The dreams were cloudy but at least I knew they were dreams this time. Images of places and faces of people I was sure I knew but couldn't place were floating around me. Then the conversations started. I spoke to a young man with blonde hair that I knew was my brother but not Caden, another brother maybe? I called him Vaughan and begged him not to go somewhere, sobbing, but I didn't know where it was that he wanted to go. Then there was a man I called Father, a short, stocky, balding man with white tufts of hair just above his ears. Sternly he ordered me to drink something. Family honor, secrecy, whatever it was I felt ashamed, alone... dirty.
Then I started to wake, actually feeling tears sliding down my cheeks and into my ears.
I could hear voices around me but I didn't understand what they were saying. I recognized Caden's voice then Leliana's. I thought they were arguing so I tried to open my eyes to see what was going on but the light sent a blinding bolt of electricity through to the back of my head and I hissed in pain. Then I felt someone's hand on my forehead, small and cool to the touch.
"Don't push yourself," a small voice said quietly, "keep your eyes closed and just relax a moment. Let me see if I can take care of that pain for you." I finally realized the voice was Solana's. She barely spoke around the camp, it was no wonder I didn't recognize it at first. I smiled.
"Thanks," I whispered and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. I felt a cool breeze flow through me and let it calm my body. Feeling myself drifting off I snapped my eyes open, not knowing how long I had been out and not wanting to sleep anymore. Then I realized there was no pain. "Thank the Maker!" I sighed and reached for my forehead, looking around. We were in a large room with stone walls and I could smell candles burning. Making eye contact with Solana I smiled, "How long was I out?"
"4 days," Caden replied sternly as he sat down on the cot next to me and took my hand from my forehead, planting a kiss on my fingers. I gave him an apologetic look and he cupped my cheek with his free hand. "Crazy woman, do I have to tie you down from now on to keep you safe?"
"I'll get the rope," Alistair said half-joking as he entered the room. I arched my neck to look up at him and he shook his head. "Can't sit still for a moment, can you?"
"Nope, don't bother trying to make me either," I said defiantly. I heard Leliana giggle.
"This is why I love you," she said as she kissed my forehead and left the room. I smiled.
"See, somebody loves me for who I am!" I stuck my tongue out at Caden. Alistair rolled his eyes.
"We've known you longer," Alistair quipped as he made a face at me, sitting in a chair on the other side of my cot. Taking my other hand, he kissed my fingers as well. I giggled.
"You two had best be careful," I warned, "I may get used to this treatment and expect it for the tiniest scratch." Caden grinned.
"You always were a bit dramatic." I sighed, losing my grin and looking away. Caden tone turned serious, "What's wrong?" I shook my head.
"Later, what's our status?" I asked. Caden sighed and launched into the gory details.
"We got here just in time," he said as he sat back in his chair. "We managed to kill off all the undead that left the castle the first night and only lost a few villagers."
"What about the Orlesian, did she come out of the castle? Did you all get in? What about Connor?" The questions just kept flying out of my mouth until finally Caden put his hand on it to silence me. I laughed so he removed it. "Sorry, continue please."
"She did, we did and they are at the circle now to get help from the mages to get the demon out of Connor. They should be back any time." I shook my head.
"Who went and how long have they been gone?" I asked as I looked away, afraid to hear the rest. Alistair squeezed my hand.
"Brock, Elissa, Morrigan and Jaden left the day before yesterday," he answered. "Duncan filled them in so they were prepared. It will be fine, don't worry about them." He fondled my ear lobe gently, "Worry about you and getting on your feet."
"Speaking of which," Solana interrupted, "she needs to rest. Off with you." I pouted.
"I need a few moments with my brother, then can Alistair come back in? Just for a little while mum, please?" I asked with my lower lip sticking out and my puppy-dog eyes. As Alistair stood to leave he gave me a sweet smile and squeezed my hand. Solana giggled, rolling her eyes.
"Fine, but only for a bit. Rest today and I'll let you go outside in the morning." She followed Alistair out of the room and shut the door. I turned my gaze to Caden and he gave me a worried look.
"You gave us a scare, sister," he said with a frown. "Let's not do that again, alright?" I sighed.
"That's not why I wanted to speak to you," I whispered, afraid of where this conversation was going to lead. He gave me a puzzled look. I took a deep breath. "I had dreams while I was unconscious and I need to know what they mean. Please don't stop me and do NOT withold anything. I need the truth from you, are we clear?" He looked at the floor and sighed heavily, then turned his eyes to meet my gaze, giving me a nod. I continued.
I told him about Vaughan, about the man I thought to be our father, he confirmed everyone I knew and clarified those I didn't. Mother, servants, cousins, everyone I described he could put a name to them. Conversations, precious moments, it had all come back in a rush but what had come back I remembered with startling clarity. We started talking about Vaughan and I decided to bring up the question that had me the most concerned.
"What happened that I was begging Vaughan not to go somewhere?" I asked. He tried to move his gaze from mine but I grabbed his hand and squeezed as hard as I could. "The truth, Caden. The whole truth." He took a deep breath.
"It happened a few months before you left Denerim to take your vows," he started, shaking a bit as he spoke, "A while before that you and your betrothed were out late, apparently down by the docks at one of the pubs that you loved to frequent to annoy father," he said a bit jokingly but couldn't hold the tone, "and you decided to cut through the Alienage to get home. There were some elves waiting for an easy mark. Garrett was drunk and showing off, tried to fight them…" he trailed off. I squeezed his hand again. He nodded and took another breath, "He was knocked out. They turned on you but another elf happened to be around and stopped them from hurting you further. But not before…" this time when he trailed off he let a tear slide down his cheek. I sat upright and cupped his cheek gently.
"Caden, it's alright," I said as I ran my thumb across his face, wiping away the tear. "You can tell me." His face became angry.
"It never should have happened!" he growled as he stood to pace the room. "That twit Garrett Wulff should have just handed over his gold and walked away but NO!" Caden shouted as he punched the wooden window shutter, smashing it to bits, "he had to put MY SISTER in DANGER!" His chest was heaving as he glared at the shattered wood on the ground. I stood up and slowly made my way over to him, one hand on his arm and the other cupping his cheek.
"Caden, brother, come back to me, please," I pleaded quietly as I waited for him to meet my gaze. "Come back, Caden. I am here and I am alright. Please?" I asked as I planted a kiss on his cheek. I rested my head on his shoulder and felt him relax. Then his muscled arms came around my back and he squeezed.
"It never should have happened," he whimpered into my hair and I felt the dampness of his tears on my cheek. I was powerless to stop it so I held my brother tight and let him cry. He sobbed quietly into my shoulder, shaking a few times when the tears came too fast. Then he took a deep breath and, giving me one last squeeze, he raised his head to face me. As I started to wipe away his tears he stopped me, taking both my hands in his. "There's more."
That simple statement took my breath away, made my heart stop and my knees buckle. When I went limp Caden caught me before I hit the ground and called for help but I was already slipping into unconsciousness. I knew what the more was, and as the memory of what transpired next came back to me all I could think of was one thing.
I am unclean.
When I awoke I felt someone holding my hand. I turned to see Alistair sitting on a crate next to my cot, facing the floor and whispering something that appeared to be part of the chant. I squeezed his hand and when our eyes met we smiled at each other warmly.
"I missed you," he started, losing his smile to a worried frown, "and you scared the hell out of me. Out of all of us. What were you thinking? No more fighting. You have been relieved of your sword my Lady." I couldn't roll my eyes or make a silly comment to try and make him laugh, I didn't have the heart to. I saw the worry in his eyes and I couldn't dismiss it. I just nodded and brought his hand to my lips, kissing his palm gently.
"I know. I'm sorry I worried you. I shouldn't have turned my back and I should have been wearing a helm. I'll be more careful, I promise," I said as I pleaded with my eyes, "but please Alistair, do not ask me to stand by and let you defend me while I sit back and watch. I won't. I won't let you all risk your lives and not do what I can to help. I care far too much for all of you to let you do that. Give me that much." I held my breath. I put all my faith and trust into every one of them, I needed a little back. He sighed, looking down at his feet as he squeezed my hand again.
"Fine," he mumbled as he loosened his grip and splayed out my fingers to his, palm to palm. The tips of my fingers came about half way up his and I smiled. "But I can't promise you that I won't be over-protective of you when we fight. I will not leave your side and don't even think about leaving mine," he ordered as he looked me straight in the eye. I nodded and smiled.
"If it were up to me," I slowly blinked then held his eyes with mine, "I would never leave your side." His eyes widened slightly in surprise. "But you may change your mind…" Alistair quickly schooled his face and I stopped short as the door opened.
"You're awake!" In walked Cailan who was grinning as he sat on the cot next to me. Roman entered shortly after. "How are you feeling?" I smiled.
"After your shield head butted me I thought I'd seen the worst of my day," I huffed jokingly, "but I do feel better, thank you," I said as I patted his hand. He looked over at my other hand, noticing Alistair was still holding it and smiled.
"Glad to hear it. Solana said you were awake and threatened us with bodily harm if we came in, sooooo, here we are!" Cailan winked and stood up, planting a quick kiss on my forehead, "but I fear we should go before she turns us into toads," he smirked as he walked out the door. Roman ran a finger down my cheek.
"You rest, little one," he whispered as he turned and followed, stepping around Duncan who was standing in the door way. Duncan cleared his throat and Alistair stood, releasing my hand. I was more than a bit relieved considering where the conversation was going, but Duncan wanting to speak to me alone was just as disconcerting.
"I'll be back later, I want to check on Connor," Alistair said as he brushed my hair away from my forehead and pressed his lips to it softly, letting them linger a few moments, then left. Duncan sighed as I sat up slowly. I shook my head at him.
"Don't bother telling me not to get up, I am far too hard headed," I said as I gave him a wicked grin and swung my legs around to hang off the side of the cot. He shook his head and smiled.
"I wouldn't dream of it my lady," he said as he closed the door behind him and sat down on a crate near me. "I assume you've been brought up to speed?"
"Yes," I said. "How are Bodahn and Sandal?"
"They are fine, Bodahn was injured but Solana is taking good care of him. The dwarven resistance to magic is holding things up but he is doing as he is told so he will heal. They've asked to see you, apparently someone told them you were the reason we stormed the camp and saved them," Duncan said with a twinkle in his eye. I smiled.
"Can't imagine who would have divulged that information. I'll go to them once Solana unlocks my door." I winked at Duncan and he gave a small laugh. "Is everyone else alright?"
"Yes Kora," he sighed, "Caden was right, you worry about everyone else but yourself. You were seriously injured!" he asserted as he took my hand. "Take care of yourself. Then, when you are healed, you can take care of the others." He released my hand and stood. "I will let Sandal and Bodahn know you are awake and that you will be by to see them tomorrow. Rest." He stood, crossed his arm over his chest, bowed and left. I sighed then decided he was right, lying down and closing my eyes.
Sleep came quickly but a disturbance woke me. It was a presence I wasn't use to and it was in the room with me, probably why it woke me. I looked around the room but it was pitch black so I closed my eyes and listened. A humming sound emanated from the corner near the door.
"Hello?" I asked the air.
"Hello." I heard a child-like voice respond. I smiled, relieved.
"Hello Sandal, what are you doing up so late?" I asked him as I sat up slowly, turning toward his voice.
"I wanted to see you," he said. That piqued my curiosity.
"Why is that? Didn't Duncan tell you I would come to see you tomorrow?"
"Yes, but I wanted to see you. He said you saved us from the bad men and I wanted to watch. Make sure the scary lady didn't take you again." My heart jumped up into my throat as I realized what his statement meant. I had to be sure, though, so I phrased the question in my mind before I spoke.
"Sandal, is Flemeth the scary lady?" My eyes adjusted to the darkness and I could make out his silhouette. He was hesitant to answer so I sat up and held out my hand to him. He slowly came closer and took it, his bright smile almost glowing in the dark. "You can tell me, I promise I won't tell her."
"Yes." He said it so definitely that there wasn't a doubt in my mind. The gears in my head started turning as I tried to figure out what her plan would be when it hit me.
"She sent me over there and brought me back to be sure the wardens succeeded," I whispered to myself, shaking my head. I laughed softly as I realized what a pawn I was on this very large game board. Self preservation is apparently her forte, I thought, no wonder she's as old as she is. I turned my thoughts back to Sandal and looked at him. "Thank you Sandal, thank you for your help. How is Bodahn?"
"The nice mage says he will be all better soon." He was grinning so widely I had to smile. His happiness was infectious. I nodded.
"Good, why don't you go get some sleep and I will see you in the morning?" I nodded toward the door and he dropped my hand and walked out, stopping in the doorway.
"Night night!" He smiled and left.