no settling down, my text go to your screen
you know better than that
i come around when you least expect me
i'm sitting at the bar when your glass is empty
you thinking that the songs coming on to tempt me
i need to be alone like the way you left me
2 weeks later
Sebastian has clearly been blind to everything going on around him, blinded by so much sex, blinded by the cute boy he's been obsessive over, so possesive and wanting to do nothing but please him that he hasn't noticed something happening in his apartment.
He wakes up to an empty bed, the side cold but made. He yawns loud, stretching and getting out of bed to start on some paper work for a job his boss asked him to handle. As he was using the restroom, he notices small things.
Ciel's toothbrush, his cologne, shaving products and some weird fucking moisturizer shit, just tiny things that slowly started to appear without his attention. It sets a panic within him.
What the fuck is happening here?
He rushes to his bedroom again, noticing the clothes that are definitely not his hanging up in the closet. He opens his drawers, seeing underwear that isn't his, seeing the panties laying neatly on the right side.
This cannot be happening.
He runs around the entire apartment, noticing the smallest fucking things that scream that 2 people live here. Together. When the fuck did this happen?
He doesn't do this. He doesn't live with people, he doesn't catch feelings, he doesn't sleep with the same person more than once. Everything happening around him is unbalanced and doesn't feel right. It doesn't make him feel like himself.
He's definitely panicking, which is another thing he doesn't do.
And the most annoying part is he still misses Ciel, wondering if he's having a good day, being safe, if he's dressed nice and smelling good. If he's with another man or not and it's fucking ridiculous that a spark of jealousy burns within him so strong that it angers him.
Anger is coursing through him. Panic has disappeared and now he wants everything else to disappear. He wants the small items gone, he wants his space back, he wants himself back.
He doesn't DO attachment. He physically can't do attachment.
Maybe he's being irrational when he decides to do his next action, which is angrily pack Ciel's shit up. He forcefully shoves his shit in suitcases, every item disappearing into the bag, the more empty the apartment already feels. But he pushes through, breathing so heavily he might be on the verge of a breakdown.
What the fuck is happening to him?
"Sebastian, chill the fuck out. Get ahold of yourself." He slaps himself for good measure, trying to calm himself down.
An hour goes by of him panicking, getting angry, getting sad and then angry again as he packs everything up and he carefully drags the suit cases to the front door and sits on the couch, putting his head down between his arms and just breathes, pondering his decision.
He needs to end this. He can't do this, he just wanted a fuck buddy, someone he can appreciate in the sack, do some wild shit in the bed, which they haven't really ventured into lately which should of been a red flag. Lately they've been pretty vanilla, just him eating his ass and fucking him hard. Nothing wild has happened since the panty incident.
He's just having sex with Ciel to do it, because he just wants Ciel.
This conflicting feelings inside of him is enough to make him want to just pack up all his shit and move to another city, where Ciel can't find him, where Ciel doesn't exist, where Ciel isn't walking around, working in a coffee shop. Where he can't run into Ciel, and smell him, remember how he felt against him.
The idea of Ciel not being here makes him ache and he can't do it.
So he takes a deep breath, gets up and gets ready for the day with determination coursing through his veins.
Ciel is humming as he walks up to the apartment door, smiling to himself because he had such a good day, everything went so well. He even had a conversation with Alois, learning the boy isn't too bad after all. They oddly get along really well, and since Ciel has basically moved on, he doesn't mind the fact that he's fucking his ex.
Though, he does believe Alois does deserve better.
They exchanged numbers, been texting since he left work for the day and it's been nice.
wanna have a little dinner date later? there's this nice ass sushi place i wanna try and you're my only friend.
Ciel opens the apartment door, looking down at his phone as he lets out a laugh at Alois's text message, grinning to himself as he types out his response.
yeah sure! im down for whenever :)
As he looks up, he sees suit cases and raises an eyebrow.
"Sebastian? Is someone here?" He calls out, hearing a grunt in response and footsteps coming towards him.
He lets out a big smile at the sight of Sebastian. He looks amazing in skin tight black jeans, his shirt unbuttoned and his hair a mess. It looks like he just woke up, and it always takes his breath away when he sees Sebastian, but this is pleasantly better than usual.
"Yeah, actually."
Ciel nods his head with a smile. "Who is it then? A friend of yours?"
"Someone I was about to fuck, actually."
Ciel freezes, his smile dropping right off his face.
"What?" Ciel whispers, looking up at Sebastian, begging with his eyes for him to be lying, to be fucking with him.
"Yeah." Sebastian says nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders.
"We.. We had a deal.." He whispers under his breath, looking down at his shoes, his heart feeling like it's being squeezed tightly, an odd feeling tugging at him. He's hurt, beyond hurt, and he knows they are just fuck buddies, someone to fuck and cuddle and be nice to each other afterwards. But it hurts.
"Yeah, well, deals change. I packed your shit, I don't know how you subtly moving in fucking happened but it did and that's not alright. So, yeah." Sebastian turns and makes a move to walk away when a hand grabs at his elbow.
"Sebastian, stop, please. What is happening? Are we going to be okay? Are we done? What is this? I'm so confused, I didn't do anything. I've slept with you, I've been nice to you, I've cooked you meals. You.. You treated me so well, don't do this to me right now. Don't drag me along like this." Ciel says desperately, on the verge of crying but he refuses to cry. He won't let himself cry until he's alone.
"You're right. I shouldn't drag you into a false sense of security, or let you get expectations in your head so we're done with whatever this is. It can't go on."
Ciel is fucking angry now.
"What the fuck are you afraid of?" Ciel screams, taking deep breaths after to stop himself from crying or laughing hysterically.
Sebastian turns to look at him and grins, but inside he's fucking screaming at himself for the next words he blurts out. "You were just another hole for me to fuck and it's obvious you've developed feelings. I don't have any fear, I laid it out about what I wanted and didn't want. You should probably sit back and think about that."
Ciel breaks inside. He feels his heart get broken for the second him in his lifetime and it's not too far apart either. Maybe this is his fault, he won't try to lie to himself by saying he hasnt developed feelings. Sebastian treated him so well, made him feel so appreciated and that's gone.
Just another hole for me to fuck.
He repeats it over and over in his head, desperately trying to grasp at the meaning but he can't. He refuses to believe he doesn't have feelings for him. Sebastian looked at him with so much adoration, was so gentle and tried so hard to make him comfortable, feel safe, and you don't do that for just anybody.
He has to be somebody.
" I was somebody." He whispers, turning around and picking up his suitcases, opening the door and shutting it without looking back, without explaining what he meant by his words.
He had nowhere to go, oddly relied on Sebastian without even realizing it.
He was alone, and for the first time in years and he doesn't know what to do. He's scared, he's hurt, and he finally lets the tears fall and let's the gravity of the situation dawn on him as he walks to his car, letting out a loud sob as he gets situated inside of it.
He gets his phone out of his pocket and calls up the only person he sadly has.
"I need someone to talk to, please? I'm begging."
"Sure, babe. Meet me at Four Corners, okay?"
"Thank you."
He arrives at the little cafe, wiping his tears and taking deep breaths to calm himself.
He gets out of the car when he feels like he collected himself enough to face his friend. He opens the door and spots the blonde boy immediately, feeling relief rush through him in an overwhelming wave. Just the fact he gets to talk to someone calms him greatly.
Alois smiles at him as he watches Ciel sit down, immediately frowning when he sees the red puffy eyes and whines.
"Baby! What's the matter!"
"Sebastian like, ended, whatever we had. Kind of rudely too. He um," He clears his throat, his next sentence making him want to throw up. "he said I was just another hole for him to fuck and that he knows I have feelings, basically and that can't um, happen."
He feels like he's suffocating, feeling the tears wanting to leak out again but he holds them at bay.
"What the fuck? What a prick! I remember when he came into the bakery and saw me smiling at you he gave me some fucking murderous look. That fucking giant giraffe can't sit there and pretend he doesn't feel shit either, whether it's love, like, or even possessive, like fuck off, you know?" Alois sounds proper angry on the behalf of Ciel, and he really wants to beat that giant's ass.
Ciel gives Alois a watery smile ,busting out into tears. "Why does nobody want me?"
Alois rises immediately from his chair, running to his friend's side and wraps his thin arms around him tightly, giving him little kisses all over, shushing him. "Oh, no, sweetie. Everything happens for a reason, right? Claude and me happened for what I believe is for us to meet, and for you and Sebastian to sleep together. I have faith this will turn out good, just please don't cry, okay? I'm here. I'll be here whenever you need me too, no matter what fucking time, you got it?"
Ciel nods, sniffeling and turns his head to bury it in Alois's neck, shutting his eyes tightly and mumbles out, "I need a place to stay. I was staying with him."
Alois nods. "No problem, my house is your house. Anything of mine is yours, okay?"
Ciel feels overwhelming happy to have Alois. He went from wanting to murder him to wanting to fucking marry him platonically.
"Now let's get your sad ass a cupcake and go to my house and get you settled and cuddle until you're feeling tired enough to not be sad. Day one is always the hardest and that's the most I can promise."
Ciel nods sadly and smiles slightly, fixing his hair and gets up to go to the counter to order a fucking cupcake because he deserves one.
Day one with this hole in his heart, and he hopes he doesn't have many days like this left. It's been a fucking hour.