The Exile,
-Part II, Chapter XIIII-
Closer
Hello again. I have missed all of you, sorry for the delay but there were many life things that just continuously interfered like moving and my beta moving and family drama and lay off drama etc... The Exile however is not abandoned. Given the length of time between updates this time I am doing slightly longer open notes. Instead of just a brief summary I'm giving excerpts from the previous chapters that are pertinent to this chapter. I hope this is helpful if not please let me now and I can go back to my very brief summaries.:
Chapter 10 Respite. -"I loved a woman. I wasn't supposed to but I did." For a moment his eyes slid over the carved edge of the table. "She was a friend of mine and wanted a child desperately. Her uh- spouse couldn't give her one so they begged me to do so instead." Gwaine to Arthur.-
Chapter 13 Of Friends, Families,etc...-"You made him sick," she accused. If she was living with a magic user she needed to know.
"And how would I do something like that?" Ylsa crossed her arms; dark eyes wide and waiting.
Gwen swallowed not wanting to speak but remembering how she erred with Morgana, ignored the signs.
"With magic," the words came out in a harsh whisper.-
-"Ylsa looked down for a moment. "You say you don't hate anybody not even these magic users that attacked your home, your family and your friends." Ylsa lifted her head and met her eyes "What of the person that made you leave your home, your family and your friends? I'd wager you hate that person."
The words fell like a slap and Gwen felt herself shrink inside. She looked down for a moment and very calmly Gwen slipped the herb basket from where it hung in the crook of her arm.
"Take this," she thrust it in Ylsa's direction, and then raised her head to look her square in the eyes. "You don't know shit, about shit." Gwen hissed, turned and stalked off, away from Ylsa and away from the townhouse."- Ylsa to Gwen.
Gwen wandered the streets of Wyeledon. She didn't want to see Ylsa or any of the residents of the townhouse just now. It was her fault she'd been banished from Camelot, her fault that she had no family and friends. Somehow she'd kept it from her mind, refused to think about it, refused to feel it, ever since that bandit had attacked her in the woods. She couldn't undo what had been done and thinking of it was wasteful. But Ylsa's words had been like springing a hunter's snare.
She walked the streets she knew not really seeing anyone or anything, ignoring the cries of the merchants in the markets, the people crowding the streets and the smells assaulting her. All the while she continued the fight to keep it from her mind turning her focus to other things; her limited supply of money, her need for a job and Alfonsa's threat. The gold, brought her mind back to Arthur, how he loved her and how she'd hurt him. She came to the end of the streets she knew and started east. The sea which she had yet to visit was east, that was what everyone said. If you just went east you'd come upon it.
Lancelot pushing her back against the edge of the table-
-She didn't want to think about it. Someone said hello to her and she ignored them, hating the rudeness but unable to form simple pleasantries.
Plants, she pictured them in her mind comfrey, the shape of the leaves how they grew. Good for arthritis and to encourage healing in broken bones.
His lips strangely cold on hers-
-Coriander strengthening to the stomach and heart, halts the grippe and helps to clear wind-
-She strangely welcoming, eager for him. Arthur rushing in with a roar, the two men fighting and then- She couldn't let Arthur kill him. Couldn't let him fall on a man that had served him so bravely, so willingly sacrificed everything he had for them. Just as she had asked Lancelot to give his life for Arthur, she now stopped Arthur from taking it- and Arthur-
-Arthur shrinking, crashing, falling, his sea blue eyes midnight dark with anguish that she had caused to be there her betrayal of him completed with that one act. Of all the things that she had ever done how could she have brought that pain to him? Knowing that she was the cause of the pain in her love's eyes it pierced the cloud of lust that had descended upon her after Lancelot's visit. She wanted nothing from him or his gifts. Any confusion about her feelings for the two men- seeing the hurt she'd cause Arthur blew it from her mind, but too late, too late!
"Arthur I'm so sorry." Her knees trembled and turned to water. Gwen sagged against the hard edge of a stone wall. How long she leaned against the strange stone building weeping into her sleeve Gwen did not know but eventually she looked around and even with the blur of tears in her eyes; she could see very easily that she was on a completely unfamiliar street. She looked around, looked over her shoulder and saw nothing recognizable.
Gwen fought a second swell of tears. She didn't know the city at all. Feeling weak and worn she sat down in an out of the way corner. How could this morning have soured so?
For a long while her mind went in circles, running over the tattered broken streets of her life. She had lost Arthur, thrown him away. In spite of all her efforts she could do no better than maid. Ylsa was a witch, her new home, new friends were tainted by magic and of course she was lost.
"When your life seems to be unraveling start with the things that you can knit together first"- That was what her mother had told her once very long ago and that was what she had always done.
She did it now concentrating on her most simple and immediate problem, getting into a part of the city that she knew. Gwen surveyed the street again looking for any familiar sight. It was not her eyes that saved her but what she heard and smelt, the Market.
Merchants crying out the value of their wares, the babble of languages, the familiar blend of rot, stink, spice, perfume and food, Guinevere followed her ears and nose to the market. Relief flooded through her at the familiar sight of the seemingly endless market stalls. After a few wrong turns she found the fabric market, making certain to impress other stalls on her memory so as not to become lost again. From the fabric market she made her way to more familiar streets. Here she hesitated-
"I wager you hate the person that made you leave Camelot-"
She thought of Ylsa who saw too much, Synove who didn't see anything and Kerenza who did not share things she saw. She was not going back to the townhouse, not yet. But where else could she go? She thought briefly of going to Adras'. She felt that the other woman might welcome her company and felt foolish for it, she barely knew Adras, and she certainly had no reason to presume friendship. That left spending her money in the market or the Church. The Church welcomed all visitors at all times and Father Flaejer had been the first person in the city to show her any kindness coupled with the fact that she still owed them for a nights charity made up Gwen's mind. With determined strides and unhappy thoughts still swirling in her head Gwen started the direction of the church.
When she'd first come to the hostel the only thing on her mind had been getting out of the cold and the rain. She had not truly looked at the building or noticed how lovely it was. Now though she starred in wonderment.
Unlike many of the buildings in Wyeledon which seemed to be reaching for the sky this one sprawled. Two arms ran along a wide courtyard cobbled with pale stone. The two arms of the building were made of creamy stucco while the main building was made of a warm pale stone. These however were not the features that distinguished the building. It was the roof.
The roof of the building was tiled in an unusual collection of tiny red, green, orange and black tiles making a dizzying array of repeating triangles up and down all sides gleaming in the afternoon sunlight. All of the dormers, and there were many along the second floor, were built around warm ochre timber beams and topped with iron crosses made with curling ends. For a long moment Gwen stared at the strange building wondering how she had not taken it in before. Then with a shrug she crossed the courtyard to find Father Flaejer. She found him in the chapel, fading red hair neatly groomed, wearing his simple black priestly garb studying one of the stained glass windows. It was the virgin they seemed to worship, gazing down upon him, expression serene, sunl0069ght beaming through the golden halo they had created about her head.
"Excuse me Mr. Flaejer?" He didn't seem to be praying but still Gwen somehow felt as if she were interrupting.
"Jenafere," his smile faltered upon seeing her. "Are you unwell?"
She sniffed enjoying the sweet spicy fragrance of incense.
"It has been a most eventful day, Mr. Flaejer, but I will be well enough." He studied her a moment considering her words.
"Come sit." He motioned toward one of the pews "Would you perhaps like to share what troubles you Ms. Jen? You are not one of my parishioners but I do not limit so simple a kindness as a listening ear to the members of my church."
Guinevere studied the dark, gleaming wood panels of the floor for a moment. She thought of Arthur, the pain she had caused him and was tempted for a moment to lay it all before him. Father Flaejer seemed to be such a warm and kind man but she could not bear the thought of her few friends knowing what kind of weak, cruel woman she was. Guinevere shook her head.
"Actually Mr. Flaejer I came because I found myself at a loose ends and I know that you are always very busy here with all the people you help. I thought I might assist you for the day."
He seemed to weigh her words a moment before finally nodding.
"Very well. We need help in the kitchen as always and there is cleaning to be done throughout the hostel. I think the gardening is done for the day but we need help in the infirmary."
Guinevere frowned considering the last word. She'd never heard it before but-
"Infirmary?"
"Yes a hospital for the sick like in monasteries but in the cities and designed after the Roman fashion."
Guinevere felt her eyes go wide.
"Does it- does it employee a physician?"
"It does." He looked at her perplexed, grey eyes curious "Why?"
"I thought only large wealthy households might employee a physician- could afford a physician."
"Well they are certainly paid better in households but he supports his family ably on what our patrons pay him." A worried look crossed the priest face deepening the lines in his forehead. "Are you ill Ms. Jen?"
Gwen let out a shrill little laugh of nerves and excitement and shook her head, a strange thrill running through her.
"No." Somehow she was going to get a job here. "Are there many such infirmaries here in Wyeledon?"
"No."
"Does this one employ an assistant physician?"
"Presently he does not but we've recently acquired a new patron and I know that is something Physician Pradeep has been asking for. Do you know something of medicine Ms. Jen?"
She nodded vigorously, "I do. I was actually studying with the physician back home."
"If such a position opens then you must apply. There are those amongst our patrons who would like a female physician at the infirmary."
"Truly?"
"Oh yes, can you get me a letter of recommendation from the physician you worked with previously?"
"Ahhh," Gwen looked away. "I can't."
"It does not matter," she heard him say a moment later, "like many, many people in Wyeledon you are here for a new start and the assistant position is a learning position. All you need is intelligence, work ethic and willingness for that. You must apply. Perhaps you can get Ylsa to give you a recommendation."
Guinevere grimaced.
"What is it?"
"We had an argument," Guinevere confessed.
"What about?"
"She's a witch!" Guinevere declared. Father Flaejer studied her for a moment before leaning back against the pew with a little ahhh.
"You subscribe to Camelot's philosophy that magic is evil and dangerous?"
Guinevere nodded vigorously. "I've never seen it do anything good."
He nodded. "Reason enough to believe something is bad, the evidence of your own eyes is very important but to your first point. I'm not certain that Ylsa is a witch. Our Lord Christ gave the power of healing to all of the disciples and all of those that have faith enough."
Guinevere frowned, "You're saying Ylsa is not a witch? She seems to think so."
"I could call a chair a table that still doesn't make it something to eat on."
She didn't say anything and he continued.
"Our faith and our strength come from our love of God and all that is good. Ylsa may seem a flippant and impertinent woman and she is no Christian but I have seen her love of all that is good demonstrated time and again. When the Vikings invaded three springs ago there were many injured and wounded not just women as Ylsa usually tends, injuries were amongst everyone. She nearly killed herself saving the lives of our people here and after she took care of our own, she took over the care of the prisoners as well." He paused a moment and leaned in more closely "And I have heard though I do not know the truth of this that she even offered her services to the invaders on the condition that they leave."
Guinevere considered the dark-skinned woman with the easy smile and the ready laugh, imagined Ylsa confronting the Vikings offering to heal or harm them.
"When it was over and done she was- wrung out if you will, she had given everything that she could and somehow still found more." He drew a deep breath. "I found her here in the church crying because one of her infants had died because she was too exhausted to help them. Hundreds of lives she saved or improved and she was crying for the one she couldn't. I don't fully understand what Ylsa's gift means but I know what she does, the way she speaks about it. It can only be good."
"I did not know these things about her," Gwen said in soft wonderment.
"Of course you couldn't," he patted her hand in a friendly way, "you've only been here in Wyeledon for two months. Physician Pradeep is not here presently but if you'd like to have a look at the infirmary it's just through these doors." Father Flaejer pointed to a pair of doors on the north side of the chapel.
"Jen, Father Flaejer." They both turned at the sound of Adras' voice. The other woman stood behind them wearing a gleaming white tunic embroidered with jacobean* brown and copper flowers and white trousers also trimmed at the seams in brown and copper.
"Here's the woman of the hour. Ms. Jen," The priest smiled "it is actually Ms. Adras that got us our newest patron. Truly she can charm just about anything out of these merchants."
"Don't listen to him, it's all bullying and blackmailing that I do." Adras gave her a quick wink with a smile.
"Did you know our Ms. Jen knows something of medicine?"
"I did not," Adras said clearly surprised.
"Apparently she's already worked as a physician's assistant and she says she'd like to do it again."
Adras studied her a moment as if reassessing her before giving her a little smile.
"Physician Pradeep hasn't returned has he?"
"No," Father Flaejer shook his head.
"I've a something for Physician Pradeep. I'm just dropping it off now. Jen would you like to see the infirmary?"
She nodded.
"Very well, Ms. Jen I shall leave you in Adras' capable hands." He gave her arm a little pat. "Think about what I said. Good day ladies." The priest rose and departed.
"Well aren't you just full of surprises? You never mentioned an interest in medicine."
"I didn't know there was an infirmary in Wyeledon. I'm not interested in working with a household and besides I don't have any references for it anyway." Gwen got to her feet.
"Oh," Adras looked at her questioningly for a moment. "Why don't you write home?"
"I'd rather not, not yet and I hope you won't either."
"I know but I am going to have to tell my brother sooner or later."
"I haven't forgotten," Gwen said softly.
Adras pushed open the door to the little hall that connected the chapel and the infirmary. It was a stuffy little space hot with summer warmth. Then Adras opened the infirmary door and a pungent waft of cloves and water mint hit them along with the usual church smells of frankincense and myrrh. The infirmary wing was bright, airy and just a bit warm after the stuffy little hall. The patient beds were enclosed with oak paneling and draped for warmth. Sunlight gleamed of the wood and the air had a clean pungent smell.
"Cloves and water mint?"
"Yes. Ylsa recommended that everything that comes into contact with a patient be washed in a solution of clove oil, water mint and water, especially hands. She says it drives out the foul humors that cause disease." Adras said. "Everything, dishes, bedding, clothing, the floors, the walls, the staff, visitors and no rugs, or rushes either."
Gwen felt her eyes widen. Clove was beneficial and cleanliness was an important part of good health but that seemed a bit extreme.
"Recovery rates have increased drastically since we took on her approach. Physician Pradeep's workroom is back here."
She followed Adras down a long wood paneled hallway and up a stone spiral staircase. The second floor walls were made of the same sandy colored stone as the building's exterior. Guinevere imagined it might be very cool in the winter.
Adras opened the door of the work room and Gwen followed her inside. Entering the physician's room was like entering a jungle. The room was warm and cluttered with plants. They hung from the ceiling, decorated the work table, populated the window sill and found homes amongst the books and scrolls. A look around revealed smaller room cordoned off with a curtain and narrow bed.
"He likes to be able to prepare remedies when needed."
"Does he live here?" Gwen asked eyeing the narrow bed.
"Oh no but sometimes he sleeps here if a patient needs a lot of attention."
"Oh."
"Jen, what you recommend for trouble with the menses?"
"Menses is there a lot of pain or extensive bleeding?"
Adras looked at her thoughtfully for a moment "Both."
"Ginger, red raspberry leaf, milk of any sort, cramp bark, nettle" Gwen smiled, "that's an easy one and stay very active."
Adras nodded went to the desk and put the scroll she'd been carrying into the desk drawer. Then she went to the set of shelves furthest from the window. Instead of plants it contained a host of jars, papers and all manner of medical accoutrements. After a while she picked a small bottle tagged with an AM.
"For my daughter Ambrosine."
"She is twelve, right?" Guinevere nodded.
Adras nodded.
"Now that you have seen the infirmary where are you off to?"
"I had not decided yet." Gwen no longer felt like doing any chores.
"Well I'm headed off home. If you're in no particular hurry you're welcome to see the garden and have supper with us. Ambry and Esobal love company."
Gwen had to admit she was curious about the two children as well as Adras's home.
"I think I would like that." Guinevere found herself smiling as she accepted the invitation along with Adras' arm.
Adras' cart was waiting outside. She'd seen larger carts in the street some that would as many as ten. Adras' looked to have seating for six with four wheels and team of six horses. What it lacked in size it made up for in beauty being of pale golden wood carved with owls, flowers and olive trees. While the box itself looked sturdy Gwen thought the way it sat on wooden slats suspended by chains seemed a bit dangerous.
"Perhaps we could walk." She said.
"You're scared aren't you?" Adras grinned at her.
"No," Gwen denied. "It's just- it looks very heavy the way it's sitting there in between those wheels."
"You are scared," Adras chuckled. "It's perfectly safe I wouldn't let Ambry and Esobal ride in anything that was dangerous and they ride in it all the time."
"They do?"
Adras nodded. By that time the driver had opened the carriage and put out the steps.
"Come seize the day Jen, you won't live forever."
"Very well."
The inside was lined with padded benches and gauzy white curtains covered the windows. Guinevere sat on the bench furthest from the door and Adras and took the space opposite her. Once they were settled Adras knocked on the ceiling, signaling the driver to go. After a moment the cart gave a little lurch and started forward bouncing with a rattle of the chains that suspended it between the four wheels. Guinevere gripped her seat suddenly nervous.
"Be at ease." Adras shouted over the rattle of the chains and steady drum beat of horse hooves.
Guinevere nodded not exactly convinced. After a few failed attempts to shout over the noise of the cart the two women gave up all effort at conversation and fell silent. Gwen studied the buildings of Wyeledon, houses of wattle and daub or stucco and timber, some buildings of stone. She watched the people crowding in the streets, going about their business and marveled at what she saw still not used to all the variety of people she saw daily in Wyeledon.
She saw a finally dressed husband and wife that Ylsa would have referred to as Chi'n, a group of Sinahala women in brightly colored clothes with bare dark brown arms. People stared at the cart too, especially children, one blonde woman stopped a little blonde child from running under the horses hooves. The ride went on and Gwen found herself thinking of Ylsa. She found that preferable to thinking of Arthur.
"Never a more loving woman have I known, she treats the life of her brothers and sisters as if they were her own and that is as Christ directs. It is good and all good is of God."
Loving was not how Gwen would have described Ylsa. Flippant and impertinent, yes. Loving…?
But then she considered Ylsa dropping everything to rush to the side of some woman laboring to bring her child into the world; often poor women who paid her in coppers and food and pottery and baskets.
"Most physicians think themselves too good for the common folk," Ylsa's word.
Hundreds of lives saved, only one infant lost –ye Gods! Kings would pour treasure at her feet to ensure the safety of their future sons, to keep themselves healthy and fit and perhaps even to sicken their enemies. Yet she lived a meager life sleeping on a narrow bed, sharing one room with three other women.
"Jenafere."
"Adras," she replied focusing on the present. "We've come to a stop."
"Yes come along."
The door opened. Adras alighted. A moment she turned round to help her out and Gwen noticed the strength of the other woman's slim, elegant hands.
"Oh my," Guinevere said taking in Adras's home.
They were on the outer edges of the city so it was no sprawling countryside manor. It was a narrow three story building made of bluish stone and hidden from the world by its own wall. The grounds were expansive enough that the city itself faded away. But it was not this that had elicited Gwen's response. It was the grandness of the building. Stained glass windows gleamed in its walls and curving stone stair case rose to the entrance. White marble columns soared into an arching ceiling and the entry walls were covered with gleaming mosaic tiles in gold, green, blue and white. The grounds themselves were planted with a few fir trees and a thriving garden of rose bushes and lilacs added its own charm.
"Well it is certainly beautiful."
"Thank you." Adras gave some direction to her driver and the two women went inside. Once inside she led Gwen to the parlor and sent a servant to fetch her children.
"Make yourself comfortable."
Gwen did as the other woman suggested and settled on one of the rooms two padded chairs. It was a comfortable space. In addition to the chairs there were three little padded benches all arranged round the fire place. The drapes that covered the windows were pulled open to take full advantage of the sunlight. Cushions littered the floor and a worn but sturdy looking table was pushed against the wall. Gwen counted three stools beneath it and realized that this must be where Adras gathered with her family.
Most interesting of all was the painting above the fire place. A woman with bright blue eyes and long straight dark hair, wearing a deep blue gown looked down at them. It was her expression that caught Gwen. The limner had captured some mixture of wisdom and warmth but there was a steadiness or certainty in the eyes as well.
"What happened Jen? Why don't you want to write home?"
"I'd really just rather not. Does anything have to have happened? Does some scandal or drama have to have passed?" Gwen demanded with annoyance.
"No of course not."
"Sorry."
Adras studied her for a moment as if weighing her next words.
"We need women physicians here in Wyeledon." She said after a while. "We need women physicians all over Britannia."
Guinevere nodded. There were no universities** that would admit women in Britannia. Women interested in the practice of medicine were forced to learn from whatever male physician would teach them. When she'd gone to Gaius requesting to be his pupil after Morgana had disappeared for the second time he'd been delighted to teach her. The continent according to Gaius was different.
"I hope you are serious. It's very important. One of the many things my teacher, a brilliant woman, taught me is how brotherhood is taught to men and it unites and empowers them yet women are taught to shun sisterhood and so we are weakened." Adras explained.
Guinevere looked at the other woman not sure what to make of that statement.
At that moment the parlor door opened and the two children entered. The girl, the older of the two, looked directly at her with frank curiosity while the smaller boy seemed far more interested in his dirty hands. Guinevere saw Adras's eyes goes straight to his feet which were bare but clean.
"Ambrosine, Esobal this is my friend Jenafere."
At that moment a servant entered and beckoned to Adras.
"Excuse me for a moment. Esobal be good and don't get Ms. Jen dirty. Ambry, keep an eye on your brother." Adras left and Guinevere studied the two children.
The girl curtseyed and smiled, with the exception of red curls she looked nothing like Adras. Eyes as blue as the sky looked at her with frank curiosity from a round face that was certain to garner cheek pinching from every auntie the girl might ever meet.
"You can call me Ambry."
"Pleased to meet you Ambry." Guinevere smiled at the child's practical nature.
"Say hi, Esobal." Ambry said in an exacerbated tone.
Esobal finally looked at her and Gwen felt her eyes go wide. With the exception of bright blue eyes the boy bore an uncanny resemblance to Gwaine.
"Nice to meet you pretty lady."
"Nice to meet you too young man and thank you."
"You're welcome. Do you want a present?"
Gwen studied the muddy child wondering what poor animal he'd managed to capture today.
"It's a surprise. I'm certain you'll like it." He looked up at her earnestly and Gwen felt herself caving.
"Very well."
"Close your eyes and hold out your hand."
Gwen did as the child directed and felt something cool, soft and slippery laid in her palm.
"She doesn't want that." Guinevere heard Ambry protest and fought a smile.
"You can open your eyes now."
Gwen did knowing already what she would find.
A common frog rested in her open palm.
"What a lovely frog." Gwen crouched so that they were eye level. "Thank you."
"You're welcome." The child seemed inordinately pleased with himself.
"But I don't think we should keep him though."
His little face fell. "Why not?"
"Well he needs a pond, and bugs to eat, and trees and shrubs and things. Houses aren't really made for frogs. If he stays here he might die."
"Oh, like my other mother?"
Gwen glanced up at Ambry who seemed to be studying her intently as if waiting to gauge her response.
"Your other mother?"
"My momma Isobelle. She died just after I was born. Mom says it's not my fault."
"Well I'm sorry about your other mother." Gwen glanced at Ambry who seemed completely unperturbed by this conversation.
"You don't have to be sad. Mom says she's up in heaven."
"I'm sure that's true," Gwen agreed. Adras returned as she said that.
"What's true?" Adras asked.
"That we don't have to be sad about Momma Isobelle because she's up in heaven." Esobal said.
Adras sighed wearily and nodded slowly.
"Mom I'm gonna put him back in the pond."
"That's fine but be quick you need a bath before dinner."
"A bath?"The boy protested.
Adras fixed him with a no nonsense look and Esobal nodded.
"Ambry come with me to the pond," he looked at her with pleading blue eyes.
"I have to practice my calligraphy for the contest."
"Please," he wheedled "you've been practicing all day and you don't hardly ever do anything with me anymore."
The older girl sighed and nodded but she was smiling clearly flattered.
"Very well."
Esobal let out a whoop and took his sisters hand without thinking already tugging her from the room
"Don't forget Ambry your brother needs to get back here in time for a bath.
"Yes mom. Nice to meet you Ms. Jenafere." The two children hurried off, Esobal's grubby hand tucked securely into the hand of his sister as he chattered animatedly to her.
"They seem really close." Gwen said thinking of how happy Esobal's face had brightened when his sister agreed to play with him.
"Oh yes Esobal adores her and she takes good care of him."
"Who's that?" Gwen indicated the portrait, wondering about the other mother.
For a moment Adras looked as if she were struggling to decide what to say next.
"It's no secret," she said at last. "My late wife Isobelle died of childbed fever leaving me with Esobal who bears her name."
"Wife?"
Adras nodded.
"Well I'm sorry about your loss," Gwen said digesting this bit of information. She knew of women that had female lovers though none that had ever married.
"She was very dear to me thank you." Adras fell silent.
"Esobal looks like you?"
"Not exactly," Adras said and watched her expectantly one red eyebrow quirked in challenge.
"Gwaine?"
Adras nodded.
"Why would he have an affair-"
"-There was no affair, not in the traditional sense of the word. We asked him to help us and he did."
"Oh." Gwen considered that not exactly sure what to think about that. "Esobal certainly reminded me of Gwaine. What about Ambry?"
"We found her after a fire; no one understood how she survived really. She had no relatives and Isobelle wanted her; named her Ambrosine, means immortal." Adras looked sad for just a moment. "So we are a family, a bit unusual but a family none-the-less."
Gwen nodded at a loss for words.
"So would you like to talk about what is troubling you today Jen?"
"Nothing is troubling me." Gwen lied, with everything that Adras had just told her the fight with Ylsa seemed rather insignificant.
Adras studied her a moment.
"Well we've some time before supper why don't I show you the gardens?"
For just a moment Guinevere considered confiding in the other women but only said "I'd like that."
Guinevere followed Adras down the hall, feeling a bit of curiosity about the rest of the house. Another time she thought to herself.
An arch marked the entrance to the garden. Carnations in blue, pink, yellow, white and lavender grew up over it and Gwen felt a subtle lightening of the spirit when they passed under it. As this was a city dwelling there was only a pleasure garden and a small vegetable garden. Both were enclosed with a great wooden fence to protect them from damage or theft. The pleasure garden lay nearest the house filling the air with the sweet fragrance of flowers in bloom. They followed a little path made from pieces of fitted field stone to garden of roses, jasmine and rosemary growing up the trellised walls that shielded it from the rest of the world. A stone fountain sat in the center of the garden and the song of little birds having a bath filled the air. Magnolia trees littered the ground with their petals.
Gwen smiled with delight and breathed in the sweet, warm scent of magnolias.
"When I was a little girl whenever my mother got the chance she would go to the palace and gather the fallen magnolia petals and blossoms. We would use them to make perfume or scent our bath. It wasn't so very often but it was fun."
Adras smiled.
In a moment Gwen's thought slipped from the pleasant memory to Camelot and magic.
"Adras magic is not illegal here is it?"
"No, but it's not encouraged either. Why?"
"I was just thinking about home." Gwen squinted momentarily as the sun beamed down on her.
"Camelot's ban on magic?"
"Yes."
"What about it?"
"I don't understand how it can be legal. I've seen it do so many terrible things."
"You know what King Uther told you. Magic is the equalizer between men and women. It can both help and hinder. People can and will do evil with whatever talents, abilities and power that they have just as they will do good with them."
"Perhaps all that you say is true but I've not seen magic help anyone. I've seen the dead walk, magic borne illness and people's minds stolen from them."
Sunlight bounced of Adras's hair making it into a fiery halo.
"Gwaine has told me some of the challenges your Camelot has faced; that is why magic is not illegal here."
"Why it's not illegal here?" Guinevere stared at Adras. If they knew the danger, why wouldn't it be banned?
"King Uther and the people of Camelot had their reasons to oust the old corrupt regime it is true but his fear of magic, his guilt for his abuse of magic made him as corrupt as the old regime and endangered Camelot as much as it protects it."
"His guilt?"Guinevere looked questioningly at Adras.
"Yes everyone knows, although I'm sure it's forbidden to speak of it in Camelot but everyone knows that Uther made a deal with a priest of the old religion to get his son. That's why the queen died. He probably thought he'd offer up some other poor unfortunate's life but the magic did the choosing."
"Magic? Arthur-" Gwen's words came out in a whisper unheard by Adras.
"Probably fitting that."
"What?"
"Uther of course was not so friendly to Wyeledon because we did not agree with the ban but the merchants have made friendly overtures to the new king and he seems to be responding in kind."
"Oh." First Ylsa wanted to talk about Morgana and now Adras wanted to talk about Arthur, could she not escape Camelot this day?
"We may even send some young men to be trained with his knights."
Camelot was moving forward without her. Arthur was ruling without her counsel.
"Camelot surely has the best knights in all of Albion." Did her voice quaver as she said those words? She felt a twist of bitter envy for the young knights that would go freely to Camelot, train with Arthur and perhaps eat bread baked by the Goodes.
"Still I don't envy them. Gwaine says shrimp and shellfish are an expensive delicacy there and there's no ocean to look at whenever you like."
"No but they'll get to watch the sun rise and set over the palace. I've yet to have any bread and as perfect as the bread baked by the Goodes." Longing for Arthur, homesickness washed over her then.
"Are you well Jen?"
"I'm fine." She had done so well keeping it all out of her mind.
Adras closed a gentle hand round her forearm and guided her to a stone bench.
"No you're not."
She felt an arm come round her shoulders.
"You don't have to tell me why you're sad." Adras said softly. "Just let me comfort you."
The words were like pulling a string. The hurt that she'd been burying, the tears that she'd been damning welled suddenly, unstoppably to the surface. She put her arms around Adras and wept onto her shoulder. After her father died she'd been alone with her misfortunes. Yes she'd had Morgana but that could be a source of comfort and anxiety. And Morgana had grown increasingly cold and distant to the point where Gwen came to fear for her life. There had been Merlin but he was often busy with other things and eventually Arthur but he was gone now.
Since her father's death that had been no friend that was not separated from her in some way or relationship that carried some expectation. Her relationship with Arthur had divided her from her commoner friends, the knights were men, Merlin besides being a man was often busy and rank and privilege were always between her and Morgana. Eventually there had come a point when there had only been Arthur to confide in and somehow that didn't seem fair to either of them.
Gwen let her tears pour onto Adras's shoulder, let that intense aching feeling, that longing for everything she knew flow out of her, until the raw intensity of her pain lessened to a dull ache. When she lifted her head she felt better lighter somehow.
"Better?"
She nodded and Adras produced a kerchief, monogrammed of course. Gwen took the kerchief and cleaned up her face, frowning when she saw the damp spot on Adras's shoulder.
"I'm sorry about that." She laid light fingers on the soaked spot
"Don't be your tears will dry without leaving a trace."
They heard the cry of a heron in the silence.
"Jenafere listen to me." Adras titled her chin between her forefinger and thumb and looked at her very intently. "You are one of a very few people that has not judged me or any aspect of my lifestyle; such are few and far between. That makes you a valuable friend." The other woman smiled for a moment. "Your feelings are important to me so please don't lie to me if you're unhappy or angry or feeling any other hurt. I want to know about it all right? You don't have to tell me why you're unhappy but please know that you can share your feelings with me and I won't make light of them ever."
Gwen smiled tentatively not at all certain what to make of Adras' words.
"All right."
Adras smiled broadly and Gwen was struck by how pretty it was.
"You have a lovely smile." Gwen said changing the subject.
Adras leaned back a bit the faintest hint of pink in her pale cheeks.
"Thank you."
Gwen studied the other woman's expression; the cool redhead seemed a bit discomfited suddenly.
Adras got to her feet, "This is one of my favorite part areas of the garden. Shall we perhaps remain here until supper?"
Gwen thought it over for a moment. It had been a long day.
"Yes I think so."
They lounged in the garden enjoying the bird song, the sun, the shade and the sweetness of the air until supper time drew near. Dinner that evening was a rich fare, a merchant's meal. Gwen savored it with delight, a pleasant diversion from day's event. Flavorful red meat seasoned and roasted deliciously, flaky pastry stuffed with potatoes, chopped green onion and cheese, a dish of cabbage and peas steamed with butter and shallots. Adras shared a wink with her when that one was presented. She was Adras's only guest that evening and Ambry and Esobal plied her with question about their Uncle Gwaine's adventures. Guinevere did her best to answer their questions over a dessert with waffles, sweet cream and brandied pears.
At the conclusion of dinner they retired to the parlor for an evening of cards and stories until Gwen found herself yawning.
Adras ordered up her driver and stating that she had some business with Ms. Alfonsa accompanied Gwen back to the townhouse. The two women sat side-by-side in cart both silently absorbed in their own thoughts. Feeling weary Gwen relaxed and leant against her friend.
"Tired?" Adras murmured.
"Yes. Ylsa and I were up before dawn."
"You have had a full day."
The two women lapsed into silence. She still didn't know what do or think about Ylsa's magic or whatever it was that seemed to be magic. Her instincts screamed to her of danger but her logic, her knowledge of the other woman told her that Ylsa was no danger to anyone. Though once she had believed the same thing of Morgana. Still father Flaejer and Adras were not fools they weren't ignorant of the danger. By the time the cart came to a halt Gwen was no closer to answer than she had been when she'd asked Ylsa if she were a witch that morning.
Supper had already been eaten when they arrived at the time townhouse. Ylsa of course was off delivering a baby somewhere, Kerenza and Ms. Alfonsa were in the parlor playing cards, Synove was playing some soft, soothing melody for them.
"Adras, what brings you to us at this hour?" Ms. Alfonsa asked before turning her dark thoughtful gaze on Guinevere.
"Jenafere has been my guest for the day but I thought perhaps I should return her and besides we need to discuss our friend."
"Oh." Ms. Alfonsa's eyebrows arched for a moment. "Excuse me Kerenza we shall have to finish our game later."
"This is because I'm winning isn't it?" Kerenza said.
"Now you know that isn't so." Ms. Alfonsa said and swept from the room taking Adras with her.
"Ylsa was really upset," Synove said as soon as they heard the door to Ms. Alfonsa's study shut.
"Well I hope you're well today Synove." Gwen said not really wanting to discuss this with them.
"You basically told her she should be burnt at the stake."
Gwen gasped. "That's not-"she stopped mid-sentence, was that the essence of what she had said to Ylsa?
She sunk into the nearest chair feeling the start of a headache.
"Ylsa works with Adras, Ms. Alfonsa and Father Flaejer. You have to get along with her if you're going to live here. Ms. Alfonsa has arranged for Ylsa to inherit this place when she dies," Synove finished with a sniff, got up and left.
"Jen," Kerenza said.
"I suppose now you're going to tell my how wrong I am too?"
"No." Kerenza said. "Magic is illegal back home it took me some time to get used to it too."
Gwen sat up straighter.
"I wasn't living with a magic user right away but it was difficult and frightening. No one got hurt or made any monsters or possessed anyone or anything. It's mostly just for fortune telling, medicine and nuisance removal for pest and the like."
"I see."
"No one was turned into a toad." Kerenza shared a smile with her just then.
"I really don't know what to think. Everyone has told me all of these wonderful things about Ylsa and I believe them but all of my life I've seen the horrors of magic."
"I know just promise yourself to be fair. If you're fair, you'll make the right decisions. I'm thirsty." Kerenza stretched her long frame. "Do you want some mead?"
Gwen nodded.
Kerenza got up and returned a few minutes later with mugs for both of them. They talked for a short while about the little village Kerenza had come from and her mother teaching her to read Latin from a very old and worn book. Gwen was exhausted though and soon excused herself to retire for the evening. For once she slept as soon as she shut her eyes.
"Ylsa?" Gwen whispered in the darkness.
"Jen you're awake?"
"That's no surprise. Do you have a few minutes or do you need to sleep?"
"I have a few minutes."
Gwen grabbed her wrapper and the two women made their way down to the parlor in the dark. Guinevere lit a candle and sat it on the table between the two chairs on the far wall. For a long time both women sat silent, Gwen working her way around to a question she could not ignore.
"Are you a witch?"
Ylsa's dark eyes studied her.
"Yes."
Gwen drew in a deep breath and her grip on the arms of the chair tightened involuntarily.
"I know that many magic users have made war on Camelot, caused suffering to innocent people. They see it as the source of their persecution and therefore Camelot and its King are targeted but you must understand magic is not evil, magic users are not evil people many of us are just like everyone else. We work and try to live the best we can with the talents we are born with or the skills we gain through life."
"Adras said that as well. She said magic is more often used for good than evil. She said it was the great equalizer between men and women. "
"Adras would say that," Ylsa teeth gleamed briefly in the candle light "It can be such. My magical gift is strictly for healing, I've learned some other things but my magic is for the saving of lives. I've saved so many women that ordinary midwives could never have helped. I did make that bandit sick but it made me ill as well you saw that yourself. So I only do it to protect people, the people I care about." Ylsa looked at her at last.
Gwen held Ylsa's eyes for a moment. She kept remembering what Adras had said about accepting her.
"For all of my life, I've believed magic to be a force of evil, a corrupter of innocent minds. I've seen it used horribly. I've seen it take away people's will, make the dead walk, poison towns, corrupt the spirit, in the days where people used magic as they would they made children into monsters and twisted the world. All of you say that it can be good but I've seen it do so much harm."
"Magic is not a force in spite of what people may say. It is a tool no more than that. Like a fire its uses are many and varied. It can warm a house or burn it to the ground, so the same for magic."
Gwen was silent trying to absorb what Ylsa was telling her.
"Father Flaejer does not believe you to be a witch."
"Father Flaejer believes many things," Ylsa said. "Do you believe that I know more about magic than you do?"
"I should hope so!" They smiled briefly at that.
"Know this- powerful forces have allied themselves against Camelot in the past, magic that could have destroyed it a thousand times over. Your kings may be clever and achieve much but somewhere in Camelot there is a powerful sorcerer, the most powerful sorcerer in the world and he is protecting Camelot saving lives time and again. Believe that if you don't believe anything else. There is good magic Jen." Ylsa gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I swear it."
* In this instance jacobean refers to a tree with a bark of rich, almost chocolate brown
** Since it was asked by my beta, universities date back to ancient civilizations of Africa and were common in both the roman and medieval era.
And now an invitation to our community:
Recently a popular writer here in our community received concerns about racist elements in one of his/her fics. I will not go into whether or not I think said fic was racist I wish only to address our communities' response to this situation.
Our community, our pairing, Angel Coulby and our active members are often a target of racism both from the media and the larger Merlin community. Our society is one that is steeped in institutionalized racism. As a result it is easy for an author to absorb racist stereotypes and incorporate them into their work without racist intention. Unfortunately that does not stop the work from perpetuating the institutions of racism or hurting individuals. Because our society is steeped in racism in this way the only for someone to learn not to make this type of mistake is to listen when they are told that something is racism or perpetuating stereotypes.
I won't go into whether or not I think the piece is racist. That's not the point here. My concern is our community's leap to silence people who wished to speak about the things that hurt them. Silencing those that wish to speak about racism or wish to have conversations on racism only perpetuates racism and allows it grow. If you truly are a good person and someone tells that you hurt them and you do not understand how you caused the hurt the person telling you of the hurt is giving opportunity to become a better human being. If our community is truly concerned about racism then we must not silence those that wish to speak about it no matter how painful the conversation.
Further now that I have made Adras's sexual orientation clear I invite anyone to come to with any concerns regarding my portrayal. I have consulted with three women within the lesbian community regarding her character as well as spent countless hours researching stereotypes peculiar to lesbian women and their presentation in the media. However homosexual/lesbian/bisexual, pansexual and trangendered* individuals like other minority and POC groups are not monolithic and I may have blundered unknowingly into a stereotype or hurtful portrayal. If you feel that is the case or if you have other questions about my portrayal of any group in this work I invite you to contact me, at no time do I desire to hurt anyone.
Also I will at no time disclose the name of the story or the author in question, please do not ask. I will also delete any and all comments that name the author or story.
Thank you all for your time,attention, readership and patience.
For the next chapter we really are back in Camelot.
*statement edited for insensitive language
**recent reviewer while I appreciate the sentiments expressed in your review regarding the fic in question for some readers there were troubling stereotypes expressed and efforts to silence those who wished to speak about those. I have removed your review as I wish the focus of conversation here to be on how we respond to discussing uncomfortable topics.I thank you for your readership and I hope you continue to enjoy reading The Exile.