"How good it was to love someone so much that there was no need to fear even the most difficult thing…"
Ronia the Robber's Daughter
There was nothing, absolutely nothing romantic about sharing a bed with Amy Farrah Fowler.
As Sheldon had previously been made painfully aware of she snored, loudly at that. Several times during the night he'd actually had to shake her roughly in order to get her to turn over on her side, which had temporarily taken care of the problem. But every time he'd found himself drifting off she'd flipped back over (smacking him in the face in the process!) and resumed sawing logs, and at 3.13 a.m. he'd been so desperate for a few precious hours of sleep that he'd gotten out of bed to go watch TV for a while. After having napped on the couch ("napping" was hardly the appropriate term to describe what he'd done. "Passing out" seemed more fitting) until approximately 6.30 a.m. he'd decided it was probably in his best interest to return to bed before Amy woke up and noticed he wasn't in it.
And so Sheldon found himself lying next to what could best be described as a giant caterpillar, - or possibly the biggest burrito in the United States – tugging desperately at the rugged corner of the floral bed cover in the childish hope that the 4,1x4,1 inch square would somehow cover his 6 foot 3 inch frame.
"Quit hogging the blankets Amy" he grumbled, eliciting something that sounded like "am-nam-yam" from his girlfriend, who rolled over to burrow her head into his chest before falling back asleep.
Sheldon looked down at her, not quite sure what to do. His arms were wide open and his hands turned away from her, as if he didn't know whether to embrace her or slowly inch away from her.
"Uhhh" he groaned, snorting as her hair tickled his nose. Well this was certainly a precarious situation. Not that he could pinpoint why: her tongue had been in his mouth on two separate occasions which was nearly universally regarded as a much more intimate move than a little chaste cuddling in bed, but the fact that he knew she wasn't wearing a bra (and possibly not panties) was enough to send his sweat glands into overdrive, despite the fact that his brunette bedmate still had dibs on all the covers.
His hands were still placed safely on the pillow as Amy began stirring, her dark lashes fluttering as she mewed softly into his chest. Suddenly she opened her eyes, her green irises appearing somewhat clouded at first as they adapted to the light. She looked around, noticing his exposed pajama-clad frame and the covers that were tightly wrapped around her body.
"Oh you poor thing, did I steal all the blankets?" she mumbled sweetly, untangling herself from the covers before he had the chance to protest, tucking them both in underneath the floral blanket before curling up against her wide-eyed boyfriend once more. The wide-eyed boyfriend in question could do nothing but stare at this mysterious creature who'd kept him awake all night with her masculine snores and blanket-stealing ways. His feet were still icy cold as he slowly pulled them towards the center of the bed, marveling at the warmth that emanated from her tiny body. He lay very still for a while, bargaining with himself before finally giving in and slipping his arms beneath the covers to pull her tightly to him.
"It's… it's alright" he heard himself say, "I… I don't like it too hot anyway." Yes you do?
"That's good… but wake me up next time" she giggled. Next time? "Did you sleep alright?" she asked then, lazily tracing his jawline with the tip of her index finger.
"I did, I did" he nodded. No you absolutely did not Doctor Cooper.
"I did too" Amy yawned happily, shifting position to bury her nose in the crook of his neck. "I think I could live here. You smell so good" she whispered, the low timbre of her voice sending shivers down his spine.
Sheldon didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell her that it was impossible for a human being to inhabit the tiny patch of skin between the neck and the shoulder, unless someone had invented a shrinking gun but that was highly unlikely, but something within him told him that it was not what Amy had meant.
He looked down at her once again, feeling her chest and stomach heave with every breath she took. He found himself thinking it was strange how she, like the majority of all women, preferred to keep her hair long. It seemed terribly impractical. He twirled a dark strand around his finger to see just how long it was, eliciting a giggle from Amy. "That tickles" she mumbled, inching even closer to him.
Well, this was also strange. He'd subconsciously thought of her breasts as hard, as she'd always been fully dressed when they embraced, but even through both of their pajama-tops he could feel that he'd been wrong all this time. What was even more befuddling was the excitement he felt as he discovered they were soft. He had a sudden urge to slip his hand under her shirt to cup one of them but at the last second he decided against it, which sent a jolt of frustration through him. Ah, she was nothing but trouble this woman! He couldn't for the life of him figure out why this waking-up-in-each-other's-arms-business was so romanticized – Amy was a terrible, terrible bedmate. A snoring cover hog with hair that insisted on tickling his lips and nose and a pelvis that was uncomfortably close to his and dry feet that scraped against the bedsheets.
"Amy" Sheldon mumbled against the top of her head.
"Mhm?" Amy hummed, gently moving her hand in figure eights over his shoulder.
"I love you" he whispered, tightening his grip around her and closing his eyes as he felt her do the same. She nuzzled the sensitive spot behind his ear before breaking away from him and placing one elbow on each side of his body, smiling as she hovered over him.
"bangwI' SoH" she whispered back, giggling uncontrollably as his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. She bent over to press a soft closed-mouthed kiss against his lips before turning over to pick up her glasses from the bedside table.
"I'm hungry" she said as she climbed out of bed, "what do you say we make waffles for breakfast?"
But today is French toast with syrup-day?
"Great" Sheldon croaked as he gingerly sat up, scratching the stubble on his chin as he watched his girlfriend pad out of the bedroom. What had just happened? He hadn't meant for any of those things to come out of his mouth and yet they had.
He stuck out his tongue and squeezed it between his thumb and index finger, trying to feel if there was some anomaly he hadn't noticed while brushing his teeth the other night. But aside from a little bump on the left side where he'd accidentally bit himself during dinner everything appeared to be normal. He'd have to do a biopsy in order to be sure but since his last two encounters with needles hadn't exactly warmed him up to having his body probed with pointy objects he decided that good old-fashioned palpation would have to do.
The lanky man rubbed his temple, feeling slightly dizzy from lack of sleep, and something else, something that swirled around in that big brain of his and tickled and teased his synapses. It spread throughout his body like white hot liquid, down to the tip of his fingers and the soles of his feet.
You are my love. Whispered in hushed delight in an alien language he knew she didn't speak nor care for.
The odd tingle was joined by a shortness of breath that almost catalyzed a panic attack, and Sheldon rubbed his sternum in an attempt to externally stimulate his lungs and respiratory passages, knowing it was more for comfort than for actual effect. He looked down at his hand where it now rested against his flat, hard chest, recalling how Amy's delightfully soft bosom had pressed against it only minutes earlier.
How easy it would have been - should have been – to further explore, to finally find out what it would feel like to let his fingertips roam her pale skin, to let his lips follow in his hands' trail, to button down that shirt that shielded her from his view. She'd let him, he knew she'd let him, and her voice would be deep and husky and her eyes would be glazed over and he'd taste her, pull in her scent, and give in – oh how he'd give in!
He closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing. Maybe she'd mimick his moves, and unbutton his shirt and rake her fingers through the dark curls on his chest, maybe she'd run her nails from his clavicle down to his belly-button… She might tease him, tug at the waistline of his pajama-bottoms, and her mouth might be upon him, soothing the stinging tracks where her fingernails had been. She could be bold, her soft bosom might tickle his ribs, his stomach, the inside of his thighs… oh, how dare she, how dare her lips and tongue, didn't they know that they shouldn't… they shouldn't…
"Sheldon! Breakfast is ready!" Amy called out, startling him as the images left him just as quickly as they'd arrived.
He gulped as he desperately fought to control his respiratory rate, silently begging she wouldn't come to get him. He didn't need to look to know, and he wasn't ready yet, couldn't have her see the state he was in, not just yet...
"I…" Sheldon gasped, clearing his throat to steady his voice, "I just… I need to void my bladder."
He shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom, cursing the fact that he never did join the university track running team despite the fact that the coach had given him a particularly appreciative smack on the bottom back in '97 when his mentor had insisted that he "needed to get out of that damn library and exercise for Christ's sake". Surely the coach had been admiring his athletic build that was perfect for running.
Either way he would have been proud to know Sheldon had just broken the university short-distance running record. Which really serves to prove that there indeed is no faster man than a man in dire need of… voiding his bladder.
Once breakfast was over (he'd refused to admit it but Amy's waffles were so much better than Leonard's soggy French Toast) and his bags were packed and Amy had kissed him goodbye (he'd blushed furiously as the images and feelings from earlier returned to him, almost tripping over his own feet as he excused himself and stumbled out of the apartment, leaving a rather baffled Amy alone in the hallway) he had time to mull over other pressing needs. Like that of advice. And some sort of idea on how to present the golden diamond ring to his girlfriend in a manner that would make her susceptible to the suggestion of spending the rest of her life with him and carry his superior progeny in her equally superior womb, and possibly (at around year 2048 or so) get a nice little bomb shelter somewhere where they could watch the impending robot uprising safely from a distance.
Nothing came to him on the bus ride home, nor during the evening that followed. Sunday came and went, as did Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday Night, a.k.a. Date Night – during which he had almost managed to get himself kicked out of his own apartment after commenting that Amy's constant babbling about her work and that temp who had stolen her lunchbox from the common fridge gave him a headache – and still he was no closer to being engaged than he had been before he'd gotten the ring.
"I'm a GENIUS!" he roared out through the open window in his office on Friday afternoon, scaring off an entire family of sparrows who had just moved into the tree right outside the building despite having been warned about the crazy human next door by the gay bluejay couple who had previously inhabited the (otherwise fabulously constructed and decorated) nest. "How is it that one infernal woman is more complicated than quantum physics, Jesus Christ I can't believe this… I was a child prodigy…" he sobbed desperately, feeling like throwing himself down on the floor and kick and scream out of sheer frustration. Was perfection so much to ask for? He really didn't think it was. But apparently the Universe had other ideas and wasn't about to lend him a hand on this one.
To make matters worse Amy had asked he ride home with Leonard as she had "business to attend to before Sleepover Night", and as much as he cared for the dark-haired experimental physicist he wanted nothing more than for him to stop pestering him with questions about the proposal – as if he wasn't aware that Leonard had "already done this" and that "at least there's no risk you do it during sex." Of course he wouldn't propose to Amy during SEX. If this was the rate they were going at they may very well never have SEX, and therefore no babies, no bomb shelter, no nothing.
"How can I have nothing?" Sheldon muttered to himself as he stirred the béchamel for the lasagna he was making for dinner, "I always have something. Ack, to think that it wasn't the Romulans or the Empire or Barry Kripke that would be held accountable for my demise… Sheldon Cooper, brought down by biologist."
He could only sigh as Leonard called out a nasal "goodbye" as he left the apartment for Penny's, slowly stirring the white, cheesy sauce while staring into the vortex created by his movements. Physics. Physics was in everything. Somehow this thought comforted him as he arranged the pasta and the meat sauce in layers, covering them with béchamel before sprinkling grated cheese on top and popping the lasagna in the oven. Perhaps he should take her out to dinner next week for their 5th anniversary and just order in champagne and get down on one knee like everybody else and have it be over with, and then maybe finally he could get some sleep again. He'd have to tell Amy he didn't want them to live together until after the wedding – Leonard had informed him that it was probably for the best to have her say "I do" and sign all the papers before he proceeded to explain the lifetime supply of earplugs he'd ordered on Amazon.
Just as he'd covered the lasagna with tin foil to keep it from burning someone knocked on the door. Knowing it was probably Amy he took off his apron and hung it on the hook next to the refrigerator before making his way across the living room floor to let her in.
As he opened the door to greet his girlfriend his jaw dropped to the ground. There she was, in her floral blouse and grey jumper dress, balancing a wide-eyed toddler on her hip. Her overnight bag hung from her left shoulder and something he, after having visited his sister in Texas, knew was a diaper bag hung from her right.
"What…is… that?" Sheldon stammered, pointing a shaky finger at the drooling child.
"It's a baby Sheldon, you know… a human in the early stages of development. Please take her will you, these bags weigh a ton" Amy told him, handing over the toddler before he had the chance to scream "in the name of Einstein I repel you, Demon" and throw a book on Quantum Physics at her.
"Amy, I…" he gasped as he followed her into the apartment, "I'm not… I mean, are you sure this is the right way for us to… I… you stole a baby?"
Up until then he had held the child as far away from his body as possible but as the lactic acid began gathering in his arms he could do nothing but pull her to him and support her weight on his hip.
Amy, who had just relieved herself of her cargo, snapped to attention at his accusation.
"Of course I didn't steal her Sheldon, that's preposterous! She's my co-worker's daughter, I agreed we'd babysit her tonight while she and her husband are at the movies."
"Why on Earth would you agree to such a thing?" Sheldon asked, his eyes wide in fear. He turned to regard the child, who was busy sticking her finger up one of her snotty nostrils. He didn't know much about children, other than that they produced an insane amount of waste in proportion to their size, but as far as he could tell this girl looked to be around 18 months of age. Her hair was dark and curly, and her skin a deep caramel brown, and her eyes were big and black as they stared back at him. She donned a red, long-sleeved Minnie Mouse-print shirt with matching red leggings, and someone (presumably her mother) had tied her hair up in a ponytail with a red bowtie.
"Because it's my turn to decide what we're doing for Sleepover Night" Amy replied as she approached him, giggling sweetly as she tickled the child under her chin.
"I said childlike activities Amy, not activities involving actual children" Sheldon groaned as the laughing child hid her face against his shoulder, trying not to gag as he thought of all the sticky fluids that were coming out of her mouth and nose, and possibly her ears and (gasp!)… other places.
"You don't even know what we're going to do" Amy cooed, as if she were talking to the child and not him. She kept tickling the girl and he rolled his eyes, cursing all those hormones that were surely swimming around in his girlfriend and giving her all kinds of silly ideas.
"Then would you be so kind and inform me of what it is you have planned? And take it away from me, please. It's leaking."
"She's not an it Sheldon, she's a girl. Her name's Kylie."
"Oh, you've got to be… Fine. Would you be so kind and take… Kylie… so I can go and change my shirt. Please?" Sheldon pressed out through gritted teeth, feeling his fingers tingle. Hand sanitizer. Hand sanitizer now.
Amy shook her head and sighed as she accepted the surprisingly quiet and agreeable child when Sheldon handed her over, barely resisting the urge to laugh as he visibly shuddered and stuck his tongue out in disgust.
One very long, very hot, and very anti-bacterial scrub later, Sheldon emerged from the bathroom feeling not quite like himself, but at least he'd managed to silence the booming voice in his head that screamed "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE", all while laughing diabolically. He adjusted the collar on his shirt, enjoying the soothing scent of laundry soap and fabric softener, and made his way into the kitchen where Amy had just finished setting the table.
"You know, it wouldn't kill you not to leave me to deal with dinner and a baby when I'm the guest here" Amy gently lectured as he sat down in his usual seat and began helping himself to the green salad Amy had apparently managed to whip up while balancing…Kylie… on her hip.
"I'll take full responsibility for leaving you with the lasagna but the baby was your idea, not mine. Why is she here anyway?" Sheldon muttered in response, silently nodding 'thanks' as Amy poured him a glass of milk.
He watched her as she sat down with the child in her lap, one of her arms secured around her waist as she cut up a piece of lasagna with the other. He found himself wondering how it came so easily to her.
"Would you please help me with the salad, I've only got one hand… thanks… Well, I must confess I've had a lot on my plate this week with the new study we're doing and my mentoring duties and that darn temp who won't keep his hands off my lunch boxes… I haven't had the time to prepare an activity for us. And then I overheard my co-worker saying she and her husband hadn't been out on a date since the baby was born and I offered to take care of her for the evening so they could go out and enjoy a little quality time."
"You volunteered for this? And may I remind you there's an appendix in the Sleepover Night contract with a list of appropriate activities and I don't recall baby-sitting being one of them…" Sheldon whined, grimacing as he saw Amy feeding the baby a bite of lasagna only to use the same fork to feed herself.
"This is really good, you really should cook more often. And that list was only of activities you felt you've missed out on" Amy replied, shifting the baby's weight over to her left knee as she felt the right one begin to tingle. "Yes, I volunteered for this but it wasn't just to be nice to my co-worker. I wanted to take care of Kylie."
Sheldon cocked his head to the side, trying to understand if there was some hidden agenda to this.
"Why?" he let out, feeling his stomach clench.
Amy ran her hand through the child's dark curls, smiling as the girl held up the fork to her to offer her a stringy piece of pasta and cheese. "Are you the mommy now? Am I the baby?" she cooed, opening her mouth to let the girl feed her. "Yum yum" she smacked happily, eliciting a giggle from the toddler. Sheldon watched them, unable to decipher the emotions that were swirling around in his body. The scene was sickeningly sweet, and he wanted to turn away from it. And at the same time he couldn't take his eyes off the odd pair.
"I never had any siblings growing up" Amy replied, still looking at the child. "I had lots of aunts and uncles, and cousins of course… But no one ever asked me to watch them, and I didn't have any friends either so I was always left to play on my own. And I always wanted to… you know like in the movies when the teenaged girl babysits her siblings and her boyfriend comes over and they watch TV and cuddle? I didn't get to do that and I think… I think it would be fun if we did."
"You… You want us to… watch TV and cuddle? While she does… what?" Sheldon stammered, glancing at the child who had just finished smearing tomato sauce all over her face.
"I don't know, kiddie stuff I guess? There are toys in the overnight bag, she could play with them. Besides, her parents are coming back from the movies at 9 so it will only be for a couple of hours, don't worry" Amy teased, reaching over the table to get one of the wet wipes she'd put there as a precaution, proceeding to clean the girl who protested firmly. "No, no, no" she said, moving her face away from the soapy tissue, waving her hands defensively and smacking Amy on the chin.
"Ouw!" Amy cried out, tightening her grip on the squirmy toddler as she tried to keep her face away from the baby's surprisingly sharp fingernails.
"See Amy" Sheldon pointed out, "It's always fun until someone gets hurt."
"Not…helping…" Amy pressed out as she finally managed to get the girl to sit somewhat still, forcefully cleaning the rest of the baby's face (which was still tomato red but now from frustration rather than pasta sauce). The petite brunette huffed and puffed from the exercise, wiping her own forehead to keep droplets of sweat from trickling into her eyes.
"Could you please clear the table Sheldon?" Amy asked, raising her voice as the child begun crying loudly, "I think I have to try to put her down for a nap."
Sheldon cringed as the wailing sound hit his ears, glad to have an excuse not to deal with the girl, who was now but a shadow of her formerly so cooperative self. He watched Amy out of the corner of his eye as she carried the screaming toddler to the couch, turning to look at the table where Amy had lit candles and folded napkins. She always did that. He hadn't really thought of it before but now he recalled her doing it every time they had dinner together in either of their homes. He begun clearing off the dishes, blocking out the sound of Amy shushing and…Kylie… screaming as he proceeded to wash them.
"The road goes ever on and on" he hummed as he scrubbed one of the plates and put it away to dry, "down from the door where it began, now far ahead the road has gone, and I must follow, if I can."
He had almost finished doing the dishes when he felt someone put their hand on his hip. Having managed to almost reach a state of trance he yelped and turned around, the dish-brush raised as a weapon.
"Shh!" Amy shushed, taking the brush away from him. "She just fell asleep."
"Oh thank the Lord" Sheldon twanged, clasping his hand over his heart. "So she's quiet now?"
"People are usually quiet when they're asleep Sheldon" Amy giggled, motioning with her head for him to follow her to the couch.
"Really? I haven't noticed" Sheldon muttered under his breath, earning him a confused look from his girlfriend. He cleared his throat, remembering what Leonard had told him about "keeping his cool" about this whole snoring deal until after Amy was legally his, and just mouthed "nothing" at Amy, who still didn't look convinced.
They sat down in their respective seats, the child sleeping (quietly) at the far end. Amy had tucked her in under the afghan that Sheldon had brought with him from his childhood home in Texas, wrapping her up into a bundle from which a tuft of curly hair peeked out.
"She's sweet, isn't she?" Amy mumbled, tilting her head to the side as she regarded the girl lovingly.
"Research indicates baby tyrannosauruses were 'cute'. That doesn't mean they didn't grow up into mean, green fighting machines" Sheldon huffed, reaching for the remote control to browse through his Netflix library for some Star Trek TNG.
"Well, I guess that must mean you were cute as a child too Dr. Cooper" Amy exhaled, letting the tip of her index finger gently trace the outside of his upper arm. He gulped as he felt shots of… something… blaze through his body, and he turned to his girlfriend whose cheeky grin ran from ear to ear.
"What are you doing?" Sheldon mumbled, suddenly feeling nervous.
"We're baby-sitting. You're my boyfriend. We're supposed to cuddle now" Amy answered, inching closer to him with a hopeful look on her face.
"Ah, isn't it enough that you brought…Kylie… over?" Sheldon growled as he put his arm around his girlfriend to pull her closer. "How am I supposed to get in in the mood when she's here on the couch with us?"
"In the mood? Since when do you have a 'mood'?" Amy asked earnestly as she settled in against his shoulder.
"I don't. But presuming I did, I wouldn't be in it" Sheldon coughed, thinking that was a close call.
"Humm" Amy replied, patting his hand gently.
Well, this wasn't at all that bad. Occasionally the child stirred but she never woke up, the TNG-episode was one of his favorites, and Amy was warm and soft against him. He could feel her head drooping against his shoulder, and he knew she must be dozing off. He'd learned over the years that she often fell asleep while watching TV, especially on Fridays when she was tired after a long week at work. It had been a long week for him too. Perhaps he could afford to just let his chin rest against the top of her head… and maybe his eyelids didn't need to be quite this open… he could just rest for a while… just…a…
"Mommy?" a tiny voice said from a distance, startling Sheldon who had almost fallen asleep.
The lanky man lifted his head, only to stare into a pair of big, black eyes. The toddler was sitting up, her bowtie slightly askew and her gaze glazed over from sleep. She rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times, as if she couldn't remember where she was. "Wet" she said, looking at Sheldon firmly, as if ordering him to take care of something. He kept staring at her, suddenly scrunching his nose as a pungent smell hit him. "Oh no" he mumbled, having feared this would happen. "Wet" the girl repeated, louder this time.
"Amy?" Sheldon whispered, shaking his girlfriend to wake her from her sleep. "What?" Amy mumbled, her voice laced with exhaustion.
"You have to take care of it" Sheldon stated, his eyes wide in terror.
"I have to take care of what?" Amy asked angrily, not liking the way he ordered her around. All of a sudden she cringed as she too was hit by the powerful odor, rubbing her nose as if that would somehow help. "Oh…" she let out flatly, gulping a little as she turned around to look at the child who was now beginning to grow agitated.
"I've never… I mean… I haven't changed a diaper before" Amy stuttered, instantly regretting having agreed to baby-sit. She'd thought she'd be fine with it but now that the baby was demanding she handle its waste she felt just as terrified as Sheldon looked. Why on Earth had she told her co-worker she was "good with kids"?
"You haven't what?" Sheldon howled as he shot up from the couch, angrily pacing back and forth. "You bring this… this… Kylie into my home and you don't even know how to change a diaper? What are we going to do now?"
"We'll have to figure it out" Amy said, not feeling at all as confident as she sounded.
"Oh Dear Lord" Sheldon complained, clutching his hands over his ears. "This is a nightmare."
"It's not that bad Sheldon" Amy insisted, trying not to look as bothered by the smell as she felt. "I know you're wet sweetie, we're gonna help you" she reassured the child who had now begun crying again.
Sheldon rubbed his temples, desperately trying to cancel out the noise so he could think. No, he couldn't, he absolutely couldn't. He'd almost passed out last time. But the smell and the noise and Amy running around like a beheaded chicken…
"You get her to stop crying. I need to suit up" Sheldon declared, leaving a very confused Amy to try to console the child as he made his way over to the kitchen. Apron, gloves, clothes-pin, air-freshener. Perhaps he should get a shower cap from the bathroom? But from the look of it Amy was already in dire need of assistance and nobody would say that Sheldon Cooper wasn't man…or something… enough to respond to the call of a damsel in distress.
"Get the diaper bag and see if you can find a blanket or something" he ordered, removing the clothes-pin as it hurt too much to keep it on.
"Okay" Amy nodded, rushing up to get the bag, rummaging through it desperately as she too tried to ignore the child's howling cries. "Found one" she called out triumphantly, holding up a blue-and-white elephant print blanket as were it a trophy.
"Good. Put it on the floor and lay her down on her back" Sheldon instructed, slowly approaching the pair, pinching his nose with his thumb and index finger.
Amy did as she was told, looking as if she were about to throw up. "The smell" she groaned, turning her face away from baby Kylie, who was beginning to calm down as she sensed the familiarity of the situation.
"I know, I know. Relax, I'm coming in" Sheldon exhaled, getting down on his knees next to Amy and motioning for her to hand over the diaper bag.
"I didn't think it would be this bad" Amy whimpered apologetically, looking at Sheldon who was busy picking out baby wipes, a clean diaper, and talc from the bag.
"It's about to get much, much worse. There's a plastic bag in my pocket… would you pick it out please?" Sheldon asked, his face that of a man on a mission.
The two nerdy scientists were about to face their biggest challenge yet, and their disgusted Oh my God's were to ring throughout the building until Christmas of 2016. Amy could do nothing but stare in awe at Sheldon, who handled the situation like a professional.
"You've done this before, haven't you?" she said, her eyelashes fluttering gently as Sheldon finished cleaning up the baby and taking off the plastic off the diaper's adhesive straps.
"I lost that battle" Sheldon admitted, lifting the baby by her feet to pull up her red leggings over the clean diaper. "My mother and sister insisted. I can't be sure but I think they got some kind of sadistic pleasure out of watching me suffer. And there I was, having just accepted my responsibilities as an uncle, and they decide to use it against me."
The now happy toddler reached out her tiny hands to pat his cheeks, appearing fascinated that they were smooth when the pulled her hands towards her, and rough when she pulled them away. He couldn't help but smile at her, tickling her stomach and giggling as she let out a deep, hearty babylaugh.
He couldn't see the look on Amy's face but if he had, he would have known what an antelope feels like when it's about to be devoured by a lion.
"I knew it" she mumbled, her heart beating loudly in her chest.
"Knew what?" Sheldon asked, looking at her confusedly.
She stared at him for a moment, her green eyes suddenly turning dark.
"I need to go brush my teeth, be right back" she exhaled, darting off to the bathroom before he could ask her why she couldn't wait to do that until they were getting ready for bed.
"Amy!" Sheldon called out after her, forgetting about Kylie who was still lying on her back on the blanket. "Amy, you can't leave me with her, you can brush your teeth later! Please?" he pleaded with her, running after her into the corridor. He balled his hand into a fist, raising it to knock on the bathroom door.
Knock, knock, knock – "Amy!"
Knock, knock, knock – "Amy!"
Knock, knock, knock – "Amy!"
"I'll be right back Sheldon, you go watch Kylie!" Amy's muffled voice told him, and he found himself wondering why he didn't hear the water running or the sound of a toothbrush against teeth.
"But I…"
"I'll be right back Sheldon, you can do it!"
"….Fine" he relented, deciding to leave her to her business, dragging his feet behind him as he made his way back to the living room. Suddenly he came to a halt, nearly going into cardiac arrest as he spotted the dark-haired child on the floor next to his desk, about to put something small and shiny into her mouth. The ring.
"Eek!" Sheldon yelped, a thousand images of the atrocities he might have to commit in order to get it back flashing before his eyes. Faster than Superman himself he ran across the living room floor, snapping the ring from the child just as she was about to swallow it.
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear" Sheldon gasped as he inspected the ring for damage, groaning out loud as the baby began wailing for what seemed like the umpteenth time that night. "Please, please be quiet" he pleaded with her but she wouldn't have any of it. Luckily it hadn't actually been inside her mouth so he didn't have to worry about contamination, but boy had it been a close call. He shuddered to think of what could have happened hadn't he been there to stop her.
He carefully put the ring back in it's black box, snapping the lid shut just as Amy returned back from the bathroom.
"Sheldon, what's going on? Why is she upset?" Amy asked, startling Sheldon who turned around before he had the sense to put the ring back in the drawer, desperately trying to hide it behind his back.
"I, uuh…" he stuttered, unable to think as the child was still wailing. "She… she was about to swallow one of my Lego bricks. She must have found it under my desk."
Fumbling behind him to try to pull out the drawer without her noticing he realized it was no use. Quickly, before she grew suspicious, he slipped the box into his back pocket.
"Oh, you poor dear" Amy said sweetly, walking up to them to scoop the child up in her arms to comfort her.
"Yes… poor dear…" Sheldon muttered sarcastically, fanning himself as he felt the sweat build up on his back and his chest. His armpits were already soaked, and his heartrate was through the roof. He wanted nothing more than for the child's parents to get back from the movies so they could hand… Kylie… over so he wouldn't have to see her ever again, and then he'd shower for an hour and crash into bed and sleep. Possibly until October.
Just as he contemplated telling Amy to pack the child into the car and drive over to the movies immediately, someone knocked on the door.
"Oh, it must be Sue and her husband. Come on, I want to introduce you" Amy chirped, tugging at his arm to get him to come with her.
"But Amy…" Sheldon protested, not at all in the mood for chit-chat. Not that he was ever in the mood for chit-chat.
Oh, pleasantries. How do you do's and handshaking (shudder), "what do you do for a living" and "has she been trouble?", lies and lies and lies and lies and lies, oh so many lies, "oh, you're not married", and "wait 'til you get one of your own." Gag.
"I'm officially cancelling Sleepover Night. Forever" Sheldon declared as he slammed the door behind the small family as they left. "That, or we're setting up some rules little lady. No more babies."
"I think I'm good for now too" Amy agreed, walking up to him to wrap her arms around his hips. He looked down at her, sighing out loud with relief as he too let his arms find their way around her waist.
"You were really good with her though" Amy mumbled into his chest, pulling away to gaze into his eyes. "You know, considering the fact that you had to anesthetize her with air freshener before you could change her."
"I didn't anesthetize her, I was merely trying to-"
"Ah, kiss me you irony-impaired fool" Amy exhaled, and Sheldon blinked in confusion before bending down to press his lips against hers, sighing into her mouth as she for the third time in their years together caressed his tongue with her own.
Gently he let his hands roam her back, like he always did these days, until they found the line of her skirt. Just as he'd decided to let them rest there she nibbled at his bottom lip, and as if he'd lost control of his own extremeties his hands slipped beyond their old borders, finding new territory. Oh how soft she was, so wonderfully soft, and how easy it would be to just gently squeeze. He did so, unable to keep himself from moaning as he finally let go of his fears.
She let out a delighted little squeal, her hands too slipping down beneath the small of his back to explore. Suddenly Sheldon froze as he realized what was in his back pocket, having forgotten to put the box back in the drawer.
"No, Amy" he gasped as he broke away from her but it was too late. Her hand was already confusedly patting the bulge in his back pocket, her green eyes meeting his baby blues in question.
Sheldon licked his bottom lip, closing his eyes for a second before taking a deep breath.
"Pick it out" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"What is it?" Amy asked as her hand slipped into his pocket to grab the box.
"You'll see" Sheldon replied simply, his eyes still closed as Amy took a step back. Slowly he opened them, only to find her staring into the now open box.
"I'm not… I'm not good with words" Sheldon stammered, not knowing what her silence meant. "I don't… I've never been. And I'm not good with grand gestures or romance or… children it seems. I don't even have anything prepared for this moment."
He reached out to take the box from her, picking the ring out and closing his right hand over her left. "I've never been in love before" he mumbled quietly as he slipped the ring onto her finger, regarding the precious stones for a second before looking up to meet her emerald green gaze, "and I know I'm not experienced in these things but what I really… I guess what I want to say is… that I'd be honored if you would… if you would marry me."
Amy closed her eyes, taking a few deep breaths before opening them, smiling as she saw the nervous expression that grazed Sheldon's boyish features.
"Don't be scared" she mumbled, "of course I'll marry you."
Finally Sheldon could let out the breath he'd been holding, sighing with relief as Amy fell into his arms.
"Did you think I'd say no?" Amy giggled into his chest, feeling her heart swell as her fiancé let out an offended snort.
"Of course I didn't. I even gave up my dream of becoming the next Iron Man to get you that ring."
"It is a big rock" Amy agreed, deciding to keep the fact that she knew it was the one she'd admired that day in the rain to herself. For now.
"It is indeed. The things I've sacrificed for you Amy. Now the world will never know what greatness could have been bestowed upon it" Sheldon sighed dramatically, pulling away from her to grab her hand in his, inspecting the ring as if calculating all the saving he would have to do now in order to become the world's next super hero.
Amy contemplated this, she too regarding the golden band with its row of diamonds and huge centerpiece.
"Well… doesn't the Green Lantern have a power ring?" she asked, looking up at her soon-to-be husband.
"Yes, but I would still need some sort of power source, and where do you suggest I find that?" Sheldon wondered, shaking his head at all the lost opportunities.
Amy bit her lip, looking down at the ring, only to look back up at Sheldon, her bright white knowing smile sending a surge of love and astonishment through him. Of course. Of course that was the answer.
"Well… would you look at that Amy Farrah Fowler" he mumbled, gently closing his hand over hers.
THE END
And so this story too came to an end. I would like to thank each and every one of you who have followed this story these past five weeks - your love and support mean the world to me. I hope you have had a wonderful time following these two nerds as they reclaimed their youth and made a life of their own. I know I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this story, and part of it has definitely been due to all the wonderful response I've been getting from you guys.
I would like to thank April in Paris and Geeky Blue Strawberry, to whom this story is dedicated, for always having faith in me. I would also thank my wonderful readers for always sticking with me. And finally I would like to thank all the authors and musicians quoted in this fic, for inspiring me to keep writing.
- YlvaB
"The Road goes ever on"
courtesy of J.R.R Tolkien
The story of "Ronja Rövardotter"
courtesy of Astrid Lindgren