Note: I... I can't even explain what's going through my head. I hope his chapter is okay. I haven't been able to concentrate, and all my words feel all wrong. It's also a little short, because I went too long in the scene and couldn't figure a short end for it.
Ruby was sitting at the desk in the house across from hers, staring through the ruined wall. Voices from the past played on her Pip-Boy, bringing tears to her eyes.
Nate had been so excited when Shaun was born. His little boy. She remembered him talking enthusiastically about taking Shaun to baseball games. Teaching him how to ride the tricycle across the way, now a rusted pile of scrap. Her heart hurt. Those memories were as much fantasy as this new wasteland world was, to her.
She hadn't touched the old house. Hadn't even set foot inside. After she'd left the Vault for the first time, she was in shock―hadn't made much sense to Codsworth, all alone out in the Hills for over two hundred years. He'd introduced her to the mutated creatures of the wastes, and suggested she find help...
Preston and his people represented the first group of humans she'd seen since she watched Nate die. And she'd been so nervous, shooting at those raiders inside the Museum. Preston was a good person; Sturges and the others didn't deserve to be chased and held down. When he'd asked her for help, she'd immediately offered to do what she could. They had been her best bet for finding Shaun, at the time.
And now... she was the General of the Minutemen, a Knight in the Brotherhood of Steel, welcomed by all in Diamond City, and a good deal tougher than she had been before. She... she wasn't at her best, but she was getting better. Her family was gone, but she had to keep going. Had to make things better for everyone else.
It was all she could do, right now.
That conversation with Danse, on the bridge, brought the pain back. But... she was okay with that, now. Hearing Shaun's baby voice reminded her that she'd been helpless. Had been. She was no longer the vulnerable mother that she had been. He'd reminded her that she was capable of doing so much. That she was a strong woman, and she needed to show that strength. She didn't need to act like she was threatened, because she wasn't.
Danse was right about everything that he had said; he was also right about Shaun. Shaun, as he was now, was no longer a person she could consider her son. She hadn't raised him, hadn't ever had the chance. What he was doing as director of the Institute only caused terror and confusion among the people of the wastes.
It wasn't right. Replacing people with synths... and no one knowing where the person was or if they were even still alive, was something she couldn't back. Even if it was her son who headed the Institute, she couldn't be a part of it. She'd made the decision to go to war against him. Couldn't support the kind of chaos that the Institute was sowing in the wastes. What they were doing in that place... only made things out here, worse.
So she would make herself firm, like Danse suggested, and move on. Continue the fight against a frightening organization with the power to make folks vanish in the night, for whatever reason they did. Make this fucked-up world a little better for the children that hadn't yet been born, and make it so that parents never had to worry that their own children would go missing.
She was not going to let the sadness take over, again. It was hard enough surviving the constant onslaught that the wasteland brought and if her hand was what steadied it―she would be glad to extend that hand. Proud, even. To make that difference.
"What's up?" came a voice. Ruby turned her head and looked up at MacCready, who was leaning against the ruined door frame and staring down at her. She blinked rapidly to remove any shininess from her eyes, and hoped they weren't red from crying. If he noticed, he said nothing.
He looked bored, leaning against the door frame. Ruby couldn't imagine ever being bored in this world, not when every moment was a moment in which one could die―or have one's loved ones ripped away. Like Shaun was. ...And what would have happened to Duncan, if MacCready hadn't thrown his lot in with her.
Ruby felt a pang of sympathy for him. The former Gunner had, lately, been quiet. So much so, that Ruby had wondered what was going on with him. When she was in the Hills, he usually followed her around―like a little duck behind its mother, something she'd found as amusing as it was annoying―waiting for her to ask him out into the wastes. He would chew her ears off with his incessant prattle about what debts he had, or whine about how he was never a nails-and-hammer kind of guy.
She'd ignored him, mostly. He'd been useful in a fight, but crap for conversation until he'd opened up to her about his past. After that, it was easier. One more drop in her bucket of problems. One more broken person; another one just like the last, wanting help from her. Another person for her to help as an escape from her own problems.
But MacCready hadn't been following her around, lately. And he had barely spoken to her since they returned to the Hills. After―
She considered the young man for a moment. After that mess on the Natick Banks. His obvious attempt to hit on her, which had thrown her off-guard. She'd been less than willing to speak to him, after that. It was her way of correcting his behavior, keeping him straight. She wasn't interested in having that kind of relationship with him.
Her cheeks felt warm. Not that he wasn't attractive in his own way. She glanced away from him. She actually missed the never-ending stream of babble. It was something she had grown used to... and found comforting.
"Was going through my holotapes," she told him. "I picked up a few I hadn't heard, yet." She looked back down at the pile of tapes in front of her. It was only a little lie. She'd put in the Hi Honey! tape after listening to the Eddie Winter tape she'd found in Natick's police station. It was okay to remember. Even if it made her sad.
"Planning to stay for a while?" he asked, crossing his arms and staring out of the ruined wall. "I figured we'd be gone, by now."
That much was true; she barely spent any time in the settlement that wasn't punctuated by hard work or a desire to leave as soon as she arrived. Ruby looked out of the ruined wall again and shook her head. She had a whole community of people here, and she hadn't made any effort to fit into their lives. Shameful.
"I hadn't thought that far ahead," she answered him, gathering up the tapes and shoving them into a desk drawer. "The Hills don't need any scrap right now. ...I might take a day off."
MacCready laughed at that, his tone incredulous, and Ruby felt her chest tighten with emotion. Uncomfortable emotion. She... well, MacCready was a hell of a shot, and usually smart enough to listen to her. She'd never had much of a problem with him.
She'd decided that she liked him even if he acted like a whiny teenager. Chalked the complaints up to his youth; she'd been pretty annoying as a young woman, too. Lord knew she'd had her moments, and she'd paid for it just like MacCready did. Ruby made a face. She almost preferred the wasteland. People here weren't hung up on lacking personality traits, but on surviving the damn day.
"Days off in the wasteland only happen after you're dead," MacCready remarked, crossing one leg over the other. He smiled at her, a gentle smile that made her even more uncomfortable.
"I guess you're right," she managed. Wished he would stop turning that "hurt little boy" face on her. Same thing he'd done up at the Vault, distracting her from her pain... only now it caused more.
"Don't you gotta help the Brotherhood fix that big-ass robot?" He stared at a spot above her head.
"Yes," she answered, and looked down. "But I'm in no hurry to go back into Boston."
"...Why?" he asked, his voice strange. "Aren't you still looking for Shaun?"
Ruby's hands clenched into fists. "I..." she sniffed, and wiped her nose. "I found him."
MacCready stared at her without saying anything. The silence in the room was overrun by the sounds of hammering, busywork in the distance, and low conversations. Ruby opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, staring blankly at the floor.
He shifted position, lowering his arms. The rustle of fabric brought her attention to his coat; the outfit he'd worn in The Third Rail. She'd thought it looked ragged, tried to fix it for him, but ended up having to replace it with a similar coat. A better one, once she managed to figure out how to sew with what tools the wastes had to offer.
Reminded her of how she'd screwed up Nate's socks, darning the holes. It made her smile. She was as awkward at being a homemaker as Nate was at trying to convince her that it was okay to have lumpy socks. It was heart-warming to remember how awkward Nate had been, not knowing how to comfort her, which only made him more adorable in the end.
MacCready... he was more confident with his words, but he was still that same kind of awkward adorable goof that Nate had been.
She didn't deny that they were similar. When MacCready talked, it was like static in the background. Something she listened to but didn't hear. Something she enjoyed. Exactly like Nate and the quiet way he'd talked. She listened to MacCready, she listened to everyone when they spoke, but Nate had had a special power to say nothing and everything at the same time. MacCready... Ruby sighed to herself. Was almost the same, except for the whining. She could do with less whining.
MacCready needed comforting as much as she did, and she didn't think she could give him comfort. She could barely keep herself sane. She didn't want to get invested in him. Not like that. She just needed... help.
She needed all the folks she'd gathered to help her, with the fight against the Institute, with the Minutemen trying to keep the wasteland safer. With building settlements, and hauling load after load of scrap back to the fledgling towns. Putting up houses and making sure everything was properly wired.
Most of all she needed help keeping herself alive; Nate had been a soldier, but Ruby was a lawyer. She'd never even held a gun on someone until the world ended. With the others around, she felt more secure than she had before. It was... well, without the constant company, she was sure she would have died already.
But that was another problem. Having MacCready around as often as she had him, brought more than just friendship to the table. He was confident in his abilities; she'd helped him with the Gunners and helped to find Duncan's medicine. She'd helped because she knew if she was in his shoes she would expect the same, and... you treated others how you wanted to be treated, in return.
His actions lately had led her to believe he felt more strongly for her than she'd imagined. He admired her, even. Wanted to do whatever he could for her. MacCready seemed to be offering to fill whatever shoe needed filled, be it emotional or physical security. He'd been pushing the limit of her patience, and she wasn't ready for it.
Like his actions at Natick Banks. He'd asked her to tell him how he was doing, and she'd had to shut it down because... well, he was doing good.
Her face flushed with blood. MacCready had been particularly smooth, with his remarks. Caught her at a bad moment. She felt guilty about how she'd reacted. She'd been sitting in his lap, for about ten stunned seconds, and she was acutely reminded of how nice it had been to hold him, at the Vault. To let her worries go and hold someone, and let that static take over.
Incredibly nice, just to hold someone and not worry about ever having to let go. She'd been comfortable enough that she'd fallen asleep in his arms, just like―like so times before... with Nate―
She pushed the thought away. Didn't want to think about that. It―it wasn't fair to memory, or to the past. She didn't need to be reminded that she was only a hair's breadth away from falling in love, again. If―if it didn't go well, she―
Ruby swallowed the lump of emotion that welled up in her throat. The guilt she felt from knowing she was stepping on her memories of Nate... might kill her, if she let the static take over completely.
"Are you okay, Ruby?" MacCready was asking.
She blinked and pulled herself out of her reverie. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," she said, her face on fire.
"Kinda zoned out on me, there," he said, looking down at her. A small frown came over his face. "Anything you need to talk about?"
"Uh―" she felt the fire growing in her cheeks. Dammit, that was even more embarrassing. "No, MacCready, I'm... I'm okay."
"I'm not trying to be rude," he said. "You can tell me about Shaun if you want. Don't have to, though."
Ruby blinked back tears that threatened her eyes. "I..." she hesitated. "I'm sorry, MacCready. I hadn't realized―" ...That he would want to know. She'd assumed that he, like everyone else, didn't care enough to ask. Even Danse didn't know until her hand was forced. Until he pushed her patience and caused her to freak out.
The former Gunner was quiet for a moment. "So... what happened?" he asked, watching her curiously.
Ruby sighed and rubbed her eyes. "When I found him... in the Institute," she said, her voice tight with emotion, "Shaun was an old man. He'd grown up in there, without me." She closed her eyes. "And he... I thought that one of the synths―a boy, who looked like Shaun... like the Shaun in Kellogg's memory―I thought he was Shaun. But he wasn't."
MacCready made a funny noise and Ruby looked up at him, sharply. He'd turned his head and coughed, and pulled the brim of his hat down over his eyes. He didn't say anything. Ruby looked back down at the Pip-Boy on her arm.
"I thought it was Shaun, but... Shaun set it up. He wanted me to see the boy. I guess..." she searched her memory. "I guess he wanted to see how the synth would react to my reaction." The lump in her throat slowly disappeared, as she spoke about it.
MacCready muttered something under his breath. He cleared his throat and looked back at her. "I'm... I'm sorry I brought it up," he said, rubbing his nose. "Didn't mean to make you upset."
"I'm okay," she said, breathing out slowly. "I think talking about it helps." She did feel better. A lot better. MacCready was a parent, he would know how bad it hurt to see what she had. He... could take on some of the burden for her, and absorb the pain that she couldn't.
"Listen... you've gone through a lot lately." MacCready shifted his weight again, nervously. "If you need a shoulder to lean on―or he―heck, cry on―"
"I'm okay, MacCready," she said, calmly. For just this once, it felt like the truth. It was amazing.
There was a long, awkward silence. Ruby popped a knuckle on her hand and wondered what she ought to say. Briefly, she wondered if this was what Danse felt like. He never seemed to know exactly what to say to her, other than adhering to his military style. Business as usual.
"Um," MacCready said, making a fist and opening it, shaking his hand a little. "Look, I might not―understand exactly what you've gone through. But I'll listen, if you need it. You've been watching my as―my behind, and that's not something you run into every day." His mouth twitched in a quick smile. "Thanks. For helping me. If you need anything―"
"I helped you because you needed it," she interrupted. "And I appreciate you watching my 'behind', too." She stressed the word in a funny way.
MacCready paused for a split second before he made a face. "Hey, now!" he griped.
Ruby chuckled before she could stop herself, at herself for picking on him. It felt nice to laugh. She didn't intend anything by it but to catch him off guard. To pay him back for that attempt in Natick Banks.
And MacCready didn't act at all like Nate had, when he was caught off-guard. That was a relief. She'd almost started to believe that he was the same. Knowing they weren't made it easier for her to ignore her own lurching heartbeat. To ignore the feelings she didn't want to feel.
"C'mon, MacCready," she said, patting him on the shoulder. "Let's gear up and head out to Nordhagen Beach. I need to check on the settlers out there."
He made a "hmph" noise at her. "I guess you were right about talking about it," he said, shaking his head. "It did help."
"Yeah," she agreed, even though she was about to go throw herself into working on a settlement again to get away from memory. Baby steps, Ruby. This is better than running off to the Vault, right? "Guess it helps that you're such an easy target, too," she picked at him.
He groaned, following her away from the room. "Dam―Dangit, Ruby."
"I'm sure you'll have plenty of time to get me back on the way out to the coast," she murmured. "After all, it's a long walk."