Weightless
"Deidara, Deidara… DEIDARA! WAKE UP!" Tobi's voice sent lighting crackling through his veins, and Deidara jolted awake. The room was illuminated only by the pale light of the moon that filtered through the towering glass windows. Deidara's head swam; he must of lost hours, not minutes.
Deidara felt his heart sink. It had been a dream, nothing but a dream.
"I'm back. Sorry I took so long," Tobi said as he set a plastic container down on the onyx coffee table by the couch. "I brought you something that I think you can manage with. Please just eat a little bit." Deidara glanced at it quickly, an array of fruits surrounding a small container of yogurt. The highest calorie item had to be the strawberries.
His brain said no, his hands said no, his lips said no, his body said no; even his soul said no. He didn't want this, any of it. His stomach felt as if it was filled with concrete and his lips tasted like a metal and bleach mixed vodka.
Just… a dream…
"Get me a drink," Deidara mumbled, wincing as his body screamed as he sat upright. "Preferably something so alcoholic, I will forget to hurt."
"Not until you eat something," Tobi said firmly. "And I'd rather you not drink, if you wouldn't mind. The last thing you need right now is to get alcohol into your veins. If you are thirsty there is a glass of water right here."
Deidara eyed Tobi evenly, the tenuous silence between them waiting for one or the other to boil over.
"I'm not leaving until you eat something." Tobi repeated. "I mean it. Don't make me force you."
Deidara laughed dryly. "Oh, what are you going to do? Shove it between my teeth and chew for me?"
Silence.
It was just a dream…
"Whatever," Deidara hissed, "Fuck you too then. I'm going to sleep." He started to stand up, but Tobi's hand coiled itself around his bicep.
"I mean it Deidara," Tobi said. "Either you eat or I will make you."
There was something in those words, something in the tone of Tobi's voice—a darkness that Deidara had never seen before lurking just beneath the surface—that silenced Deidara's retort and sent an electric chill down his spine.
He reached for a blackberry. His hand screamed NO! His mind screamed NO! Deidara built walls around them so they wouldn't see him commit this sinful act.
One bite, two bites, three, no four. He chewed it four times before swallowing, the fog that was lying heavily across his mind clearing up as the storm clouds receded.
"Three more blackberries and two apple slices. Then I will get you a drink." Tobi said calmly.
"Four blackberries." Deidara said. He couldn't just give in so easily, not after he had worked so hard for so long.
"Three and one apple slice," Tobi countered.
"Fine." Deidara scowled, though he silently thanked whatever deity had forced Tobi to demand so little of him.
It took five minutes, just for those four small pieces of fruit. Thankfully, Tobi had placed water next to the fruit. After every bite, Deidara counted to three as he drank. Satisfied, at least for the time being, Tobi turned away and vanished into to the darkness.
Deidara stood up—it was easy now. It didn't matter that he had eaten practically nothing, the few bites of food created a limitless well of energy within him. He silently walked toward the windows, the ashen moonlight filtering through the gap between his thighs.
Most girls, and even some guys, would kill for Deidara's body. They try and try, but they just can't will themselves to refuse food. To them food is life, food is energy. Such fools. You don't need food for energy. All you need is a little willpower and self-control.
The moonlight cast shadows over each of Deidara's protruding bones; his hips were valleys with mountains on either side, his ribs were an orchestra, his collar bones were basins for the rain. The gap in between his legs spoke whispers of the faerie tongue, or perhaps the ancient elves.
Deidara closed the black curtains, and the moonlight was extinguished.
It wouldn't matter how skinny he became; he would always be nothing but a disappointment in his eyes.
Deidara felt Tobi enter the space behind him, and the solemn silence that enveloped the room shattered.
"Here, a deal's a deal." Tobi sighed as he extended an arm to hand Deidara a wineglass filled with clear liquid.
Deidara raised the glass to his lips and gratefully took a drink. He was more than aware of the caloric levels in alcohol, but, once the haze enveloped his mind in a white, silken veil, Deidara could attain a modicum of happiness.
Vodka, coconut rum, and a tinge of Everclear. Perfect; it was just what Deidara needed to set his mind adrift at sea.
The combination of food, alcohol, and the seemingly endless happenings in the penthouse had physically drained Deidara. Nothing happened between us…
"Tobi…" Deidara said, his words barely audible. "May I go take a shower?" Tobi eyed Deidara warily. "I promise I won't go over the edge this time."
Tobi looked at Deidara reluctantly, and Deidara could sense his unease. What did it matter? What else could possibly happen?
"Whatever, I'm going." Deidara was growing impatient with Tobi. The calories Tobi forced in him were leaking into his veins, poisoning his insides. He didn't have any room within his being to deal with Tobi and the air of mystery that he exuded.
An arm reached out, fingers closing around his thin shoulders, and Deidara felt the earth sway beneath him. The world stood still, and the oxygen within his lungs disappeared, evaporating in the span of a heartbeat. Flesh touched bone, and light became darkness. There was only Tobi, his hands, his body, his presence; all of this pervaded Deidara's silent horror, forcing away the fear and replacing it with a newfound terror. Tobi frightened him, and yet Deidara was drawn to him.
Like a moth to a flame, Deidara was helplessly captivated by something he knew nothing about—there was simply a comforting warmth that accompanied the ever-looming danger that was Tobi.
Like a moth to a flame…
Reality always hits the hardest when your body is forced out of the winter seas of forgetfulness; each and every cut it torn open all at once, and the light seems to pierce deep through your soul, boiling the blood in your veins and revealing your empty core to the world.
Deidara fell to the ground.
There is some primordial fear within us all. The fear of the unknown, the fear of the unfamiliar, the inexplicable pull we feel towards the mysterious. It is but human nature, childlike curiosity, which leads us to desire knowledge about the things we cannot understand…
Deidara blinked, the ceiling flickering into view. He knew he had passed out. Low blood sugar, low phosphates, and the sudden intake of calories after a monumental fast; it was a recipe for disaster.
Cool sheets enveloped him in a light embrace; the silk thick enough to keep him warm, but light enough for him to adjust to his needs. His head throbbed slightly, but he chalked that up to the wonderful drink he had downed just before the world clamped shut.
It always starts with a drop. A single drop… but this is enough to bring about the flood.
He couldn't move, but he didn't really want to anyway.
What do I want?
The question was never simple. It wasn't one of those "yes" or "no" instances. It wasn't a statement that promptly answered itself upon the arrival of the end punctuation. There were infinite possibilities to fill in the eager space that followed, but Deidara had nothing to proffer.
He had no idea what he wanted. Not Tobi… surely?
After all, take away the crystalline glamour, and the glacial truth is revealed. Deidara was nothing but a slut, rented for an exorbitant—perhaps ridiculous—amount, which was justified under the banner of salvation from his miserable existence.
All of this, and Tobi didn't even want his body, his soul, his everything, of which he was entitled to, according to the laws of commerce.
What does he see in me? Deidara had looked into the mirror for years now, and each time he gazed into the silver glass, he only saw a worthless creature that wasn't even fit for the abuse from Sasori's cruel hand.
My skin is clean. The thought was abrupt, snapping Deidara from his reverie. His mind was still incredibly hazy, but the last memory he had grips on was him storming out to get away from Tobi and into the shower…
Upon further inspection, Deidara realized that, not only was he clean, he was also in some sort of silken robe—the soft white of the robe clashing with the stark blackness of the bed sheets.
Does this mean Tobi… bathed me…? Deidara felt his cheeks erupt into flames. Black spots danced before his eyes, and the world threatened to fade into darkness once more.
Get a grip on yourself. So what if he saw you… nak…. Ugh. Forget it. Stand up, walk into whatever room Tobi is in, and punch him in the balls personally… but… why? He didn't do anything to me that wasn't out of kindness. You passed out; he was probably worried. You should be thanking him…
More confused thoughts. It never changed. Deidara had no peace in his dreams, no peace in his awakened state.
Can I even stand up? Another milestone that Deidara just didn't feel was surmountable. Deidara prepared himself, his body coiling into action, his muscles contracting and readying for the moment of triumph. In one swift movement, Deidara thrust his whole body upwards, but his body simply refused to cooperate. It was as if he was asking just one to many things, and therefore his body had no other choice but to shut down. How pathetic. He was an absolute disgrace.
Just. Stand. Up. Just… Stand… Up…! Deidara blinked, and suddenly, he was on his feet. The motion was so quick, so concise; he could hardly believe that he was the one who executed it.
Impossible. Deidara couldn't go up a flight of stairs without blacking out half of the time… forget it. Question yourself later. You need to find Tobi.
Time slowed, and the world seemed to narrow into the finite hallways that separated Deidara from Tobi. Every step closed the gap a tiny bit more, but, with every step, Deidara could feel his physical energy waning.
For whatever reason, his sudden leap from the down-feathered prison of the bed had not tired him in the slightest. It was as if he had drawn upon energy from some untapped reservoir within him, but he didn't know how or what it could've been.
That seemed like a distant memory now. Deidara's energy was draining by the second. Featherweight bones became leaden hinges, and a once elegant spine dropped anchor into a black sea.
Tobi… I… I. Won't. Give. Up.
Footstep after footstep, Deidara half-walked, half-dragged his body towards the living room. Ice flowed through his veins, the air around him seemed to drop in temperature, ice crystals coalescing on his skin as the temperature plummeted, his breath billowing out in frothy plumes.
"Deidara..."
The ice crystals hardened to permafrost, his blood froze over, and scrims of ice encased Deidara inside a prison like a frozen nymph.
Not now…
Deidara looked within himself; the fire that had gotten him to his feet was all but extinguished.
"Deidara… come to me…"
Black spots danced across his vision, but Deidara wasn't about to give in. Not this time. He didn't quite understand what it was that pulled him towards Tobi, but he knew he had to reach him.
No… Sasori, I don't belong to you. Deidara took another step, and smalls cracks formed in the barrier of ice that encased him.
"You are weak. You are nothing." Another step, heat blossomed in his hands, and the ice crystals on his skin slowly melted into slush. Deidara knew he couldn't best Sasori's will; he just had to keep moving.
Sasori… leave me alone. Please… Deidara stumbled, his knees buckling, but there was nothing for Deidara to stabilize himself with. The crash to the floor sent cracks veining across the walls of ice.
"Don't you see… there is no escape Deidara. I have a place for you in my heart; Tobi is nothing but an empty shell, rouge, a traitor. Return to me now, save yourself from the betrayal."
You're wrong! Deidara rose to his feet, his body stable but unsure of its next move. You are the one who hurt me, raped me, took everything I had from me and then just tossed me away like a broken doll that you could reuse as you saw fit. I'm done running from you. I'm done hiding from you. I'm done being afraid every-single-moment that I am awake. The walls of ice shattered, and a frigid wind enveloped Deidara in a vortex of snow. I've made my choice. Deidara took another step, and the vortex faltered, the winds not as sure as they were. I don't know anything about him. I don't know if I love him. I don't even know if he gives two fucks about me, but Tobi is the only person who has ever shown me kindness. And right now, that is more than you ever did for me… Goodbye Sasori… The ice shattered into fragments, and the wind whipped them into the air around Deidara.
"You really think he will save you? Deidara, you are a fool. You have no idea what is coming… You think I was horrible… just you… Sasori paused… the winds subsided completely. Fine… we will be seeing each other soon enough. If only you knew what I could show you… Enjoy your ephemeral happiness."
The cold ebbed away until it was a dull chill, and the ice seemed to dissipate all at once, leaving Deidara in a once more empty hallway.
"What did he mean?" The words came out between Deidara's ragged gasps for breath; Sasori had never given in so easily, he was practically toying with Deidara. If Sasori had wanted to stop him, Deidara doubted there would've been much he could do.
And then there was the enigmatic line: "If only you knew what I could show you." Deidara couldn't even begin to imagine what that could be.
I'm sure Abusing Your Lover 101 would be a riveting experience. Or, who knows? Maybe a new position. How. Fucking. Exciting.
Pushing these thoughts away, Deidara resumed his Hyde-like gait down the hallway. With each step, his confidence grew, his heart beat a little surer, and his mind cleared away… and, was it his imagination, or did the chill that had lingered after Sasori's presence had left fade away more and more with each passing footfall?
Deidara took another step, and the air around him seemed to grow warmer, a welcoming heat replacing the once numbing cold.
There was no doubt about it; the closer he came to Tobi, the more Sasori's presence faded into nothingness.
And that alone gave Deidara the strength he needed to keep on pressing forward…
Like a moth to a flame, he was drawn to Tobi. And the risk of pain as the cost of eternal light and beauty was more than enough to keep Deidara moving.
A/N: I'M ALLLLLIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVEEEEE! Ahem. Anyway. So, school is almost out! Whoop woot. And I move to California for college. So excited to get out of the butthole of the USA (Texas... I apologize in advance to those of you who adore Texas.) Okay. PM bc I love hearing from you all :D You're reviews literally ignited the fires within me that caused me to finish this chapter :3 I know it's been forever since I updated, but, I promise (my fingers are literally crossed as I type this... and yes... it is very difficult) that I will update more diligently. However, your reviews really do help me _ It gives me a reason to write knowing that people care. Oh, about the whole Madara/Tobi/Obito thing. As of now, I prefer Tobi because that seems to be the happy medium for you all. Madara seems to be the favorite, but that is out of the question as (if you keep up with the anime) SPOILER ALERT** Madara has actually resurfaced in his own possession through a complicated series of events that I shall not go into, so calling Tobi Madara is kind of a douchebag move. They aren't the same person, and one of them is a total douche who happens to be really powerful, but, nonetheless, a douche. Anyway, as for narrowing it down between Obito and Tobi, leave which name you prefer at the end of your review... assuming one person reviews this... and I can chalk up da votes ya feel? However, I may identify him as Obito to an outside character, but Deidara will probably always refer to him as Tobi both in thought and dialogue. Ugh, complex thought. No.. NOOOOOOoooo000o0o0o0o0o. Lol. Okay. Peace. I don't know how I feel about this chapter. The cliffhanger (if you can even call it that) isn't particularly strong. It's more of a filler... that is Dei centered, but I didn't really reveal much about his past bc that shall happen in the future... FORESHADOWING. Okay, bye for real, bc if I reveal anymore of the possible threads of time for this story, I might ruin something big xD I love you people, you crazy motherfuckers you.
SoleixDeidara *Heart, Heart, Heart emoticon.*
~You have to know what you stand for, not just what you stand against~ Bette Davis