Cailan, Teagan and I went to Eamon's office after the Wardens left, deciding to have a drink before bed. I sat in a chair across from Teagan, a small glass of bourbon in my hand, and Cailan sat next to me with the same. Teagan had a glass of sherry, his second since we had sat down.
"So you saw nothing of the troops coming here?" Teagan asked for the second time. I could tell the drink was getting to him, his cheeks flushing a deep red. I shook my head as Cailan put his hand on mine resting on the arm of my chair.
"Uncle, please. We're all worried. It does us no good to sit here and wallow in it." Cailan flashed me a smile that I returned gratefully. Teagan sighed.
"I apologize, My Lady. I'm not one to sit and wait." He took a long sip of his sherry and smiled at me. "Neither are you, I'd expect." I laughed.
"You could say that," I said as I took a sip of bourbon. "I think that can be said for everyone in this room."
We all laughed and started discussing lighter topics. Teagan spoke of the weather for the next day, hoping for some sunshine so things outside could get accomplished. Cailan brought up the repairs on the chantry which he and Teagan talked about for some time. The man power, the logging that would have to be done and how long it would all take. I just sat back and stared at the book case, the buzzing of normal conversation relaxing me. All of a sudden I felt Cailan squeeze my hand, pulling me back to reality and I smiled at him.
"Teagan is heading to bed," he said, knowing I wasn't quite paying attention. I stood up and gave Teagan my hand.
"Pleasant dreams, Bann Teagan," I said as I curtsied. He smiled, kissing my fingers.
"Thank you, My Lady," he said hoarsely, then cleared his throat. "Pleasant dreams to you as well." He released my hand, gave Cailan a swift bow and left the room. Cailan smiled, shaking his head after his uncle. He then motioned to the chair I was sitting in and I sat back down, sipping from my glass.
"He is taken with you," he said as he stood, taking a swig from his drink. As he leaned on the desk I shook my head and smiled.
"My heart lies elsewhere," I whispered, swirling the brown liquid in my glass. Alistair entered my mind and warmth spread throughout my chest, bringing a smile to my lips.
"Kora," Cailan said seriously, "you will be an Arlessa." At first the words seemed a reminder, a change in subject, but there was a hint of a warning at the end. I looked up at him, confused.
"And…" I said as I waited for his response. He stared at me, sadness in his eyes.
"I saw you with Alistair before they left," he looked down into his glass, avoiding my eyes, "but surely you are aware…" Truth dawned on me and my jaw dropped, eyes falling to the floor.
"Maker, no." My heart jumped up into my throat then fell down to my feet.
"Kora," he whispered, leaning forward to reach for my hand. I snatched it away and stood.
"This is Caden's fault," I seethed, "he told me to stop denying myself, I deserved to be happy." I looked at the door, anger bubbling up. "What a fool I am." I finished my drink, slammed the glass down on the desk and stormed out, Cailan calling after me as I left him and my heart behind.
I walked. No destination in mind, just walking to try to get away from the pain that hounded every step I took. I shook my head as I tried to clear it but the jumble of thoughts refused to vacate or quiet down. Before I knew it I was at the docks so hiked up my gown and sat down. Pulling off my slippers I dropped my feet in the cool, calm water.
The cold shocked me back into reality, helping me to focus. I closed my eyes and deepened my breathing, slowing it down along with my heart rate. Eventually I was able to release the remaining tension and center on one issue at a time. As I tried to prioritize, the one that I had to deal with first came to the front of my mind; the fact that taking the Arling meant I would have to marry nobility. Bottom line – being with Alistair was impossible.
"Wow," I whispered as I kicked my feet, splashing myself a bit. "I give up. No more Kora, everything will be for everyone ELSE from now on. Forget being happy, forget marrying for love, forget EVERYTHING." By the end I was yelling. Then I sighed, letting my shoulders sag. "Forget me." After I sat there a few minutes I felt a presence moving toward me. I closed my eyes and reached out with my mind, feeling a man standing behind me and to the right. He felt warm, strong, and concerned. I smiled. "Cailan, I know you're there."
"How?" he asked as he walked across the dock to sit next to me. "I was 20 feet away from you and walking on grass. You couldn't have heard me." I smiled and raised an eyebrow at him.
"I'm a templar, remember? I am aware of my surroundings." I reached up and tugged at a loose strand of hair hanging in his face. He laughed and blew at it to move it aside. "What are you doing down here?"
"Checking on you," he said as his eyes ran over my face, "my Arlessa who stormed out on me." He sat back on his hands and stretched his legs out behind me. "I really am sorry Kora." I shook my head.
"Not your fault," I whispered as I looked back out over the water. "You are making me Arlessa for your own reasons, probably the lack of a better candidate, but whatever. I'm certain you aren't doing it to make me miserable. Please do not take my outburst as an insult." I looked back at him and pushed that stubborn strand behind his ear. "I'm just moody, you know, being a girl and all." I tried to joke but it fell flat.
He smiled that smile, the soft one that made its way all the way up into his eyes and made every girls heart flutter. I swore he knew it too. He put a comforting hand on my shoulder and looked at me with concern, his hand unusually warm on my skin.
"Wow, you're warm blooded," I said with a smile. He smiled back, blushing a bit in the moon light and turning his gaze to look out over the water. That blush just made me smile wider.
"Beautiful women have that effect on me," he whispered, turning to look back at me. His eyes were bluer than the deepest ocean in that light, dark and endless. I couldn't help but stare, they were positively stunning. The breeze kicked up and threw a few strands of hair into my eyes, breaking the spell. I laughed and cleared my throat.
"You always were a sucker for a pretty face." I looked away, trying to get my composure. He laughed, clearing his throat as well.
"I do not think 'pretty' is an apt description, My Lady," he said as he stood, offering me a hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet, our bodies flush, our faces inches from each other. I looked up at him and gave him a nervous smile, backing away a few steps.
"I already agreed to be Arlessa, Cailan," I laughed, "no need to keep trying to butter me up." I turned and started walking toward the castle. I felt him come up behind me and scoop me up off the ground so I screeched. "What the hell?" I laughed. He smiled at me again with that heart fluttering smile.
"You realize you have no shoes, My Lady," he said politely. "As a gentleman I feel obligated to ensure your feet are not injured. I could carry you this way instead…" He threw me over his shoulder as I screeched again.
"Cailan, my shoes are right there! We'll wake up the whole village!" I hissed as he laughed.
"I feel the need to point out that you are the only one making noise, My Lady," he whispered as he flung me around to cradle me in his arms again. He looked down at me and sighed, his eyes turning serious. "You have no idea, do you?" he whispered. I gave him a confused look and he shook his head.
"What Cailan?" I asked, genuinely concerned. He smiled.
"Nothing. May I take you up to the castle now?" he asked in a mockingly formal tone and I giggled, nodding. "My Lady." And he carried me up the hill, giggling at his jokes the entire way.
Cailan left me at the door to my room and bid me good night, bowing deeply. Then he kissed my fingers once more before walking away. I had to admit he had lifted my mood quite a bit from where it was at the dock, definitely from where it was in Eamon's office. I sighed and shook my head, laughing at myself for believing anything in my life would be easy.
Alistair was everything I wanted in a man, even a few things I didn't know I wanted until I met him. He was kind, gentle, warm, but in battle he was ferocious. He was so thoughtful, like the day he brought me lunch on the dock, and yet could tear a darkspawn limb from limb without blinking. Maker I wanted that man so badly.
But then there were the cold hard facts. As nobility I was expected to marry nobility to maintain my Arling. And because I was technically the last of my line I had the responsibility heaped on me. I considered abdicating but thought of Caden's desire to be a Warden and decided against it. And then there was Cailan, I couldn't disappoint him; it would hurt me almost as badly as hurting Alistair. And then there were my people, I couldn't abandon them. Not when I knew what was to come.
I entered my room and shut the door behind me, stripping off my robe and dropping it to the ground. Realizing I was finally alone I walked over to one of the chairs, found my half full glass of wine, and sat down. I filled the glass up to the rim, put down the empty bottle and took a long drink. Then I sat back and closed my eyes, letting down the guard that I had built up so intricately and allowing all of the thoughts I had been keeping at bay to tumble back in.
All the stress of the last few weeks was rolling over me in waves. The fighting, the decisions I made, it all came crashing down and started to slowly beat on my soul. I could literally feel my heart shriveling up inside my chest, unable to hold back the images that plagued me. The people who relied on me, the circumstances that awaited them, all of the things that could go wrong were running through my mind as I sat in that comfortable chair by a roaring fire sipping expensive red wine. The guilt and frustration were threatening to overwhelm me as one thought came to the forefront; this could all be for nothing, I could have saved all those men just to watch them die.
I felt my shoulders start to shake as I put down my glass and curled my legs beneath me, clutching my arms tight. Tears were falling down my face but I didn't bother to wipe them away. They are all going to die out there and it will be all your fault, everything you touch gets destroyed; over and over the thought repeated in my head. The panic that rose in my chest took over as I started to wail, rocking back and forth in the chair slowly. What the hell made you think you could do this? You are a failure, capable of nothing good or pure, you are UNCLEAN.
Suddenly I felt large, strong arms lifting me.
Cailan sat down in the chair, cradling me in his lap as he held me close. He didn't try to silence me or even speak. He just kept his arms wrapped around me, giving me a gentle squeeze when the sobs got louder, and let me cry until every last tear was spent.
And then came the anger, the rage bubbling up. With the situation, with myself, I couldn't hold it in any longer. Gritting my teeth, I growled low in my throat then let it out. I started punching at Cailan's chest furiously but he only held me tighter, not trying to stop me but enough to keep me from falling to the floor.
Finally, exhausted, I slowed my assault and nuzzled my face into his neck. The smell of his hair was soothing, like cedar on a summer's breeze.
"I can't do this anymore," I whimpered into his neck as I let the tears flow. "I can't, I'm not strong enough." Cailan pulled away enough to look me in the eye, frowning.
"We all have these moments, Kora," he said softly as he pushed my hair out of my face. I shook my head, trying to regain my composure.
"Apparently you missed the part where I just lost it," I said simply as I looked down at his chest. "I'm sure this is a stupid question but I didn't hurt you, did I?" I looked back up into his eyes and he smiled that smile.
"Nothing serious," he said as he put a knuckle under my chin. "I'm more worried about you. Are you alright?" I shook my head and sighed, leaning my forehead against his cheek.
"I'm not cut out for this," I said. Cailan huffed, a small laugh.
"If you only knew, My Lady." He sighed deeply and looked into the fire. "You may not know this but you have a presence. For example, when we were all in the war room and everyone was talking at once about what to do you took control of the conversation and got everyone on track. And Duncan let you. Duncan!" He asserted the name as he shook his head. "I could only dream of commanding that much respect from him." I sat back, giving him a scornful look.
"He most certainly respects you, Cailan," I insisted firmly, "You are our King and Duncan knows that. Do not ever doubt." Cailan smiled and shook his head.
"There you go again," he said softly, "I came in here to make sure you were alright and you're worried about me. Kora, honestly, let someone take care of you for once. Please." He looked into my eyes and I watched his soften, even turning a lighter color blue. I shook my head, getting myself back to reality.
I then became aware of what I was wearing and what he likely heard through the thick stone wall to make him come into my room in the middle of the night. I must have turned three shades of red as I tried to pull the nightgown down to cover my legs. He laughed and closed his eyes, covering them with a hand. I slapped him playfully and stood up, walking over to grab my robe from the floor and wrap it around me.
"Ok, you can uncover your eyes now," I said sarcastically as I walked back over to the fire, planting myself in the other chair. He took his hand away and looked over at me, smiling.
"Are you better now?" he asked as he took my hand from the arm of my chair and brought it to his lips. Planting a light kiss on my knuckles he waited for my response. I nodded.
"A bit," I said, "but I will be much better when they all get back here safely." I shook my head and sighed. "I need them home and in my line of sight." I laughed, covering my forehead with my free hand. "I'm an over-protective mother hen."
"Yes you are," Cailan agreed, "but it's what makes you a good leader. You care about the people you send into harm's way. It makes them care about you, makes them want to fight for you. Even die for you." I shrugged and looked at the fire. Then a thought occurred to me.
"What Teagan said today," I began, "about me being my mother's daughter. Do you think he meant that?" Cailan nodded.
"Your mother was the power in Denerim," he said, "She was the one you went to in order to get things done." He paused, looking into the fire then back at me. "She was an advisor to my father during the rebellion, a fearless leader. You remind me a great deal of her, what I remember anyway." To think that I could live up to her reputation made me hopeful for the future.
In the fire light everything looked warm and inviting, especially Cailan. A part of me wanted to curl back up into his lap and pretend the world outside didn't exist. The other part of me, a much larger part of me, ached desperately for Alistair. I knew which one I wanted, but I also knew I couldn't have either one.
True, Cailan was nobility, but he was the King. If I was to maintain my Arling I would have to marry a noble but it couldn't be Cailan because that would make me queen, unable to hold my lands. That would leave Denerim for the other nobles to fight over and I wasn't going to put my people through that kind of a fight after what I knew Denerim was already in store for. So, as usual, I was forced to choose based on the greater good, no matter the emotional cost to me.
Glancing out the window I saw pink on the horizon and realized we had been up all night. "Cailan, get back to your room, it's almost dawn!" He looked out the window and laughed.
"What's wrong, afraid the staff will talk?" he smirked and raised an eyebrow at me. I gave him a fake sneer.
"Good night your MAJESTY," I said emphatically as I stood. He sighed and stood up as well.
"Good night, ARLESSA," he threw back as he bowed deeply. Then, taking my hand, he placed his lips on my knuckles, holding them there a moment then looking up at me. I rolled my eyes.
"Get out Cailan," I sighed, "I don't want to sleep the day away." He laughed.
"I am not a good enough reason, hm?" he winked at me as he went to the door. "Maybe someday, My Lady." He opened up the door and walked out, shutting it behind him as what he said registered in my sleep-deprived mind.
Bloody hell.
When I finally woke it was near mid day, the sun threatening to burst forth through the creases between the drapes. I opened my eyes slowly, wiping away the sleep, and sat up. Flinging my legs over the side of the bed I ran my hands through my hair and sighed.
Another day, I thought, another day to wait. Inaction is the most infuriating thing in the universe. Shaking my head I put my feet to the floor and stood up to get dressed.
I chose a gown of a rust color out of the many Isolde had let me borrow and went to Eamon's study, hoping to find Teagan for any updates from the scouts. Instead I found Cailan, head down, asleep on a book at the desk. I looked to see what book and grinned. He was reading about family lines in Ferelden nobility, the page he was currently resting on regarding the Kendalls. I stroked his hair gently and he groaned.
"Wake up sleeping beauty," I whispered into his ear. "That can't be comfortable." I saw an eye squint open and I smiled, pushing his hair away and tucking it behind his ear. Cailan smiled and sat up slowly, stretching his neck and arms. I couldn't help but notice the muscles in his arms move and flex beneath the cotton shirt he was wearing.
"Well," he croaked as he looked around the room, "not the worst place I've been found asleep." He winked at me and yawned. I smiled and shook my head.
"Did you sleep in your bed at all?" I asked. He laughed.
"I couldn't so I came here." He looked at the book on the desk in front of him. "I thought I would do some research. I should know more about the nobility under my rule, should I not?" He looked up at me and smiled. I sat on the desk to his right.
"I suppose," I said as I leaned over and pulled the book closed, saving the page he was on with my thumb. "'The History of Ferelden Nobility' would put me to sleep as well." I smiled and returned the book to the Kendalls page. Cailan rubbed his eyes.
"Something we have in common," he said as he stood to stretch his back. "Have you eaten?" I shook my head and he grabbed my hand, dragging me toward the door. "Let's go raid the larder." He winked and I laughed.
When we made it to the kitchen the cook was cleaning up from lunch so she made us plates and sent us out to the dining room. As we sat, servants brought out mugs of ale and water. I ate like it was my first meal in days, as did Cailan. A few hours later as we were finishing off our ales there was shouting coming from the main hall so we stood and rushed toward the commotion.
"I saw the remnants of the battle, Bann Teagan," the exhausted looking man in Redcliffe uniform panted out. "It appeared to be a victory for the Wardens but it was unclear due to their change in armor before they left. I'm not sure who was who but most of the dead wore Gwaren sigils." A sinking feeling took over my stomach as I walked over to Teagan.
"How far out are they?" I asked, desperate to see Alistair and Caden again. The man nodded at me and bowed.
"My Lady, I didn't see them on the road but they may be trying to stay hidden, leaving false trails even."
"Thank you Ren, that will be all," Teagan said and the man bowed to Teagan and left. I started to wring my hands with worry as I turned to Cailan. He smiled, putting an arm around my shoulders in a half hug.
"They'll be back soon. Tomorrow Duncan said, remember?" He looked into my eyes and I let his calm flow into me. I nodded, regaining my composure. He released me and looked to Teagan.
"Well, let's give them a proper welcome Uncle, shall we?" Cailan asked as he approached the man, slapping him on the arm. Teagan nodded.
"Let's." He started giving instructions to the staff and suddenly everyone was on the move.
A few hours later I was outside the castle with Cailan sparring. We were going crazy waiting so it was a good way to keep ourselves busy and burn off some of the nervous energy we had. He came at me with a pommel strike and I deflected it with my shield, sweeping the flat side of my sword across his thigh.
"Ouch!" he cried out with a laugh. "That'll leave a bruise. Didn't you beat me up enough last night?" I smirked, stabbing my sword into the ground and taking my shield off my arm. I looked out over the lake and saw the sun was setting.
"It's probably time for the evening meal, we should call it a day," I said as I waved for one of the servants to gather our equipment. "Maker knows I need a bath. You gave me a run for my sovereigns your Majesty." I winked at him as I bumped him with my shoulder. He laughed.
"I swear sometimes you were toying with me. You were trained as a Templar for Maker's sake," he said teasingly, giving me that smile. I shook my head and looked away.
"I wouldn't dare," I whispered back as I gave him a shove and ran into the castle laughing.
We raced each other to our rooms to bathe and dress for dinner. Cailan won, only after cheating by grabbing me from behind and flinging me around so I was facing the wrong way.
After my bath I sat on the bed and stared at the dresses and shoes in my armoire. Being alone again, my chest started to ache with every breath, fear rising to the surface and threatening to engulf me. I shook my head and growled.
"Get a hold of yourself, woman," I said as I stood up, "you need to think positive." I took a deep breath in through my nose, closed my eyes and held it. Feeling the anxiety subside I blew the breath out and looked back at the dresses, resolving not to let the fear take me again. Then there was a gentle knock at my door. "Yes?"
"Are you almost ready?" I heard Cailan ask.
"Just a few minutes, trying to collect myself," I said as I decided on a simple navy dress with gold trim and shoes to match. "It's been ages since I've had to wear dresses like these so often, you know." I heard him laugh.
"Yes, and it's been ages since I've had a beautiful woman in dresses like those on my arm. I'll be back in a few minutes." I heard his footsteps echo away from my door. I sighed and proceeded to get dressed. Fussing with my hair, I realized the process of readying myself for dinner was calming, something I could do with little thought. The sheer simplicity of the action was soothing. I smiled at my reflection and stood up, walking out into the hall and closing the door behind me. Feeling a tug, I realized I caught part of the dress in the door and laughed.
"Wow, it's been TOO long apparently," I said as I tried to open the door and free myself but the thickness of the hem was just enough to make it difficult. I heard footsteps and looked up to see Cailan grinning at me. I sneered and stuck out my tongue at him.
"Here, let me help you," he said as he moved to open the door. Grabbing the handle he put himself between me and the door, his body almost flush with mine. I could feel the heat coming off of him through the thin material of his tunic. Then the smell of his skin, freshly washed with that cedar soap he uses… I closed my eyes and breathed it in, letting myself get distracted just a little bit.
Suddenly he yanked open the door and bumped into me, throwing me backward. He released the door and grabbed me quickly around the waist before I hit the floor, pulling me to him. I grabbed his shoulders to steady myself.
We stood there for a moment, holding each other and staring into the other's eyes. I noticed that every time I looked into his they were a different color. At that moment they were like the sky at mid day, with little gold flecks around the pupils. I could see how someone would lose themselves in those eyes, especially when he was focused only on you. Remembering that he was a popular King for many reasons, his charm and good looks among them, I snapped out of my daze. Smiling nervously, I released his shoulders and stepped away from him, patting his chest. I swore I saw a flash of disappointment but chalked it up to my imagination.
"Thank you," I whispered as I tried to regain my composure. "As always, I need a knight in shining armor to rescue me," I said as I smoothed out my dress, checking for damage and finding none. He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.
"That's me," he said and extended his arm. "Shall we go down to dinner?" I smiled and took it.
Teagan was at the head of the table with Isolde and Connor on one side leaving two chairs on the other side for Cailan and myself. Teagan and Connor stood when we entered.
"My Lady," Teagan said softly, then shook his head a bit, "you look lovely." I smiled.
"Thank you Teagan, that's very kind of you," I said as Cailan smiled at me then pulled out one of the chairs, taking my elbow and guiding me into it. As I sat, I nodded to Isolde. "And thank you, Your Grace, for allowing me use of these beautiful dresses." Isolde waved the remark away with a smile and shook her head, saying nothing. She seemed a different woman since Connor's incident, hopefully for the better.
Once everyone was seated, dinner was served. We went through the normal pleasantries, the men talking about the weather and economics while the women discussed fashion and other frivolous things. The conversations lulled and I noticed Connor was the only one not speaking, simply looking down at his plate as he slowly chewed his meal. Knowing what the boy had been through, my heart went out to him. He needed to know not everyone would be afraid of him.
"Connor, did Cailan tell you about the battle at Ostagar?" I smiled as I asked the boy. As he looked up at me he scanned my face as if not sure of my intentions. Once he was satisfied his face slowly lit up.
"Could you your Majesty?" he asked, a glimmer of the boy shining through. I giggled and Cailan gave me a little elbow in the side.
"Arlessa Kora tells the story so much better than I do," Cailan said with a wink at me as he took another bite of his dinner. I shook my head.
"You give yourself far too little credit, your Majesty," I smiled and batted my eyelashes at him. "I would actually love to hear your version of events as they unfolded." Connor practically jumped in his seat.
"Please?" He pleaded to Cailan. Relenting, Cailan put down his fork and rested his hands in his lap. They appeared to be in his lap anyway, one made its way over to my leg to give me a playful pinch on the thigh. I jumped a bit and giggled as he turned his attention to Connor to begin his tale.
Cailan turned out to be a very good story teller. He had Connor enraptured throughout the meal, dessert; even when we moved into the sitting room for wine the boy trailed after him, asking question after question. To his credit, Cailan never showed any signs of impatience or wanting to be rid of his tag along. Instead he seemed to revel in the simplicity of a relaxing evening among family, something we all needed desperately.
Teagan and Isolde had wandered off to bed long before the story ended so it was just Connor, Cailan and I in the sitting room. As I finished my second glass of wine my thoughts turned to Alistair and what he might be doing. Cailan, sitting next to me with a sleeping Connor on his lap, put his hand on mine that I had rested on the arm of my chair.
"What's wrong?" he whispered so as not to wake Connor. I smiled.
"It's nothing, don't worry," I whispered as I gazed into the fire. He squeezed my hand and I turned to look at him. His disbelief evident, I sighed. "Alright, I'm worried." He nodded.
"As am I," he said softly, looking into the fire himself. He removed his hand from mine but rested it on the arm of my chair, absent mindedly brushing his fingers along the back of my hand. Feeling that flutter again, I looked away and folded my hands in my lap.
"I think Connor needs to go to bed," I whispered. Cailan hesitated but then shifted the boy to pick him up and carry him to his room. He stopped in the door way.
"Will you be here when I get back?" He asked. I shook my head.
"Two glasses is my limit, I'll have a hell of a hangover if I have any more." I smiled and stood up. "I'll walk with you though." He smiled and moved aside, motioning for me to go first.
As we got Connor to his room I took down the sheets, removed his shoes and socks while Cailan held him. Once he was on the bed I removed his vest and let him sleep in his shirt and breeches, covering him up to his chin and tucking him in. I planted a kiss on the boy's forehead and whispered a wish for sweet dreams. When I turned to walk away I bumped straight into Cailan. He grabbed my arms to steady me and our eyes locked.
I couldn't tell if my heart stopped or went into over drive as I stood there. Being this close to him was almost intoxicating and I couldn't understand why. I can't do this, I thought, I need to put an end to it and be realistic. Not only does my heart belong to someone else, this is not an option. I swallowed hard and smiled, nodding towards the door. He blinked a few times then motioned for me to go first. After we left the room we continued down the hall to the guest rooms and stopped outside my door. I turned to face him, not sure where to start.
"He is such a good boy," I said softly as I glanced up the hall toward Connor's room. "He's been through so much; it was wonderful what you did for him tonight." Cailan looked to the floor.
"I enjoyed myself as well," he said thoughtfully as he turned his gaze back up to mine. "I know we're in the middle of something huge at the moment but it was nice to have an evening with no talk of war or strategies, or mentioning some people's names that I still will not mention." He smiled and I giggled. "Thank you, Kora. You've done so much for me, you have no idea, thank you." He took my hand and kissed my knuckles, his lips lingering for a moment, and then he lowered my hand but still held it. I gave his hand a squeeze.
"Things will work out, you'll see," I said as I released his hand and grasped my door handle. "Good night, Cailan." I smiled warmly. He smiled back at me.
"Good night, Kora," he whispered as I walked through the door and shut it slowly behind me.
It took a few moments but I finally heard his footsteps echo toward his room and the door shut. My forehead connected with the door three times, the exhaustion from all my worries seeping into my bones and I made my way over to the bed.
Tomorrow, I will deal with everything tomorrow.