Ch. 26: Bellwether's Plight

Three months. It had only taken three months. Despite all the anger, all the planning, having it all swiped away from her because of a carrot pen, it had only taken three months for the guilt to set in.

She had tried to deny it, told herself over and over she didn't need to feel guilty because she hadn't done anything wrong, not really. The predators would always oppress the prey despite the fact pretty outnumbered the sharp toothed beasts. She had been trying to change that, it's not like she had become mad with power, of course not, only villains did that and she wasn't a villain…she swore she wasn't.

She wasn't sure when her shame had officially set in and started to grow, but she knew why. First there was the fact that many of the inmates, too many, didn't hold anything against her. Not even the predators, especially the predators, they had either did just as bad, understood where she was coming from, or thought they deserved it. They'd invite her to eat lunch with her, watch TV, have a nice chat about nothing in particular. It had annoyed her at first, but gradually it just made her sick to her stomach.

But it didn't stop there.

She had visitors; she had many visitors over the course of three months, family members of those she had turned savage and others who just hated her. They screeched at her, spat at her, called her awful things, and she deserved every word. Not once had a member of her own family paid a visit.

But then one day, in the second month, she got a new visitor, one she wasn't that surprised to see, Emmit Otterton.

She had sat down and waited for the screaming and the insults, but they had never come. Instead what came out was a soft-spoken apology, he was sorry her life had been so miserable she had resorted to using the Night Howlers. He had talked about how the relationships between prey and predators were mending, how he was spending more time with his family after he had been cured. And finally, before he left, he said something that nearly knocked her to her knees.

He said he forgave her.

Those words would spiral through her head for days after that, she was unable to make herself deaf to it, she was no longer receiving screaming visitors, she wasn't receiving visitors at all. So she could just think about that otter and how his life was going so well he did something she had never, in all her life, been able to do. She had never forgiven that jackal that tore her world apart, had never forgiven her mother for dying and leaving her alone, had never forgiven her father who she hadn't seen in years, had never forgiven her best friend for abandoning her to have her own family, had never forgiven that one awful lion for…everything he had ever done to her.

But call the devil and he will come because not a week after the Otterton visit she was visitor by Leodore Lionheart, a face she didn't know if she wanted to see or not. He had gotten out of jail early thanks to good behavior and somehow managed to get back into the good graces of Zootopia. Something she was sure he would want to brag about.

But he didn't, sitting across from her, a glass pane the only thing separating them, all he did was frown. It wasn't a disapproving frown or even a sad frown; it was a frown of a mammal who wanted to say so much but had no way of saying it.

But as she looked at him all she could think of was years ago, when they were friends, when she looked at him and could smile, back when she just wanted to make the world a better place. But then those times, and those ideals, went crashing down, shattered and unfixable.

Lionheart had started to talk, but the words fell on ears that refused to listen. She could see the pity on his face and she couldn't bear it, her heart was already constricted too tight. She think he might have apologized but she hadn't said a word, unwilling and unable to talk through the lump in her throat.

Then there was the cruelest joke of all, her therapist, the mammal who planned on coaxing the hatred out of her so she could return to society, was a bunny. A bunny that was already ready to give her a smile, to have small chats, talk to her about her past. Somehow she had managed to worm the truth out of her, made her spill her guts about what had happened to her mother…why she had hated predators…but she didn't tell the bunny that that hatred had somehow, one would call it miraculously, started to spill out of her. It left her empty and guilty and one night after the guilt fully and completely smacked into her, she had done something she hadn't done since the day her dreams had officially been crushed.

She had cried.

Her vision had been blurred, her face and wool becoming wet with tears, her cheeks flushing, awful racking sobs that didn't even sound like her escaped her mouth. She had fallen off her cot and to the floor and had banged her fist repeatedly on the cold stone floor letting herself be as loud as she wanted because she didn't have a cellmate.

She cried over the failure of her plan.

Had cried over the fact that yes, she was the villain.

Had cried over how these inmates, these predators were still nice to her.

Had cried over how Emmit Otterton had forgiven her.

Had cried over how Lionheart had apologized to her.

She had cried over every stupid awful thing that had happened to her and by the time she had used up all her tears she knew one thing. She was tired of being angry all the time, tired of hating something that would never go away. She missed one thing, she wanted one thing: she wanted to be that young bright eyed sheep again, who just wanted to make the world better…

.

She had been in prison for a year when her therapist finally managed to put her on house arrest, she would be sent to a lone house out in the Meadowlands. But that didn't come without a catch. She would be put under house arrest with tow other inmates, two predators that was to treat like guests. This was a practice to show she can safely socialize with predators and therefore, eventually, be free again.

She had accepted these terms quietly, she was secretly desperate to leave her cell though, and all the tears she had shed and hopefully that empty feeling deep in her gut.

The two predators had picked was a white furred polar bear by the name of Casper; she had gotten time for illegally selling alcoholic honey. The bear had no qualms with showing her fear when she realized she would be living under the room with the same mammal that had turned predators savage.

When she found out who the other predator was she almost laughed at how mercilessly ironic it was.

Wade "Frothy" Jones, a wolf she had met years ago and hadn't help in the least with getting over her bigotry against predators. He had turned into a sarcastic, care free thing that had a tendency to bite whoever stepped close enough. He would be wearing a muzzle while they all lived together.

If the wolf recognized her he made no indication, she hadn't made a very good impression on him either.

The three were placed in the house, collars wrapped around their ankles that would tell the police if they tried to run off from the small piece of land they now called home. An officer or two would come to check on them at the morning and evening, to ensure they were alright and to temporarily free Wade of his muzzle so the wolf could eat his meals. Said meals were made by her, a part of her test, Casper and Wade were her guests and she had to make them feel welcome.

Wade was enjoying the entire thing, always grinning at her and Casper and talking non stop. The bear herself was quieter but started to open up to them both and would have short chats.

She barely talked at all and the two didn't try to force a relationship onto her. All she could do was try to ignore the void in her stomach, the void that hungered to do something. But what something she didn't know.

She had been so sure after everything that had happened from unexpected forgiveness to even more unexpected guilt, she was no longer be surprised by anything for the rest of her life.

She had been wrong.

It had been a day like any other. Wade and Casper sitting in the living room and watching a special about Gazelle's upcoming concert while she baked cupcakes dipped with honey. Baking had become something to distract herself from the nothing she had felt.

Suddenly there had been a knock on the side door that had made her jump. The police officers only used the front door. Curious and more than a little skittish she had walked to the door only to have it burst open before she could reach it.

She stared in shock as a large bat fluttered in; looking on the verge of a panic attack, following after him was a platypus of all things. And then a fennec fox appeared behind them, and draped across his back was a mammal she hadn't thought she'd ever see again. Anger, surprise and regret broiled to the surface and she let out a faint, "Judy Hopps?"

The three strangers turned their heads in unison and stared in alarm at the sheep before them. Of course they knew her, everyone did. But the fennec fox spoke her name anyway, a question, as if he couldn't believe his own eyes.

"Dawn Bellwether?"

*looks up at chapter* *sighs in failure*