snigger. "You look," he chortled, "like one of my old tutors. He had that exact expression upon his face when he slipped on these very stairs." He took on a look of fond recollection. "I put a fruit peel directly in his path, if I remember correctly. He was furious, naturally, but what could he do? Besides leave of course."

"And which mentor was that?" the human asked.

"One in a long list," Loki answered. He looked at the human thoughtfully. "No, I take it back—you look even more ridiculous than he."

The human cocked an eyebrow. "Well, thanks Frost Midget, but I don't think your dear old tutor had to deal with being shapeshifted."

"Actually, he was quite proficient at the art," Loki replied.

The human blew a raspberry at him. Loki had no idea where it had even picked up the habit. Both human and Asgardian turned their heads and the approaching sound of a low-voiced argument. It was Jane and Thor. Thor was obviously trying to explain everything to her, and Jane was obviously finding it hard to swallow.

"That's the face of a cat-killer?" Jane said skeptically. She stared at Loki with an expression of frank disbelief.

"Attempted," the human corrected, lifting a finger. "He hasn't killed anything yet."

"Yet," Loki added pointedly.

The human lifted its eyebrow at Loki, a smug smirk curving its lips.

"Thor, Loki," Frigga said, "time for dinner."

Jane stopped and pointed at the air. "Okay, you don't have PA systems, so how did she do that?" she asked.

Thor shrugged. "No one knows," he said.

"She's a Mystic Mother," Loki stated.

"Aren't they all?" the human responded.

"We better get up there before she sends someone to get us," Thor said.

"So embarrassing when she does that," Loki muttered.

"For you, anyway," the human chortled. "Me, I find it highly entertaining."

Loki folded his arms and scowled. "Oh, shut it."

The quartet made their way to the banquet hall.

xxxv.

"He talks in his sleep?" Fandral repeated in amazement.

"All the time!" the human exclaimed. "I'd say it keeps me up at night, but as a cat I'm more nocturnal anyways."

Loki groaned, face buried behind hands. "I'm starting to remember why I didn't do this before," he said in a pained voice.

The human had quickly found the use of its tongue and was now happily chattering away. It was practically gossiping—with Loki sitting right across from it! The impudence of the creature shocked him.

"Heh, well it was always your choice, Loki," the human replied. It regarded its hand thoughtfully, flexing the fingers with an expression of mild interest.

"Are you two always like this?" inquired Darcy, a friend of Jane.

"Oh yes, except that usually no one else can hear me," the human told her. "And most other Asgardians think he's just a crazy prince talking to a cat!'

"A reputation you gladly contribute to, I might add," Loki grumbled.

"Yes, well, here I am before you all, talking, so I guess this proves you aren't crazy," the human said. It paused. "Or at least less crazy."

Loki sighed. Bad idea. This was a bad idea. I've got to keep the human away from other folk.

The human turned to Darcy and they began talking rapidly, wickedly conspiring looks on their faces. "You tazed him?" the human exclaimed delightedly at one point. "Why, that's fantastic!" And they continued on.

Loki wondered why Thor suddenly looked so uncomfortable, and Jane was doing her best not to laugh."Darcy, I thought we agreed not to talk about that," she said.

"What?" Darcy protested. "It's just the cat."

"Mm-hm, just me," the human said, flashing a grin so charming it grated on Loki's nerves. "The cat, a cat completely."

"Except when you're not," Loki retorted.

The human turned its attention back onto him. "Oh, good one, Frost Mi—"

"Don't say it," Loki snarled intensely.

"What? It's just a nickname."

"One I happen to loathe!"

"Isn't that the point?"

"For Odin's sake, why can't you be a normal, meek cat?!"

"No such thing."

"DGL;RP'SYPHJN1! #$%^&*(!"

The human's eyebrows lifted. "That's a new one. Oh wait, haven't you done this before? I'm convinced you've done this before."

"It doesn't matter whether or not I've done this before!"

"It does if you find repetition extremely dull."

"Grrrrrrr…"

"Are you growling at me? Like a dog? Gee, compared to Odin's wolves, you sound like a pup."

"WILL YOU SHUT UP?"

"Why should I? This is fun!"

"Um, Loki?" Volstagg asked. "If you're not going to eat that…"

"Of course I'm going to eat it!" Loki snapped, yanking his plate out of Volstagg's reach.

"Wow," Fandral whispered to the human. "This is fantastic entertainment."

"Oh, you have no idea how much fun it is to be roommates," the human cackled.

"You should challenge him to a duel."

"Here? Right on the table?"

"Of course! If you're going to do a duel at a feast, it must be done on the tables. Oh, and actual weapons are forbidden so here," he placed something into the human's hand "a carrot."

"Ah, my thanks." And the human jumped up to the table, teetered and looked to fall, then regained its balance. "So this is your tail," it said, looking from arm to arm. "Your forelegs. Rubbish way of doing it."

Loki looked up at it. "You idiot, are you challenging me to a dinner duel?"

"I do believe I am," the cat stated.

"Do you even know the rules?"

"Fandral told me."

"Of course he did… And what is the cause for this occasion?"

"Uhm…" the human's face screwed up in concentration. "You're an irritating fool and I would take great pleasure in carroting your hide?"

"Ooooooh," Darcy said.

"That's actually an excellent reason," Fandral said. "Why didn't I think of it before?"

"Because Loki would have beaten you before you even got on the table," Hogun said somberly.

Loki glared at the human. "Right, I'm going to make you suffer for that."

"I'd like to see you try," the human grinned. "Oh wait, isn't that what we've been doing for the past three-quarters of a year?"

Loki scooped up a carrot with his boot and tossed it up to his hand. He took on a stance, and the human remained relaxed.

"Everyone, pull your plates off the table!" Thor boomed.

Everything was shifted. There was now a clear aisle down the length of the table. The human finally took a stance, smirking at Loki. "En garde," it said. Glancing over at Fandral it enquired, "that's the correct phrasing, yes?"

Fandral nodded and gave the human a double thumbs-up. Darcy shook her head. "I never should have taught him that," she muttered.

The dinner duel began. The human fell a good number of times, of course. "Two legs, how can you manage it?" it wondered.

"Because we're better," Loki replied with a smirk.

"Oh, burn!" Darcy exclaimed.

Once on all fours, though, the human had something of an advantage, and soon Loki would fall, too. "You can't be mastering your form this quickly!" he sputtered.

"Four legs, Jotun," the human reminded him. "Knocking me over wasn't such a great idea."

They journeyed up and down the length of the table, wearing matching smirks as they continuously tried to verbally outwit each other. The comments were soon being traded too quickly for anyone to follow. Thor began to suspect that Loki was actually enjoying this.

Jane leaned over into Thor's shoulder. "Is it just me, or does it look like Loki is actually enjoying this?" she whispered.

Thor shook his head. "It's not just you," he whispered back.

The dinner duel went on for quite a while. It ended with Loki the victor, of course, but only because the human realized that its fish had gotten cold. They both returned to their meals amid rounds of applause.

"That was one of the best dinner duels I've ever seen!" Fandral exclaimed. "It would have been even better if I was in it!"

"Of course it would," the human chuckled, taking a sip of its mead and pulling a face. "Bleh. The mead, not you," it added, seeing the look on Fandral's face.

Loki hid both his chuckle and his smile behind the rim of his goblet. But Thor noticed the crinkles around his eyes.