Chapter 3

Toothache

Captain Hook took the lead, shifting through the foliage, pushing it aside. His heart beat against his chest with increased tempo, partly due to anticipation and partly out of anxiety. He listened closely, and could not make out the footsteps of his crew. Lacking behind as always. What was a villainous captain supposed to do with such incompetent men at his disposal?

Hook span around. "Step lively, you swabs. I'd like to get there sometime today, if necessary," he said in a tone that was both boisterous but hushed.

The cranky captain waited. It took a minute for his crew to catch up. The hefty cannonballs clutched in their hands was the main reason for their delay. Sharky huffed and Bones wheezed and Smee panted.

"We're stepping as lively as we can, Cap'n," Bones moaned between gasps for breath. His bony arms quivered like twigs ready to snap.

"Lugging these here cannonballs be no easy job, sir," Sharky said as the sweat trickled from under his hat.

Hook retorted, "Well, your jobs are going to get a lot harder if you don't pick up the pace. Now, onwards. We're almost there."

"Begging your pardon, Cap'n, but could ye at least tell us where we be going?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

Captain Hook pressed on. His crew followed, not wanting to squeeze anymore ire from this stone. They cut through the Neverland jungle. It buzzed all around with the sound of life – the chirping of birds up high and the clicking of bugs down below.

Hook pushed aside the twentieth leaf bush and stopped. "This is the place, men," he whispered.

Mr. Smee heaved beside his superior and looked out at the view. He did not know whether his captain had made a mistake or not, but if his vision had not failed him, he could swear he was staring at the Tick Tock Croc's lagoon. A pond of water, surrounded by golden sand and lush palm trees. There, in the small central island, lay the infamous crocodile in the flesh – or scales in this case. Tick Tock snored in his sleep. His snout wobbled with every snort. Even with his eyes closed, they still bounced every second.

"Did we take a wrong turn somewhere?" Smee asked, feeling a sense of dread beginning to build.

"No, Smee," Hook replied. His dark eyes were firmly locked on the crocodile. "I told you I knew a certain scallywag who'd be so kind as to spare a tooth, and there he is."

"But all I see is ol' Tick Tock. Where do we…?" The realisation struck Smee like a lightning bolt. "Oh, Cap'n, I certainly hope you're not thinking what methinks you're thinking."

"What's there to think about?" Hook gestured with his hook toward the crocodile's snout. "Look at those teeth."

Right on cue, Tick Tock Croc yawned. His gaping maw opened. Their fears only increased as they tallied up the number of teeth on both rows, and counted around sixty. All of them looked razor sharp. The ticking of the clock in his belly accentuated for as long as his mouth remained open. Hook pondered whether what little remained of his left hand could still be found within.

"All I need is one, any will do, and the rest shall play out in my favour," Hook explained. "You may put those cannonballs down—"

Without warning, Bones let the ball of iron slip. It landed with a ground-shattering rumble right on his foot. Bones snapped up straight and solid like a statue as agonising pain shot up his leg. As his eyes began to swell, the inevitable yelp began to build in his throat. Captain Hook smacked his hand over Bones' lips a microsecond after it came out.

All breaths were held as the ferocious crocodile rose his head. His eyelids opened a smidgen, showing his yellow eyes. Tick Tock, who was still drowsy, looked around with half-open eyes. When he failed to see anything, he lowered his head back down and let his eyes shut, returning to his dreams.

Hook turned back to Bones. "Gently…" He pulled himself away.

As quietly as possible, Bones pushed the cannonball of his foot. His toes were as flat as pancakes. He limped over to a rock, sat himself down, and nursed his tootsies back into their original shape. Mr. Smee and Sharky set their dead weights on the ground, taking extra care not to make the same mistake Bones just made.

Captain Hook knelt down by the trio of cannonballs. "This won't take long." He reached behind his back and pulled out a palette and paintbrush. The palette was loaded with dollops of paint. "I knew that one day my natural painting prowess would come in handy. Thank you, Mummy."

Hook began work on the ammunition. He started slow and controlled, but quickly lost his patience and resorted to slathering them in a tidal wave instead. Flecks of brown paint flew everywhere, striking his men and smearing on his red coat. When he was done smothering them, he dabbed the ruined brush into the black splodge on his palette and dotted three spots onto each one.

Hook stood back, admiring his handiwork. "Magnificent, is I do say so meself."

The rest of the Jolly Roger crew looked down and could not help but raise an eyebrow. Where their captain saw three perfect coconuts, they saw three cannonballs poorly attempting to pass themselves off as coconuts. The shade of brown was two shades too light. The black spots were running. There were gaps where Hook had missed.

"Quickly, lads," Captain Hook ordered, "toss one of them out. It's time to feed the beast."

Reluctantly, Smee and Sharky saluted, said "aye, aye, sir", and then picked up one cannonball. The wet paint ran onto their hands.

"Shouldn't we at least wait for the paint to dry first?" Smee asked.

"Quit your complaining and just throw it out there," Hook retorted.

Mr. Smee sighed, then he and Sharky tossed it out. For a heavy ball, they managed to throw it quite a long distance. It landed on the sand. The resounding crash snapped Tick Tock Croc awake. Half asleep, the crocodile looked across the pool of water and made out the biggest coconut he had ever seen. Just the sight of it made his belly grumble.

Hook watched as the overgrown lizard eased into the water and drifted toward the 'coconut'. He turned away and smiled. "It's working, lads. That tooth is as good as mine."

Tick Tock Croc crawled out onto the sand. He pressed his snout against the skin and sniffed. What he sensed snapped him fully awake. This was unlike any coconut he had ever smelled, plus, the tip of his nose had become moist all of a sudden. The crocodile shot upright and brought his claw to his nose, scraping off an oily substance onto his scaly palm. He stared down at the coconut, then swung his tail around and knocked it into the lagoon. Had it been a real coconut, it would not have sank straight to the bottom like an anchor. The stuff washed away, revealing the grey underneath. Now Tick Tock knew what it was, and he had a firm idea as to who it belonged to. It did not take a mastermind to figure it out. Around here, cannonballs were only used by pirates. And out of all the pirate crews and captains in Neverland, only one would devise a trick such as this.

Captain Hook pointed to another of the cannonballs masquerading as coconuts. "Pick up another one. We'll give him a feast to remember," he said.

Smee and Sharky, following their captain's instructions, heaved the second ball off the ground. They were about to take it to the jungle threshold when they stopped and stared up at something behind Hook.

"What are you all staring at?" Hook asked. He turned around and brushed the tip of his large nose against a pale underbelly. He begrudgingly followed it up until he met a pair of great, big crocodile teeth, gnashing away.

The Tick Tock Croc's ten foot tall frame of scale and muscle towered over the lanky, cranky captain. Beating, yellow eyes glared down at him. The teeth parted. The ticking that resonated from his gullet counted down the number of seconds Captain Hook had to live.

"On second thought," Hook said, his voice small, "perhaps I didn't think this through after all…" Tick Tock snarled, then snapped down with his jaw. James Hook ducked just in time to stop himself from becoming lunch. He span around and ran past his crew. "Make haste," he cried as his thin legs carried him faster than possible. "Run for your lives!"

The crocodile charged on all fours. Bones, Sharky, and Mr. Smee dashed after their captain – the latter two still carried the cannonball. The thought of abandoning it never crossed their mind.

Captain Hook sprinted through the jungle. He leapt fallen logs, ducked branches, avoided running face first into trees. As he passed a deep-rooted tree, he tripped on a protruding root and crashed to the dry ground. He raised his head only for someone to stamp it back into the clay.

"Sorry, Cap'n," Bones said. He did not stop running.

Hook raised his head again. His face was caked with dust. This time, two pairs of feet stomped him back down.

"'Scuse me, sir," Smee and Sharky apologised. They did not stop running either.

Captain Hook pushed himself up. Now there was an engraving of his face in the solid earth, enough to mould a perfect James Hook mask. The thunder of approaching crocodile footsteps jolted him up and onward.

Bones found it first: a sturdy palm tree that was taller than the others he had passed. Without a second thought, he wrapped himself around the trunk and shimmied himself up to the top. On the leafy peak, he looked down and spotted his musical partner and the first mate charging toward the base of the same tree. They still lugged the hefty, paint-soaked cannonball. They did not stop to climb up the tree, but rather, they ran up it in true cartoon fashion and came to a halt beside Bones.

"Wow," said Bones, smiling. "Mighty impressive, that be."

Captain Hook's cries echoed from the brush. "Smee, save me!" He burst through the foliage. Tick Tock was hot on his heels, no more than a couple of seconds behind.

Smee glanced down at the drop and back to his superior. "He's not going to make it!"

Captain Hook started to climb the tree trunk, but the hungry croc was mere meters away and gaining fast. There was no way Hook would be able to climb out of Tick Tock's reach. If something was not done, the meal that began so long ago will finally be finished.

"What can we do?" Sharky asked, looking at Smee.

Smee glanced down at the excuse of a coconut in their hands. "The same thing the cap'n ordered us to do," he responded. "Throw it! Now!"

Both he and Sharky tossed the cannonball down. At that moment, Tick Tock lunged at Captain Hook. His jaw was wide and salivating; he was going to enjoy this. His teeth chomped down and crunched against the hardest thing he had ever bitten into – sure, Hook might have been skin and bones, but even he should not be that dense. Tick Tock's entire body vibrated from his jaw to his toes. His eyes opened and saw the cannonball wedged in his mouth.

The cannonball dropped to the ground and then the crocodile began to shed crocodile tears. The Jolly Roger crew watched as the Tick Tick Croc clutched his jaw and wailed. He was hurt. Badly. He turned around and slinked away into the wilderness.

The pirate crew waited in case he decided to return, but he never did. Captain Hook, who was still halfway up the trunk, turned to his henchmen and said, "Methinks you've just earned yourselves a commendation."

"Oh, goody," Bones said joyously. "What do we get?"

Hook slid back down to ground level. "You got it when I said it five seconds ago," he said, sounding bitter. "Now, stop yapping and start searching."

They returned to the jungle floor and began to scan the surrounding area. There were plenty of white petals and flowers around that alluded them from what they were searching for.

All of a sudden, Captain Hook smiled and laughed. "Wonderful." He plucked something off the ground. "Feast your eyes on this, lads." He presented his finding: a fang from Tick Tock's mouth. "This is our ticket to Tooth Pixie-land! Endless gold doubloons, here I come!"