Chapter 5

Gigi didn't know why she was here. She just saw a sign posted in the dorm about dance team tryouts for the following year, so she came. But now, with the music blaring, and all the other girls and guys in their workout clothes who looked like they knew what they were doing, she was doubting herself. Ever since she'd danced on the sidewalk in the rain with Xavier Stiles, she realized how much she missed it. It reminded her of some of the other girls in her dance classes when she was younger. A few would break off to work on their own project, usually to pop or alternative rock. They'd wear black and let their hair down to flip around as they danced. It was edgier and a little provocative. It also looked fun. Gigi never joined them. She didn't have time for fun, she had a mother to impress, and only en pointe classical ballet would do.

When the song ended, the first group of dancers cleared the floor for the next group. Duffle bags were tossed on the floor and the crowd Gigi had been amongst moved to the center of the floor. She hesitated, watching everyone else.

"Are you in or out?" the dance instructor called to her.

Startled, Gigi glanced over. "Uh, in," she said, dropping her bag and joining the others. They faced the instructor, who would teach them the dance they needed to know for the audition at the end of the week. Gigi looked at the front of the room, her image with the other dancers reflected at her. The mirrors, the wood floor, the leotards, the general feeling of competition in the air. The familiar surroundings were comforting.

When the music started, Gigi struggled to keep up. She was at least a half a beat behind the whole time. She was out of practice and her body had forgotten how to move. After all, she'd decided to come tryout on a whim. When the music stopped, she was out of breath and starting to perspire. They did the routine two more times through, and by the last time, she was finally managing to get the hang of it. She had four days to get her groove back, as it were. She needed all the time she could get, and probably needed to hit the gym, too, to get back in shape.

A week later she went back to the performing arts building where the auditions had taken place. She'd practiced hours in front of a mirror, just like she had when she was younger. By the end of the week she was sore, but pushed through the pain to make it through her audition. She'd spent two days waiting for the results, rubbing her aching muscles.

She walked into the building behind some other anxious dancers waiting for the results. Over and over, she told herself it didn't matter if she didn't make the cut. It wasn't like she was going to be a professional dancer in any capacity. She wasn't even trained in this kind of dance. It was just something she wanted to try, so she wouldn't regret it later. It could be fun, but okay if she didn't make it.

Gigi found a bench along a wall to sit on while they all waited. When the results were posted, a crowd quickly formed, followed by jubilant cheers from the lucky ones, disappointed head hanging from others. She watched the others for a while, waiting until the crowd dispersed before she slowly got up with a deep breath and walked over to the bulletin board.

There must have been some mistake. Her name was on the list. That couldn't be right, didn't they know she hadn't danced in five years? It was there though, listed alphabetically.

Gigi smiled as her heart started to thump quickly with pride in herself. She snatched a copy of the rehearsal dates from the board before checking the list again, making sure she hadn't imagined her name. This was just hers, no one else's.

She left, feeling very happy.

XXX

She allowed herself a few months of leisure, not thinking about what she was going to do with her life. She floated around the pool and got a tan. A gap year would be very European, she knew. Even Malia Obama took one. But Chris had already taken a couple of gap decades. Gigi felt like she needed to work all the harder to compensate. And a little voice inside her head said she had to graduate on time. After all, Rory still managed to do so, even after a semester off. She reminded herself she wasn't doing that anymore, comparing herself. But old habits . . .

Rory did reach out to Gigi at the beginning of the summer. It was always a rare treat when that happened, as it wasn't a regular occurrence in her life. Gigi could remember large swathes of time where she and her dad didn't hear from Rory. As much as two years at a time could pass by without seeing her, like when she was on the campaign trail after college. So it used to be a big deal when she did visit. Now that her shine had worn off, it was less exciting.

Gigi did have some questions for her big sister, since she was here. She wanted to know how she'd spent her time off from school. Apparently, not doing much.

"Oh, well, like I said, I was in the DAR. I worked in the office as the secretary and planned functions," Rory said. They were sitting at a cafe and she had gotten them each a coffee, her treat, and proceeded to not notice her little sister didn't touch hers.

Gigi asked, "What else?"

"Uh, I hung out in the pool house with my boyfriend, when he had time. He was still at Yale."

"But you thought you weren't going to be a journalist, did you try to figure out what you should do instead?"

Rory, flustered, stressed, "I was really lost. And I had a lot of community service hours—from stealing the yacht. That took a lot of my time."

"Didn't you try to find yourself at all?"

"I wasn't lost-lost, more like I just lost my way, more than myself. I always knew who I was, the problem was letting myself believe I needed to change, when I didn't need to change anything at all. I just needed to get back on track," Rory said.

How nice, to simply remember how perfect one always was and would remain. Did she at least read Eat, Pray, Love?

Rory added, "It didn't help that my grandma led me down a path that wasn't me. That was her life, not mine."

Gigi rested her cheek on her fist, elbow propped on the table. "Sure," she said, a little flat. Of course. It was the sorcerer, Von Rothbart, who cast the evil spell on the innocent princess.

What a waste, Gigi thought. The conversation wasn't very fruitful. She was a little sad for Rory. For all anyone knew, she had some hidden talent that would remain unrealized while she tried to attract attention from 'those idiots' running The Times and CNN. Just like Gigi trying to win her parents' unconditional love and affection. Rory needed to learn that some dreams were meant to be left behind.

Maybe this was just another way the two sisters were fundamentally different. Gigi was always striving to be better, Rory was told her entire life that she'd already arrived. Gigi never felt good enough, it was the world's job to notice how good Rory was.

Gigi spent a lot of time thinking about the things Jennifer Stiles said to her. She thought about secure jobs, the kind she'd never even considered before. The kind people maybe wouldn't expect a young girl to be interested in. When she was younger, she remembered how some of the kids in her class wanted to grow up to be famous. Famous doing what, they didn't seem to know or care. They just wanted to be known. Gigi thought they were stupid. People didn't just get famous because they thought they deserved to be. But maybe she shouldn't have judged them, her plan was to be a ballerina.

Francine had been hinting not so subtly all summer that Gigi would make a wonderful lawyer. But this would just be more of the same—making up for her father's disappointments. Chris's parents wanted him to follow Straub's footsteps at the firm. Gigi already gave Princeton to her grandma. She thought that was enough. Besides, she didn't want to spend an additional three years in school.

This also ruled out the medical profession.

Law wasn't the only field her father hadn't gone into when he was young. There was the insurance company, where Lorelai was sure he'd be unhappy. Sloan Stiles apparently hadn't gotten the memo on that one.

Gigi returned to school in the fall, as usual. She decided to stay on at the newspaper, but dropped the self-inflicted pressure to be so aggressive. She had no aspirations to lobby for the top editor job this year or the next. She just picked up stories here and there, the ones no one else wanted to do, even if it was out of her comfort zone. For once, she endeared herself to her fellow reporters rather than alienate them.

Both semesters she took classes about various subjects—anthropology and architecture, history and political science. She'd abandoned French class for Spanish when she was in high school. Now she tried German. She took an art class, mostly because it seemed requisite for a journey of self-discovery. They were all interesting, but she wasn't as zealous about any of them as the students who planned to have careers in those areas. She didn't load up too much on math and science classes beyond what she was required to take. She wasn't trying to be like Rory anymore, she felt no need to start in on April Nardini. She joined a choir class in the spring, and left each session feeling lighter and happier than she'd anticipated.

XXX

It was summer again, right on schedule, and Gigi was driving back to Hartford. She was planning on a pit stop when she drove through the city. She had this one idea that occasionally passed through her mind. She considered it enough to do something about it.

She arrived in New York by late afternoon, and went into a tall office building with whatever confidence she could muster. "I'd like to see Jennifer Stiles," she said to the receptionist behind the large front desk.

"Do you have an appointment?" the woman asked as she reached for papers on her desk and stapled them together before adding it to a large stack of packets.

"Uh, not exactly."

"Then I'm afraid you can't see her."

"Could you please call her office and tell her Gigi Hayden would like to speak with her?" she asked.

The receptionist sternly looked over the rims of red framed glasses before grudgingly picking up her phone and dialing an extension. "I'm sorry to bother you, but there's a Gigi Hayden here who'd like to see you." She glanced up at Gigi again. "Fine." She hung up the phone. "She says you can go up."

Gigi smiled triumphantly and thanked the woman before going to the elevator.

Jennifer was on the phone when Gigi knocked on the door, which was slightly ajar. The woman behind the desk glanced up and waved her in. She pointed at the chairs in front of the desk, so Gigi took a seat.

Jennifer shook her head and frowned as she pointed her pen on her desk calendar. Speaking to the person on the other end of the line, she said, "I can't that night. Sloan has mock trial and I'm going to it." She relaxed back in her big office chair to listen to the response, then said, "I'm sure you missed lots of your kids' school functions because of work. And how did that work out for you?" The corner of her lips quirked up, apparently winning the argument. "Mm-hmm, bye." She sat up, lacing her fingers together on her desk. "I love working for family. I know about all the skeletons in their closets. How have you been?"

"Good, I've been good," Gigi said. "Finding myself and all that."

The corner of Jennifer's mouth lifted again. "So what can I do for you?"

"I've been thinking—about different careers, and I was wondering, does your daughter want to work in insurance?"

"Sloanie? Yeah, taking other people's money has always appealed to her. And I wasn't about to stop her. There are always jobs."

Gigi asked, "That's not normal for a young girl, is it?"

"It's not normal for any kid. It's just their father's company." Jennifer added, "Although I wouldn't call kid or father normal in this case."

"My dad would have worked there, with Jason—when he was, uh, young and needed a job. But then he didn't. So it could have been my dad's company, too. And I could have been like Sloan. That is, if I even existed in that alternate life."

"Wow," Jennifer said. "When you go on a journey of self-discovery, you take it back a generation."

Gigi shrugged. "Haven't my parents' choices affected me?"

"Touche." Jennifer reached across the desk to take one of her business cards from a stack and picked up a pen. After writing a phone number on the back, she handed it over. "Here. Jason can answer any questions you have about jobs, if you really want to look into it."

Gigi glanced down. "Thanks. Is he the boss too?"

"No. We have a very strict one executive officer per family rule. But he does have pull."

She put the card in her purse. Then, "Oh, I almost forgot," she said, pulling out a few paper clipped sheets of paper.

"Clips?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes, not mine. Those are a couple people who write on the paper with me. They're serious about journalism, and they're pretty good. I think they deserve internships—if you have any open."

Jennifer's brow raised. "Do they?"

"Yeah." Gigi's shoulders dropped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take advantage of you or anything. I just thought I'd pass on their names while I was here."

"No, it's okay, this is what connections are for. I'll look through these." Jennifer looked back at Gigi. "Have you ever considered joining the Junior League?"

Gigi frowned. "Is that like the DAR?"

Ms. Stiles rocked her head back and forth. "Yes and no. You don't need special lineage to join the Junior League. The DAR mostly deals with historic preservation and patriotism. Our focus is community improvement, we volunteer a lot. Basically, they're America then, we're America now. If you know what I mean."

"Uh, sure."

"I don't mean to make it sound like one is better than the other, they're both respectable organizations. Do I think we could take them in a rumble? Yes."

Gigi grinned.

"Both do charitable work," Jennifer said. "There are a lot of working women in the Junior League, so inevitably, we network. Maybe you should look into it." She gestured at the clips Gigi brought her. Was that networking? She was just trying to help out a couple of her peers.

"Uh, okay. I'll think about it."

"Good." She added, "Just give Jason a call sometime. He can answer whatever questions you have."

Gigi's questions weren't all job related though, or appropriate. She liked Jennifer Stiles, and worried about her. Was she and Xavier really any different from Sherry and Gigi?

XXX

Gigi walked through the doors of the Hartford office building and went to the receptionist's desk. With a quick buzz to the employee she was there to see, she was given directions and headed down the hall. Jason Stiles was behind his desk, reading something on his computer. He had dark hair like Xavier's, and was wearing black framed glasses. He looked up when she tapped on the door.

"Hello," she said, shaking his hand and introducing herself.

"Have a seat," he said, gesturing to the chairs in front of his desk. He was average looking, probably wouldn't be considered a hot dad at his kids' schools. Which wasn't to say she liked thinking of her own dad that way. But Rory told her it was their burden. It was kind of creepy. "I think I know your dad. Chris Hayden?"

"Yes. He said he knew you from camp when you were kids," she said. "Did you really almost got your head shoved in a toilet?"

He nodded once, cringing slightly. "Yeah, but I did heckle him at a fireside skit when he sang."

Gigi blinked. "What?"

"I was being obnoxious, so I kind of had it coming."

She sat dumbly for a second. "He was the one who tried to give you a swirly?"

Jason shuffled some papers on his desk and glanced at her. "Mm-hmm."

"But he can't sing. At all. He is literally the worst singer in the world," Gigi protested. It appeared Chris didn't take well to criticism. And here everyone thought Rory only took after her mother. She shook her head. "I am so sorry."

He waved a hand. "It's okay, I was faster. I got away," he said. "So what can I do for you?"

"I wanted to talk to you about your job. Did you always want to work in insurance?"

"I don't know, probably not. It was my dad's company."

She reiterated for him, "My dad almost worked with you. Did you know that?"

He nodded. "I remember."

Now knowing how the two mens' paths crossed in their youth, she wondered how that would have gone. "But then he didn't because he would have hated it. So I was wondering, do you hate it?"

"Hate what I do? No." He shrugged slightly. "I've always liked my work. Even when I left my dad's company, I didn't want to do anything else."

"It hasn't sucked the soul out of you?"

The corner of his mouth twitched a little, amused. "No. I make a good living and I've traveled all over. It makes me feel important—call it a character flaw, but I like to feel important."

"Okay, so what kinds of jobs are there?"

"There are some different things," he said, launching into a list of jobs and a brief description of what each was responsible for. "I'm good with people, so I advise people on how to protect their assets and I sell them a contract. The best way to learn the business is to start out answering service calls. My daughter started doing that last year. She fields questions from clients and brokers."

Gigi asked a couple more questions. "I'll be home for summer, could I apply for an internship?"

"Sure, just ask the receptionist for an application."

This seemed like a good stopping place, she'd gotten all the answers she needed. She should get up and thank him. Shake his hand and leave. She remained seated.

"Is there something else?" he asked with a frown at her prolonged silence.

"Uh, no, that's all," she said, still not moving. He raised a brow, since she looked like she wanted to say something. She did want to, but she shouldn't, she couldn't. It was way too inappropriate. Then she blurted anyway, "Do you think you're settling?"

Puzzled, he frowned. "Settling for what?"

"Jennifer and your kids."

"No," he said slowly. "In fact, I think they're settling for me, so if we could keep that between us, I'd really appreciate it." Seeing her genuine concern he asked, "Why do you ask?"

"You dated Lorelai."

"Oh. So?"

"So, surely you wanted to be with her instead."

He shook his head. "It's never crossed my mind." She narrowed her eyes in disbelief, so he asked, "That was years ago, why would I?"

She was quiet for a moment, and looked down at her hands. "My dad passed up his big chance to be with them because of me," she said. "Lorelai and Rory will always be his fantasy of the perfect life, or, the way things were supposed to be. Didn't she tell you?"

"No. We didn't talk about your dad. She didn't bring him up and I didn't ask." He added, "It wasn't my business."

"Well that's what happened. I was his second chance to do better, but he still idealizes Lorelai as the perfect woman. How are you any different?"

"I don't have the history with her that your dad does."

"So? It's still the Lorelai Gilmore," she said glumly.

"We had irreconcilable differences."

She ventured a guess, "You wanted to be with her but she didn't want to be with you?"

He tilted his head. "I could have dropped the lawsuit against her dad if I wanted to be with her that badly." He paused. "I didn't. I couldn't, he destroyed my career. Lorelai wasn't very sympathetic to my plight, and then she moved on with Duke. I couldn't stay here anyway." He added, "We were at an impasse and both had to walk away."

Gigi blinked. "Who's Duke?"

"That guy in her town, she went to his diner all the time."

"You mean Luke?"

"I think he's related to Duke."

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Then who is he?"

"There is no Duke."

"Are you sure?" Jason narrowed his eyes and tilted his head in thought, still confused. Then he shook it off. It didn't matter.

Gigi squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "That's a convenient story, but what if you weren't destroyed and broken up? What if everything was perfect and exactly how you wanted it, and then boom, here's your kid?"

"If everything was perfect then Jenny wouldn't have come for another three years," he said easily, as though it was a prepared answer. "What if I still worked for my dad? What if Jenny told me she was pregnant when she got to Seattle? What if she was in a serious relationship when she told me about our son?" he asked. "You could spend all day down in that rabbit hole. It doesn't matter. What happened, happened, and here we are."

"I guess that's true," she said.

"Listen, it's not a great feeling to realize just how inconsequential you are to someone," Jason said. "So, no, I can honestly say I haven't fantasized about Lorelai after we parted ways. Life went on." For good measure, he added, "Jenny cared when no one else did. It was incredibly endearing. And she was smart enough not to let me settle for her."

Gigi's skepticism faded now. She could still remember the sting when she found out Rory went through life claiming no siblings. Being inconsequential to a Gilmore girl was a crappy feeling. It did not endear Rory to her. "I'm sorry," she said. "It was inappropriate to ask."

"It's okay."

She finally stood up and thanked him, and he reminded her to stop at the receptionist's desk. Gigi stopped when she got to the door and turned back. "Is it true Emily Gilmore hates you?"

"Yeah, she does," he said with a nod. "Why?"

"She hates me too. Maybe we could get shirts." They shared a grin before she turned to go.