Every time Dani closed her eyes at night, she would see Sam. She would see him showing off his adorable dimples as he smiled at her. It was enough to drive her towards the bar most nights in order to wipe that face from her mind—and if she drank enough it was almost possible. Sometimes it didn't help, but even in that case, she would only have to deal with it until she passed out and that was good enough for her.

It had been a long seven months since she had seen Sam and just about as long since she last worked a case. It didn't happen all at once. At first it was a break, but she would still be there to help others, but then even that stopped.

She needed a break, just a break, but one week lead to another and then before she knew it, she no longer considered herself a hunter. She'd passed up many hunts in the last seven months and she couldn't find it in herself to care. It was selfish and she knew it, but she tried to convince herself that it was okay for her to be selfish, that she had done enough.

Hunting was something Dani associated with the best year of her life, which was now painful for her to think about given that almost every single memory of hunting involved Sam and she didn't want another reason to have to think about him.

"Another one, please," Dani alerted the bartender when she finished her drink.

"You sure?"

"Definitely." She smiled to the woman behind the bar, who seemed to be reluctant, but gave in eventually.

When the door opened, it caught her attention. Her friend Trevor entered the bar and gave her a quick smile before joining her. "Dani, please tell me that you haven't been drinking since we talked on the phone."

"Is that what you want to hear or do you want the truth?"

He sighed and sat down next to her, nudging her shoulder. "So this is what you're doing now? You just get drunk?"

"Pretty much." She shrugged. "It's fun and a less dangerous of a way of living my life. You should try it sometime."

"It's dangerous for your liver. I think I'll pass and just stick to the occasional night of drinking," he told her, ordering a drink. "So besides drinking too much, how's life treating you?"

"Like shit."

Trevor sighed and shook his head. "This isn't going to get better until you move on. You're just going to stay stuck in the endless loop of pain."

"Thanks for the warning, Dr. Phil," she hiccupped.

"Have you had any contact with Sam or even Dean?"

She shook her head and blinked hard, trying to fight off the dizzy sensation she felt when she shook her head from side to side. "I don't want to have any contact with them."

"Liar," he told her as the bartender brought him his drink. "I know you too well, Dani. You'd love nothing more than for Sam to come walking in here and begging you to come back to him."

She felt pathetic, because Trevor happened to be right. "That is never going to happen and I don't like to dwell on stuff that isn't going to happen, so can we just focus on reality?"

For the next hour Dani and Trevor drank more than their fair share of beer and Dani was beginning to get emotional. Trevor hadn't brought up Sam once, since she had made it clear that she didn't want to talk about him, but that didn't stop Sam from working his way into her mind anyway.

She was staring at the empty glass of beer in front of her, tears in her eyes and chewing at her bottom lip, trying to hold them back, when Trevor returned from the restroom. "Thinking of calling it a night. You?" She nodded and stood up with a sigh.

Trevor paid the tab off and walked Dani back to her room. "I've gotta head off to Vermont in the morning, so I'm going to get some sleep. I suggest that you do the same."

"I will," she grumbled. She hated feeling sorry for herself, but she'd never been so lost or hurt before, so she didn't know how to cope when all she had was herself.

"I'll call you in a week or two to check in, okay?" he asked, as they reached her room.

"Okay. Be safe out there."

"You too and if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to call me, okay?" He held out his arms and soon she found herself in his embrace. "Take care of yourself." His words must have struck a chord, because before she could stop herself, she was crying against his chest. "You need to talk to him," Trevor whispered to her and she shook her head.

"I can't." She sniffled. "It hurts to see him. It hurts to talk to him. He doesn't want to be with me."

"I don't believe that."

"He told me himself."

"Yes, but I don't believe he actually meant it when he said it to you. I've seen him with you; it just doesn't add up."

"Well, I can't change his mind. I already tried." She cried more into his chest. "I told him that I loved him and he pushed me away."

"Because he's stubborn as hell. You know him, he's nothing if not self-sacrificing. For some reason he's pushing you away and I doubt it actually has anything to do with you." She let out a ragged breath and silently agreed. That did describe Sam accurately. "Get some sleep tonight and then I promise tomorrow will be a better day."

She backed away from him and wiped her eyes, which she was surprised could still produce tears after all the nights and days she spent crying until she didn't have the energy to do so anymore. "Shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

"I always keep mine," he told her kissing her forehead. "Call me tomorrow, okay?"

She nodded and sighed. "Thanks for walking me back."

"You got it." He winked before walking away. Dani stood outside of her motel room for a few minutes, before heading inside. All she wanted to do was shower, smoke a cigarette, and then fall into bed.

She unlocked her door and flipped on her light, she immediately regretted turning on the harsh light. The room was a disaster. She would have freaked out if she didn't know any better. The mess was of her own making. She often times threw things across the room in a fit of rage, or just threw her clothes on the floor and didn't bother picking them up until she needed something to wear.

She didn't used to be that way, but things were different now. She was a different person.

She closed the door and stumbled across the room, bending down to grab some shorts and a clean sports bra, she didn't bother with anything else before heading into the bathroom. Showers were always something that helped calm herself down. The warm water and the pressure of it moving across her muscles was always welcomed. She'd stay in the shower for longer than necessary, just letting the water run over every part of her body.

It was also where she'd find herself thinking about Sam. Every time she got into a shower, she thought of Sam, because for a long time, she never took a shower without him in there with her. He'd be in there, running his hands over her body, lightly kissing her neck, running his tongue over her earlobe, as his fingers grazed over her clit, teasing her until she was begging him to fuck her.

That was always how their nights had ended, but not anymore. Now her nights ended with her being alone and most likely that would never change.

She slipped on her shorts and sports bra before walking out, her mind on getting a cigarette to help calm her nerves. She made it two steps into the room before an all too familiar scent hit her so hard, she nearly lost her footing.

She turned her head and then let out a sigh. The downside to drinking too much was that most of the time if she drank enough, like tonight, she hallucinated and it usually involved Sam. She looked at the foot of her bed and there he was, looking back at her. Hallucination Sam's arm was in a sling. Why would he be wearing a sling? He wasn't even real.

She looked for a moment, before rolling her eyes and walking over to her purse, grabbing the cigarette pack out.

"So this is how you've been spending your time? I can't believe it." Sam's voice flowed, filling the room.

"I don't care," she muttered, angered that she was giving him any attention at all. It wasn't like he was real, so why indulge her own fucked up mind?

As Dani grabbed one of the cigarettes and searched for her lighter, she heard the mattress springs and she knew that he had stood up. "Why did you leave your door unlocked? Anyone could have come in here."

"Nobody did. I'm the only one here," she told him, but she said it more for her benefit than anything else. She finally found her lighter and lit the cigarette and headed for the door, but Sam stopped her. She let her head hang low as she sighed.

"We need to talk." He told her, as she tried to compose herself. She was pretty certain that it wasn't the real Sam in front of her, but she was confused because he definitely felt real when his hand wrapped around her elbow.

"I don't have anything to say."

"Nothing?" he questioned. "You have nothing to say? You gave up hunting and you have nothing to say about it? You're clearly a wreck and you have nothing to say?"

"Nope. I don't." She pulled her arm from his grip and took a few steps back. "Leave me alone." She closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them that he wouldn't be there, but upon opening her eyes, she was saddened that he was still there, staring at her, his hazel eyes filled with concern. Concern for her?

"Trevor called me earlier tonight. He told me to get my ass here, because you weren't doing well. As it turns out, I was already trying to track you down, so I was more than willing to come. I didn't believe him at first, but standing here right now, in front of you, I can't believe that you let yourself fall apart like this."

Why was her mind screwing with her? "Let myself?" she snorted. "I had no choice."

"No choice?"

If the man in front of her wasn't the real Sam, which she was sure he wasn't, she was going to give him a piece of her mind. Maybe it would help her.

"You broke me, Sam," she told him, her voice was firm and she was proud that she didn't slur her words. "You took everything I gave you and you broke it into little pieces. I'm like this because you didn't care. You threw me to the side, so don't blame all of this on me." She sat down on the bed and took a puff of her cigarette. "You took everything that made me happy and no matter what I did I couldn't get it back, so I'm just trying to live a normal shitty life."

"This is normal? Living in dirty motel rooms, drinking yourself silly every single night, and quitting your job?"

"What can I say? The motivation wasn't there anymore."

In a flash, Sam was in front of her, taking her cigarette out of her hand. It didn't even occur to her that her hallucinations normally couldn't do that. He put out her cigarette in a half empty beer bottle that she figured was probably three days old.

"I'm sorry." he told her. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for meeting you, I'm sorry for making promises to you, I'm sorry for falling in love with you and I'm sorry for pushing you away. Dani, I'm sorry that I wasn't the guy you deserved."

"You're a dick, you know that? Don't try to be a martyr."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. Just stop. You made your choice and I'm living with it, so why don't you do the same?"

Sam sighed and gave her a heartbreaking look. "I hate seeing you like this."

"So, what? This is what you wanted, quit pretending that you care. You made it more than clear that you don't, so leave me alone. Move on, Sam. I did."

"No, you didn't. You just gave up. That's different than moving on."

"Oh well." She sighed laying back on her bed.

"I hate myself for doing this to you, I never wanted this for you. Never."

She was tired, tired of trying, so why was she imagining him? Making him say all the things she wanted to hear?

"I wish I could hate you. I wish I could hate every single thing about you. I think it would make all of this so much easier, but I don't, so now I'm stuck with you in my head."

"You don't hate me?" he asked, moving closer to her. His cologne was making it hard for her to keep a clear head.

"Oh, how I wish I could, but I'm not that strong. I'm just a weak little girl who is in love with a man who just wants to hurt her over and over again." She was too tired to talk anymore, so she just lay there and when she almost fell asleep she could see that the light had been turned off, she also felt her bed dip and Sam's scent made its way to her, even stronger than before. It was going to be a long night for her. She laid awake for a while thinking about the real Sam, wondering where he was and if he was happy.

Dani awoke the next morning and the first thing she noticed when she opened her eyes was that she was alone in her bed. She let out a sigh. Last night had just been a dream or some crazy episode. She rolled onto her back and tried to stop herself from feeling sad that he wasn't actually there.

Why would he be there? He didn't care about her. She was just a burden that he had to rid himself of. After laying and staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, she decided to get up. As she started to roll out of bed, ready to leave the small town in exchange for a new one, she felt something under her hand, she heard something crinkle when she put her weight on it. She moved her hand and look down finding a piece of paper. She almost ignored it, but something made her look at it. She unfolded it, laying back down on her back, as she was certain she couldn't walk just yet; the room was still spinning. She looked at the paper and squinted, almost immediately she recognized the handwriting.

Went for Coffee. Don't leave before I get back, please. We need to talk.

She stared at the paper, reading the message a few times, making sure she had read it right the first time. When she was convinced that she had, she sighed and closed her eyes.

So last night wasn't just an hallucination or a dream? It really happened? She opened her eyes knowing that the longer she laid on the bed, the more time she would be wasting. Fighting against the spinning room, she made her way to the restroom, gathering everything she could gather in her hands. She needed to bail before Sam got back.

Her duffle bag was under the bed, so when she came out of the room, she dropped her things on her bed and searched for it, the whole time she tried to stop herself from vomiting all over the floor.

She frantically grabbed items off the floor and started shoving them into the bag, she wasn't sure what was clean or dirty, but she didn't care. It didn't matter. She grabbed her jacket off the table when she finished filling her bag with all her things, she did one last glance, checking to make sure that she had everything she would need. She walked out of the room and immediately hated herself for not having a pair of sunglasses.

She shielded her eyes with her hands quickly walking to her car and throwing her back in the backseat. Grabbing her ID and her handbag, she ran towards the front office, ready to check out.

As soon as she emerged from the office she felt sick to her stomach. A car was parked right next to hers, blocking it from her view. She didn't see the car before. She silently prayed that it wasn't Sam's. She wanted it to be somebody else, anybody else.

She ran to her car and her stomach twisted when she saw Sam leaning against her hood. "Good morning," he greeted her, holding out a cup of coffee. "Thought you'd need this."

Dani stood in front of him, fiddling with her keys. "I don't need anything. Especially something from you," she told him, meeting his eyes.

"I know, but take it anyway. I bet you'll be thanking me later."

"I won't be seeing you later, so no, I won't."

"That's what you think," he muttered. "Drink up, we got a case to get started on."

She blinked at him, not moving. "Are you certifiably insane?"

"Sometimes." He held out his hand, pushing the coffee closer to her. She couldn't deny that the coffee smelled really good. "I also got you something to eat, so let's get going. We should be there tonight unless we hit traffic."

"We? I'm not going anywhere with you."

"Don't be crazy. Your things are already in my trunk."

She walked past Sam, and looked in her backseat. He wasn't lying her things were gone. "What did you do?"

"I told you last night that you should keep your doors locked."

"Give me my things back."

Sam nodded placing the coffee in her hands. "I will. After we get done with the case."

"I'm not going."

"Yes, you are," he told her as if she didn't have another choice. That was something that she both loved and disliked about Sam. He was the most stubborn man she had ever met, besides his older brother Dean.

"I don't hunt anymore, Sam." She sighed, feeling sick and exhausted.

"Don't worry, it's like riding a bike. I've taken a couple breaks myself."

She rolled her eyes. Is that what he thought? Is that all he thought this was? "This isn't just a break. I'm done. For good."

"Even if I told you that Dean needed help?" Sam asked, standing up from the hood. Dani felt her jaw drop instantly at his words.

"What's wrong with Dean?" she asked, much more willing to listen to him than she had before.

"He's not doing well. It has to do with the mark." Sam started, moving closer to her. "I'm on my way to go get him right now, so let's go. I'll explain everything on the way," he said, tossing her a wink and walking over to the driver's side of his car.

She stared at him for a moment, not sure what to do. She didn't want to go with him. She just wanted to move on, even if it seemed impossible, but she knew she couldn't do that, not if Dean was in need of help. Sam wouldn't lie about something like that. Even if she didn't care about Dean, she couldn't leave, Sam had all of her belongings, which contained a few things that she couldn't replace. So bit her lip and looked at her car.

"What am I supposed to do about my car?"

"Leave it." Sam simply told her. "It's not exactly your car anyway, is it?"

"That isn't yours," she countered.

"It is for the moment," he said, with a smile. "Get in. I want to catch up with Dean. I really need your help. I might not deserve to ask you for anything, but Dean needs your help, so help him."

She sighed and placed her keys on the driver's seat of the car, before hopping into Sam's, which wasn't exactly a car that suited him very well. Sam grabbed a bag from of the backseat. "Alright, eat up."

She turned to him and shook her head. She'd help Dean in anyway that she could, hell she'd help Sam too, but she wasn't going to walk into anything blind. "First tell me what's going on with Dean. How much trouble is he in?"

What do you think so far? Feedback is always welcomed :)