"I didn't forget anything, did I?" Ed said to himself, arms full of grocery bags and earbuds firmly embedded in his ears. Black Veil Brides was blaring in his ears, blocking out reality, and his phone was safely tucked into his pocket. He fumbled around for a bit, trying to bring his hand up in front of his face to get a glimpse of the shopping list Winry had given him. He didn't even notice the man sneaking up behind him.
"I gotcha!" the man shouted triumphantly, reaching out and trying to wrap his arm around Ed's neck. But Ed unexpectedly swerved to the side, making the man fall onto his face. Ed swayed back up straight trying to balance a bag on his arm.
"Fucking Winry, stalling for so long... I can barely even carry these!" Ed muttered to himself, unknowingly stepping on his attacker's face as he started away. The man on the ground scrambled up, face red with rage. He ran after Ed, screaming insults, and tried to punch the boy on the back of his head. But Ed ducked suddenly, reaching for the small list that he had accidentally dropped. The assailant tripped over the boy, once again landing on his red face. Ed glanced over at him.
"Oh, sorry," he said simply, turning and continuing his walk. Once again, the man pulled himself to his feet, this time pulling out a gun.
"You little brat!" he shrieked, aiming at Ed's back. He pulled the trigger, but Ed suddenly jerked to the side, pulled by some random passerby that recognized him as the Fullmetal Alchemist. The bullet harmlessly embedded itself in a brick wall. The man cursed loudly, gaining some strange looks as he put the gun back in his pants. He chased after Ed, who had managed to free himself from the strange fan, and tried to grab the young Alchemist's arm. But Ed shifted the bags in his hand, moving his arm out of the way just in time, causing the man to fall onto his side on the ground. Ed didn't even notice as he walked away, humming along to Heart of Fire. The man on the ground didn't bother to get up anymore, watching Ed leave with a strange helplessness in his eyes.
"I give up," he wailed, crawling in the opposite direction Ed went.
The next day, Ed picked up the newspaper Al had left on the table. He nibbled absently on a bagel as he read the front page.
'YOUNG BOY EXPERTLY AVOIDS PROFESSIONAL KILLER'
He blinked, looking down at the picture. He saw his own face and figure, ducking under some weird man's fist as he reached for his shopping list. The bagel fell, forgotten, to the floor as he read through the article.
"Holy shit..." he breathed. "Either I'm really lucky... or I'm secretly a ninja."
I got this idea when reading 'The 36 Kidnappings of Edward Elric', by Victorious-Mind. I suggest it! It's hilarious!
And I do not own Black Veil Brides or Heart of Fire! Sadly! ;A;