Winter

Deidara's heartbeat was steady; the sound of its regular whispers the only thing piercing the heavy silence that fell over the room.

His soul wanted to stand up, but his body and mind had plotted against it. They had chained it with silken threads, woven of starlight and broken dreams. There wasn't a stronger prison in the world.

He couldn't speak—it wasn't that he didn't want to; he just felt the effort would render him unconscious. Which, after all, wouldn't be a bad thing. There was a certain emptiness to the blackness that seemed to fill the void within Deidara's brittle body.

"Tobi…" White spots danced across the darkness that was his vision, and his mind swam, as if he were at the top of a building in the moment just before the plunge to the cold concrete below.

"I am here." The words were that of a broken man. There was nothing in them but sorrow.

After all, they both knew the lie submerged in those three little words. Tobi was here now, but he hadn't been when Deidara had needed him most all of those years.

Deidara didn't bother trying to reply—he doubted he could even if he wanted to. His body screamed at him, which was a good sign.

Before he had passed out, Deidara had been terrified that Tobi was going to take him to a hospital, where they would shove IV's in him and force calorie after calorie into his body through little plastic tubes.

The reassuring whispers of hunger were a godsend; Deidara had feared he would wake up to the controlling screams of Ana: StarveStarveStarve, FatFatFat, WhoreUglyWorthless.

Each and every day was an endless battle between Hunger and Ana, and it never mattered which side won. Deidara was always the loser.

"You have to eat something." Tobi's voice pierced through the fog that currently was cushioning Deidara's fall to insanity. Each word seemed to pain him, and why not? It must be horrible to physically watch the one you "love" to get closer and closer to death. Some sort of twisted time-lapse movie that only God would find amusing.

Deidara could ignore him. That was always an idea. Or, the ever-popular option of just passing out. That seemed to be all the rage in Deidara-land these days. If he could sigh, he would've by now, but it would just be a waste of energy to exaggerate such a menial point.

"No response huh?" Tobi's voice filled the void again, an impassable chasm so wide that Deidara wasn't quite sure if sanctuary or torment awaited him on the other side. Despair pitched up in his words, the kind of heartbreak you feel when you find your child or wife dead because you weren't there to save them. Deidara could feel Tobi's heart burst into slivers with each syllable. "It isn't up for discussion. Either you force some food in you, or we go to the hospital."

"Fuck. You." The words slipped out, weak and tired, but they gave Tobi the message.

"If you weren't in such a terrible state, I would take you up on that." Tobi almost laughed, but there wasn't joy in the sound. Deidara realized this was meant to be a joke. Too bad. His sense of humor had dried up with the last of his tears months ago. "Fine. I'm going to pick you up something. I don't want to leave your side, but I can tell that my being here won't do anything to help you recover."

Deidara heard his footsteps, quick at first, but they seemed to slow as they faded away. He heard the door open but not close. "Please… just wait for me here. I… I know you don't want to get better, but… if you can't do it for yourself, do it for me. I need you… More than you know…" Tobi stopped, likely choking on his words. Perhaps he didn't trust himself to continue without tearing the last stitch that held his bones together. Or maybe he had just ran out of lies to weave. All the same, it was a relief to Deidara. His mind was already drowning; he didn't need Tobi to give him any more weight to drag him to the bottom.

If only I believed that…

There was a silence, not a sound breaking the stillness of the room. Life ceased to exist and reality fell away until there was nothing but Tobi, Deidara, and the half open door between them. Deidara couldn't see Tobi, but he knew he was there. Maybe it was better this way. After all, if Tobi opened the door all the way, who knows what foul nightmare might follow him in? Sasori, the corpses of his parents, any one of the numerous men that Deidara had serviced—hell, even Konan could float through that door, the wings of an angel keeping her off the ground because she was far too holy for a place such as this. Deidara would run to her with open arms, and, when he finally met her embrace, her eyes would bleed fire and her tongue would coil around his neck, the feathers falling off her wings until there was nothing left but bone. At least he would have company on the fall to the underworld.

The door closed softly, and life and color flooded the room once more, but, as always, Deidara saw only darkness.

"I need to sit up." He mused. The thought was simple, the words trivial, but the action was almost insurmountable.

Deidara laughed dryly as he made his first attempt. Nothing responded. However, more white spots danced across the fields of black, but Deidara paid them no heed. It didn't really matter if he passed out now. After all, he was alone. There was no one to worry about him, no one to save him, no one to hurt him. If he fainted, he could simply attempt it again once he regained consciousness.

The second attempt was a mirror of the first.

At the third, he thought he felt his thighs tingle, but, after several long moments of silence, he just chalked it up to imagination, which was just as well.

Imagination: 3,497. Deidara: 0. Size 00, to be exact.

The fourth attempt brought a few butterflies that danced across his spinal cord.

The fifth must have opened up the gates of hell, because, as soon as Deidara tensed his body, fires blossomed in each and every bone inside him.

Warmth flowed across his stomach and hips. It felt nice.

No, wait, that's blood… isn't it?

Night turned to day in the flap of a hummingbird's wings. EverySingleThing flooded the blackness all at once, and Deidara screamed in pain.

He lay on the couch in the living room of the penthouse, his body bandaged and wrapped in layer upon layer of bloodstained gauze. Harsh, white light flooded through the 4" windows. Blood seeped from the cuts that formed a mosaic on his body, no doubt ripped open by Deidara's "zealous" attempt to sit up.

Perhaps that's why Tobi told me not to move… Oh well, the youth must rebel.

Deidara doubted he could will his body to do anything else; how was he supposed to stand if he couldn't even sit up?

Deidara gave up. The magnitude of his goal was a heavy weight on his shoulders, and, since he already had leaden chains around his ankles and wrists, he just gave in a slipped away into dream, nightmareland.

"Hold on, I can break down the door."

"No!"

"Just one more moment."

"NO!"

The glass shattered. The door splintered into shrapnel. The mirror fractured across the middle.

Tears streamed down Deidara's face.

"It's you. I know it is! Stop using such demonic powers against me… you want me dead. You don't love me, you hate me… you hate what I am. You are no different from Sasori!"

"Deidara," Tobi said, his voice filled with awe, "I didn't do anything…"

"Yes you—"

"—I didn't do that… that… was you." Tobi said, a smile slowly gracing his lips."

It didn't make sense, but since when did anything? Deidara had witnessed an example of what he supposed was Tobi's power, but, Tobi had said that he had no part in what occurred in that bathroom.

Deidara remembered, faintly, that he had felt his built up anger boil over, and then meld into nothingness in a heartbeat—his energy suddenly ebbing away with the last of his anger.

And then, there had been only darkness.

Deidara opened his eyes. He hadn't moved. He had half-expected himself to wake up in another place entirely—you can never tell with mentally unstable people.

Since standing up was out of the question, Deidara was more or less at a loss with what he was going to do. He wasn't hungry—hunger rarely factored into anything that ever crossed Deidara's mind. He wasn't thirsty, and he didn't need to use the bathroom.

"Tobi, please hurry the fuck up." Deidara hissed under his breath. He hated waiting; he hated useless waiting even more—it was the one trait he seemed to have acquired from Sasori, who was the only person he was aware of that hated waiting more than he did.

Deidara wasn't quite sure how much time had passed; how long had he been unconscious? It didn't really matter. He, like everyone else, was a slave to time. He could only wait out the storm with as much patience as he could muster.

"You're late, Obito," a voice which still instilled Tobi with a primal fear boomed. "I am looking forward to the excuse you will offer up to me today."

"Forgive me, my lord, but, I was… delayed."

"Delayed," the voice mused. "This already sounds interesting… or perhaps unimpressive. You should hope that I find this amusing."

"The one I told you about, Deidara, he… he had an unexpected reaction."

"Oh? Do elaborate. I am on the edge of my throne."

"Sasori managed to infiltrate my wards and defenses—I have no doubt that he placed a mark on Deidara—and, after Deidara awoke, he seemed to have some sort of emotional collapse."

"Is that it? Surely that wouldn't have…"

"No, there is more. He managed to use some sort of magic; I am not quite sure of its origins, but it was powerful enough to completely decimate my bathroom. The mirror shattered, the door was reduced to dust, the lighting in the ceiling burst. I didn't think he would be able to use his powers at all… at least until we released one of the seals."

"This is interesting indeed… Very well, I shall excuse your unpunctuality for the time being. Did he show any signs of recollection? Does he remember you?"

Tobi sighed, defeated. "No, his eyes are still filled with fear when he looks at me. It's like he thinks everyone is against him… me included."

"I require time to reflect on this. If you would like, bring him to me. I can offer him the same deal I gave you—"

"No. I will not allow him to make a pact with you. Ever. Do you understand?"

"Be careful Obito… I doubt you would want to ignite my rage…"

"Forgive me, my lord. Now, what is it you require of me?"

"Listen carefully…"

"Deidara. Deidara, wake up."

Tobi's voice is so comforting… I could just wrap myself inside it and sleep forever.

"Deidara…? Oh dear, umm…"

Five—no ten—more minutes. Just let me relish in this for a moment.

"I'm sorry for this… in advance."

Sorry….? What would he be—?

Deidara nearly screamed as a deluge of frigid water suddenly doused him, his heart suddenly rising from its gentle slumber underneath the water into a lightning cloud above.

"WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK OF ALL GODDAMIT YOU PIECE OF SHIT, I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR HEART OUT."

"You didn't want to wake up," the once-more hooded Tobi said apologetically as he shrugged. "What else was I supposed to do?"

"WAKE ME UP LIKE A NORMAL PERSON YOU ASSHOLE!"

"I couldn't really tell if you were breathing or not, and I figured the shock would…"

"I call bullshit," Deidara sighed, exhausted by his outburst. "But it's whatever. I'm going to take a hot shower."

Tobi eyed him warily, and Deidara let out a dry laugh. The last thing Tobi probably wanted Deidara to do was go into the bathroom alone again. Tough shit.

He tried to stand, but he still found himself too weak to will his muscles—no doubt whatever energy he would have had was expended in his little shout-fest.

Damn. "Tobi, umm, could you—and you have no idea how difficult this is for me to say—help me…"

"Help you in what way, exactly?" Tobi said slowly.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. ShitShitShitShitShit. "Well, I suppose, in this case, shower."

Tobi's eyes widened beneath the hood, but he didn't try to protest. "I suppose… if you really need to. The bathroom is fixed, after all."

"Oh," Deidara said, slightly surprised at the news, "did you have a maintenance man come in or something"

"Something like that… anyway, would I just have to help you into the shower or…"

"Umm, I might be able to manage on my own. Let's just see what happens."

Tobi nodded slowly. Walking over, he picked Deidara up and cradled him in his arms as he carefully maneuvered around the furniture and made his way toward the bathroom.

Deidara couldn't help but let his worries melt away. When he was in Tobi's arms, his problems didn't matter, nothing did. Sasori, his parents, the razor glass voice of Ana; he was safe from it all when Tobi held him.

As the rounded the corner of the hallway, Deidara's eyes widened. The bathroom was completely fixed, an exact replica of its former state. There wasn't a single trace of the former chaos that had occurred.

"Some repairman." Deidara laughed.

"Yeah," Tobi chuckled, "It wasn't easy cleaning up your mess…" Tobi's voice trailed off and Deidara knew he regretted it as soon as the words had left his lips.

"Don't worry about it," Deidara assured, placing one of his small hands on Tobi's face, cupping his cheek. "I know I'm a handful, but, I promise you, I am happier here with you now than I have been my entire life."

Tobi placed his own, much larger hand on top of Deidara's, squeezing the blonde's skeletal fingers in a gesture of warm reassurance.

"Now then…" Tobi said awkwardly, "how do we go about this."

"Set me down first." Deidara instructed. Tobi did as Deidara said, he arms still lingering by the either side of the blonde's frail body after Deidara's feet had touched the floor.

Deidara took off the overlarge sweater that was obviously Tobi's, exposing his tiny frame in the process. Tobi's eyes were laced with sorrow and grief, but Deidara grit his teeth and kept going. He removed the sweatpants that were on his legs, followed by the shorts underneath, pausing only when he reached the last layer of clothing: his underwear.

"Umm… I don't mind, it's just, do you want me to?" Deidara chuckled.

"Umm, right, I… I will turn around." Tobi whirled on his heels, facing out the bathroom door, and Deidara quickly stripped himself of the black undergarment.

He shuffled slowly towards the shower, but the glass door felt like a wall and the handle felt like an anchor. In his brittle state, there was no way Deidara could hope to open the shower door.

"Okay…" Deidara stammered, "It seems I have run into a problem."

"And what is that?" Tobi asked without turning around.

"I seem to be unable to… I can't open the door goddammit." Deidara was on the verge of tears, but he quickly reigned his emotions back in. His whacked out phosphate and glucose/glycogen levels were no doubt making it difficult for him to have any real control over his maelstrom of feelings; happy, sad, angry, furious, freedom, sorrow, madness, sex. Everything was biting into him at once, and it was just too much effort to sort them out individually.

"Well, let me help you." Deidara felt Tobi's body looming over him, and two pale, muscled arms came to either side of Deidara and gently pushed the door open.

Deidara shivered. He wanted Tobi, but at the same time, he didn't want it to turn into something dark and twisted. He didn't want to ruin anything with Tobi.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Tobi asked, his voice calm.

"Umm, I think." Deidara said with false bravado. However, as Deidara stepped in, reality shifted, light turned to dark, and he fell to his knees.

Tobi was there in a heartbeat, lifting Deidara up until he was able to stand again. "Thank you. I'm… I'm sorry Tobi." A finger was placed over Deidara lips.

"Shhh," Tobi whispered, "Don't worry about anything. I am here now." Deidara blinked, and music suddenly filled the air. Deidara opened his mouth to question Tobi, but Tobi beat him to it.

"I just turned on my phone. I want you to just relax and forget about everything.

"I've seen the world, done it all

Had my cake now,

Diamonds, brilliant,

I'm Bel Air now.

Hot summer nights, mid-July,

When you and I were forever wild,

The crazy days, city lights,

The way you played with me like a child…"

"Tobi," Deidara said softly as Tobi, whose arms enveloped Deidara in a warm embrace, turned on the hot water.

"What is it?" Deidara knew that Tobi was naked, but it didn't bother him at all. There wasn't any lust in Tobi's actions, only passion. Deidara back was resting against Tobi's firm chest and stomach, his long blonde hair spilling down around him like a veil. He was afraid, afraid of what he was about to say, but, in this moment; Deidara didn't have a care in the world.

"Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful?

Will you still love me when I've got nothing but my aching soul?

I know you will…"

"Tobi," Deidara said slowly.

"Yes?"

"I love you too…"

A\N: I'M ALLIIIIIIIVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE! Ahem, yeah. I've just had a bunch of personal shit going on lately _ I'm sorry. I can't promise that I will update soon, because, frankly, I don't know I much will be absent due to personal matters. Anywhore, YAY, I UPDATED *Insert applause here* Okay, so :D I hope you enjoy this chapter. I realize it is all over the place... kind of... but I think it is decent :) Save your questions, because I won't be answering many of them for a while ;3. Okay :) R&R if you have suggestions or concerns. I promise I will make a conscious effort to update this story in the future, and don't be afraid to PM me to get on my ass about updating :D Alright, I love you all :3 Byeuh (LSP VOICE)

SoleixDeidara