Thanks so much for the awesome reviews. One more chapter to go.
It had been a strange month. Neither of the Jacob children seemed totally sure how to react to the news. Both were clearly relieved to know they were staying with the family, but the addition of the adoption seemed too much to process. It was a lot like when they first arrived. The difference was that after the tantrums they would run to Stef or Lena for a hug and reassurance that they were still loved.
Lena had reluctantly told the other children that they needed to wait for the party since Jude and Callie needed more time to get used to the idea of adoption. All three children were disappointed, but Mariana was the most devastated by the news.
"Why Mama?" she asked as she helped her mother weed the garden. "I don't understand why we can't have our celebration. We've been planning it for weeks and weeks."
"Callie and Jude don't feel like celebrating right now baby," Lena said, using a trowel to remove a stubborn, deeply rooted weed.
"Why not?" Mariana repeated, her work coming to a standstill as she asked her questions.
"They miss their dad," said Lena.
"But they get to see him still," Mariana pointed out reasonably. "Me and Jesús don't even get to see Ana."
Lena turned to her, ignoring her daughter's incorrect grammar. "Doesn't that make you sad sometimes baby?"
Mariana's forehead furrowed as she thought. "Sometimes," she admitted. "But then other stuff happens and I forget about it. I still don't get why they're sad Mama. When Jesús and I finally found out we were going to be adopted we were so, so happy."
Lena went after a new weed. "Well, it took us a long time to adopt you guys. You'd already been with us four years. " She turned and dropped a kiss on her daughter's head, "we were all pretty impatient by then. Your adoption was everything we hoped…everything we had dreamed of for years."
"Ohhh," said Mariana, sitting back on her knees. "Is that why Callie and Jude are sad, because they haven't had enough time?"
"That's part of it," said Lena, motioning to her daughter to get back to work. "Another part is because it means change. Change can be hard sometimes."
"Change can be good sometimes too," said Mariana stoutly and she dug in the dirt.
"You are absolutely right, sweetheart. Sometimes change can be a very good thing," Lena told her.
"This is a good change," said Mariana. "I should tell Callie that. It would be bad to be in the foster system again. She wouldn't like it. She's lucky she found us. Both her and Jude are lucky they found us."
"I like to think we're lucky to have found them," said Lena whimsically.
"That's 'cause you're a grown-up. It's different," said Mariana quietly. "It's different when you're a kid." She didn't know how to explain it any better to her mother.
Lena stopped and looked at her daughter as she slid the gardening gloves off her slim fingers. "I know it is sweetheart. You don't have to worry about Jude and Callie leaving because they don't understand that."
Mariana looked at her mother skeptically. "Really?"
Lena leaned over and pulled her daughter closer, unmindful of the dirt clinging to her. "I promise. They are going to be part of our family. We just need to give them some more time."
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"Mom?" asked Brandon, frowning at his homework. "Why is Callie sad about being adopted?"
Stef looked up from the paperwork she was going through. "What makes you think she's sad?"
He looked at her, barely refraining himself from rolling his eyes. "I can see that she's sad mom." He paused and amended, "when she's not stomping around mad."
Stef sighed. "Have you guys been fighting again?"
"I'm not fighting with her, she's fighting with me," the little boy said quickly.
Stef gave him a look, pushing her paperwork to the side so she could concentrate on the conversation.
"I am," he defended. "I know she's sad. I'm not gonna bug her when she's already sad."
"How about rising above and trying to prevent fights," said Stef pointedly.
"I could do that if I knew what was going to bug her. Sometimes, she says it's the way I breathe. How'm I supposed to change how I breathe?"
"Well," said Stef changing tactics, "maybe you should consider it a compliment."
"Why?"
"Well, if Callie's fighting with you it also means she's comfortable with you."
"She's fought with me from the first day," Brandon pointed out matter-of-factly. "What's that supposed to mean?" He leaned on his elbows as he looked at her, raising an eyebrow with adult finesse.
She reached over the table to grab his hands in hers. "B-" she began.
He shook his head. "You don't have to say it Mom. I get it. But can you please tell me why she's so sad about the adoption? Mariana and Jesús were happy. They couldn't wait to be with us."
Stef gnawed on her lower lip. "How did you feel when I asked you about Mama moving in?"
"Happy," he said promptly. "I love Mama."
"I know that. But weren't you a little sad that Dad wasn't going to live with us too?"
She certainly remembered that he was sadness, which, like Callie, was punctuated with a lot of stomping around.
Brandon looked at her, then looked away. "Yeah," he muttered. "But I already knew Dad wasn't coming back. You guys had already been apart a long time."
Stef sighed and tugged on his hands so he would look at her. "But there was probably a little tiny part of you that thought…or at least hoped he might live with us, yes? When Lena moved in with us, you knew that wasn't going to happen anymore."
He gave her a tiny grin and shrugged. "I dunno. I thought it would be a lot of fun if you and me and Mama and Dad all lived together."
Stef stared at him open-mouthed.
He shrugged again. "I was a little kid!" he defended. "I didn't know how everything worked. I thought if Mama were here she'd make sure you guys didn't fight and everything would be okay."
Torn between laughter and a sudden burst of tenderness, Stef could only shake her head. "That would so not work buddy."
Brandon rolled his eyes. "Well I know that now, don't I?" He sobered. "You're saying that Callie is sad because she has to say good-bye to her dad so she can live with us, aren't you?"
Stef's voice grew soft. "Yeah love, that's exactly what I'm telling you."
"But she still gets to see her dad."
Stef couldn't tell whether he was trying to clarify or wondering why Callie was still feeling bad.
"Yes. But if Callie and Jude are adopted they will never live in a home with their dad. Not as children anyway. Maybe they'll visit him. Maybe they'll even stay with him for awhile, but they'll never actually live with him. Not the same way they did before."
"Oh." Brandon drew his hands away to use them in propping up his head. Suddenly it felt too heavy. "That's sad," he said.
"Yeah." Stef got up to come around the table and give him a kiss on the head. "It is sad. So you and the twins need to keep being nice and understanding with them. Even if Callie seems like she's picking a fight with you. You need to understand that this is a really, really big deal."
"Okay," said Brandon. They were quiet a minute. "Can we still have the party though? When they're ready I mean?" asked Brandon, poking his head up from the cradle of her arms.
"How can we have Adoption Day without a party?" said Stef in mock astonishment. "Priorities baby. Priorities."
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The paperwork came through, but neither Stef nor Lena felt in appropriate to make a court date. The children needed more time. They had another visit with their dad who seemed somewhat surprised, yet completely delighted to see them. Lena, who was the one to accompany them on this visit, hoped that this would help lift some of his depression. The children didn't talk about the adoption although all the adults could feel questions hanging in the air. Lena and even Donald tried to lead the conversation in that direction but Jude seemed to ignore the hints and Callie actively circumscribed them.
On the car ride home, Jude chatted companionably with Lena while Callie looked out the window.
"Lena?" asked Callie presently.
"Yeah sweetheart?"
"What would I call you?"
"Call me when?"
"If we're adopted. What do we call you? What would we call Stef?"
"I-you,"Lena stammered a minute, not expecting the conversation after listening for Jude discuss all the advantages of the video game he wanted for the last twenty minutes. "You'd call me whatever you felt comfortable."
"Hey you!" said Jude immediately, bouncing in his seat and giggling. "Hey you, hey youuuu!"
Lena grinned in the rearview mirror. Apparently Stef's sense of humor had finally rubbed off on him. "Not that," she said. Then she switched her gaze to Callie. "You can call us by our names, just like you've been doing."
"For how long?" the little girl asked, arms folded.
Lena shrugged. "Forever, if that's what you wanted."
Callie's arms loosened a little. "But that would be weird…if you were our mom. That would be weird to call you by your name."
"Some people do," Lena said. "But to me and Stef, the name isn't as important as the meaning behind it."
"Oh," said Callie quietly. She went back to studying the scenery as it went by. About a hundred telephone poles had passed and about two hundred cars when she spoke again. "What if we called you guys moms like the other kids?"
"We would love it," said Lena honestly, startled again out of a reverie. "But again, it's the emotion behind the name that's the most important to us."
"Did the twins call you guys moms right away?"
"No, because we weren't sure we were going to be able adopt them right away. We were all kind of…stuck in a holding pattern," Lena said.
Callie made a noncommittal noise and returned her gaze to the seemingly endless road.
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"Mama?" asked a little voice behind her.
Lena felt shock pass through her system, then a tiny sliver of happiness began working it's way from inside her chest and spreading out to her whole body as soon as the last syllable of that word was uttered. "Yes Jude?" she returned.
It had been about a week since the last visit to the prison and their subsequent discussion in the car. Although he had said nothing at the time, Jude had been thinking very carefully about what Callie and Lena had discussed. "I was wondering if I could invite Connor over to play today. I want to show him the new game I got."
"Sure baby," Lena smiled at him. "That would be fine. Check with his mom to see if he can stay for dinner."
Jude grinned at her, "he's with his dad this week so Connor will ask him. I'll call him now. Thanks Mama!" he gave her a quick hug and disappeared into the kitchen to use the telephone. Lena knew that Adam would want to talk to her or Stef to make sure the plans the boys were making were approved, but she wanted to give Jude a feeling of independence when dealing with his friends. She felt warm arms wrap around her waist and lips on her neck. "He called me mama," she whispered to her wife.
"I heard him love," said Stef tenderly.
Lena turned into her arms to give her a kiss but saw someone else standing motionless behind Stef. "Callie-" Lena began.
The little girl fled outside and Lena closed her eyes as she leaned against Stef's chest. "Uh-oh."
Stef hugged her close and kissed her. "It's going to be okay honey. Why don't I go talk to her?"
"Yeah. The sooner the better." Lena gave her lover a little push to the door. "I don't want her taking off again."
They both rolled their eyes. About six weeks ago Callie had ran off when she got in trouble for fighting with Jesús. She hadn't gone very far but it had made for a worrisome hour and a half.
Luckily this time, Stef found her under the tree in the backyard. The little girl poked the ground with a disconsolate air. "I don't want to talk," she said firmly.
"Okay," said Stef. She sat there as the sun warmed her head and shoulders.
For a silent period of time, Callie shot her aggrieved looks from the periphery of her vision, punctuated by loud sighs when the other woman didn't go away. Stef was actually kind of impressed when the kid managed a whole thirty minutes like this.
A final noisy sigh preceded defeat. "I don't want Jude to call you guys mom," Callie admitted.
"Uh-huh."
"I don't think he should."
"Uh-huh."
"But if I tell him he can't, you and Lena are going to tell me it's his decision, not mine."
"Uh-huh."
"So I don't like it. And I wanted to run away but then you told me if I run away I'm gonna get grounded again."
"Yes."
Callie made a little noise of frustration and viciously plucked blades of grass. "So it's not fair," she whined.
"Sweetheart, nobody is telling you that you aren't allowed to feel the feelings you're feeling, but we do have consequences regarding you actions, yes. That's a part of being a parent." Stef moved closer to the little girl.
Callie looked at her, lip trembling. "I don't want Jude to forget Mommy."
"And you think if he calls us mom he'll forget your mom?"
She shrugged uneasily. "Maybe. I don't know. It just doesn't seem right. We have a mommy." Visible pain washed over her face and she winced. "Had," she mumbled at the ground.
Guided by instinct, Stef reached over and pulled Callie until her back was resting against her stomach.
Callie didn't struggle. Instead, she used Stef's knees as an armrest to lean back. "I miss her," she whispered.
"I know baby."
"She isn't coming back. Not if I'm really, really good. Not if I'm really, really bad. She can't come back anymore."
Stef said nothing, merely rocking her a little.
Callie sighed wetly, but she didn't cry. "Can you guys help me if Jude doesn't remember her anymore? I mean, I know you never knew her but I can tell you stuff and show pictures. Then it'll be like you guys know her too and if Jude asks about her we can tell him. All the time. Anytime he wants."
"That sounds like a great idea sweetheart. Why don't we make sure Jude is with us when you tell Lena and I more about her. That way we can all start remembering together."
"Okay." Callie struggled to her feet, rubbed her hands across her face, and ducked her head a little. She looked at Stef from the corner of her eye. "It's okay I guess. If Jude wants to call you guys mom. I guess that will be okay."
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The date was finally set for the adoption. The whole family was a whirlwind of activity. All the grandparents were invited to the ceremony (and the party afterwards which was still very much a secret), and all of them agreed to come. There was a bit of a space problem, what with five children, two moms, Lena's parents and Stef's mom all trying to find a place to sleep. After one night of sleeping on Callie and Mariana's beds, Dana said they'd find someplace else to sleep, thank you. Stuart just smiled as he rubbed her back. They immediately booked one of the best hotels and the kids spent their visiting hours playing in the hotel pool. They were delighted to find that it included a pool and a high dive and spent much of their time daring one another to do various tricks while jumping off of it.
Sharon was going to stay at the house, but after watching the family for a day she decided she'd bunk with Frank for awhile.
"Wait, are you serious Mom?" Stef asked her mother.
"Do you think I'm trying to play a trick on you Stefanie?"
"I don't know. It kind of feels like it," said Stef.
"There's nothing wrong with my staying with your father for a few nights," said Sharon, poking around their refrigerator looking to prepare dinner for them.
"Except you got divorced so you wouldn't have to live together," Stef pointed out.
"I'm not going to live with him sweetheart, I'm just borrowing a room for a few nights. Maybe have some unromantic post divorce sex," she said, appearing triumphantly with a bag of green beans in one hand and a ham in the other.
"I think…my head's going to explode," said Stef, slowly sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs.
"I think your sense of humor has deserted you honey," said Sharon, patting her on the shoulder as she passed. "That's probably something you should look into."
"How's everything going in here?" asked Lena cheerfully as she dropped her work things on the table next to Stef.
"My mother is trying to torture me," said Stef, placing her head on her arms.
"Succeeding," Sharon pointed out and she clipped the ends off the green beans.
Stef gave her lover a piteous look.
Lena laughed and gave her a kiss. "I love when you visit, Sharon," she said. "You're the only one who can make Stef look like that in no time flat."
"Mother's prerogative," Sharon shrugged. "You can look forward to doing the same when you're kids are grown.
"Why wait?" Stef muttered into her arms.
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Nobody but Callie and Jude got new outfits for the adoption, a fact that Mariana had expressed her displeasure about vocally to anyone who would listen. The rest of the family ignored her pouting and she settled back into her usual sunny self. Callie chose a black dress with pink flowers spread across it. Deliberately, Jude chose a pair of black slacks with a pink shirt. When they put their arms around one another for their first pictures, the symmetry was glaring.
The other children chose their clothing with care, as did Stef and Lena. They all wanted to make sure Callie and Jude saw that they viewed this as the most special of occasions. The grandparents oohed and aahed over the lot of them and made them pose for endless pictures. The children especially enjoyed watching as their Grandma Sharon insisted Stef smile more as she held up her handy digital camera.
When they all arrived at the courthouse, they found out it would be a bit of a wait. Lena made sure all of the children had an activity to focus on, something that wouldn't wrinkle or dirty their clothing. Seeing they were absorbed, she went over to Stef and slipped her hand in her own. "Excited?" she murmured.
Stef gave her a grin. "Yeah. You?"
Lena nodded. They looked over at their brood. Mariana was pointing to something in Jude's book. Jesús was leaning over Brandon to poke Callie, holding something in his hand that he clearly wanted to show her. "This is really going to happen."
"Yeah," Stef said. "It really is." They shared a quick hug, letting their kiss linger a bit longer.
When the door opened and the court officer announced it was time, Lena felt her heat leap a little in her chest. Jude ran over to them excitedly. "Is it time now? Really time?"
"Yes is it bubby," Lena said.
"Ready little man?" asked Stef, holding a hand out to him.
"Uh-huh," he nodded eagerly, taking her hand. "Callie?"
Callie slipped her sketchbook into her bag and looked at them. She walked over to Lena. "I'm ready," she said, holding out her hand.
Lena and Stef knew from experience that the adoption ceremony was pretty quick, and for that they counted themselves lucky. The last time they had three kids and four hands so it worked out. Now? Not so much.
The problem started by Jesús being one of the children they did not have by the hand. Seeing a Newton's Cradle sitting obliquely on the judge's desk, he immediately headed for it.
"Jesús!" said Stef, but it was already too late.
"What?" asked Jesús, his fingers already brushing the silver balls.
"Do not-"
Crash. Stef closed her eyes and sent him a killing glare. "Pick that up, right now. You are not allowed to touch things that don't belong to you. You know that." She began entangling herself from Callie and Mariana and headed towards him. She gave the court officer a weak smile. "Sorry about that."
The man shrugged, "boys will be boys," he said laconically.
Lena opened her mouth as if she were going to say something, perhaps to point out the inherent fallacy in excusing behavior based on gender. This time Stef shot her a look. If the man was going to forgive their kid for messing around with a judge's stuff, she didn't care what the hell he believed.
Lena shut her mouth and smiled at the rest of the children. "C'mon. Let's all got sit at that table over there." She lead the other children to the table and began seating them as Stef reached Jesús and helped him arrange the Newton's Cradle so it sat in the same space it had occupied before.
"Sorry Mom," Jesús mumbled, giving her a guilty look.
"I know buddy but you got to learn to think about this stuff before you actually do it, okay?" He nodded. "Okay then. Let's go sit down and avoid any more trouble. Got it?"
"I will mom."
By the time she had led him over to the others, the judge had entered the room. As she stood, Stef looked over at her brood of children with pardonable pride.
Judge Shay O'Donnell looked at the family and smiled. "This is my favorite part of my job," she told them. "Will the moms come forward please?"
Both Lena and Stef disentangled themselves from the children and went to stand before the broad oak desk.
"Raise your right hand please."
They did so.
"Do you swear and affirm that what you are about to say is the truth?"
"Yes ma'am," said Stef.
"Yes Judge," said Lena.
"You are of sound mind and body?"
The women affirmed that they were.
"And you are here to adopt Callie and Jude Jacob?" the judge asked, glancing quickly at the papers for confirmation.
"Yes." Lena and Stef sent quick but loving glances over to the children.
The judge looked over at the group of children who were standing with various degrees of excitement and tension on their faces. "Will Jude and Callie please rise and join us?"
Hand in hand, Callie and Jude walked over to the desk. At each step, Callie could feel her hard beating harder and harder and the blood thrummed through her ears. But when she reached the moms' sides and they took her and Jude's hands again, she felt her heart settle and the world come back into balance.
The judge smiled again. "Sometimes families aren't born together, sometimes they just find each other. Just like you all found one another." She turned back to the moms. "You understand that when you adopt Jude and Callie they will become your legal children. You will be financially responsible for them. Eventually they will inherit from you."
"Well, we five kids now," Stef joked, "they'll just have to fight it out for supremacy."
Lena elbowed her sharply.
The judge chuckled, then grew serious. "These children will be your own in every possible way. Forever. Do you accept that responsibility?"
"Yes." There was no hesitation in their tones and the held Callie and Jude a little more tightly.
"Okay. Let's sign some papers and get this thing done," said the judge briskly giving them all a grin as she clapped her hands together.
Everything went really fast after that. When she saw the judge sign her name, Callie felt her heart flutter again and she squeezed Lena's hand extra hard.
The other kids joined them at the judge's desk for the picture. Dana and Sharon took what felt like a hundred as Stuart smiled. Frank looked at them, a tender expression replacing his usually stolid features.
The best picture occurred when Stef pulled Callie to her hip, holding her close and Lena shifted Jude onto her opposite hip. With the other kids crowded close, smiles on all their faces, that picture caught their feelings the most perfectly.
When the last picture had been clicked and the judge had shaken their hands, Sharon looked at them with a crooked smile that was identical to her daughter's. "I'd say it's time to party. What do you guys think?"
Rousing cheers gave her their answer.
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The house seemed exceptionally crowded to Callie. Everywhere she went there were people patting her back and asking if she were happy or telling her how great everything was. She managed to hold a smile and nodded a lot. She nibbled cautiously on some sort of meat-filled pastry as she walked around feeling slightly dazed. Once and awhile she would slide past Lena and Stef, just to feel them touch her head and give her a hug. Jude pretty much stayed right next to them, except when he was running around with Mariana, Jesús, or Brandon. She made larger circuits around her new grandparents, but she did like the way Sharon would joke with her and the way Stuart smiled at her and the way Dana stroked her hair. When she reached Frank, he nodded matter-of-factly at her…then snuck her candy. She was surprised to see that it was her favorite. How had he known? They smiled at one another.
Finally, Callie went outside for a little bit, to breath a little and get away from some of the noise and crowds. From her position by the tree, she could see Stef, Lena, Sharon, Stuart, Dana, and Frank framed by the window. The other kids dodged in and out of the frame, giggling and chasing one another. It came to her suddenly, viscerally, that these people were her family now.
She turned and let her back press against the tree, slowing sliding down until she was completely seated. She could feel the warm sun on her face while she closed her eyes. Behind the red of her eyelids, she saw a woman with dark eyes and dark hair staring back at her. "Hi Mommy," she whispered.
The woman came forward and took both her hands as she sat cross-legged in front of her. "Hey there Callie Q."
Callie smiled at her, feeling teary. "I miss you."
"I miss you too baby. You and Jude."
Taking a shuddery breath, Callie peered at her. "Are you okay now? Are you happy? You aren't hurt anymore, are you?"
Colleen pulled her daughter to sit in her lap. "I miss you guys every day," she confided into the girl's ear. "But I do get to see my mom again. My grandparents too. That makes me happy."
"I'm glad," Callie sniffed.
Colleen rocked her while looking around the yard, then at the house. "What a lovely home."
"It's ok I guess," said Callie cautiously. "I miss our old home though."
"Of course you do baby. But this is a good home. Lena and Stef seem like lovely women. Good mothers."
"They are," said Callie. "They're really, really nice. I really, really l-like them."
"I'm so glad baby," Colleen hugged her more tightly. "That makes me really happy."
"Really?" Callie turned in her arms and sat so she was facing her. "It doesn't make you sad?"
"No sweetheart. Of course not. I want you and Jude to be here, part of their family. I want you to be happy. You can't spend your life mourning…otherwise it will just pass you by. I had a great life, even though it was short. I want you to have all that. I want you to have everything."
Tears started trickling down Callie's cheeks. "Really Mommy?"
"Really baby. That is the absolute truth. You can miss me and it's okay if you feel sad sometimes, but be happy baby. Be happy."
"Callie? Sweetheart? Are you okay?"
Callie opened her eyes to find Lena kneeling on the grass, looking at her with great concern. She touched the wetness on her cheek and wiped it away. "Uh-huh," she nodded shyly as she stood up.
"That's good." Lena looked at her a little uncertainly. "Do you want to come back inside for a bit, or do you want more time alone?"
Callie smiled at her. "I want to be with you guys." Then she walked over to Lena and gave her a hug as they walked back into their house.