He was drifting into darkness, saw nothing, felt nothing. A the same time he thought he is floating in the air and fell to the bottom. It was a pleasant feeling, he did not have to worry about anything anymore, no more caring or worrying about anything. Only he and that darkness surrounding him. He was everywhere and nowhere. It felt good. He wanted stay like that forever. It was like his mind started to stopping all his thoughts and nothing really matter at this moment. And then he heard it. Scream, but silent like soft whisper. "Alessander." Very familiar voice and yet he could not connect it to the face. This name, he know it from somewhere, it should mean something to him but in that darkness it was so hard to remember. It was wrong, he should remember, he should feel something. He started to panic and at this moment he felt as if someone's strong arms pulled him out of the depths of his mind and escaped to the surface. He quickly rose to a sitting position, taking a deep, sharp breath for the first time feeling the air in his lungs and looked around.
Hospital Wing. Hogwarts.
He tried to remember why is he lying here and then that thought hit him: He had a vision, strange corridor with door at the end. Department of Mysteries and room with many spheres. Sirius! Voldemort's followers are torturing Sirius! His eyes widened and he tried as fast as he could get off of bed, but fragile and yet strong arm stopped him. He looked up only to saw familiar face of matron, who was smiling at him. He lowered his eyes to look at her hand still holding his shoulder and keeping him from standing and back at her face which expression now said bluntly that there was no discussion about his early exit from the bed. Knowing that there is not a lot of time he tried convince her to let him go. "Madam Pomfrey, I must go, now. Sir-My friend is in trouble and I must help him! It is really important, he is in danger and.."
But before he could end, she interrupted him, her voice not allowed any opposition. "Mr. Potter I am gladly that you are all right and ready to go whenever your goal is, but I need to end scanning your health both magic and physical. You have nothing to worry about, everything will be fine and after I end my examination Headmaster will come and talk to you about past events that led to your actual condition."
He clenched his teeth knowing that there is no much he can do and let her do what she wanted. After a few minutes of murmuring scanning spells and complicated wand's movements, she nodded and wrote something on his note board satisfied with received results. "You are fine, only little tired magically. Personally I do not know circumstances of your arrival, Professor did not want to share that news, but it must be something serious because your magic put you in coma for a few hours, but at this moment your condition is stable and surprisingly well. However I suggest you to rest and recover all your strength. Now I am going to call for Headmaster and he probably will give you appropriate explanation, which he refused to give me and in light of your previous health condition was not really reasonable because the informations could be useful." She ended with a tone clearly giving to understand what she things about ignorance and stubbornness of her employer and with thats words he leaved boy alone and went to her little office.
So he waited. After a few minutes he heard characteristic sound of floo travel and saw Headmaster stepping into the Infirmary with wide smile on his face. "Harry, my boy, I am so happy you are back with us all and safe again."
Finally, past whole year of avoiding, old man's eyes were focused on him like staring straight onto his soul, blue irises shining with amusement. And then that happened, all his body fulfilled waves of calmness and sense of security. He clearly remembered feeling of being under Imperius curse from his fourth year and it was really familiar but different. He used all his self-control to not to obeyed this feeling. Something was wrong and now he could see that directed to him smile was faked. Not knowing what is going on he tried to keep calm and pretend that he did not noticed anything. He smiled back to his mentor and ask worried voice.
"Yes, me too. What happened, sir?"
Gleam in professor's eyes faded. He signed stepping forward to bed and sat on it's end. He ran his hand through his long, white beard and started recount looking much more older than it was a few moments ago. "That seem that you do not remember anything from the past events." When Harry nodded, he continued. "So I think I should start at the beginning then. With your friends you went to the Ministry of Magic, more precisely Department of Mysteries. It was Voldemort's followers trap. You were encircled by Death Eaters and it was pure luck that Order came on time to help you, because other way I do not even want to know how it could end. First of all you probably want to know that your friends are safe and now are recovering in St. Mungo. However if it is about their state of health I do not have good news. They were hit by a few dark curses and they need a long rest to be in full strength. Unfortunately every mistake entails consequences. I know it could be hard for you to accept it, but..." He paused as if wondering whether he should certainly said it. "Sirius is dead. He was hit stunning curse by Bellatrix Lestrange and he fell behind the curtain leading to the land of death..." Harry stopped listen to him in second he heard about his godfather's death. His thoughts running him crazy.
Sirius couldn't be dead. He just couldn't! It was his only thought floating through his head. This was exactly what he tried not to allow and now it was done. And it was all his fault. Sirius was his only family member and now he lost him too, like everyone else for years.
Dumbledore spoke further so he tried to listen concentrating on his words instead of rage and grief forming inside of him.
His face hardened and he continued with more cold voice. "You and your friends acted very irresponsibly. You should call for adults, members of the Order and ask for help. Do not blame yourself Harry, you was really brave and manage well. Remember, everyone made mistakes, it is nothing you should be ashamed of. No one could predict it." With every word he felt more sick. He started to breath quickly with growing anger at his naivete and then he remembered strange feeling when headmaster first spoke to him and he decided, he will not get yourself lost until he will know what exactly is going on. The spell causes to be calm so if he want continued to pretend, he must stop panicking.
He remembered his Occlumency lessons with Snape and his words about creating mental wall came back to him. Contrentating on clearing his mind from all thoughts he slowed his breaths and his face again showed nothing but peace and silent acceptance. It was...simple. He tried it for weeks, even months and now he did it without second thought. And that walls, he could feel them, really feel like it would be material thing, not only in his mind. He mentally smirked to himself, now if he thought about it, that lessons have proved to be really useful.
When the story ended, he smiled politely accepting explanations. "I understand, sir. Could I visit my friends now? I want to check how they are feeling." Acting was not his thing but with that shields it was much more simpler. He only wonder how long will it last until he fails and show that spell really did not work properly. Of course, response did not satisfactions him.
"Oh, no. I am afraid that it is not good idea. You are in danger you see. Voldemort is becoming stronger and we can't risk another attack. Today you will be escorted home when strong wards will protect you. I am sure, when only your friends are capable, they will write to you." So now he even can't visit friends in hospital. Wonderful.
He opened his mouth to protest but another wave of subordinating spell hit him. He pursed his lips into a thin line and instead of arguing he nodded. Headmaster smiled and called Himself and told him to pack all Harry's thinks. "Your trunk will be wait packed for you in your room at Privet Drive. Be at noon in my office. We will apparate straight to your house. That will be the safest way."
"Of course, sir." And with another satisfied smile old wizard walked from Hospital Wing leaving angry and confused teen behind. All time he were showering, changing clothes, eating breakfast he thought about that strange situation. Why his so far trust professor tried to cast a spell on him? Was all he said the truth or was it a lie? Why is Headmaster trying to control him and do not allow him to visit friends? Can he trust him?
No. If he could, he would not be in risk to be under whatever that spell was. Was he casting it on him before? Was it possible that he did not noticed it before? He freed from thats thoughts only in exactly moment to notice that was 11:56 and was standing in front of enter to
Headmaster's office. He knocked three times at the door and after hearing simple "Enter" he walked into room. It looked exactly like last time he was there. He did not bothered himself looking around because he knew nothing changed, maybe only increased the number of books on shelves. All his attention was focused on man standing before him.
He saw outstretched toward him hand and Headmaster seeing his confused look ordered him with chuckle. "You have to grab my hand for us to be able to apparate, my boy." Pushing aside his suspicion, he did as was told and in moment their hands touched he felt like he was squeezed through a thin tube and everything went black. Next second they were standing at Privet Drive in front of door to house number 4.
Apparition definitely wasn't the much pleasant experience. He felt like all the air left his lungs. Only thing keeping him from falling was an embrace in which he was caught shortly after the completion of travel. When he felt sufficiently stable he gently released from grip and murmured his thanks. His companion replied with knowing smile. "I assume it was your first apportation, Harry. Well, it seems you put up with it much better than most. All your things are already in your room, so I think it is time for me to say you goodbye and wish good summer." He nodded, thanked once again and knocked on the door.
Everything seemed that same and yet he felt as if something was about to change.
Once at his home, he was welcomed with distanced, cold glances and immediately ordered to go upstairs and stay quiet in his room. Somebody would felt angry or rejected, but he was used to that treatment. Actually he liked quiet and peace of his room. Usually he was not disturbed in addition to the moment when his aunt gives him a list of daily chores. Once he done his job and had his meal he don't have need or permission to go out of his room without another reason than visit to the bathroom. In return they never entry to his room, maybe from fear for everything similar to magic of because there was nothing interesting for them.
Anyway that small room become his own asyl, place when he can be alone with his thoughts and now he was really thanked for it. After last events he has a lot to think about.
It was only noon but he already changed his wear into muggle baggy clothes which he get when they were too tight for Dudley and was lying on his bed. His trunk was immediately closed into cupboard under the stairs along with his wand and invisibility cloak. Only thing he has which connected him to the wizarding world was Hedwig in her cage beside window but even if he would want he could not send even one little letter because of lock which prevent releasing the bird.
He sighed and looked at the ceiling. It was all difficult to comprehend. He lost his trust toward his teacher in moment he casted on him that spell in order to subjugate his thoughts. It all was...confusing. His entire time in wizarding world he could rely on his mentor and yet that lost did not seem to be hard to believe. It even felt right in some sense and it was reason of his hestination. It wasn't only about lost of his trust. The most strange was that feeling inside him making him to felt wary and really angry at only thought or sight of Headmaster and yet he didn't know source of it. He couldn't just like that change his opinion, right? In his thinking he did not rejected when his eyes slowly closed and he fallen asleep in the middle of day.
Days went by slowly, full of making his chores and thinking about his actual situation.
Everything seemed to be ordinary but something was definitely different. From the moment when he woke up he has been acting differently. His feelings become stronger and yet he could better control them. He could easily hide them from all people around and in the same time act as if he feel all conversely. He had better control over his mind and behaviour. And his ability to closing his mind! How was it possible to learn Occlumency without actually learning it, additionally immediately after experiencing firsthand his total lack of talent in this area of mind magic.
Of all his thoughts at the top began to move this one about how can he use his new unexpected ability. He could see many good uses for it, for example continue to pretend to be under Dumbledore's spell and explore the true face Leader of Light had so precisely hid under grandfather's smiles and pervasive sweetness. Yes, he definitely was going to have good use of it.
How...Slytherin of him, and yet when at that thought he should be startled he could only smirked to himself. That way of thinking was for him so natural, he felt better than all that years and couldn't wonder what caused this change. Now he only wondered that maybe the Tiara was right what it wanted him to be placed into House of Snakes, but he refused, such a shame. Now he could saw that maybe in that house he could felt really himself.
It was autumn. Everywhere in sight were colorful leaves. Delicate wind was bringing characteristic smell of slowly coming winter and caressing his face like gentle touches. Birds were singing from their places on trees. He looked around. It was a garden. Actually the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. From the place where he stood he could see giant lake to his right very similar to the black lake in hogwarts grounds but this one was kept in better condition. To his left were big white fountain and rest of possession with beautiful flowers and marmur figures. The entire space testified to the richness and good taste of the owner.
Whole this place felt safe. It did not matter he has never been here before. He only wanted to sit on the grass, look at the beautiful sight before him and forget about all thoughts that tormented him from time he returned from Hogwart. Only problem was that he could not move even about inch! His body felt strange, just like during his vision when he was trapped inside body of a giant snake. He felt like ground was too near. Was he shorter in this strange dream? For one second he felt scared but then that feeling of happiness and peace was back. He noted that surrounding him calmness had nothing in common with mind-numbing sensation of Dumbledore's spell. He could not tell from where this conviction was coming but he just knew it. He exhaled deeply and felt as if it was his first true breath for a long time and all his doubts disappeared. From the back he heard steps and after a few seconds he felt gently touch on his shoulder.
"Come home, honey. It's getting cold outside." He heard woman's voice and he heard himself responding. "I'm going, mum."
Then all his vision fulfilled darkness and with quiet sigh he woke up in his room at Privet Drive with more questions than before and strange feeling of longing.
This dream caused him strange feelings but he quickly rejected them and started that it was only his subconscious and there is nothing to worry about. But it didn't end with one dream. It repeated every night and everyone was different but he never could see a face of any person he met in them. There were more people and that could only mean that kid in which he incarnated every night have a family: mother, father, brother and even a godfather.
He started felt like that people meant something for him, deep inside despite his logic arguments that it don't concern him and he even don't know them he felt attached to that people. He decided that he need to stop thats dreams because it isn't real and he can't lose himself in another's life. That family isn't his and it doesn't matter how much he would want it to be real he can't forget who he really is. But even if he tried he couldn't stop that visions.
One day, when after hard work in the garden exhausted he layed down on the bed he felt asleep before even his head hit the pillow he dreamed like every night but he felt that something changed.
It was different. Dream or vision, because he didn't exactly know how to name it, was different. He was higher, older but it didn't make much difference. He was maybe seven or eight years old? But the most wondrous was a person standing before him. Boy little higher than him with beautiful blond hair and big grey eyes shining like thousands stars. Everyone who only look at him would tell that it's one of angels fallen to Earth.
That situation was also other than usual. They were standing in darkness, maybe it was night? And everything he could see was person standing within his reach. Child smiled at him but his smile was sad, despite this he could felt identical smile appearing at his face. The child's eyes drifted down to their, which he only now noticed, connected hands in which they were holding two necklaces or more precisely two parts of one medallion. Boy lifted his hand and put necklace at Harry's neck and to his surprise he felt himself doing this same to the boy. He looked at angel's face and felt it, that strong connection between them he was looking straight at his brother.
After fastening necklace at other's neck his sight fell at his left hand and he saw that at his outer side of palm is cut looking like five-pointed star. It wasn't new wound, more like some old scar. He didn't know how long he was gazing at it but his attention drawn gently touch when his brother took his hand into his little bigger one and pulled him forward into tight embrace.
They were standing like that for a while in each other's arms like world don't exist and he heard quiet unsure whisper. "You won't leave me, won't you?"
He felt wave of guilt passing through him and but refused to change his decision. "You know that it's dangerous. I don't want you to get hurt..."
He felt arms around him tightened and heard this time more determined and firm voice. "I don't care! Damn all consequences, all that matters that you are here. Will you stay with me?"
His brother's voice broke at the end of sentence and all his resistance shattered. He know danger his presence could bring but he couldn't stay away from his family. It was just too hard to let them go. "I will be there for you. Always, Dray..."
"...and forever, Less." Arms holding him tightened again and fingers digged into his back. Grip was so strong that bothered with painful.
He could feel his brother's love, his desire to never let him go again, protectiveness comparable only with his own. Besides warm of other's body he felt another source of it.
Both pieces of amulet just like mark on his hand flashed strong light and after a short moment returned to their previous state. Harry felt single tear streaming down his cheek and snuggled his face in older boy's chest.
Promise was made and now he could only wonder whether by keeping it he won't hurt people about which he care the most.
He woke up breathing hard, feeling sweat sticking hair to his forehead. He looked around.
His room.
It was only a dream. He thought still feeling this strong desire to protect his brother and that strong hopelessness because the biggest danger was he himself.
He started breathing deep breaths to calm himself. After a while he felt normal again. He took glasses from desk, stood up and went to bathroom to wash up his face with cold water. He quietly opened the door which with a bit of luck didn't creak and making the less noise he could went to the rook at the end of corridor. He knew that if he wake his relatives it wouldn't end good for him.
In bathroom he stood in front of sink and looked at the mirror. He could see dark rings under his eyes, of course all thats dreams and thinking about what happened haven't helped him to have proper rest last times. He signed, better strange dreams that were giving him substitute of happiness than visions of death and bloody torture. At least it is only imagination, not any wizarding tricks or something. He let go of tap water and closed his eyes.
The sound of water was calming and without opening his eyes he washed his face. When he was done he looked once again in mirror and raised his left hand to ruffle his hair like always when he felt frustrated or nervous only to froze in mild-motion.
He looked at his outer path of palm. It was there, just like in the dream. His eyes widened when he was looking at pentacle mark at his hand.