A/N: Disclaimer: (haven't I already said this...?) I don't own Maid-Sama

Chapter Eight. A Troubled Boy, A Tin Man (With A Heart?)

Tora stared at the cut on his hand. His mother had run off to get some bandages for him, after he had purposefully hurt himself just to get someone's attention on him besides the maids. Though his mother had just assumed someone so young had done it on accident, of course, because five-year-old children weren't supposed to be calculating how to get their parent's attention. They should be happily coloring, laughing in oblivious mirth for no reason. He was coloring though, so he gave himself credit for that. But he had cut himself on the sharp edge of the table because he wasn't oblivious as all other children were. He knew when he was being ignored and he knew a lot of other things as well, too smart for his age. That's why he could never live in ignorance, even as his little self, so young- he always knew too much to be able to live in the bliss of not knowing, as other kids did.

"Kaa-chan, why do the leaves change color?" He asked when the woman was back at his side. He was looking out the window at the fall weather with it's tints of yellow, orange, and red.

"Because they can't be one color all the time, Tora." His mother replied, crouching down with a bandage caught in between her fingers.

"You're not taking me seriously. But I think I know why already. The pigment and the -"

The woman laughs sadly, cutting him off before he can rant, watching the young boy with those serious bright golden eyes of his that somehow had a broken look hidden in them.

"I know you know why. You're a smart boy. And it's not that I'm not taking you seriously, because I meant my answer. They can't be the same thing all of the time, just like how people can't live their life without changing every now and then- they can't all stay one color."

"I don't get what you mean, Kaa-chan."

Her gaze was warm and filled with love as she tenderly placed the band-aid over his cut.

"People are always changing, dear. For better or for worse."

The little boy looked back out the window, watching as a single, bright golden leaf broke off of the branch and floated to the ground.

A young adult version of Tora back in present day was sitting in the hall outside of his mother's door on a bench. He had unwrapped the bandage that Akari had placed over his hand the other day, and was staring at the cut across his skin. He ran a finger over it carefully, remembering when he had cut his hand in the same place when he was younger. He closed his eyes, more memories coming on...

A boy at the age of eight was cowering outside of his father's office, (cowering without really showing any emotions on his face, that is) wondering what he had been called there for.

He didn't like his father- but he respected him. And that was how it was between the two. Nothing more, nothing less. They were more like business associates than family.

"Tora."

The young boy turned to see his mother standing behind him, her head cocked to the side and her champagne-colored eyes questioning and bright in the dim lighting of the hall.

"What are you doing?"

"I was called into Otosan's office to talk with him."

"But he's in a meeting, dear."

"I know." Tora quietly looked back at the ground.

"...How long have you been waiting?"

"Two hours exactly."

(No wonder the boy had such a high tolerance level and an amount of patience that surpassed most other's)

When he told her that, she pushed through the door of his father's office, not caring about interrupting the meeting.

"Excuse me," He heard her say sternly. "Tora's been waiting out in the hall for you to come get him."

"Sorry darling, I lost track of time and it must have slipped my mind."

Tora didn't understand when his father spoke like that. When his father spoke to his mother- it was completely different from how he spoke to everyone else, even Tora. It was a tone that expressed a hidden love underneath its superiority.

"You can't do that. You can't forget about your only son like that." His mother sounded angry. Oh dear, an angry Igarashi was never a good thing.

He heard his father sigh.

"I've already apologized and I'm in the middle of a meeting with my associates right now. Can we talk about this later?"

Suddenly Tora's mother was strutting out of the room in all her arrogance, and when she closed the door behind her, her light cream-gold eyes found Tora's beams of gold and she smiled warmly.

"Your father is busy, but I'll hold a meeting of my own with you."

She settled a hand on his shoulder and led him down the dimmed halls.

"You're getting taller, you know?" She remarked as she looked down at him.

He nodded. He knew he was growing fast- only eight but already up to his 6 ft mother's elbow. Not having inherited her tall, lanky frame, though, he harbored the same build as his father- still tall, since it was in both sides of his genetics- but not frail or spindle-legged. He, instead, was already obtaining toned muscle in his chest and arms, his long legs keeping him strong on his feet and not fluttery and light like his mother.

"Can I tell you a secret, Tora?"

They were in front of a set of stairs when she stopped walking and crouched down low, looking up at him from where she bent down. His tone was flat when he spoke, although his eyes had widened at her talk of secrets, widened in what was as close as he could get to a childish sense of wonder.

"Hai, Okaasan."

She touched a hand to his cheek lightly, her smile a happy one, her gaze a gentle one.

"I love you."

An eleven-year-old was crying in the garden around to the side of his large mansion, the flowers surrounding him the same golden color as his eyes, and it was a beautiful spring day. He was crying because he knew too much about life, about situations. His mother was very sick, and he was powerless to do anything about it. He hadn't seen her in a week- and not one comforting word was said to him during that amount of time.

So this was what pain felt like. True, real pain. Not the physical kind, but the heart-ache kind.

"Tora."

The voice that sang him to sleep when he was just tiny brought him out of his depressing thoughts for a moment. He turned his head to glance over his shoulder, and when he actually saw that it was her, he was quick to wipe the tears from his eyes and straighten up, smoothing a hand over his suit like his father always did to look important.

"Hello, Okaasan. Feeling better yet?" He was trying to sound authoritative, responsible, but his young, boyish voice was letting loose a tremor of worry that he would work over the years to make disappear when he needed it to. He had already learned how to stop crying on cue, after all, so he could eventually make sure to control his voice as well. He gave her his false smile- the one he'd perfected growing up to hide his real features, but she saw right through it.

"Dear, why are you out here? The party is inside. Father wanted to introduce you to some boys your age."

Yeah, but just for his benefit so I can make friends with them and our family can be on good terms with their family...

Instead of voicing his displeasure, he smiled even more.

"Of course, Okaasan."

"It's alright, you can tell me what the matter is. I can assure you that you don't have a thing to worry about, Tora-kun." She said with a smile, but he could tell she looked not like herself. He could see it in her eyes, in the way she stood. And also, she never added the 'kun' to the end of his name like a few of the other parents did with their children, unless she was trying to act like everything was okay when it really was the opposite.

She was trying to give him a false sense of security that he would never develop or accept.

But he just smiled, struggling in controlling his features. Soon, he would perfect that. Perfect it so much so, that no one will be able to read into him. Not even his mother- so she doesn't have to waste her time worrying about him.

"Tora... were you crying?"

But he would never understand why, she always knew. She always would know. No matter how good of an actor he was, she was his mother. She carried him inside of her all those months, she brought him into the world, and she cared for him whenever she had any ounce of time to, she really tried to work around her schedule as an Igarashi woman, just for him.

Her son.

"I wasn't crying." He said, sounding both reassuring and defiant.

Her eyes looked at him in sad concentration. He knew she knew that he was lying and they both knew that he wouldn't admit to it.

"Hai, alright then. But just so you know, crying isn't a bad thing."

His wide, kid eyes looked at her, shocked. His mother sighed and placed a fragile hand on the top of his head, looking down at him with a knowledgeable light in her eyes.

"It's a very brave thing, to show weakness, and it's okay to feel bad about things every now and then. Trust me on this fact, Tora."

He only stared. She was saying things that went completely against what he'd taught himself after watching his father throughout the years.

"A small child who can cry openly and release his emotions..." She bent down to him slightly- though he was tall for an eleven-year-old, she was still tallest and had to bend on her knees, her gaze staring with his. She reached up with a finger and wiped the place where his tears had dried on his cheeks. "Is considered much braver than any strong man who holds his emotions in. It is brave to cry, Tora. And it is okay to feel bad. Some of the best men cry behind closed doors, but even greater men than that face their fears and accept their tears openly. You should be one of the greater men."

He had shoved her hand away politely after that, scoffing and smirking, his young hands smoothing carefully back over his suit and fixing his hair.

"Crying," He said, in a matter-of-fact tone. "Is useless. Sadness is a useless emotion that only succeeds in making you appear weak to people."

He watched in confusion as his mother shook her head.

"But you cannot have happiness, without sadness."

He opened his mouth to object, but closed it as he thought over her words. She stood up as he was contemplating, and took his smaller hand in her larger, frailer one.

"Come on, let's go back inside."

"Okaasan."

She turned her face down to him.

"You don't have to shed tears in order to be able to smile."

"But do you want to smile without any feeling behind it for your whole life then, Tora?"

People are always changing, for better or for worse...

I love you...

It's a very brave thing, to show weakness... It is brave to cry... great men face their fears... accept their tears...

Tora dropped his head in his hands, his hair covering his face, his cut still hurting as if it were a fresh wound.

And he cried.

For the first time in seven years. He accepted his tears. He faced his fears. He showed weakness.

He cried.

Akari had gotten out of the shower a short while ago, and was just finishing braiding her hair into two identical, cinnamon-colored pigtails. She walked to her closet, tried to find something plain and simple, and found a light blue dress to wear. She put that on, the silky fabric hugging her softly, the sleeves cut short at her shoulders in a nice, refreshing way- because the heating in the household was always on full blast since it was snowing now outside, she needed some release from the heat and so she was dressing as if for summer weather.

When she was done getting dressed she left her room and hurried up and down corridors, trying as best she could to find the wing of the house that held the house's mistress.

When she and Tora had finally arrived back at the mansion, Tora had been in an absolute frenzy, pushing MAIDS over and disregarding everyone, with only one thought seeming to run through his mind: his mother.

She had watched from the sidelines, after following him quietly and not knowing what was going on, until he reached that one large door and reached out to open it... But when he had walked inside, she heard arguing after it was shut in her face, and then Tora left the room just as quickly as he had entered it. He had immediately sat down on the bench just outside the door, simply staring forward, at the wall across from him, with no expression.

Pretty soon after that, a taller version of Tora walked out of the room, with darker hair and even fiercer eyes.

That was only the second time she had met Tora's father, and he still unsettled her.

He had told them both to relax for now, that we were not allowed to visit until we were told otherwise, and that the only ones currently allowed in the room with Mrs. Igarashi was himself and the doctors that had arrived. Tora had stubbornly refused to say or do anything- he just sat there on his bench, alone, looking like a statue of himself, and being the quietest she had ever seen him. Meanwhile, Mr. Igarashi's gaze had turned to her, and she was about to say something when she saw it- that faint, veerrrry faint, glimmer behind his extremely stern gaze- a glimmer of unconditional love, worry, deep sadness. He wasn't all bad, Mrs. Igarashi had told her correctly on that, she figured after seeing the deep feelings he held for his wife, and Akari didn't want to upset the poor man anymore.

That was how she ended up, after respectfully bowing and leaving for her room, taking one of the longest showers of her life. She had simply stood underneath the water for most of it, doing nothing, just standing, trying to think.

But all she really could think was how Tora was being affected by this. She never thought he could react in such a way to anything, even if it's family-related. She never really truly, knew that he cared about much of anything.

She knew he was fake.

And she knew there was something hiding in him. A real person, a good man, possibly.

But she had never thought she'd get to see him crying!

"Er-" She stopped herself after finally finding the right hallway. She just stood there, under the dim lights, watching him on that bench, his shoulders heaving heavily, his bent figure looking utterly destroyed. Quiet- so quiet that they were almost inaudible- sounds came out of his mouth. He was sobbing very carefully, making sure to stay near to silent, and if she didn't know for a fact that she wasn't dreaming then she would have thought that this was some sort of strange, unreal occurrence that she'd imagined in her head.

Except she never would have been able to even imagine him crying.

She immediately turned to go, soundlessly inching back down the hall so as not to disturb him in this weak time of his, but she gasped when she felt something suddenly gripping onto the edge of her dress. When she turned her head around, she was shocked to see him standing- she didn't think he'd be able to stand- behind her and he was looking so far down that his hair completely covered his face. He was reaching out one of his arms, his grip on her dress didn't release itself, it didn't even loosen up.

"Stay." Was all he said. His tone was monotonous and lacked any emotion. You never could have guessed he was just crying a split second before.

And without her consent, he pulled her down onto the bench next to him.

His knees were spread apart and he was leaning forward with his elbows resting on them and his hands clasped, his head pointed down slightly so she could only glimpse half of his expression. She sat politely and stock-still next to him, her hands lying unfolded and useless in her lap, one foot crossed over the other. They stayed like that for quite a while- she'd have to guess it was an hour before he spoke up again.

"I'm unfeeling and some have said heartless." He stated flatly, and made not one move but stayed as he was in his seat, his posture unnaturally stiff. She had thought he was going to yell at her for seeing him in such a weak position, but he didn't yell. It didn't even raise his voice above a low, deep tone.

It wasn't that Akari pitied him, but she did want to try to help him. She didn't even have to think over an answer - she just started to talk.

"You're not heartless, but sometimes you act like you have less of a heart than you really do have." She tried to catch his attention then, placing her face nearer to his. "And you really do have a big heart. Even if others don't see it, even if you can't see it, it's still there. Your big fat heart full of emotions- and it's kind of the culprit behind everything you've felt so far, or not felt. But it's still a good heart. So no, you're not heartless. And that's not a real statement it's fake."

He ignored her and started talking rapidly, gruffly.

"I acknowledge that I am hurtful- and yet I don't really care either way, if I'm nice or not. I'm hollowed out. I really don't have a heart, and don't say otherwise." He was glaring at the floor now. "I'm a fucking bastard and you've thought that too. Don't pretend you never hated me."

"Tora." She made her voice extremely stern but he didn't even flinch. He wasn't reacting, though normally he would smirk in return, she still couldn't see his face too clearly, and it worried her that he was being so... rigid. "I will say otherwise. You aren't hollow, nobody is. And I've never hated you... but I did think of you as a bastard." She slowly admitted, and he grunted slightly. "But, regardless of what I've thought, or what anyone else has said, you obviously just proved you do feel things- you aren't unfeeling- that you have a heart. Because you were crying."

Slowly, he looked over at her, his golden eyes almost in a liquid state, as if melted slightly by his earlier tears.

"That was the first time I've cried in seven years. If I'm not heartless right now, then at least I have been for that long."

Tora shifted slightly, leaning back and resting both his arms limply on his thighs. The cut on his hand was still stinging and that was probably the only thing keeping him awake - he was exhausted and he felt... well now he just felt blank. Emptied out. Like he had said- hollow. You could probably bang on his chest and hear the sound echo inside of him. This is why he hated emotions - because it's easy to lose yourself in your feelings. That's why lying about everything is so much better..

Akari was still staring at him, now that he had let her see his face, and he didn't want to see whatever look she was giving him, be it sympathy or anger or agreement with his words. He just didn't want to see, or talk, or hear. He was thoroughly through with feeling for the next seven years to come. And maybe then, after so long, he'd cry again. Maybe.

Though he didn't like it very much, so probably not.

"What -" He started to get out as he felt something warm against his own sweaty skin. He looked down, and caught a sight that made him have to stare for a while until he fully understood it.

Her hand, in his own. Her fingers, wrapped carefully around the edges of his hand. Her soft touch, against his own skin. What...

"My mother used to say that when you feel like you can't handle something anymore, that's when you should hold onto it all the more tightly."

He stared at their hands, feeling her gaze there too. He wondered, for a moment, if both of them were staring like that at the same time for too long, that their hands would begin to burn away at the edges, like some sort of still photograph set aflame.

"Tora, you don't have to talk anymore. But just listen to me about this. I've been being pushed around by you for almost a full week now, and yet I've been able to handle it. I can still handle it. So I'm not the one who needs to hold onto you right now like this. I'm doing this because it's what you need."

"What I need is..." He looked up at her, and she still stared at their hands, as if afraid that if she looked away, she'd accidentally forget what she was doing and let go.

"To hold on. Hold onto anything you can, and for now, since I'm here, hold onto me." She looked up as she spoke.

Her gaze met his. They stared and stared and stared at each other. Tora felt something strange inside of him, some sort of strained feeling that was having trouble being suppressed but at the same time had been held in for too long to be let go.

Not really aware of what he was doing, his hand gripped hers tighter in his, squeezing for reassurance that her words were really true, as he was starting to think that they were.

Akari woke up and opened her eyes to see the dim, twinkling lights... that she thought were placed in the hallways not her room? She was confused for a moment...

And then she realized the warmth beside her, the bangs, which weren't her own, that were slightly covering and tickling her face, and she turned her eyes upward to see a napping Tora above her, her head resting just below his shoulder in the crook of his arm, and his head dipped low over hers, nodding slightly when she moved.

She suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment overcome her senses, and she went red. Since when had they fallen asleep on the bench together? She didn't recall when she herself had drifted off... and she had fallen asleep on him! That was shameful. He probably felt uncomfortable as WELL about this...

She started to inch her body away, but was pulled back harshly with a tug at her hand. Looking in his lap, she realized their hands were still gently but firmly clasped together- his thumb grazing over her knuckles as he murmured to her in a sleepy tone;

"Don't."

He didn't open his eyes or anything, just made that one gesture, and his thumb didn't stop rubbing across the skin of her hand until she settled backwards and re-situated herself in the position she had been napping in against him. He was in a half-asleep, half-awake state, and she didn't know if she should tell him to wake up or simply go back to sleep herself.

"Igarashi-"

"Just sleep."

She looked up as his mouth moved in another quiet murmur, but the rest of his face remained relaxed as if in sleep. Sighing, she got comfortable and sniffed her nose into his shirt... he smelled like himself - it was an arrogant yet calming scent - combined smells of aftershave and fresh laundry, plus the foreign, musky scent of his skin. She didn't know how to describe it exactly - it was just the golden-eyed tiger's scent.

"You're a shameful opportunist even in sleep, Tora Igarashi." She said, shutting her eyes.

His chest moved up and down, shaking slightly beneath her - a sign that he was actually more awake than she thought and was now laughing at her statement.

"Don't tempt me anymore, or I won't be able to help myself."

She froze when she felt his lips at her ear, his teeth biting down lightly on the tip, and then slightly harder as if to pierce it.

"Lecherous-

"Tiger?" He finished for her, moving his lips down to her shoulder and grazing his teeth lightly across her skin.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, his head fell against her shoulder, the heavy weight of it simply leaning there. She tried poking him to get off, but he was lightly snoring all of a sudden, his face completely slack.

"He really was half-asleep..." She mumbled, and let him rest his head on her shoulder as he slept, she herself letting her head fall on top of his head, her face nuzzling into his coarse hair- and that was how they slept as they waited for something to happen - to be given news - to be allowed into the room they were cuddling just outside the door of.

Unknown to Akari, not only was this night the first time he had cried in seven years, but this would be the first time that Tora had slept with a girl- in the literal sense.

A/N: Hey guys...

wahahaha! I snuck my computer away from my mom when she took it from me tonight and said I need something weird called 'sleep'. What is this 'sleep'? Is it something normal people do at night? Hmm. Interesting. I know it's the thing that Akari and Tora were doing together in this chapter, but... I don't understand? ;)

Anyway, I'm like a freaking ninja cuz I snuck through the shadows of the house- while my mother was still awake- and found where she hid my lap top, and did all these sneaky moves and such and yeah so now I got to finish this chapter! Yaaay! I feel so accomplished ^.^

R&R and I'll update more soon! sent me critique and requests if you want something to happen and I just might make it happen for you.

Tah-tah, my small peasants!

CK *:

Ohmagush, the kiss face is BACKWARDS this time! Look at it!

normally it goes like dis :* (but I did it backwards this time! heh)