.::I do not own The Outsiders::.

4. It's easier to run replacing this pain with something numb.

Sodapop was walking rapidly down the streets heading towards the lot. Getting there he reached in the back of his jean's pocket taking out a cancer stick, it was unusual for him to smoke but sometimes he had one just in case anyone else in the gang wanted one. Lighting it up he glanced sideways seeing Steve slowly make his way beside him, he asked for a smoke too. Soda was surprised yet let it slide. For some minutes they simply puffed out smoke in the night silently. Two greasers relaxing for a while. The cigarettes were finished, crunched under the feet of the two teens. The moment was interrupted.

"So you're gonna explain why you yelled at the kid?"

Soda sighed upset believing he was going to get away from talking about it, "I-I don't...I mean...I didn't mean to...It's like something snapped inside of me...All day everybody asked me, 'Are you ok?' 'You better?'. Guess I was just tired of listening to those questions 'cause I am all right..."

"All right? What I saw back there was not all right. It was more like you taking out your anger to your brother."

He winced at the harsh reality, "I fucked up didn't I?"

Steve pressed his shoulder with his hand, "Oh yeah, big time."

Sodapop nodded, both went back home since an hour had passed by quickly. At the Curtis house, Ponyboy was too saddened with what had happened so he went off to bed not in the mood to keep going on with the party anymore. Twobit tried cheering him up with Johnny's help though it didn't work. All he wanted was to be alone, his feelings were hurt by the person he thought wouldn't ever do that to him. Ironic. Dally was mad with Sodapop ruining it all, He went way over board with this, just 'cause that bitch broke it off don't mean he needed to yell at Pone. Dallas told everyone he was gonna go to Buck's, Johnny was offered to stay at Twobit's place. He accepted it. Darry picked up everything, popped the balloons to throw them away and put the remaining food in the fridge.

After taking a quick shower, brushing his teeth he sat on his recliner waiting for his middle brother. Closing his eyes for a while he thought of what had happened. Soda shouting at Ponyboy, for him, it was obvious that the anger really came from his heart break. Unfortunately Pony was the one to receive his unintended blow. He just said the wrong thing at the wrong time. He wasn't too mad at Soda, he understood some of his pain yet he didn't have to do what he did to Ponyboy. Especially on his birthday. In front of everybody.

Finally the door opened with Soda walking inside, Steve popped his head telling them he was going home that night. Soda stared down at the ground, Darry folded his arms still sitting down narrowing his eyes. The air got tenser, the television was at its lowest volume, Pony didn't even make a sound from his room. Soda began speaking.

"I know Darry...I know..."

"I don't think you do Sodapop. Do you have any idea how this affected Pony?"

Soda glanced at his bedroom's door, "Shh!"

Darry frowned as he whispered, "Seriously Soda, you shoulda seen his face. I mean what the hell got into you?"

"Look, I got mad for some reason. I didn't mean to yell at Pony... So I'm going to apologize. I don't even want to imagine his face... Was he-was he really bad when I left, Dar?"

Darry nodded slowly, "Yeah he was."

After that Sodapop went to the bathroom to wash his face and teeth, Darry went off to bed tired from the day. He knew they would be better by morning. But he would see how wrong he was by then.

Ponyboy still hadn't gone off to sleep, instead he was awake looking outside the window admiring the stars. Somehow it was calming, distracting him from the hurt he felt inside. Never were both brothers fighting or bickering like the rest or at least like he and Darry, with Soda it was different. They were brothers who really understood one another. Which is why he felt bad not knowing what had provoked Soda to snap at him. It was something rare to see Soda mad at Pony.

He heard the door click open so he closed his eyes trying to fake sleep. Of course Soda knew well that he wasn't anywhere near dream land. His breathing was too fast going and the way Pony was laying down was too obvious, too stiff. His big brother changed into his pajamas and sat on the bed, with his elbow he nudged him.

"You ain't sleeping Pone so you can just stop."

Rolling his eyes he sat up, I knew I couldn't pull it off.

"I'm real sorry Pony. For ruining your birthday. For yelling at you. For everything."

Ponyboy looked down at his hands, "It's ok."

Soda grimaced at this, How can he just say that? I was such an ass. I deserve shit from him. He shook his head, "No it's not ok Pony. It just isn't. I'm really sorry kiddo. I'll make it up to you I swear."

His younger brother half smiled truly believing his words, "Ok Soda. I forgive you."

They smiled at each other, Soda hugged him before laying into bed preparing to go to sleep. His arm was on top of Pony protectively hearing his breathing going slower and steady. Now he's really asleep. Around three in the morning, he turned over thinking hard and long. I slashed out on my baby brother. Just because he asked me if I was ok. Who does that? He was just worried about me. I know I hurt him. I saw it in his eyes. Sudden fear filled his chest, What if I do this to someone else? This pain...This pain I feel inside won't go away! It's been days and I still feel it! When will it disappear? I don't want to yell at anyone anymore!

His heart beat fast against his chest he thought Pony would wake up from the sounds. The over whelming feelings were consuming him so much he thought he was never going to get better. I can't take this anymore...I've been though just enough! First my parents, then Sandy, who's next? Pony? Darry? Steve?! Who?! And I ain't getting any better!

Quietly he sat up carefully trying not to disturb Pony from his slumber. He smeared his hand on his face trying to calm down. Something just didn't feel right inside of him, no one could help him not even himself. He felt restless like he needed to do something. Something to make it all better. His eyes wandered around the room as if he could spot the solution right away. An idea popped into his mind, his eyes widened, Could it help?

Ponyboy stirred in his sleep, Soda gritted his teeth debating fiercely of what he should do. Almost an hour passed by as he paced around the room, in the end he chose what he wanted. He filled a small duffel bag with clothes, some money he had saved up for emergencies, his wallet, some important documents that Darry wanted him to keep and finally photos. Three to be exact, one of his parents, another one of his brothers only and finally one of the whole gang.

Grabbing a DX cap placing it on his head he left a small note on the dresser beside the bed. Before leaving he looked at his house watching everything he could like the piano his mother used to play when she felt happy which was almost every day, his father's camera hanging up the wall. He used to love taking pictures to preserve the loving memories. Some of Darry's trophies from football, Ponyboy's ribbons from track. The couch where his friends crashed every now and then.

His eyes began to water but he wiped his eyes before any tears could slide down, with a shuddery breath he smiled weakly whispering behind, "I'm really gonna miss you guys." And with that, Sodapop Patrick walked away leaving for who know how long or even if he would ever come back. To him it was much easier to run...

oOoOoOo

Ponyboy yawned waking up from his deep sleep. Stretching he scratched his chin tiredly, he then realized something. Sodapop wasn't in bed. Confused he walked out his room, it was too early for him to go to work. Darry was in the kitchen making breakfast already in his work clothes. He turned around cracking a smile at Pony. Turning off the stove he said:

"Good morning kiddo."

"Hey Dar, have you seen Soda?"

"No. Speaking of Soda, wake him up. He's got work soon. You know how Steve gets when Soda's late."

Back in his room Ponyboy bit his bottom lip trying to figure out where he could have gone off to. Something caught his eyes. A small piece of paper with some writing he knew very well. Sodapop's chicken scratch. Pony began to read every word on it which weren't a lot. Just a small message written. At the end he felt all the blood drain from his face. Oh no...

I'm sorry I had to say goodbye this way. Don't worry about me Pone, tell that to the rest of the guys too. Darry, I know you'll read this, I love you please take care of Pony for me, at least one mouth less to feed huh? Don't be looking for me ok? I don't know when or if I'll come back one day. I'll miss you guys a lot. Take care. Bye.

~Sodapop P. Curtis.

oOoOoOo

(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)

Thank you again for reviewing! Inspires me a lot!