I would like to give a thank you to The Flame Alchemist 13 for reviewing on every single chapter so far. Thank you for supporting me, though my updates are irregular, the plot lines are random, and half of the time don't make sense.

It was a normal day in Roy's office. The Fullmetal Alchemist was laying on one of the couches, sleeping. He had recently returned from a week-long mission and had reported to the Colonel, but was so exausted he just collapsed on the couch right afterwards and wouldn't respond to a thing the Colonel or Hawkeye did. He had been there for a few hours already, and Hawkeye had left the room to retrieve a blanket to cover him with. Roy hadn't bothered to ask her where she got it for fear of the pistol he knew she kept in her belt.

The scratch of Roy's pen on paper paused when Ed started to stir. He mumbled sleepily along the lines of 'but he stole my bread' - which Roy decided not to comment on - and slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes. He yawned widely, but his jaw closed with a snap as the door suddenly burst open.

There was a man that Roy nor Riza nor Ed had ever seen before. He had brown hair that was cut close to his head, with a bushy brown mustache and dark green eyes. He was thick-set, almost as tall and thick as Armstrong. He was wearing the standard blue military outfit, and from what the other three could tell, he was a Colonel.

"Colonel Roy Mustang. First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye," the man greeted, saluting. He hadn't noticed Ed sitting on the couch, now wide awake.

"Colonel..." Roy and Hawkeye mirrored his salute, Roy standing quickly.

"Archer. Colonel Grand Archer. I'm here looking for a Major Edward Elric."

"Over here," Ed called, sliding off of the couch. The self-proclaimed 'Archer' turned quickly to him and saluted again.

"Major Edward Elric."

"Uh, hi," Ed said awkwardly, saluting as well. "You needed me for something?" Archer's eyes glittered.

"I came to give you a proposition, young Edward," he said, with an undertone of greed. Roy and Riza visibly stiffened, but said nothing. They could see where this was going, considering multiple people had tried it before with the men - and woman - under Roy's command. But Ed, still slightly new to the military's workings and oblivious to the tension, raised an eyebrow.

"A proposition?" he echoed.

"Yes. I'd like for you to work under me. But," he raised a hand as Ed opened his mouth to reject the offer, "there is something in it for you. You would have access to all of Central's grand library, as well as full control over every other man besides myself. And the pay would be much better than what you get here. Though you would be more suspectable to being called out for war or rebel scenes." His mustache quivered with barely concealed excitement. "So, what do you say, Major? Do we have a deal?"

Roy inwardly groaned. The man just had to point out the library, of all things. Ed had no reason to reject the offer - if anything, he was getting a better deal out of it. Besides, the boy had always complained about Roy's laziness and about how much he hated working under the man. His heart sank even further when he saw the pensive look on Ed's face.

"Work under you, huh? With full access for the library?" Ed put a hand on his chin as Archer nodded. "Huh. Well..."

Roy knew it. The boy was going to accept. He closed his eyes, not prepared for losing one of his men. Though he couldn't interfere, as was the military's rules.

"Sorry, but I'll have to say no."

Roy's eyelids flew open, and Hawkeye's eyes widened. Did Ed just say... no?

"What?" Even Archer looked shocked.

"Well, here's the thing. I kind of already work under this bastard-" he waved his hand flippantly at Roy, "-and I already promised to help this guy become Fuhrer. And besides, I kind of like this place. I'm sure Lieutenant Hawkeye would miss having a target to shoot at as well. And as for the war stuff... I get enough action here as it is with all the mass murderers and drug dealers. So, yeah, I'm staying here." Roy and Hawkeye gaped at him. This should be the offer of a lifetime for him - a giant library, practically limitless amount of research money, and power over men who were probably twice his age. And yet... he was rejecting the offer simply because he liked being here?

Archer's mustache shook again, though this time Roy assumed it was from rage.

"You are giving up mounds of information, money, and power because of this lazy excuse of a man," he persisted. "He won't stop at anything to achieve his goals and would sacrifice you in an instant!" Roy struggled to hold his tongue. It would probably end up with him being demoted if he interfered, as it was against the rules to interrupt official business if it involved someone of the same rank or higher.

"I know," Ed said with a shrug. "And I guess I'm fine with that. So, go do whatever it is Colonels do and leave me alone. Sir." He saluted lazily, and Archer was obviously fuming as he gave a short salute back before storming out the door, completely forgetting about Roy and Hawkeye. Said two were currently staring at the Fullmetal Alchemist, who dropped onto one of the couches.

"Man, that guy was a bastard!" he complained loudly. He glanced over at the Lieutenant and Colonel. "Uh, what?" Roy quickly snapped out of it.

"Nothing," he said, looking back down at his paperwork. Ed snorted in disbelief, but said nothing.

There was silence for a few minutes.

"Hey, Fullmetal, since when did you promise to help me become Fuhrer?" Roy asked abruptly. Ed's golden eyes drifted over to stare at Roy.

"Simple. I promised it to myself after I heard about your goal. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm pretty sure Al's worried since I didn't come home by noon..." He stood and swiftly left the room, leaving Roy more dumbfounded than ever.

"Did he really just...?" Roy trailed off as he continued staring at the door. Hawkeye sighed.

"Yes, sir, he really did. Now I suggest finishing up that paperwork before Colonel Archer finds an excuse to snatch Edward out from right under your nose. And if he got people backing him up, saying you aren't fit to lead, then it'll just be all the more simple for him to take the rest of your subordinates."

Roy could sense the slight worry in Hawkeye's tone, as well as the threat. The 'Hurry up and finish the work so nobody has an excuse to separate me from you. Unless you want a bullet in your foot.'

And so, it was with a great amount of reluctance that Roy started his work again. Though his mind kept drifting back to what Fullmetal had said.

'Simple. I promised it to myself after I heard your goal.'

He allowed himself a small smile as he signed yet another official-looking document.

Maybe Fullmetal didn't hate him as much as he thought.

Yeah, this is a more friendship/parental one-shot with Roy and Ed - NO YAOI. I thought of this when I thought of if Ed had been assigned under someone else. Though that would never happen, since I practically now live for Parental!Roy/Ed and Parental!Riza/Ed. So I decided to make this instead. Hope you liked it.

I know there is already an Archer in the 2003 anime, but really, there can be more than one person named Archer. I think. So, yeah.

And the 'don't interfere with official business if it's someone of your rank or higher' thing is something I made up because it makes sense. If you were a General, you wouldn't want a Lieutenant butting into your official business every ten seconds, would you?