► "Dummy!"

The dummy had anger issues.

"Futile. Futile! FUTILE!" he shrieked, flinging cotton everywhere. The battle was only six turns in, and it already looked like it was snowing. Papyrus didn't seem to mind, flinging bones like the bullets they were and swerving back and forth to avoid Dummy's drone attacks. His health was nearly at maximum. Undyne watched from a distance, leaning against the cave wall and hollering to "SHOW HIM NO MERCY!" or to "STOP MISSING!". Who she was addressing was anyone's guess. But both took her advice.

Dummy took a bone to the face, which didn't hurt, but irked him even more. "GAH! POINTLESS! You think THAT would hurt me?!"

"NO, BUT UNDYNE SAID IT'S GOOD PRACTICE!"

She had. And it was. Undyne had pitted Papyrus against the Dummy not only for training, but to gauge his physical and magical conditions. Being a slim, snappable monster without any real shell or protection, she had thought that, even if his DEFiance was good, an attack would snap a tibia or something. Nope. He absorbed it without complaint. Drones and cotton balls, for the most part, weren't that effective against him. She had also expected his attacks to be a bit less...what's the word...good? But they were strong, accurate, and plentiful. Not to mention a bit flashy. (if bones COULD be flashy…)

The mannequin growled and sent tiny puppets flying in Papyrus' direction. He dodged them with ease, but lost his footing on the cotton-covered floor and fell. He straightened himself, looking determined. He drew his arm back and almost sent more bullets, but paused. He stopped casting, changed attacks, and sent blue-tinted bones in Dummy's direction.

Mad Dummy laughed as they passed harmlessly through him...or didn't. The bones stayed stuck there like arrows. He looked at them, then panicked, turning this way and that, trying to unlodge them, to no avail. He shrieked madly and made a kicking motion with his stand.

Undyne's eyebrows popped up in surprise, then she burst into laughter. Papyrus looked worried. "HEY!" he shouted. "STOP MOVING!"

Miraculously, Dummy obeyed. He froze, and the blue attacks passed through him like they were nothing. He looked stunned, then furious. "What the heck was THAT, bonehead?!"

"BLUE ATTACKS! DON'T MOVE AND THEY WON'T HURT YOU! AND I APPRECIATE THE COMPLIMENT, ALTHOUGH OBVIOUS." Papyrus sent more, and dummy struck some ridiculous poses, freezing whenever one passed through his stuffed insides.

Undyne guffawed her face off as dummy mimicked a Mettaton. This was the best thing since she pet Lesser Dog and he got his head stuck in a tree. "Dummy! They won't hurt you!"

"I KNOW THAT YOU BLUE-FACED JERRY!" Dummy screamed. "IT FEELS AWFUL!"

Undyne's fins flopped. Then, she bared her pale yellow fangs. "What did you say, dust-bunny?"

"I SAID YOU'RE A BLUE-FACED JERRY YOU RETARDED-"

It suddenly smelled like sushi. Undyne roared and sent way more bullets in Dummy's direction than necessary. Futile. Undyne joined the fight, yelling completely inappropriate words and launching enough spears to shish kebab an Aaron. Stuffing flew, bones clacked, and spears gleamed.

After sixteen attacks, Dummy was clearly getting worn out. His movements were sluggish, and his tiny little dummy-bots lost trajectory and plummeted to the ground before they hit either of them. Undyne didn't show sign of tiring. She attacked all the harder, screaming louder than a mere Migosp could ever dream to accomplish, but Papyrus seemed a bit reluctant to keep going.

"What was THAT?!" Undyne yelled, as Papyrus' blue attack shattered before hitting Dummy. "That didn't even get to him!"

"I KNOW! I SAW!" he said, summoning more whites and trying again. Every single one missed, deliberately changing course or backtracking like some sort of possessed boomerang (bone-arang?).

"WHAT THE ACTUAL- do you even WANT to fight this guy?!"

"YES!" Papyrus was getting frustrated with his own attacks. Another volley, another miss. "WHY ARE THEY MISSING?"

"Hit the dummy, you dummy!"

"I CAN'T! IT WON'T-"

"Hit it!"

"I'M TRYING!"

MISS

"NO you are NOT!"

MISS

"YES I AM!"

"HIT THE FREAKING DUMMY!"

MISS

MISS

"IT'S NOT WORKING!"

"HIT IT!"

MISS

MISS

MISS

"I- I CAN'T-"

MISS

MISS

"YOU. ARE. NOT. TRYING!"

MISS

"I-I-"

MISS

"HIT! IT! NOW!"

"I caaannnNNNNNYYYYAAAAAAAAH!"

He threw his hands into the air, and something appeared above Papyrus' head. Undyne looked up, just in time to see a huge skull open its steak-knife maw. It was about half as tall as she was, with a crown of long spines on its nape, a narrow snout, and two large, hollow sockets with gleaming pupils. She made a stupid expression as it unhinged its jaw and-

GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!

Undyne didn't even have time to cuss before swerving to the side to avoid the blast. It was so bright that her third eyelid closed to keep her from burning her corneas. A wave of unnatural panic and adrenaline hit her like a tsunami. She wasn't supposed to be this scared; after all, she wasn't his target. After a couple seconds, there was a snap and a whooshing sound. Undyne looked up. The skull-thingy was gone. Dummy was now smoking and singed. He looked like something Undyne had cooked. Although unharmed, he looked like he was in shock. Papyrus was looking a bit startled, too.

► "Bird Who Carries You Over A Disproportionately Small Gap"

Undyne cautiously got up, her black tank now covered in gravel, and stared at Papyrus. He looked a bit...taken aback. That spindly skeleton had summoned that?! Papyrus had suddenly ascended to a totally new level of cool.

He looked at her, worried. "S-SORRY UNDY-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAT WAS THAT?!" She grabbed him into a headlock and noogied him, grinning like an idiot. "The hell didn't you do that earlier?! That was at LEAST seventy- You okay, wimp?"

Papyrus was shaky. "YES I'M FI- ow. COULD YOU LET GO?"

Undyne released the headlock (skull-lock?). Papyrus straightened, cracked his spine, and rubbed his face. "Mrph." He looked ready for a nap.

"Papyrus."

"YES, UNdyne?"

"WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!"

"IT WAS A SPECIAL ATTACK. IT HAPPENS when I get frustrated…"

"A giant SKULL attack appears when you get MAD?! That is so freaking AWESOME!"

His sockets went white. "Y-yeah, something like…" He collapsed on on her shoulder, out cold. Undyne was not ready. She barely caught him before he slid off. Holy carp.

► "Waterfall"

"Woah, woah woah woah woah! Hey! What? WAKE UP!" She slapped him. "Ow, the heck are you so hard!? Wake up!" Nothing. "DaAaAaAaAah!"

Dummy recovered and practically exploded with laughter. An unnatural feeling arose in Undyne's chest. Panic, perhaps? Now what? CPR? He didn't have lungs, and gross. Dunk him in water? Didn't they do that in movies or something? It seemed like the right thing to do, plus it was fun. She heaved him onto her shoulder and started jogging south. Dummy was dying. Hopefully Papyrus wasn't.

She said hello to the bird who carries you over a disproportionately small gap. It flapped over to the other side of the pond, watching her cautiously. She didn't judge. She was carrying a skeleton after all. She probably looked like she'd murdered him or something.

She tossed him in, and he immediately sank. Skeletons didn't need to breathe, did they? Whatever, the water was shallow. He'd be fine. She waited a couple seconds. But he didn't come back up.

The strange feeling was back, something akin to nausea constricting her chest. She dove in, using her special lids again and switching her breathing to her gills. She grabbed a humerus and yanked so hard it almost came out of socket. Awkwardly, she got him on the bank. She was gonna need some cheese fries for this.

Undyne was not a doctor. Her treatment for a headache? Dunk your face in water. Broken ankle? Walk it off. Lose an eye? Good, now you look cool. Get an eye patch. Dang, Papyrus would look WICKED cool with an eyepatch!...which wasn't a possibility, since he only had sockets to begin with...STILL! Ugh, the point was that there WAS a reason she was Captain of the Royal Guard, not Royal Scientist! She didn't know the first thing about science, or the second, or the eleventeenth (was that even a word? Who cares)! So when put in front of a clocked-out monster and asked, "How do you fix them?", she suddenly was clueless. Did that make her a wimp in scientific terms? Most likely. And now Papyrus was unconscious, soaked, and next to a person declared a weakling in the name of science. And it was obvious that, if the jog and bath hadn't worked, a headbutt wouldn't work either. She needed an actual doctor, or at least someone who could tell her what NOT to do. Luckily, Undyne knew just the monster.

She fished out her phone (Alphys, ironically, had waterproofed it for her) and dialed her number. A long period of ringing, then a nervous voice picked up. "H-hey Undyne."

"Alphys! I need you to nerd for me!"

"Uh, okay, what-"

She looked at Papyrus. "Next to an unconscious monster. Slapped him and chucked him in a pond, but he's still out cold. Now what?"

"Oh gosh, uh, um, h-how long was he out?"

"Five minutes?"

"W-were you there when- How was he-"

"He did this weird attack thing with a cannon. Ten seconds later, boom. Out. He said it happens when he gets mad."

"An emotional attack...That's...o-oh, yeah. Uh, he should wake up e-eventually. H-how irked was he?

"'Irked'?"

"Uh, a-annoyed."

"YES. His attacks were missing for some reason. Another thing I wanted to ask you about."

"Oh, um, okay, he'll be up sooner or later. I'll t-take it you're outside?"

"Yep."

"Get inside and, uh, keep an eye on him. When he wakes up he might...panic."

Panic attack. Fantastic. Again, not a doctor. "Great. What about the whole missing-attack thing?"

Alphys laughed nervously. "That's a bit...c-complicated? You should probably, uh, get inside first."

"Fine. See ya Alph."

"Y-yeah, s-s-see ya."

► "Quiet Water"

Click. Undyne pocketed her phone and stared at Papyrus, who was still out cold. Really a day. Alphys had better explain this. Papyrus, too.

She easily hoisted him and ran back to her house. Dummy was smacking his face against the cave wall, still losing it. Seriously, that guy needed to see a psychologist or something.

She dumped him on the rug next to the window. Should she wait for him to wake up or something? Boring. She took stock. He was soaked to the bone (literally) and emitting slight waves of magic, almost in a pulsing pattern. His orange shirt was sopping. His sockets were shut tightly, and his jawbone was clenched. A check showed next-to-full Hp and such.

Oddly enough, she had never met a skeleton before Papyrus. She guessed they were kinda rare; perhaps a species on the verge of dying out? She couldn't imagine what that was like. Then again, she'd never seen a fish quite like herself before. Unusually curious, she rapped on his skull. It was hard and sounded hollow. Oh, that explained so much! Papyrus really didn't have anything in that head of his!

How did he change expression with such a hard face? Magic junk or something? She touched his eye, which, somehow, was closed. It felt hard. Like, really hard.

Why was she touching his face? She was as bad as Alphys, investigating like this! She'd better call her. That weird nausea feeling was coming back. She confirmed it wasn't panic.

Only two rings this time before the scientist answered. "Alph, I'm inside. Now what."

► "Alphys"

"Oh, u-uh, yeah, okay. He, uh, may take a bit, so- Oh yeah, the whole "missing" attacks thing."

"Yeah, he just kept firing and they all...missed. Some even stopped and charged at him instead. And the dimwit acted like it wasn't his fault, even! He was frustrated with his own attacks! Nerd for me, Alphys! The heck just happened?"

Alphys sounded flustered. "Oh, I erm, guh, okay. Actually, now that I t-think about it, uh...it's actually pretty simple. You know how, uh, how when a monster is reluctant, or u-unwilling to fight, their DEFiance and Ability To Kill, uh...decrease?"

"Duh. Everyone knows that."

"W-well, if a monster forces themselves to attack w-when they don't want to hurt their target, and b-bullets are basically soul attacks, CoMPassion, they don't...the bullets force themselves to miss."

"What? They MISS on PURPOSE?!"

"I-it's not the m-monster's fault, if that's what y-y-you're thinking! A-actually, it often just, uh, frustrates them and makes it worse."

"Huh. I thought he was just a wuss." She laughed without humor. More nausea. Was it guilt?

"No, he can't help it! Oh, uh, and that, er, "cannon thing"? S-same concept. More emotion, more power. Yeah."

"Alright. So I just sit here?" Her voice was laced with frustration.

"Um...I guess."

Silence. Undyne could practically hear Alphy's nerves. Man, she was a bundle of them. She should say something.

When removed of their levels of confidence or stress and placed side by side, Undyne and Alphys looked like opposites. One of them was Captain of the Royal Guard; trained by Asgore himself, they were ruthless and unmerciful, confident and enthusiastic, ready for whatever was thrown at them. The other, the Royal Scientist; discovered by their creations alone, they were self-conscience and stuttering, constantly worrying and turtled up, almost always letting it go to voicemail. The first fit, finned, and fanged; the other stumbling, scaled, and spiked. But both were monsters who were passionate about their work, whatever it may be, idolized Asgore, and absolutely LOVED human history, especially the human's Naruto (Undyne's favorite) and Mew Mew Kissy Cutie (Alphy's favorite). Who knew that humans had replaced magic with Chakra, and could channel it and knock down freaking TREES with their central spirit! So cool!

But anyways, Undyne needed a conversation topic. And Anime, although used often, was perfect. And luckily, Undyne struck gold in the dump just the other day. Ohohohooo, Glasses was gonna FREAK!

"Hey A-"

There was a shriek on the other side of the line, then a thud, some static, and a nervous lizard. "O-oops, I, uh, dropped the p-phone. W-what was that?"

"I was at the dump the other day. Guess what?"

"Uh, w-what?"

"I found a Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 2."

No response. Just dead silence.

"Alph?"

And the receiver blew up with sound. Undyne shoved it away from her fin-ear and waited for the scream to die down. When it finally did, she brought the phone back to her ear and heard various fangirling noises from Alphys.

"EEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEPEEP ohmygosh are you SERIOUS?!"

"Yep. Not a scratch on it."

More squeaky noises. This was by far the loudest Undyne had ever heard Alphys talk. That was good. Alphys was a quiet monster, who rarely made loud noises. But when she fangirled, boy, she FANGIRLED! She hadn't flipped this hard since- um, Undyne didn't remember. All the more drastic! Undyne relaxed and stretched out onto the carpet, waiting for Alphy's fangirling to take its course. It could take a while.

Alphys' voice was squeaky, but she was calming down. "Eep! Eep! Eep! Okay! Okay alright I'm fine. I'm fine. Eep!"

"ALPHYS CALM. Don't pass out; one is WAY more than I can handle!"

"Nah, you're going fine! A-and I'm good. I'm good." Was she good? Alphys still sounded out of breath.

"Fuhuhu! That was loudest you've been in, like, forever!"

"Heheh, y-yeah. I guess I'm a little, uh...s-stressed out from work and stuff."

► "She's Playing Piano"

Something was gnawing at Undyne's stomach. She was LV 3, head of the Guard, an enthusiastic wrestler, tough, unyielding, and unaccustomed to this strange gut-twisting feeling that she had seldom felt: Terror. The fact that when Papyrus was knocked out by his own attack that SHE had sparked, and that she had been clueless, somehow rattled her. What if it had been serious, or life-threatening? She would've stood there like an idiot, unable to help. Powerlessness. That was what was taunting her. The fact that if Papyrus had needed immediate attention, no amount of smashing or slicing would've saved him.

► "Confession"

"U-Undyne, you, uh, still there?"

Oh, yeah. She was still on the phone.

"Yeah, I um...Can I ask you a question, Alph?"

"Um, y-y-yeah! I-I'll listen- um, I mean I'll t-try and help, uh-"

"Alphys, relax." She inhaled once. Maybe Alphys could explain it. She felt a bit sick. "When Papyrus collapsed so suddenly, I wasn't expecting it. I thought he would get up and laugh it off, or start snoring or something. But when I tried to wake him up and he didn't, I started panicking. I get that he'll be fine, but...what if one day, someone gets hurt, and there's nothing I can do about it? It's..." She chuckled humorlessly. "...it's kinda terrifying, actually. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"...Actually, yeah. I...I do get it."

"Why IS that? I'm strong, but at the same time I'm...a weakling." It felt weird to say it.

"N-no, don't say that! You the greatest person I know! You're so confident and strong and funny! Don't put yourself down like that or you'll-"

"'STRONG'. Did you even hear what I just said? Suplexing is one thing, but medicine? First Aid? Healing magic? If those are what matter most in the end, then what good is being able to hurt stuff?" For some reason she was shaking.

"U-undyne, please...don't say that!" Alphys was quiet for a bit, perhaps thinking. "Well, I'm n-no Gerson, but...I-If you think about it...how did they get hurt in the first place? T-there are d-different types of power, Undyne. The power to protect others...T-that's not s-something to be a-ashamed of! If that's y-your strength, t-then u-use it."

"But, what if that isn't enough? What if I can't…"

"That's what others are for, U-undyne. People whose strength is h-helping others, b-building them up. P-people like Gerson, like A-asgore, like…"

Undyne felt a blush arise in her cheeks. "Like you?"

Alphys sounded flustered. "Heheheh, n-no...that's not me. I don't help people."

Alphys was not a confident person, and Undyne knew that. But THAT statement was unacceptable. "Alph, you're ROYAL SCIENTIST! You do so much for everyone in the Underground!"

"I...I guess so…"

Okay, that was the last straw. "ALPHYS!"

Alphys squeaked. "U-uh, wuh-what?"

► "NGAHHH!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?"

"W-w-w-what're you g-going to-"

"If you don't GROW UP and get some SELF-CONFIDENCE, I'M GONNA TAKE THIS PHONE AND COOK IT!"

"W-what?"

"YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS!"

"What?!"

Undyne lept up and sprinted over to the cupboard. "FIVE!"

"Undyne, what- what are you doing?!"

She got out a pot and placed it on the stove. "FOUR!"

"You're j-joking, r-r-right?"

She tore open her fridge and ripped out some alfredo sauce. "THREE!"

"You're not joking. Oooooohhhh..."

She chucked the whole jar in, splattering white sauce and glass shards inside and outside the pot, and turned the heat up into a blazing inferno that matched her passion for Alphys. "TWO!"

"Undyne, no! It might explode!"

Undyne held the phone over the pot, feeling the flames lick her arm, her expression like a toothy Grinch. "One."

"UNDYNE!"

► "Tem Shop"

Far in the distance, a Woshua was scrubbing furiously at a Temmie. She had gotten colored construction paper all over her face.

"UWaaaa! nO! TeM iz aleRgik tU cleen!" she squealed, wriggling and squirming to get away.

"Wosh u fur!"

A faint explosion, almost too quiet to hear, caught their attention. Despite its small size, Woshua retreated inside his watery shell, and Temmie looked into the distance, vibrating rapidly. "WOA! daza bIg!"

Woshua's bird quacked and swam in circles, possibly in agreement.