Marital Counseling 4: Confession
Counselor: When a couple gets married, all their secrets must go with them. In order to be unified they must relinquish all the treasures of their past to make room for the future. Apparently you two still have some more of THAT to do. Now, the next exercise will be confession. Speak your mind and let go of all your repressed and most imposing secrets.
Bulma: Everything?
Counselor: Yes Mrs. Briefs-Vegeta, Everything.
Vegeta: HA! Knowing this woman's promiscuous past we should probably order some pop corn because it's BOUND to be a Lifetime movie. *Vegeta Laughs Hysterically*
Bulma: VEGETA, YOUR COOKING SUCKS! *Bulma curls her head into her chest as a gesture of shame*
Vegeta: *instantly stops laughing* You.......You said my peach cobbler was the best thing you ever ate.
Bulma: I know honey. I just wanted to spare your feelings but to be honest----I'd would rather eat a live rat that was sauteed in fecal matter than eat your peach cobbler.
Vegeta: So all those Earthworm burgers......ALL THAT WILD MONGOOSE GUMBO WAS ALL A LIE??!!
Bulma: Vegeta baby, people don't eat mongoose!
Vegeta: Oh and I suppose you're going to tell me people also don't eat mashed potatoes extracted from the bellies of the rotted carcass of a Mancranian Sea squatter!
Counselor: I'm sorry a rotted what?
Bulma: See that's what I'm saying; who's going to eat something with the word squatter in it?
Vegeta: Save it! I've grown tired of your excuses! Perhaps you would like to hear a confession of mine. Bulma.....ten years ago....I had an affair.
Bulma: WHAT?!
Vegeta: WITH KAKAROT!
Chi-Chi: WHAT?!
Vegeta: It's true! One minute we were sparring and before I knew anything we were in Bolivia "getting our freak on" at the summit of Mt. Kilamanjaro!
Goku: Chi-Chi...what's Bolivia? Sounds good!
Chi-Chi: OH GOD! *Chi-Chi breaks down crying*
Bulma: You're lying.
Vegeta: How do you know I'm not telling the truth?
Bulma: Because Mt. Kilamanjaro is in Africa.
Vegeta: No it isn't.......
Bulma: ............
Vegeta: ..........BLAST! FINE YOU WANT THE TRUTH?! You remember that tie you gave me for Christmas that I said went perfect with my black suit? IT WAS TACKY!
Bulma: *Gasp* THAT TIE BELONGED TO MY GREAT GRANDPOP!
Vegeta: FIGURES, ONLY A FOSSIL WOULD WEAR SUCH AN ATROCIOUS THING!
BULMA: OH YEAH? WELL.....YOUR HAIR MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE SNARF! *Bulma starts mocking him* "I'm the prince of all the saiyans snarf snarf."
Vegeta: Oh yeah? How much did you pay for that thing on YOUR head Donald Trump! My hair doesn't grow back because it's in my blood, what's your excuse?
Bulma: YOUR FEET SMELL LIKE BURNT ASS!
Vegeta: YOUR MOTHER'S A WHORE AND I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ATTRACTED TO HER!
Bulma: TRUNKS ISN'T YOURS!
Counselor: People, people please calm down! This exercise was so we could let go of the past not use it against one another! It's obvious you two love each other so stop fighting and start reconciling.
Bulma: *sigh* He's right. I'm sorry honey.
Vegeta: Ah hell......I guess I'm sorry too. I didn't mean anything I said.
Bulma: Me niether babe.......except that thing about Trunks not being yours.
Vegeta: What?!
Counselor: I love happy endings.