Chapter 12: Tobias – Leaving

We follow Cara's lead, running when she does and walking as casually as possible the rest of the time. Whenever we pass people, we group ourselves to one side of the hallway, keeping the most recognizable of us blocked from view. Unfortunately, most of us are well known at this point, so it's not easy, but Zeke continues to draw people's attention as much as possible, and Peter, surprisingly, helps him.

I never know what to make of Peter, or how much to believe of what he says, but I doubt he's doing all this to help Caleb. It's more likely that he wants to leave the city and is using us as a convenient way to get there. The thought doesn't bother me – if it's true, at least we have a common goal for now, and Peter is most trustworthy when he wants something from us. Not that trustworthy is a term I'd ever use for him.

Caleb has the sense to stay quiet. I walk between him and Tris so she won't have to see him if she doesn't want to. She doesn't, of course, and she keeps her eyes focused ahead, watching for trouble. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Caleb sneaking furtive glances at her. He's probably hopeful that the rescue means she's forgiven him, as if these hallways aren't enough of a reminder why she shouldn't. Yesterday's conversation passes through my mind, and I consider breaking his leg to make it clear how we all feel. If I picked the spot carefully, he could still work his way across the rope….

As we near the ladder that leads to the roof, my thoughts shift, and it occurs to me how much we've endangered Zeke today. I pull him through a door on the left, and the others follow us into what turns out to be a lab. The equipment has been smashed, and the tables are pushed out of the neat lines I'm sure they were in a few days ago, but the sight still brings up unpleasant memories. I squash them down and turn to Zeke.

"Did that guard see you?" I demand.

Zeke shrugs. "I doubt it. He seemed pretty focused on you two," and his eyes flick between me and Tris. But his expression tells me he's lying, or at least that he's not sure he's right.

"You should come with us," I say firmly. "We're leaving the city, so we won't be able to help you if anything happens, and you could be in real danger if you stay here."

Zeke shakes his head, his expression far more serious than usual. "I can't, Four…not with Lynn gone. Shauna needs me, and I won't leave her." A weight sinks through my stomach. So many people died in the battle, and I don't even know about most of them. I hadn't realized Lynn was one. I think of how worried Shauna was about her little sister during initiation, and I understand how devastated she must be now.

For a moment, my eyes close in regret. I shouldn't have asked Zeke to help us today, wouldn't have if I'd known...but of course there was no real choice. I make a quick decision.

"Any chance there's paper and a pen in here?" I ask, glancing around the room.

Cara gives me a scathing look. "This is Erudite. Of course there is." And she opens a drawer on the nearest lab bench and hands me both, as if they're as readily available as air in this place.

I sit down and begin writing. I'm not good at this, but it needs to be done, so I write quickly.

Uriah walks over to Zeke, and I try not to listen as they say goodbye. On the other side of the room, Caleb is asking questions that Peter is answering, probably because no one else will. The thought of Peter being the friendliest person in the room distracts me for a moment, but I force myself to focus.

When I finish, I scan the letter briefly, fold it in thirds to hide its contents, and push it into Zeke's hands.

"If you get in trouble, give this to my mother. But only if you need to, because there's always a chance it'll make things worse." I give a half shrug. "We have a complicated relationship."

Zeke stares at me for a moment and then says, "Wow, I got a hall pass from the principal's son…" but he smiles as he says it. Then, he adds, "Should I read it?"

"I certainly would. How else will you know when to use it?"

Zeke nods. "Thanks," he mutters. And then he gives me a hug. I've never been comfortable with contact from anyone except Tris, but it's not so bad with Zeke. We've been friends for a long time, after all, so I do my best to hug him back.

When I break away, he says, "You know, someone still owes me a kiss." He waggles his eyebrows at Tris suggestively, and even though I know he's joking, my hands form fists immediately. I really need to lighten up on the whole jealousy thing….

To my surprise, Cara speaks up in a huffy voice. "Oh, for god's sake – we're in a hurry you know." And she marches right up to Zeke and plants a kiss on his mouth. The entire group goes silent in shock.

She looks him straight in the eyes and says, "There, did that satisfy your need for male posturing?"

"Umm," he says blankly, his face going beet red. He looks at me helplessly. "I didn't think anyone would really do it." But I'm laughing too hard to say anything in response. I've never seen Zeke blush before, and suddenly all the pressures of the day dissolve into that single expression, and it seems like the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Behind me, Uriah says, "My male posturing could use some satisfying," and then Zeke is howling too, tears of laughter actually leaking from his eyes.

Cara throws her hands in the air in disgust and stalks out of the room. I'm vaguely aware of the others following her, and I try to pull myself together. Tris passes me, a hand pressed to her mouth to stay quiet, her shoulders shaking with laughter, and I have to look away.

Uriah grabs my arm in one hand and Zeke's in the other and hauls us toward the door, but there's an enormous grin on his face. "You know," he says, "I'm never going to look at Cara the same way again…."

We finally regain control on the roof as the cold air blasts us. It feels like a storm is approaching, and the wind will make the already challenging passage that much harder. I think of Tris' slight build and decide I'd better cross first. I don't trust anyone else to pull her off the rope in these conditions.

The moon hasn't risen yet, but the streetlights below are on, as are lights in many of the windows, so the air isn't as dark as it was earlier. We use the extra light to get our coats and safety harnesses on, double-checking each other's straps to make sure they're secure. I'm glad Tris thought of these. It's not that I needed mine, really, but it reduced my fear a lot more than I expected. I don't know why, but being near a ledge always makes me feel like I'm going to jump off, as if I'll suddenly be unable to stop myself from leaping for no reason, and the harness took that thought away.

"Hey, I need one of those too," Peter says loudly, and I try to resist the urge to punch him.

"I'll toss mine back here when I'm done," I tell him. "Make sure you catch it." Peter looks like he wants to respond, but I suspect he's remembering our last conversation, and he wisely decides to shut his mouth for a change.

I crouch down, looping my harness over the rope and securing it well, checking it more times than necessary. Looking up at Zeke, I say, "Make sure theirs are secure before they go, okay?"

He nods. "You know I will, Four." And he rests a hand on my shoulder in farewell. I take a deep breath and swing myself onto the rope, wrapping my hands and knees tightly in place. There is no height, I tell myself firmly. There is no fear. My vision goes black around the edges, leaving only a view of the building ahead, and I move as quickly as I can toward it. An image of Tris climbing the Ferris wheel comes to mind, and I picture myself following her, one step, one hand at a time, her light form just above me, enticingly near. I really would follow her anywhere.

When I reach the end, Christina reaches out to help me. She seems to have used some extra rope to brace herself so she can pull better. It's a clever idea. I accept her assistance, fighting the instinct that says she isn't strong enough, isn't big enough, isn't trustworthy enough to keep me from falling, and she pulls me to safety.

For a moment, I stand on the roof, letting relief flood through my limbs. Then, I detach the safety harness and begin working it off my body. I don't throw it immediately, though – I won't do that until Tris is safely here. If Peter misses it or something, I don't want him trying to take Tris'.

She crosses next, probably anxious to get away from Caleb and Peter, and I pull her up easily. Christina grabs her other arm, but there's no need. I'd never let Tris fall.

The others arrive gradually, Christina's eyes widening as she sees Peter among them, but no one talks. By now, the alert may have sounded, and everyone's nerves are on edge.

When we're all safely on this side, Zeke surprises me by throwing the rope back to us. I was going to leave it behind, since I don't expect to need it anytime soon, but technically he's right to hide how we broke in. You never know when we might need to use this approach again. So, we cut the rope free from the stone pillar, gather the supplies, and hide them in a closet on our way out. And then we begin the slow, arduous trip out of the city, fighting the cold wind and the beginnings of snow.

For a long time, we walk in silence, flitting from building to building to stay out of sight. Gradually, the moon rises, and the snow thickens, creating a hazy glow to the air. It's impossible to see more than ten feet away, but that ten feet is surprisingly well lit.

Once we're clear of Erudite, Tris turns to Peter and Caleb and says bluntly, "We're leaving the city. It will be dangerous and definitely below your standard of living. If you prefer to hide somewhere in the city instead, you should go now." And she gestures to her right, toward the expanse of uncontrolled buildings. It's clear from her expression that she'd be thrilled if they left.

"I'm going with you," Peter answers immediately. "There's no way I want to be in this city when that army arrives." Well, at least his motives are clear now.

"What army?" Caleb asks, his voice concerned, but Tris turns away, clearly unwilling to talk to him more than necessary. I take her hand and start walking again, letting our backs form our answer. Behind us, I hear Cara whispering to Caleb, giving him the explanation we aren't willing to provide.

By the time we reach the meeting point, the snow is starting to accumulate. A figure I recognize as Amar emerges from the shelter of a decrepit building, holding up a hand in greeting. I nod stiffly in return. It's difficult to trust him again, though now that the initial shock has worn off, I have to admit I'm glad he's alive.

"I was starting to worry you'd changed your mind," he says when he's close enough for us to hear. He claps me on the shoulder, but I shrug away. It's still too familiar a gesture.

"We had something else to take care of first," Tris says, stepping forward as if to make sure he notices her. I smile a little at the idea that anyone could miss her. She may be small, but she radiates far too much energy for that.

Amar nods. "We haven't actually been introduced," he says casually, holding out a hand Dauntless style. "I'm Amar. I was Four's initiation instructor."

"I know," Tris answers matter-of-factly as she shakes his hand – badly, as the Abnegation always do. "And you know I'm Tris. It was clear the other night that you knew who we all were. I'm assuming Marcus told you?"

"You don't beat around the bush, do you?" Amar says with a smile, but he doesn't answer her question. Instead, he turns to Peter and Caleb and says, "You, I don't know."

Christina pipes up immediately. "This is Peter, the guy from our initiation class who tried to kill Tris. And this is Caleb, Tris' brother who also tried to kill her. For some reason beyond my comprehension, we just rescued them from Erudite."

Amar blinks a few times into the silence, and then Caleb says, "I didn't really…" but he stops when I look at him, obviously remembering the rules I gave him the other day.

Peter puts on his innocent face and says, "You forgot to mention that I also saved Tris' life, quite recently as I recall. So, you don't get to hold that stunt in Dauntless over me anymore."

"Stunt?" I say in disbelief. I remember the look on Tris' face when she said that they'd touched her, and fury almost blinds me.

Amar steps forward hastily, placing a firm hand on my arm. It's the grip of an instructor preventing an imminent fight, and I force myself to breathe, to calm down.

"Peter has a warped definition of what counts as being even," Tris says with an anger that matches mine.

"Well," Amar says carefully, "you're going to have to put up with each other a little longer. We've been taking people to the camp in groups, and you're the only ones left, so we all need to go together as soon as George gets back. I trust you can keep your hands off each other that long?"

Silence answers him, but he apparently accepts that as assent, because his voice is level as he says, "Good."

After a long pause, Tris asks stiffly, "Are we crossing at the gate?"

Amar shakes his head, looking glad of the chance to change the subject. "No, there are some weak spots in the fence that we use to pass in and out quietly. No guards that way."

We nod and fall back into silence. After another minute, I wrap an arm around Tris and pull her away from the others to an area where we can wait privately. I can feel Amar's eyes following us curiously, but I've had it with people right now.

Under the eave of the building, Tris leans against me and says quietly, "I didn't expect to have to see him again. It's bad enough dealing with Caleb, but the two of them together…."

"I know," I answer softly. "Trust me, I know." And I remember that Marcus will undoubtedly be wherever we're going, completing the group of people I hate most in this world – out of the ones who are still alive, anyway.

I pull Tris closer and lean my face next to hers, our cheeks rubbing gently. "But you know what," I whisper, "we're more than a match for them." I can feel her smile against my skin.

"That's true," she whispers back. "They're spineless, whereas you are a Dauntless legend. I like our odds." And she turns her face and kisses my cheek, her breath warm on my cold skin. An ache goes through me, waking up parts of me that are definitely not appropriate for this moment, and I pull back slightly, leaning against the wall and tucking her to my side. And together we wait.

Finally, a beat-up old SUV crunches toward us, deep black in the misty light. It rocks from side to side as it makes its way slowly over the uneven pavement, sliding a little in the snow. It looks less than appealing.

Despite that, we pile inside when it stops. Tris presses herself against the window in the middle row, and I sit next to her, trying to ignore Uriah shoved against my other side and Peter breathing behind me. Christina and Amar take the front seat, next to George, exchanging friendly smiles. They must have spent some time together during the testing last night.

The front seat occupants chatter cheerily during the ride, as George drives us down a series of increasingly damaged roads. Behind me, I hear soft talk between Caleb and Cara. Tris and I stay quiet, and Uriah somehow manages to nod off despite the bumpy ride. For the first time, I wonder what time they returned to the apartment last night, and how much sleep they got.

After a long while, George pulls into an old parking garage, and then he and Amar lead us on foot to the fence that surrounds the city. Amar slides a hidden section back, revealing an opening, and we make our way through it one by one.

This area doesn't look much different than what's inside the fence, consisting of crumbling buildings and jagged roads. We walk into the wind, the snow blowing into our eyes, until we reach a hidden spot with another vehicle – a van this time – and then we're riding again, enclosed in the windowless back, feeling every bump and having no idea where we're going. I've been in quite a few vehicles over the years, but this is the closest I've ever come to being sick from the motion.

The journey seems to take hours, but finally the van bumps to a stop, and the engine cuts out. George opens the door and says enthusiastically, "Welcome to the rebel camp!"