Ritsu groaned biting a nail as that stupid love song looped in his head. And Takano-san only knew the chorus, so "The only thing I've been wanting to convey and send to you is "I love you." It's not "What time is it?" or "How are you doing?" or any other casual talk." How much more embarrassing could those lyrics get? I've always been screaming "I love you." in my heart. " played repeatedly in Ritsu's head driving him stark raving mad as if he wasn't already with hearing voices in his head.
Not to mention the constant sexual harassment.
How many times a day did Takano-san think about him?
Takano-san was bordering obsessive as he compared him to heroines and love interests; even the color of leaves on a tree would lead to thoughts of Ritsu.
He had daydreams about sliding his fingers along Ritsu's collarbone, along the curves of his cheek and his neck, to wrap his arms around his waist and sink his face into his chest, a whole set of plans on how to con Ritsu into dates, poetry dedicated to the color of his hair when the sunlight hit it.
Ritsu no longer had any doubt. Takano-san needed a psychiatrist more than the guy hearing voices in his head. Even Freud would help.
And that...Ritsu supposed Takano-san undoubtedly knew how Ritsu had felt as a highschooler, head over heels for the stoic figure reclining in a chair with a book in hand, sunlight filtering through the curtains to hit his brown eyes perfectly, making it seem like his eyes were molten gold and his pale skin, white silk lined with gold thread and how-how his hair would seem stick up slightly, fluffy and how adorable it was and how Ritsu would picture waking up next to him, getting to slide his finger through some unruly locks of hair and kiss him awa-NOPE
The pink in Ritsu's cheek was almost tattooed there now.
The only time when Ritsu received a break was when Takano-san was editing a manuscript. But every other second, he was bombarded with those thoughts.
Ritsu had thought he was bothered before when Takano-san would tease him every time he saw him. This was worse by far. The younger man could barely keep focus as he jittered his legs nervously, tapping his fingers, adjusting his clothes, fidgeting in his chair and swirling the chair around, his mind spinning round and round.
(I love you)
Is that so?
(I love you)
Mmmhmm. Really?
(I love you)
Ok.
(I love you.)
Great. Now leave me alone. I beg you.
(I love you.)
Ritsu may or may not have slammed his head on the desk while other workers passed by the Emerald department. Great. Now, if he went into one of the break rooms, he most certainly would be given an even larger berth of space.
Ritsu really had no other option but to remain indifferent; his problem at its core had never changed. It wouldn't. This fear was embedded in his personality now, stemming from years of manipulation and lies that he had had to accept due to his position as the publishing heir. When the person he cared about most had appeared to do the same, that had been the final straw.
He couldn't return his feelings so openly, so eagerly anymore.
And still, Ritsu recalled the feel of his warm hand sliding into his and how his whole body felt like it was on fire at his touch and how the fire would return again and again with each wandering thought, burning him, turning him into nothing but ashes and regret and desire.
(I love you)
But I'm scared and I won't believe you. Even now.
Yet there was that small part of him that held the hopes and dreams he had tried to discard years ago. They were soaring.
His back was hunched over and his sleeves pushed up as he tried to will himself to concentrate instead of paying attention the steady stream of running commentary. Unbelievably sarcastic, somewhat hilarious, and so very gentle. His green eyes squinted at the manuscript in hand, squeezing it so tightly that it crinkled. He had been reading the same page for over ten minutes now.
Because here was proof that Takano-san had not lied to him. Ritsu had known Takano-san wasn't thee kind of person who would when it was important, yet, yet...it was so different knowing for sure like this...and it was absolutely terrifying.
(Hmm. I like this new heroine. Sweet, and so passionate she's silly. Not to mention, she's got one hell of a mouth on her. This should sell well. I swear. Erika-sensei always manages to amaze me.)
Ritsu hid a smile behind his pile of manga that he had stacked to block himself from Takano-san's view which while admittedly childish and completely obvious, helped. There was the fact that Takano-san was considering coming around and pretending to knock the tower down accidentally, but...but...Ritsu couldn't remember what he was thinking about, he laid his head down on his messy desk and covered his mouth, stifling the butterflies and breathlessness that fluttered inside his throat. He should stick with his original resolve. He bit his lower lip, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach.
(...This month's going to be a pain. We're having the short story competition to lure in new authors, but so many of those stories are crap. And the noobs are so arrogant. I should shove it all onto Kisa or something. He's been too happy lately.) Through some cracks in his walls of books, Ritsu saw Takano-san's faint smile. (But, how frustrating. Some of them are partial crap and partial gold. I really should leave those alone, but urgh, editing habits have made it really hard to ignore any potential. I really shouldn't be planning to read all the submissions, considering my schedule with the combo shounen and shoujo festival and reprints of Yoshikawa-sensei's manga, but...eh. I'll just pull a couple more all nighters than usual. Ah how annoying. And Onodera's stupid book wall too. Annoying.)
Ritsu eyes flickered over the beginnings of a mess; the cycle had just started a few days back. His table was one of the cleanest ironically, and Takano-san's one of the messiest. He really was busier than Ritsu had considered. He swallowed, feeling a pang of irritation at his own incompetency. Catch up to Takano-san? Would he ever?
(That's it. I'm going to go knock down that ridiculous pile of books. Who does he think he is?)
Ritsu stifled a laugh as the thought broke his melancholic thoughts and heard footsteps near his seat and then suddenly an avalanche of paper tumbled down and he was buried beneath.
Ritsu, immobilized, delivered every curse he knew to Takano-san under his breath.
"Oi. Onodera. Get up."
"...mphgggmmmpjhllllmph."
Takano-san shifted some books and Ritsu slowly wriggled out from underneath the mountain of books, turning tomato red as he heard commentary about his butt in his head. The younger man had to bite his lip to prevent a disgruntled retort to the unsaid harassment. Responding to the voice in his head wasn't the best course of action to take when he was trying to play sane.
Ritsu squinted as he was brought back out into the light again and stared at the silhouette of his boss. He could just barely make out the typical half arrogant, half nonchalant expression on Takano-san face. With a wrinkle of his nose, he glanced back at the mess on the floor.
"What?" Ritsu responded mutely, not making eye contact as he gathered the books up, gingerly piling them in his arms. He blinked as he forced himself to focus on the book covers. Ah Chitose-sensei's manga. This one was one of the few well written mangas that was in the period before Takano-san arrival at Emerald. The author, now retired, managed to spill the deepest desires of middle school girls onto shoujo manga manuscripts. And on time too, apparently. Her type of mangaka seemed to be extinct. He felt the tips of his ears, and the back of his head burn up; Ritsu clenched the books settled snugly in the crook of his arm, tightly and glared desperately at the floor, avoiding eye contact. Because if he did, Ritsu would probably burst out laughing or blush and stare dumbly into Takano-san's eyes and feel his knees go weak as per usual.
If it was possible, he wanted to avoid any contact with Takano-san until the voice in his head went away. Because it would. It had to. With that hope in mind, he started walking quickly to the restroom, hoping Takano-san would get the memo.
Takano-san didn't.
"What? I'm going to the bathroom!" Ritsu hunched up his shoulders defensively at the sound of loafers following after him, glaring unintentionally at any passersby.
"Let's go on a lunch date." The older man cut in smoothly.
"It's 4:00 p.m."
"We got to work at 11:00 a.m. It's lunch. I was thinking about the new cat cafe a few blocks down? They're having a special where couples get a free dessert."
"No thank you Takano-san. I have work."
"...you spent half an hour building a book fort."
"A few minutes!"
Takano-san crossed his arms, his condescension practically palpable. " You've been even more conscious of me today."
Ritsu's eye twitched, his back still facing the older man as his footsteps quickened. "No, please stop bothering me at work. You're a nuisance."
There was a long silence as Ritsu realized the words had come out harsher than he had meant it, but after little sleep and the constant intrusion of someone else's thoughts, he was more incompetent with his work than before. It caused him an unbelieveable amount of guilt; he just couldn't take any teasing.
"..."
(He's actually mad...) "If I don't push, you just keep on ignoring it." The taller man's long legs allowed him to lope in front of Ritsu and block his way, staring him down.
Ritsu grit his teeth, his voice grating as he replied, "I'm not ignoring anything. All I want is to do my work well." Sometimes he was simply frustrated by this man's arrogance. He could be so unrelenting. And sure, that made him a great editor, but right now, Ritsu didn't have the patience. And he was also embarrassed by his clockwork answers that Takano-san always managed to tear apart. Although the holes in his answers were also partially the fault of Ritsu's offensively horrible lying skills. His emerald eyes flickered with uncertainty as the low voice resonated in his skull. Takano-san's thought were annoyed, worried, and amused.
It was always nice to know that someone derived pleasure from Ritsu's stupidity.
Ritsu rubbed the creases out of his forehead and then unable to make eye contact, said, "...Takano-san, please just leave me alone for today."
(Is he okay? Did something happen with his mom? Or his dad? He never says anything.) Along with those thoughts, Ritsu felt a sharp pang of concern and resentment. Ritsu held his breath, flinching slightly in shock as he felt the touch of a cold hand.
Takano-san slid his hand to Ritsu's jawbone, touching his cheek gently, everything about him exuded worry. His brow was slightly creased and Ritsu had the sudden urge to smooth out his knitted eyebrows.
Ritsu made a face and considered making a run for it. If he ducked, and went around Takano-san, it would take a moment for the raven haired man to realize what was happening and then another to turn around. The time it would take for Takano-san to reach his full speed would - Ritsu realized that sadly, Takano-san's reflexes and overall physique would lead to Ritsu being overrun in mere seconds.
The brown haired man crossed his arms and squeezed them tightly against his chest as he turned his face to the side, glancing back at Takano-san's expression. Not that he really needed to when he had a goddamn voice in his head telling him, apparently, everything that Takano-san thought.
(Is he ever going to get tired of running away? I swear. I think I have some handcuffs at home. It might do him some good if I forced him to pause and think for a moment...)
Ritsu balked, his eyes like saucers as he tried to press closer to the wall.
"Spill it, Onodera. What's wrong?"
Still staring at his shoes, Ritsu dug his nails into his jacket, his heart had apparently turned into a jackhammer and was trying to drill its way out of his chest. "I- Ther- There's nothing wrong!" Holding his breath, he tried to ignore the thoughts of concern bordering on panic flowing into him.
"..."
Takano-san backed away with a heavy sigh as he inspected Onodera. He ran a hand slowly through his hair and Ritsu, finally daring to move and who was about to make a run for it, paused when he spoke. "Do you have to be so stubborn? ...if you end up getting in over your head, you can ask for my help."
He was sincerely moved. "O-oh. Tha-"
"For a price of course." Takano-san's brown eyes glinted.
"NO THANK YOU." Ritsu's eyes twitched as he turned around and swiftly started walking back to the Emerald office.
Somewhere behind him, he heard Takano-san call out, "I thought you needed to go to the bathroom!" Ritsu froze. Then he grit his teeth and turned stiffly around and marched into the bathroom, slamming the door as well as the stall door. The loud bangs did nothing to muffle his boss' laughter. Or his thoughts of concern.
When work ended, Takano-san was waiting for him outside. He was wrapped up in a warm, long coat and had his hands stuffed in his pockets, grinning like a little kid at the snowfall. (This scene never gets old. I'll love the sight of a snow covered landscape until the day I die.) He rubbed his nose his hands and both were looking the slightest bit pink. When he noticed Ritsu, who had originally paused at the sight of Takano-san and was now about to barrel across the street in a panic, he raised his eyebrows.
"Onodera! Boss's orders. Dinner. Food'll do you some good." (And alcohol might loosen that tongue up.)
"N-" Ritsu stopped, his stomach rolling as the familiar concern and amusement that constantly resided in the Takano-san's mind washed over him. His concern had followed Ritsu around the whole day like shackles and he had to admit that he couldn't take much more. It was giving him a headache. He supposed the best way to deal with it was to reassure Takano-san he was fine.
"S-sure. I'm actually pretty hungry. Let's go get some dinner..." He forced himself to smile slightly and look into those blinking gold eyes. He definitely didn't want to go to dinner with Takano-san, Ritsu reminded himself, futilely. It was simply to get the busy man to stop worrying and to give himself a break.
Ritsu was awarded for his words almost at once. The weight of worry and fear suddenly lifted off Ritsu and instead there was slight confusion and complete unadulterated joy and hope that had Ritsu feeling dizzy.
"...Are you sure you don't have a fever?"
Takano-san bent down and slid his hand over Ritsu forehead and the younger man jumped in shock, blushing slightly at the cool touch, realizing he was still sprawled on the floor with a mess of books. His heart started thudding loudly and it felt as though his whole body had been set aflame, unable to control the thrumming in his veins.
Ritsu shook his head so that his hair would fall over his eyes as he shoved Takano-san's hands away, "I-I'm fine." He insisted.
(I'm happy. It's strange that I am just with this little thing, but, I'm happy. Though it is slightly worrying that he gave in so easily. He doesn't have a fever though..)
And the emotions transferred directly into Ritsu.
Ritsu mumbled something incomprehensible as he blushed. His shoulders stiffened as he tugged at his sleeves.
"What?"
"Not the cat cafe though."
Takano-san squinted, "Onodera." He had that stupidly familiar condescending look on again, his lips tilted slightly upwards. "I know you were always jealous that Sorata got to sleep in my bed every night and you didn't, but this grudge against an entire species is taking it a bit far."
Ritsu colored, sputtering, "I was-am not jealous of Sorata! I'm just not that...comfortable..." Ritsu's eyes met Takano-san's amber brown ones and then he looked away with a blush as he trailed off, his word turning into a mumble.
"Hmm, but you're a "neko" yourself so to speak."
"Neko?" Ritsu looked up warily wondering if he was being teased.
(Oh...submissive, likes it up the ass, bottom, uke...wonder how he'd take that...he'd probably sneak into my bedroom with a knife...not that I would mind the sneaking into the bedroom part...)
Takano-san just gave Ritsu his normal poker face.
"Nothing. I like cats."
Ritsu colored and had to stop himself from pressing his hand against his cheek to see if his skin was as warm as it felt. In his indignation, he replied in return: "You look like you'd make a nice kitty too."
(...I wonder if he knows what that means...probably not... he didn't even watch porn as a highschooler.)
Takano-san gave him a straight look, lips unsmiling, but his eyes were sparkling with laughter under his glasses. "I would."
Then Ritsu burst out laughing, holding his stomach and his eyes watered and his lips stretched into an almost permanent giggle. Seriously, this guy's arrogance. Where did he get it from? Ritsu tried to muffle his laughter, covering his mouth with his hand as his eyes peeked out under his eyelashes slightly to glance at Takano-san's slightly confused expression.
(Weirdo. Why's he laughing? ...actually, it doesn't matter. For whatever reason he's smiling, I'm thankful.)
Ritsu bit his lip, feeling the blush come on again.
Currently, there was a spoonful of brownie being shoved into Onodera Ritsu face.
How exactly did he feel about the fact that his adult boss in his late twenties was jabbing a spoonful of melting, rich chocolate brownie into his cheek and whining insistently and that this had continued for several minutes now?
How did he feel about the fact that there was not one person who was not staring at them?
How did Onodera Ritsu feel about it?
At the very least though, when Ritsu was seriously panicking, and not just irritated, he couldn't hear Takano-san's thoughts as well...not that that was any consolation considering that when he was truly flustered it was because of one arrogant fellow here. And now, there was also a stupid chocolate stain on his cheek.
Ritsu closed his eyes and took in a deep breath and then felt the cold touch of metal and the soft gooey touch of a brownie and he lost it.
"Takano-san!"
"Yes?"
"Stop!"
"No!." Takano-san's voice mimicked Ritsu's in false exasperation and indignance. It was obvious he was trying not to laugh.
Onodera groaned in frustration. From Takano-san's thoughts, it seemed like the older man wasn't going to give in.
"If you eat it, this'll all go away."
Some high school girls squealed in the background.
The brown haired man ground his teeth in frustration and as he shook his leg nervously, thinking about what to do, he finally decided to surrender.
Ritsu parted his lips slightly and the warm, gooey chocolate spread throughout his mouth and the slight tang of metal slid along his tongue. It was a long moment before Takano-san removed the spoon; instead he rubbed it gently along RItsu mouth and the younger man let out a soft noise at the sensation in combination with the sweet chocolate. Green eyes wide, he blushed before immediately pulling away.
"See there, that wasn't so hard," Takano-san said softly, smiling gently and triumphantly. Ritsu's heart skipped a beat. How unfair.
The peanut gallery was throwing a fit.
They quickly finished and as they left the booth, Ritsu made sure to accidentally stomp on Takano-san foot.
They walked back slowly, Ritsu trying to rush back, Takano-san pulling him back each time.
The older man would grab both of Ritsu's shoulders and massage them gently as he made Ritsu slow down and it worked on the outside while on the inside, with every touch, it only cumulated into making Ritsu more flustered.
Each time, he did that, Ritsu swatted his hand away as he tried to calm down and walk slowly to avoid it happening again, scuffing his shoes; he forced himself to count a few seconds between each step, but as his thoughts ran wild, he stopped noticing and would always almost start to break out into a run.
(Seriously? He looks like a cornered animal.) Takano-san sighed. (He's going to get an ulcer from all the stress he's giving himself.)
NO. From the stress you're giving me Ritsu exclaimed in his mind.
(I wonder...)
And Ritsu, as he heard the thought, managed to somehow gracefully avoid Takano-san's attempt to grab him, yet he couldn't avoid the raven haired man's better reflexes and Takano-san managed to catch Ritsu just as the younger man tripped over himself.
Ritsu had unconsciously closed his eyes in preparation for the fall but now, with his hands entangled in Takano-san's jacket and the other man's arms snaked around his waist, he kept them closed intentionally to avoid eye contact while blindly fumbling to get out of his embrace.
Instead, it backfired as he lost all sense of direction and Takano-san directed him to an alleyway.
It was already almost 9:00 p.m. and the dimmed daylight managed to hide their fooling around. At least Ritsu desperately hoped it did.
Ritsu, eyes still closed, felt the rough cool texture of brick against his neck and more so than anything the lips against his.
They pressed against his gently before Takano-san began sliding his tongue against the line between Ritsu's lips and he pressed harder. When Ritsu continued to resist, Takano-san pressed his hand against Ritsu's crotch and when he yelped in protest, Takano-san gained entrance, deftly slipping his tongue inside.
Ritsu shuddered at the wet warm heat entering his mouth as he traced the outline of his teeth and roamed the recesses of his mouth as Takano-san sucked on his lips, biting slightly. Unconsciously, the younger man let out a soft moan.
Ritsu leaned into him and Takano-san slid his hand into Ritsu's hair, pressing his tongue against Ritsu's sucking on it slowly.
He felt the warmth from his face spread lower and he realized his mind was blank, completely void of static...not that this was a viable option to his problems...but it seemed every time Takano-san touched him, the static and voice would disappear.
"Mmmpphgh...Ta-"
Takano-san pressed into Ritsu's body as he suddenly heard static fill his ears and a sharp noise made him wince as it cleared into a voice, but ignoring it, thinking that a park nearby must be having an event or something, he kissed the corner of Ritsu's lips, slid his tongue over Ritsu's neck and sucked on the soft skin, taking pleasure in the soft whimpers coming from Ritsu. He breathed in deeply the familiar scent of paperback books and soap.
[ M-more...Takano-san...]
Takano-san mumbled an okay into Ritsu's collarbone and smiled at the younger man's eagerness as his hands slid underneath the other man's shirt and brushed over his nipples. He pulled at the hard bud and moved up again to press his lips against the panting, blushing man before him. He stuck his tongue back in again; the heat where they touched seemed to burn him up.
[I want him..I want him...No..you have to tell him to stop...Takano-san...I want you love you am scared of you]
It was Ritsu's voice undeniably, but he couldn't have said it.
Takano-san froze and he parted their lips.
His hands tightened slightly under Ritsu's shirt as he squeezed his ribs, staring into the glazed expression of Onodera Ritsu.
[...want more...]
Suddenly the younger man's eyes widened and between the split second between this realization, and him pushing Takano-san away, the older man heard his voice in his head and saw lips that didn't move.
[Crap. Uh...this...is unbelievably awkward. And I can't...can't keep doing this can I? Either I have to man up and tell him I love him...or...or what? Or...]
That should probably not have turned Takano-san even more, but it did. And it was nice feeling, being loved, even if he had to go see a psychiatrist in exchange. Takano-san considered it, staring into those green eyes and mentally shrugged. Eh. Totally worth it.