And now I'm in the doldrums of writing bridge chapters leading into the next arc. (-_-;)
Not sure what updates are going to look like for the next couple of weeks because my depression came down like a hammer a couple days ago and my car officially died today and this isn't really related to ALYNA but I need to explain why my car dying is devastating. See, the old girl is a '98 Volkswagon Jetta and my family bought her in '99 when we moved out to suburbia and needed two cars. I learned to drive on the old girl and she was my escape when I needed to get out of the house through high school. I drove from New Jersey to Oregon to move in with my then-boyfriend and drove back East via a meandering route after we broke up this past May. She also got me the fuck out of my parents' house again this past January. She's been there for me through a lot.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm dedicating this chapter to my goddamn car, may she rest in peace.
.
"Hawk, do you see anything up there?"
"Yeah Erwin, a fuck ton of fire."
"I'm being serious."
"So am I. It looks pretty dead but the light from the fire is really fucking with my vision. Hearing too."
"Do what you can."
"Of course." Levi removed his finger from his wrist, cutting off radio communication.
He leaned his head back against the wall again and continued to try and take in deep breaths and coughing violently. Nifa and Moblit hadn't been carrying particularly expansive med kits with them and so he had be reduced to using an inhaler every time a coughing fit became too bad. At least Nifa had ventilation masks with her. It would be really shitty if all of us ended up with charred lungs. Levi's train of thought was cut off as another round of coughing started and caused him to double over. The acrid taste of smoke filled his mouth ad he could feel the phlegm coming up as he started coughing again. Spitting out the gritty thick slime in his mouth, he stared in morbid fascination at the gray, blood-flecked muck on the ground.
Great, that shit just came out of my fucking lungs.
While an inhaler was no substitute for actual oxygen Levi's coughing began to calm down slightly. Walking around to look around as best he could with his injured ankle, Levi was about to update the others when the radio crackled. Hanji's voice, subdued and solemn came through.
"We found them."
"Where are you so we can rendezvous?" Erwin's voice over the radio was muffled by his mask. He paused for a moment before continuing. "You don't have your masks on, do you?"
"We're in the basement. There's some smoke – definitely a fire somewhere down here – but it's not bad. Besides, Marco needs it more than I do."
"So you found the kid?" Levi's voice was gravelly and his throat burned painfully from coughing.
"Yeah… Mike and Nanaba too."
"Put them on." Erwin's tone was commanding. "We need to know what they've see–"
"They're dead." Hanji's voice was quiet but rose as they continued. "Marco's badly injured and he's alive, but Mike and Nanaba… Mike and Nanaba…"
"Dr. Scientist, Moblit: I'm heading towards you. Hawk: get ready to move out."
They were gone just as the sirens began to close in; Moblit heading towards Trost General with Marco and the three remaining members of the Survey Corps heading back to headquarters, two bodies left in their wake.
The reality of being a hero was living in anonymity and dying an unglamorous death; whether that meant a slow death of infirmity as a result of a career of injuries or a fast and brutal death in the line of duty. The best that they could do for the bodies of their comrades was to look them over for clues as to what had happened. Dead men tell no tales but a body and a room full of circumstances could tell a sketch of a story. Hanji and Moblit had worked as quickly as they could while Erwin carried Marco back to the surface.
Dodging the sirens and flashing lights meant that it took them longer to drive through the palisades and get back to headquarters than it should have. Levi sat in the back with his legs stretched across the seats, boots off and his ankle crudely wrapped, trying to suppress his coughs and ignoring Hanji and Erwin's concerned and disapproving looks.
Just leave me the fuck alone. Don't make this worse.
Getting out of the car, Levi's ankle buckled and he had to catch himself against the door. He stood still and slumped, taking deep breaths and trying to block out the pain. He was about to push away from the car to start walking when Hanji came up next to him and grabbed him, supporting him as they walked forward. Too tired to protest, Levi leaned on them heavily as the three of them moved forward towards their headquarters.
The stairs proved somewhat difficult, what proved even more difficult were the expressions on the faces of the 104th as they updated them. Relief at the news that Marco had lived was quickly dampened and destroyed by the news of Mike and Nanaba's deaths. Erwin gave them the comforting lie of claiming that they had recovered their bodies; that they hadn't left them covered in blood and grime, that they hadn't left them entombed in the ruins of a destroyed warehouse, that their bodies weren't left alongside the bodies of killers, that they would be given the dignity of a proper burial.
Wide eyes sought out his own, pleading for something he couldn't give. Don't fucking look at me. Don't put this on me.
He could feel those same eyes on his back as they went back up the stairs, he could feel them on his back as he limped across the main room, he could feel them on his back as the elevator door closed behind him.
The second floor of headquarters was predominately made up of Hanji's full lab and storage. They had also created a small, well-stocked infirmary that had on more than one occasion played host to everything from a couple of stitches to full-on surgery, the most harrowing of which had involved a bullet lodged in Erwin's left side. At least Mike had steady hands or else –
Levi's fist came down hard on the counter and he could hear the rattle of medical supplies in the drawers and cabinets. Gripping the counter for support, he braced himself as another coughing fit caused him to double over. He was breathing hard when it finally subsided and paused for a moment to catch his breath before going through the cabinets to find the oxygen tank he knew they had stashed somewhere. Once he'd found it he sat on the floor, his back ramrod straight against the wall as he breathed in deeply, the oxygen slowly evening out his heart rate and reduce the general fuzziness that he hadn't been entirely aware of. Every so often he would have to pull the mask away to cough violently and spit out the phlegm that kept coming up.
How much more of this shit is in there? You think I'd be done with this already. The blood's getting worse but that's probably from coughing so fucking much. I'll ask Nifa about it when she comes by tomorrow. Levi ran his hand through his hair to push it back, face cringing in disgust at the grimy feeling. Fucking gross. I can't shower yet but I can at least change out of my uniform and wrap my ankle better.
Levi pushed himself up to hobble over to the cabinets where they kept support bandages and then began to look through another cabinet for spare clothing. Cooler air pressed against his skin as he stripped out of his uniform, causing him to shiver and goosebumps to raise on his arms. He quickly changed into the loose spare clothing he had found and sat down on the infirmary bed to stretch out his leg and have a closer look at it. Slowly, he prodded at his swollen ankle to check for any obvious signs of a fracture. Finding none he moved on to trying to roll and flex his ankle, wincing at the pain. Finally he stopped and sat back, some of the tension draining from his shoulders as he let out a deep sigh.
"Thank fucking Christ it's not broken." He sat back for a moment longer to wrap it before heading downstairs again, dreading the emotional catastrophe that awaited him downstairs.
Stepping out of the elevator, Levi was greeted by the tableau of Erwin and Hanji looking concernedly at Eren as his face twisted and his body tensed with every word he spoke until finally he broke and his hand slammed down.
"Kid, your hands are fucked up enough. It would really suck for you if you had to get the hand you jerk off with amputated."
Eren was looking at him in shock and he could see Hanji's face, clearly frustrated with him. Okay, even I can admit that was a little shitty. And yet Eren didn't seem to be particularly bothered, Levi had half expected him to freak out and yet Eren would barely meet any of their eyes. Levi frowned, he could see the self-consciousness and self-loathing in Eren's face and posture.
"You were saying something before you yelled 'fuck' I think?" He wasn't surprised when Hanji's words barely elicited a response from Eren, simply serving to get him back into talking, his voice somewhat unsteady now.
"Something about a key. I don't know what they meant but they kept asking about it." Eren shuddered violently and went dead silent, completely shutting down. Levi frowned as Hanji and Erwin tried to get his attention. Fucking hell, let's just get this over with, Eren.
He leaned forward and snapped his fingers in front of Eren's face, earning him a startled look from Eren and annoyed ones from Hanji and Erwin. It took only a moment for Eren's startled expression to resolve into a determined one and he began to speak again, this time with more confidence even as he avoided looking at any of them. Hanji used Eren's active ignorance of them to take a moment and set up a camera to record everything he said, all of them perfectly aware that this was likely to be the only chance that they would have to get Eren to talk at length about what had happened.
They let him talk as he wanted, rambling and skipping details only to double back, rarely prompting him for further information; one hour turned into two turned into three. As time passed they came and went, someone always with Eren but not always all three of them. Erwin had people to make contact with and eventually sent the 104th home, though Mikasa understandably refused to leave and was given a blanket and a pillow. Hanji left a couple of times to check in with Nifa and Moblit to make sure the aftermath was handled smoothly. Levi left whenever he felt a bad coughing fit coming on.
They were approaching four hours when Eren's shoulders began to slump, his body going slack as his physical and mental energy flagged under the strain of recollection. The three of them let him go, let him wear himself down until finally he trailed off, refusing to recount anything past the first explosion. Hanji and Erwin stood slowly; Hanji to begin loaded the recording on the camera onto their computer and Erwin to continue trying to making contact with members of their informant network. Only Levi remained at the table with Eren, gritting his teeth against the throbbing in his ankle and glaring a hole in the wall.
"I'm sorry. I –"
"What the fuck are you sorry about?" Levi cringed internally at his tone. Yeah, that's exactly what he needs.
"Your leg… the fact that if I hadn't gotten kidnapped then Mike and Nanaba wouldn't be dead." He could see angry tears clinging to Eren's eyelashes, ready to spill over.
"How the hell is any of that your fault?" Oh fuck, don't fucking cry.
"I fucking got kidnapped." Eren's voice rose and Levi resisted the urge to cover his ears as the increased volume began to cause a headache to throb in time with his ankle. "If I hadn't, none of this would have happened."
"So you're apologizing for existing?" Cut the shit, kid.
"Yes, I'm fucking apologizing for existing. And now I want to go home and go to sleep and hope I don't have any nightmares." The tears that had been clinging to Eren's eyelashes began to well over and he ducked his head in an attempt to hide them. Levi gave him the small mercy of pretending that he couldn't see. "I just want to see my sister and my friends and go home."
"Little difficult there, kid. Erwin told your friends to go home about two hours ago." Eren looked up at him in surprise, confusion evident. "Your sister's still here though. I think she's sleeping right now."
"How long… how long have I been talking?"
"Probably about four hours."
"Oh. Wow."
"Hanji will give you a ride home in a moment." Levi got up, a white-knuckled grip on the table to ensure that he didn't fall as he was forced to put weight on his ankle and hoping that his wincing in pain went unnoticed.
"I'm sor–"
"Oi, shut it." He let the hardened expression on his face fall away to something that he hoped was a bit more sympathetic. "You did good, kid. Now go home and sleep."
You deserve it.