Lena looked at her like she was crazy. "Of course we'll take them. Why wouldn't we take them?" She sat cross-legged on their bed clad in a pair of light green pajamas.

"I didn't say we shouldn't. I just wanted to remind you about the things we talked about." Stef spoke in a low tone as not to wake the children. They had just been put to bed.

Lena shook her head with a sigh. "College is always going to be expensive. We'll have to push the kids to look for scholarships and rely on financial aid. We've both got good health care options, thank G-d. It'll add three or four hundred dollars more to our health insurance but we can manage that. Food, clothes," she waved her hand, "we'll just have to figure that out when it comes; tighten our belts a little more, let the kids know they might have to pay for some of their own clothes and school things."

"Yeah." Stef tucked her chin into her hands, staring thoughtfully into space. "I know we can do it. I guess I'm just worried if some kind of emergency comes along. We've never had a very big cushion and this is going to take some of that."

"I know you're worried," Lena rested her chin on Stef's shoulder. "I am too. It's smart to be concerned, but will that really stop us from doing what we want to do? Can you imagine deciding not to take the kids, just because we were worried we wouldn't have enough later on?"

"No," said Stef. She turned and nuzzled Lena's neck. "We have to take them. They already feel like ours. Letting them go would be like tearing a piece of my heart out."

"Me too," whispered Lena. She cleared her throat and leaned back a little to speak sternly. "However, I'm going to have to put some conditions on this new arrangement."

Stef blinked at her, slightly unnerved by the stern tone. "Why? What do you mean?"

Her lover leaned forward again until their foreheads were touching. "I mean, we are going to have five kids here. Full time. These days, that's considered a big family. We need to make it a priority to have time together. We can't lose ourselves in the crowd."

"We won't," said Stef quickly. "I mean, I know it's been hard lately but-"

"That's what I mean," Lena interrupted, laying a finger on her lips. "There's always going to be something; some kid crisis, some money problem, something that's bugging us at work, but we need to make sure our relationship isn't sacrificed for that. I don't want us to feel like an afterthought."

Hesitantly, Stef said, "am I making you feel like an afterthought?"

Lena reached and took Stef's hand, laying an easy kiss upon it. "I feel like we're busy," she said gently. "I just want to prevent the issue from getting to a critical stage."

Stef nodded, "okay, I get that." She absently began playing with Lena's hair as she thought. "Should we do date nights again?"

Lena brightened, "ooh, I miss those. Yes, let's get those back please." She turned and poked at Stef's chest, "No. Excuse. Date nights."

"Only real work emergencies, and I do mean emergencies," Stef promised, feeling guilty. She loved her work, but she was the one most likely to get called away or required to stay late because of her job. Unfortunately, it was a requirement that she had no recourse to change.

Her partner sensed her guilt. "I don't want you to feel bad about the things you absolutely can't change. I understand that. But I don't want to give up the night just because we're tired or one of the kids get sick. There's five of them, there's always a chance that one of them will be sick. A babysitter can take care of them for one night. And if we don't want to go far because we're tired, then we'll find a couch to lay on somewhere and spend our time sleeping… or resting. I don't care as long as we're together and away from the kids," Lena said.

Stef took a deep breath. "You're right. We do need to make sure we have time with each other. I love you so much Lena. So much. I don't want you to think I don't just because I don't feel…present? Is that the word? Present?"

"I know you love me. I love you too, like the air I breathe. I don't want that ever to be diminished because we didn't take time to nurture it."

"Okay," Stef said, the breath from her sigh causing Lena's hair to fly wildly for a moment. "You're right. We'll make sure we have time for us."

Lena snuggled into her. "Maybe we'll really go crazy and actually take a vacation without the kids."

Stef chuckled. "You mean there's such a thing as adults-only vacations? I thought that was a myth passed down by overworked parents. Like Shagri-Lah, except with twenty-four hour babysitters and cocktails."

Smothering a grin, Lena poked her lover. "You joke, but if we put out minds to it, I think we could make it happen."

"Guess we better make it happen then."

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Stef and Lena had to talk for a long time about how they wanted to break the news to Callie and Jude. They didn't really want them solely to depend on the information Donald gave them. For one thing, they would be among multiple strangers and might feel like they had to keep their emotions constrained. They finally settled upon the idea of letting the children know that they're father had something important to tell them and it was about living with them for awhile.

"What do you mean for awhile?" said Callie, cottoning onto the most nebulous part of the conversation immediately.

"You know your dad's going to be in jail for many years," Lena began carefully. They had some version of this conversation with Callie at least once a month. She understood the situation very well, but that did not stop her from asking about it again, hoping in some part of her mind, that the situation would change if she asked about it often enough.

"Not till I'm a teenager," said Jude in an awed voice, as if the time were so far in future they'd be living on the moon by then.

"That's right," said Stef as she cuddled him a little in her lap. "And we all want to make sure you have a nice place to live in the mean time."

"I like it here," said Jude quickly. "I want to live with you guys."

Callie nodded. "We don't have to leave, do we?"

"Of course not," said Lena quickly. "We don't want you to leave. We love having you here. In fact…we consider you part of the family."

A shy smile appeared on Callie's face and Jude broke into an outright grin. "Yeah?" he said eagerly.

Stef and Lena had indicated their feelings on multiple occasions, but never had they stated it so baldly. "Yes," said Stef firmly. "You are part of our family. You feel as much as one of our kids as Jesús and Brandon and Mariana."

"I'm your littlest guy!" Jude announced, bouncing excitedly on Stef's knees from her place on the couch. "That's what you always say. I'm your littlest guy!"

"Yes you are bubby," said Lena, caressing his cheek.

Some of the laughter faded from Callie's eyes. "What does that mean though?" she asked. "What does it really mean?"

Stef and Lena traded glances. "That's what we're going to talk to your dad about next weekend," said Lena. "Every one of us; Stef, your dad, me…we all love you very much and want the very, very best for you."

"Is it…is it a good thing?" asked Callie, looking at them with mingled hope and fear.

The glances this time had a touch of agony in them. "It will be different," Stef finally said. "But all the grown-ups think it is going to be a good thing for you. And like Lena said; everyone is thinking about what's best for you."

"What about what we think is best for us?" said Jude looking thoughtful. Callie looked at them with the same question in her eyes.

"We will always listen to what you have to say," Lena began.

"But sometimes adults make decisions that children don't always totally understand. And that's just because we're older and we've seen more that helps us make better decisions," Stef finished.

Callie looked more doubtful. "But we' aren't going to live with someone new, right?" Worry crept into her tone.

"Yes," said Stef unequivocally. "There is absolutely no doubt about that. You can Jude will be staying with us."

Callie could feel relief prickling over her skin. "Okay," she said.

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The other children had tentatively been informed that Callie and Jude would be with them "for a long, long time". They took the news very well and begged to have a party to celebrate. Not knowing how Jude and Callie would react to Donald's declarations, the moms told the other children that they might have a party, but not for awhile. Completely undeterred, the children, led by Mariana, began making party plans that included types of food, games, attendees, and even musical choices. None of the three were particularly good secret keepers, but their desire to make the party an exciting event kept their lips tightly sealed. Callie and Jude probably would have decided the three were up to no good, being as they tended to speak in hushed whispers together and then look at the other two giggling. But, when Callie voiced her concerns one night, Mariana had walked right over to her bed and dropped a gentle kiss on her cheek. "It's a good thing," she promised and Callie had fell asleep, the nascent anxiety disappearing from her thoughts.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After several conversations, Lena and Stef decided to leave Mariana, Brandon, and Jesús with Mike so they could both go to the prison with Jude and Callie. Both of them wanted the opportunity to reassure the children and take care of them during a conversation that would clearly be difficult.

"When are we going to meet Callie and Jude's dad?" whined Jesús, clinging them so they couldn't go. "I want to meet him too." He had gotten in trouble earlier in the week and was feeling a little insecure about their leaving.

"You will," said Callie positively. "You'll really like him too, Jesús. He's really nice."

"Does he like sports?" said Jesús.

"No," Jude said for them. "Not really."

"Oh," Jesús looked deflated for a moment, then brightened. "Mike likes sports!" he reminded everyone unnecessarily. "Will he play basketball with me this weekend?" he asked his moms.

"Most definitely," Stef answered.

"Cool!" Jesús shouted. "You can play too Brandon."

"Great," said Brandon with considerably less enthusiasm. Lena patted his head.

"You won't be gone for very long, will you?" asked Mariana with a worried frown. "I don't want you to be gone a long time."

"Just overnight baby," Stef told her. "Just like the other trips, that's all."

"But why are both of you going?" Brandon asked. "Usually just one of you goes. Now both of you are going."

Callie and Jude looked at one another. This had been something they had been wondering as well but were too nervous to voice it. Their foster mothers had said they were going to stay with them, but why was this visit such a big deal? Why were both of them coming?"

Seeing the looks, Stef said lightly, "we just thought it would be good for all of us to sit down and talk. Just like we do with your dad sometimes B."

"Oh," said Brandon, leaning back against the wall. That made sense.

Callie felt herself relax even more. That was true. She knew that Lena and Stef and Mike sometimes had talked about when Brandon would have visits with Mike. But sometimes they all talked when he was in trouble too. "We aren't in trouble?" she asked. She needed to make sure.

Lena rubbed her forehead. "No. Nobody is in trouble. We need to talk and that's what we're going to do." She looked at the living room swiftly to assess it before leaving the house and meeting Mike at the park. "Brandon, Jesús, I still see some Legos on the floor. Go pick them up please. And Mariana, your glass from this morning is still on the coffee table. You need to take it to the kitchen please."

As the children scattered to do those things and Stef ran upstairs for something she had forgotten, Lena looked at Jude and Callie. "Do you guys have everything you wanted to show your dad?"

"Yup!" said Jude happily, holding up his red backpack. "I got lots to show him since we missed him the last times."

"I got some stuff," shrugged Callie. "I'm gonna tell him all about Brooke's slumber party though."

Since his brothers weren't there, Jude groaned loudly enough for all three of them. Callie shot him a look, then giggled.

"Okay," said Lena before an argument could ensue. "I'm going to check the suitcase again to make sure you have everything." Years of travelling with children had taught her very quickly that there was always something missing. One year, Jesús had even gone to the airport without shoes. After a few moments she had discovered that indeed, Callie had forgotten her toothpaste and Jude had chosen the pajamas that were now too small for him.

"I can borrow your toothpaste," Callie said.

"They're my favorite pajamas," protested Jude.

"Upstairs, now," Lena responded. "Toothpaste. Pajamas. Let's go, let's go."

Grumbling, they did so. Lena watched them and closed her eyes, hoping that the next few days would not be too difficult on these children.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

By now the children were pros at the prison visitor system. They went through the pat-downs and rifling through their belongings without a murmur. They said "thank you" when treated politely and kept their mouths closed when they weren't. Although neither Stef nor Lena had ever indicated it, they seemed to sense the give and take of the system. They didn't know for sure that being uncooperative or rude would have consequences for their father, but it was better not to take that chance.

Donald still did not look great and his obvious anxiety about the upcoming conversation made him clumsy. He stumbled into one of the guards which caused him to be shoved, more roughly then was warranted, back into the line. Lena winced and bit her lip. He stumbled when he got to the table, and when the children went to hug him, he nearly poked Jude in the eye.

"Calm down," Stef mouthed at him as sh sat down on the bench across from him.

He nodded, but drops of sweat showed clearly on his skin.

Lena broke the ice. "How are you doing Donald?" She sat next to Stef and took her hand under the table.

"Fine. I'm fine." He smiled at her, then the children. "How are you guys doing? I missed you a lot." The wistfulness in his voice told them that was true.

"We missed you too Daddy," said Jude, giving him a hug and sitting in his lap.

"Are you feeling better Daddy?" Callie asked, looking anxiously at his face as she crowded onto the bench seat next to him

"Oh...yeah. I'm feeling a lot better."

Donald wasn't a great liar. Stef decided to intervene before he tried to expand on the story and tripped himself up. "Hate those colds and flus that come out of nowhere," she agreed. "Callie, Jude, why don't you tell your dad what you've been up too?"

The children eagerly obliged. Callie was patient about letting Jude go first, but after showing their dad his fifth spelling paper with a sticker on it, she sighed.

"Daddy, guess what? I got to go to a sleepover party!" she burst out.

"Callie, don't interrupt your brother please," Lena remonstrated gently.

"Sorry," Callie mumbled.

"It's okay Callie," said Jude, not wanting his sister to get in trouble. "You can tell Daddy about the party."

"Are you going to start groaning?" Callie asked, grinning at him.

Jude grinned and Donald looked confused. His burgeoning smile faded, realizing how many small jokes, small moments he missed by not being with his children. He closed his eyes to keep the tears at bay.

The children both managed a rapid fire patter that took up a lot of the time. By and by, Lena looked at her watch and indicated wordlessly to Stef that they needed to have the "big" conversation. Soon.

Stef nodded. They definitely didn't want to end the visit with Donald's declaration. The children would need to be reassured and they needed some time to process it with their father. She cleared her throat. At her look, Donald suddenly paled and became immobile. "Kids," she began. "Your Daddy and Lena and I need to talk to you about something."

Donald took a deep breath. After he took another, and another, he looked at Stef and Lena somewhat panic-stricken, fearing at this crucial moment that he just would not be able to speak.

"Everyone here loves you so much," said Lena, trying to give him some time to get it together. "We want so many good things for you."

"You guys said that before," said Callie, looking from one to the other. "You said that last week. What's going on?" She had caught her father's nervous movements and his silence was unnerving her.

Donald pulled his children close to his side and took one final breath. "Lena's right," he began unsteadily. "We all love you so much. And I've been thinking about you guys an awful, awful lot. In fact, you're pretty much the only thing I think about here. I want-" he swallowed. "I want you guys to have a good life. A happy life…and…and I don't think you're going to have that by waiting around for me."

"What's that mean Daddy?" asked Jude, leaning into the older man.

"I want-I think you guys should live with Lena and Stef. Forever. I think they should adopt you." He couldn't quite look at them when he said this. The pain in his voice was raw.

Callie sucked in a surprised breath, looking like she had been slapped. "You won't be our Daddy anymore?" she whispered.

"No-I mean yes," he said roughly. He held her tighter for a moment. "I'll always be your dad. But, but I'm not a great parent. I was okay but it was your mom that made us really good. Alone I'm not much and in this prison, I'm not any kind of parent at all."

Jude twitched. "I don't know what you mean Daddy."

"You know that we adopted Jesús and Mariana because their mommy couldn't take care of them anymore," Lena said, touching the children's knees to get their attention. They both nodded. "This is like that. Your daddy wants to make sure you guys are taken care of, even though it hurts his heart to do it." This last part was directed very gently to Donald. He nodded, closing his eyes as tears squeezed out.

"Daddy," Callie said, trying to breath and keep calm like Lena was always telling her. "I love Lena and Stef but I want to live with you."

"Baby, don't you understand? I'm not leaving here for a long, long time. I might not even leave here until you're a grown-up. You need a place to live now."

"But-" now the tears started, "I love you."

"I love you too baby. So, so much." He pulled Callie onto one side of his lap, leaving Jude sitting on the other. "Remember when Mommy was sick and you gave her Beary-Bear to make her feel better?"

Callie nodded, sniffling.

"Was it because you didn't love Beary-Bear?"

"No!" said Callie. "He was my favorite!" She scrubbed a hand roughly across her eyes, remembering her mother's loving smile with photographic clarity.

"You gave him to Mommy because you loved her so much. That didn't make you love Beary-Bear any less."

"Yeah." The word was drawn out and a little watery.

"I'm not doing this because I don't love you. I love you guys so much that I want to give you the best possible life. This is the way to do that."

The look Callie gave him was full of uncertainty. Donald looked at Lena and Stef desperately for a moment. He had used up his words, he knew of no other way to explain it to them.

"Your dad is afraid that if you aren't adopted, if you stay in the foster system - you'll drift from home to home for years. He doesn't want that for you," said Stef leaning in towards the children.

"We don't want that for you either," said Lena. "We already love you guys so much. The thought of you having to go to another home makes us really sad."

Jude slid down from his father's lap and went to hug her. "Don't be sad Lena," he said. "We love you guys too. Lots and lots."

Lena hugged him, letting her chin rest on his head as she looked at her partner.

"But can't we just stay with Lena and Stef until you're out of here? Then we can live with you?" Callie asked, caressing her father's hand with careless, absent love.

"No," Donald choked out quietly. "You'd still be foster kids. It'd be too easy for you to get lost in the system. You deserve better than that. You both deserve better then that," he said, his gaze finding Jude's.

Callie gave a little sob that caught in her throat. "We can still see you though, right? We still get to see you? And we can still call you dad?"

"Of course you can," Lena threaded Callie's fingers between her own. "He will always be your dad. He will always be part of your life."

Donald looked at Stef with watery eyes and nodded at her look. Without realizing it, he straightened a little and Stef was relieved to see some of the defeat leave his posture. Good. If he fought for nothing else, he needed to fight his despondency, his sorrow for his kids' sake. That more than anything else, made Stef respect the man.

Jude went back to his dad and tried to straddle his legs. Failing this, he straddled one leg and looked at his dad seriously, leaning forward until their foreheads touched. "Is this a good thing Daddy?"

"It's-it's a hard thing," Donald admitted after a beat of silence. "But it's good for you. I wouldn't do it if it weren't buddy. Please trust me when I say that this is absolutely the best thing for you."

Callie began crying soundlessly as she wrapped her arms around her father's torso. Donald said nothing more as he struggled with his own tears. When Callie had been reduced to sniffles, he stroked her cheek. "Do you understand that I'm doing this because I love you? Because I love you more than anything?"

Callie nodded, tears running down her cheeks. "Love you too," she whispered, and buried her face in his chest again.

The group sat in silence for awhile, not awkwardly but with a heavy pall over them. Stef, seeing the shifting of the COs knew their time was coming to a close. "Kids, why don't you tell your dad what you want to do on your next visit? I talked to Officer Greene and he said we could bring in some of our games. Do you want to bring one of them?" She hoped by refocusing them on the next visit, Jude and Callie would not feel like they were severing all ties with their father.

"I like Hungry, Hungry Hippos," Jude volunteered after a pause.

"That's a good one," Lena encouraged. "What do you think Callie?"

Callie shrugged. "Dunno," she mumbled into her lap.

"Maybe a puzzle?" suggested Donald quietly. "You still like doing those crazy hard puzzles kiddo?"

A small smile appeared on the little girl's face. "Maybe," she admitted.

"Well, we don't have to decide now," said Lena. "But we can call your dad in a couple of weeks and decide on it. How does that sound?"

"Sure," said Jude.

"Okay," said Callie.

Just then, one of the guards walked over to them. "Sorry," he said apologetically to Stef. "It's time."

Stef smiled at the children. Callie clung to her father as the guards led him away, unable to quite make her arms let got until Stef very gently pried her off and wound the little girl's arms around her neck. Callie clenched onto her in a death grip and wrapped her legs around Stef's waist. To heartbroken to protest being carried like a baby, Callie pressed her hot face into Stef's neck, tears leaking from her eyes and running down Stef's skin. "Shhh, shhh, baby," Stef said, stroking her hair with infinite gentleness. "It'll be okay baby. Everything will be okay."

Lena picked up Jude who was grave but still held the air of one who was slightly confused by the situation. He wound his fingers in her hair. "Is everything okay Lena?" he asked. "Really okay?"

"It's going to be bubby," Lena promised.