A/N: Whew. Let's just say...I've been waiting a long time to get to this chapter (and I think you guys have too).
Galinda knew she looked horrible. She saw it in the faces of everyone who passed her on the way to her first class. Some people didn't even recognize her without her usual frilly dress and styled hair, but those who did gaped at her. She didn't even bother looking up at them. She could only imagine what they would say. Her tangled blonde hair was tied back in a loose knot and she wore a long, baggy sweater, which she hugged tightly to herself. Most of her makeup was lying in a dustpan back in her room, and she hadn't bothered with anything more than a little blush. Considering how horrible she felt, she thought her appearance was actually pretty good.
It had taken all of her courage to step out of the bathroom that morning, and she was startled to find Elphaba already gone. Still, she had allowed herself a little relief before remembering that they had their first class—history—together.
Galinda walked into the classroom earlier than usual, hoping it to be empty. It was, of course, except for one person. Galinda hesitated, wondering if she could slip back out of the room unnoticed. Her hopes were dashed, however, when Elphaba looked up from her book.
Of all the times to stop reading, she chooses now, Galinda thought sourly. But she just sighed and set her bag down on a table in the back, trying to ignore Elphaba's gaze.
"Galinda…"
"You were out of the room early this morning."
The green girl winced, though Galinda wasn't sure why. Elphaba cleared her throat, still gripping her book tightly. "Galinda…last night, I…"
"What about last night?" the blonde asked innocently. Her eyes stayed focused on the table.
Elphaba searched desperately for something to say. Since when was she so damn inarticulate?
"Galinda!"
Both girls turned at the near-shriek of a greeting. Shenshen was standing in the doorway, staring at the blonde.
"Morning, Shenshen," Galinda mumbled, sinking into her chair. The other girl walked up to her slowly.
"What in Oz happened to you?"
"I…overslept." Galinda risked a glance over at Elphaba, who had returned to her book.
"You could have just skipped class," Pfannee said, entering the room behind a quiet, wide-eyed Milla. "That's what I would have done."
But I don't want to be like you, Galinda thought. "I couldn't, I…" Galinda hesitated, trying to come up with an excuse. "I'm…not doing so well in this class."
Shenshen grabbed her hand. "You're not the only one," she said gently, offering Galinda a small smile. "That paper took me all of last night to write!"
"Besides, it must be hard to sleep with that in your room," Milla added, scowling at the front corner. Pfannee snickered.
Elphaba didn't acknowledge them. Galinda glanced at her. "No," the blonde said, shaking her head. "She has nothing to do with it."
"Don't be embarrassed, Miss Galinda," Pfannee said. "We'd all have nightmares too if we were forced to room with a moldy freak."
"Do you think she has nightmares?" Milla whispered, not bothering to actually keep her voice down.
"Ooo, I'm sure!" Pfannee said delightedly. "I bet she wakes up screaming because she was being chased by buckets of water."
Galinda clenched her fists and opened her mouth to respond, but at that moment the bell echoed through Shiz, chiming the hour. The rest of their classmates filed into the room in varying states of exhaustion. But as they all settled in and waited for Dr. Dillamond, a strange energy began to fill the room.
"Where is the old Goat?" Shenshen asked eventually, glancing at the clock on the wall. "Class started nearly ten minutes ago."
Elphaba looked up for the first time since Shenshen had walked in—though she hadn't read a word since Galinda appeared. Her brow furrowed. It wasn't like Dr. Dillamond to be late. He couldn't be sick, either. He had seemed perfectly fine yesterday.
"See, Galinda? You could have skipped class after all."
Elphaba looked over to see Galinda shifting uncomfortably in her seat as her friends stared at her.
"We should just leave now," Pfannee sighed, leaning back in her chair. Elphaba rolled her eyes at the girl's melodrama. "We could go back to Crage Hall and find you something actually decent to wear, Galinda."
Galinda felt the blood rise to her cheeks and she looked away, wrapping her hands in the excess fabric of her sweater. She wanted to tell Pfannee that she actually loved this sweater—that it was warm and comfortable and it made her feel safe, but she couldn't even begin to find the words.
Elphaba hadn't looked away from them yet. She took in her roommate's appearance again, frowning slightly when she saw Galinda hug her sweater closer to herself. The green girl clenched her fists, but then smoothed her hands out over her pants. Should she do something, or would that only embarrass the blonde even more?
"Who cares what she's wearing?" said a small voice. "I think you look as lovely as ever, Miss Galinda." Boq blushed heavily, realizing that the entire classroom was now staring at him, but he just crossed his arms and stared defiantly at them. Elphaba's face softened as she watched him, and she was glad that somebody had the courage to say something.
"Thank you," Galinda said softly, her cheeks still pink. There might have been a long, unbearably awkward silence after that—or maybe an explosion, as Pfannee looked like she was itching to hit someone—but the moment was broken by the sound of hooves against stone.
"Dr. Dillamond!"
"Sorry I'm so late, class," the Goat said as he walked in. He was moving slower than usual, and Elphaba saw something in his eyes that made the back of her neck prickle. "I had a couple of things to attend to before…"
"Before what, sir?" someone asked.
Dr. Dillamond looked at each and every one of his students, but his gaze didn't quite meet Elphaba's. Something was wrong. Her mind reeled as several thoughts began racing through her head, colliding with each other in an attempt to come up with an explanation for this strange behavior. Only a few stood out, clear as day: there were no other Animals teaching at the school. In fact, there were hardly any Animals in professional jobs anywhere. Their rights had been slowly fading away.
Dr. Dillamond had been fighting for those rights for years.
The Goat's beard twitched. "Class, I…"
"No," Elphaba breathed. Several heads turned toward her, including—finally—Dr. Dillamond's. Their eyes met, and that was all the answer she needed.
When the teacher spoke again, he said the words directly to her. "This university is and always will be my home, and it has been a privilege to teach and learn from you all. But I'm afraid my time has come to leave Shiz."
Gasps and murmurs ran through the room, but Elphaba didn't even notice them. She was shaking her head silently, unaware of anything but herself and Dr. Dillamond. Her favorite teacher, the only person at Shiz who understood her, who cared about her exactly the way she was, the Goat who taught her and inspired her with so many new ideas…he couldn't be going.
Why? Why would he leave? It didn't make any sense. Dr. Dillamond loved teaching history. At Shiz, he had unlimited resources to do his research and carry out his work. He couldn't just leave. He wouldn't. He—
"They're making you." The words slipped out of Elphaba before they had even fully registered in her mind. No one else heard but Dr. Dillamond. He inclined his head slightly, still looking her in the eyes.
"There is a lot we never covered in this class," he said, addressing the entire room once more. "But I hope that, if there is one thing you have learned from me, it is how to think for yourself and apply everything you learn to your life."
"No."
Dr. Dillamond shot a look at Elphaba. "There's nothing left for me to do. Class is dismissed. Thank you all."
Chairs scraped the ground as everyone stood to leave the classroom, all talking urgently amongst themselves.
Elphaba hadn't moved. No. The one word resounded in her mind, and she wasn't sure if she was still repeating it or just thinking it. The room grew quiet as Dr. Dillamond walked over to her.
"Elphaba, my dear…"
"No!" Elphaba jumped up from her seat and walked agitatedly to the board at the front of the room. She turned on her heel and faced her teacher again. "They can't make you leave!"
"The deed is done, Elphaba," the Goat sighed, watching her.
"But you're the best teacher at Shiz! Why would they—who would—"
Galinda watched from the doorway as Elphaba paced back and forth. Neither her roommate nor her teacher had noticed her still lingering there. Pfannee and the others had hurried out of the room excitedly, no doubt already swapping rumors about what happened. She wondered if any of them actually cared, or if they were just reveling in the new gossip. Elphaba turned around again and looked up. Her eyes widened when she caught sight of Galinda, but that was the only reaction she gave. The blonde wrung her hands together, eyes flickering between the hallway and her roommate.
Elphaba tore her gaze away from Galinda. Whatever reason the blonde had for staying, she didn't care. She couldn't care right now. There were too many unanswered questions already. Who was making Dr. Dillamond leave? Sure, he wasn't always popular with his first year students, but nearly everyone else held the utmost respect for him. Older students cherished what they learned from him. The staff around campus were all friendly with him. Even the other teachers admired the way he led his classes. Well, all of them but one certain sorcery instructor…
"Morrible," Elphaba whispered, coming to a stop in front of Dr. Dillamond. The Goat shuffled nervously and his eyes darted around. "She did this."
"Yes."
"But why?"
"Think, Elphaba," Dr. Dillamond said, his voice low and urgent. "Why would our Madame Head want to get rid of me?"
"Because you're an Animal." The answer was obvious, but the meaning behind it was as confusing as ever. "But why? Everyone accepts it here. Why would she do something about it now, years after you began teaching?"
The Goat opened his mouth but then clamped it shut, shaking his head. Elphaba's brow furrowed. "You know," she said. "You know, but you won't tell me."
"Elphaba. Listen to me. Do you think it would be wise to butt heads with Madame Morrible?"
"She's just a teacher," Elphaba mumbled.
"Come now, you're smarter than that. You know there's something more to her than what she wants us to see. Do not fight this, my dear. It will only end badly for you."
"But you leaving will end badly for all of Shiz!"
"Stay away from her, Elphaba." Dillamond's voice was hard. "You don't know what you're up against."
"She can't get away with this. And I'm not helpless." Elphaba crossed her arms over her chest and scowled.
"Indeed not," Dr. Dillamond said, turning away from her. She watched, her brow furrowing even deeper, as he walked to his desk and dug through the bottom drawer. "Come here," he said suddenly.
Elphaba did as she was told, her feet carrying her slowly to her teacher. Dr. Dillamond pulled out a small, worn book and handed it to her. She moved to open it, but he placed a hoof over her hand. When she looked up, he was shaking his head slightly. Slowly, she slipped the book into her bag. Elphaba stared at him, trying to understand the strange light that danced in his eyes.
Galinda walked over to Dr. Dillamond's desk, unable to stand hovering in the doorway any longer. She had barely heard a word they said. All she knew was that Morrible was involved and Elphaba was upset. And she could only imagine the rash things Elphaba did when she was upset.
Elphaba was kneeling in front of her teacher, a thousand emotions flickering across her face as she stared at him. Galinda wondered if she should have left, but it was too late now. Slowly, she knelt next to her roommate.
"Do…do you really have to leave?" she asked, looking at the Goat. His eyes crinkled, smiling at her.
"I'm afraid so."
"When?" Elphaba's voice was rougher than usual, betraying the emotions she usually held in check.
"I will be gone before the next class starts."
Elphaba leaned back as if she had been struck. "Wh-what? Why so suddenly?" Dr. Dillamond chose not to answer, but Elphaba already knew. "Of course. The less people who know you're leaving, the easier it'll be for her."
"I refused to leave before this class, but I couldn't push it back any longer."
Elphaba just shook her head, hugging her elbows. "No."
The toll of a bell echoed once across campus, marking the half hour. "I have to go," Dr. Dillamond said, straightening.
"I'll walk out with you," Elphaba said wildly, jumping to her feet.
The old Goat opened his mouth, but Galinda cut him off. "I will, too."
Both her roommate and her teacher raised their eyebrows, but Galinda ignored them. Dr. Dillamond just shook his head. "I suppose you are both too stubborn to argue with," he sighed.
The three of them left the classroom. Elphaba broke stride as they passed through the door, looking over her shoulder. Galinda touched her arm gently. "Elphie?"
But Elphaba pulled back and turned away, following Dr. Dillamond.
They walked along smaller, less used roads, and they didn't meet anyone the entire way across campus. As they neared the gates, Dr. Dillamond stopped and turned to face them. He looked at Galinda.
"I wanted to tell you, Miss…" he cleared his throat. "My dear…well, you have improved so much in my class these past few weeks. Your last paper was wonderful. I want you to know that I'm proud of you, Miss Gl—Glll—"
Galinda watched her teacher struggle to her say her name correctly. Her shoulders sagged, and she wished desperately that she could be that girl Dr. Dillamond was proud of. "Glinda," she said softly. "Just Glinda."
Dr. Dillamond nodded gently. "I'm proud of you, Miss Glinda." Then he turned to Elphaba, who was glaring at the ground.
"Elphaba." His voice was soft and kind, like it had been many times before. She felt her throat tighten. "Elphaba, my dear, do you remember what you promised me?"
The green girl nodded slowly, not trusting her voice. He walked up to her and put a hoof on her shoulder. "You will do great things, my dear Miss Elphaba. I know you will."
She looked up and met his eyes, trying to convey what she couldn't put in words. But before either of them could speak, they were interrupted by the sound of heavy footsteps approaching.
"Hey!"
The three turned to see half a dozen men walking up to them. They wore dark green uniforms trimmed with gold. Dark helmets sat low on their heads, and each of them had a sword at their hip and a gun strung across their back.
"The Gale Force?" Galinda's voice was hushed. "What are they doing here?"
"It's time for me to go," Dr. Dillamond said quietly. He gave Elphaba one last look, then walked toward the gates. A Gale Force officer reached for him, but he shrugged away. "I know the way, sir. Thank you."
A ripple of anger ran through the men, and a few placed hands on their swords. "No!" Elphaba exclaimed suddenly, as if realizing for the first time this was really happening. "No, you can't leave!" She ran toward her teacher, but one of the men turned and stopped her.
"You're…green!" he exclaimed.
Elphaba growled something unintelligible and tried to move past him, but he grabbed her shoulders and shoved her back. "This doesn't concern you, girl."
"Get out of my way!"
The Gale Force man grabbed the hilt of his sword and pulled it halfway out, hitting Elphaba in the gut with it. She stumbled back with a grunt. "I said, this doesn't concern you."
Elphaba snarled a curse at him, about to lunge forward. The rest of the men turned, their faces hard as stone. Galinda's hands covered her mouth as she stared in horror. Elphaba didn't seem to notice any of it, but before she could move, one voice cut through the chaos.
"Elphaba, enough."
The green girl froze, staring at her teacher. "Dr. Dillamond…"
He met her eyes, but only for a moment. Then he turned away, walking toward the gate with his head held high. The Gale Force followed him. Her teacher didn't look back.
"No…"
"Elphaba!" Galinda ran forward as Elphaba sank to her knees on the ground. "Come on, Elphaba, we can't stay here."
"Don't touch me!" she shouted as Galinda knelt next to her. The blonde ignored her, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"Elphie, please…"
"No! He can't be gone! No!"
Galinda stared at her roommate, stunned by her sudden lack of control. She noticed—with a terrible, sinking feeling—that the green girl's dark eyes were glistening.
Elphaba ground her knuckles into the stone beneath her. She couldn't think. She couldn't even breathe. Dr. Dillamond was gone. He had just left, walking away from her without a backwards glance. He had turned away and gone. And all she had left of him was a stupid, falling apart book. A sob tore from her lips as she hunched over, hugging herself tightly. She barely noticed when Galinda wrapped her arms around her.
"Come on. Let's go."
"Leave me alone." Despite her words, she trembled in Galinda's arms.
"Elphie, stop. Don't. Y-you can't cry." Galinda reached up, wiping the tears from the corners of her roommate's eyes before they could burn her. Her mind was reeling. Elphaba didn't cry. Elphaba didn't fall apart like this. "Come on, Elphaba. Class will be over soon."
"I don't care."
"Yes you do. This place will be full of people. Just…come on, let's go back to the room."
When Elphaba didn't answer, Galinda held her closer and pulled her up to her feet. She wiped more tears from her roommate's green face, her heart sinking as she saw burn marks.
Elphaba let Galinda lead her away. She didn't care where she was going. She almost didn't care that she had completely lost control. She only wanted to curl up in a corner somewhere and never talk to anyone again.
They reached Crage Hall just a few minutes before the bell tolled again, ringing the hour and releasing students from class. Galinda sat Elphaba on her bed and hurried to her desk, pulling out the jar of cream Elphie kept there.
"It's fine." Elphaba said, turning away from her. "I don't need it."
"Elphie—"
"I said I'm fine!" she snapped. The reality of everything was sinking in on her. Dr. Dillamond was gone. She felt like a child again, watching helplessly as her father kicked Nanny out, leaving her utterly alone. The only people she had ever opened up to were taken away from her. She could feel herself building her walls back up, pushing Galinda out.
Do you remember what you promised me?
Elphaba hugged herself tighter as she remembered her teacher's words. She glanced at her roommate, who was only staring at her with concern. "I-I'm sorry, Galinda."
"Glinda."
"What?"
The blonde sank onto the bed next to her. "Glinda. I want to be called…Glinda."
"Glinda…" Elphaba tested the name, staring at her roommate. "Why did you stay?" she asked suddenly.
Galinda—Glinda looked down at her hands. "I-I don't know."
Now Elphaba glanced down. Did it really matter why her roommate was there? "Well, whatever the reason…thank you."
"I'm so sorry, Elphaba. I know how much he meant to you."
"Yeah." Elphaba sighed and rubbed her face in her hands, forgetting the burns. She pulled back with a hiss. Hell and Oz. She hadn't cried since…well, since Nanny had left. She was disgusted with herself. Groaning, she leaned back against the headboard. She just kept wishing that this was all just a bad dream, and that she would wake up and start the day over, and all her classes would go by normally... She bolted upright again. "Oz! We're missing class right now!"
Glinda actually giggled. "Elphaba, does it really matter if you skip one class?"
Elphaba stared at her. "I guess not. But what about you? You shouldn't miss class because of me."
"I want to stay here. I'm sorry, Elphie, but you're a mess. And I'm not exactly skipping with joy today, either. Maybe we both need a day off."
"But what will your friends think?"
"Who cares?"
"You do."
Glinda swallowed, simultaneously admiring and hating the way Elphaba saw through her. "Well…I suppose I'll just deal with it when it comes up. For now…" She fell backwards, flopping across the bed. Elphaba made a noise of surprise as the blonde's hand fell next to hers.
"What's wrong?"
"Um, this is my bed?"
"So?"
Elphaba tried not to roll her eyes. "Just a couple weeks ago you wouldn't even go near my things."
"That was a couple weeks ago," Glinda said, trying not to let the hurt show in her voice.
Elphaba sighed, leaning against the pillows. "Yeah. Yeah, it was."
The blonde sat up again, picking at the trim of the dark sheets. "Elphie?"
"Glinda?"
"Are we...do you…I mean…" Glinda sighed, her brow furrowing and her lips pouting slightly.
Elphaba said nothing. She couldn't even look at her roommate. "I-I'm sorry I left so early this morning. I should have stayed."
"Why?"
"Why? You locked yourself in the bathroom all night. Oz Glinda, who wouldn't be worried?"
"You were…worried." It was supposed to be a question, but the words came out more as a realization.
Elphaba nodded, her lips pressed tightly together. "But I didn't know what to do, so I…well, anyway. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, too."
"For what? For being upset last night? That just makes you human, Glinda. You don't have to apologize for that."
"I…" Glinda trailed off. She wasn't apologizing for the night before, or for Dr. Dillamond leaving, or for the way her friends had talked about Elphaba this morning. She was trying to, somehow, apologize for everything. "It's just…the way I acted last night, and what Pfannee and the others were saying about you this morning…"
"That's still not your fault." Elphaba's dark eyes searched Glinda's face, as if trying to find what was troubling the blonde.
"No, I mean..." She wasn't making any sense, and she knew it. But she had to let Elphaba know. If she didn't say it now, she never would. "It's…Oh, Elphie, it's everything! I'm sorry for everything! I'm sorry for all the things Pfannee and Milla and Shenshen and everyone else says, because it's all my fault. I'm sorry I was so horrible to you at the beginning of the year, and that I encouraged everyone else to act the same. I'm sorry that I still can't get them to stop—that I don't even have the courage to try! I'm tired of being this perfect girl everyone thinks I am. I'm tired of being Galinda. She's a terrible person, and I hate her!" Glinda jumped from the bed and stood in the middle of the room, shoving her hands into her hair.
"Oz, Elphaba, it's no wonder we didn't get along when we first met. I was fake and shallow and conceited. Even now that I realize how horrible I was, I can't change! I still sit there and let them say whatever they want. I can't stand up for you or me or anyone! I'm too afraid to change who I am—I'm terrified of what people would think of me—but I want to. And I'm so sorry that I've treated you so horribly for so long, and just because I wanted the attention it got me!" Glinda collapsed onto her own bed, burying her face into the frilly pink pillows. She thought she would be sobbing by now, but she wasn't—she wasn't even crying. She could feel the guilt and shame hitting her in waves, drowning her. She expected Elphaba to get mad at her, or to just leave the room and never come back. It was exactly what she deserved.
So it surprised her when she felt the bed shift beside her.
The blonde didn't look up, though—not even when Elphaba reached out and placed a trembling hand on her shoulder. "Listen to me, Glinda. What people say about me…that's not your fault. I've been receiving dirty looks and harsh comments since the day I was born. I knew Shiz wouldn't be any different—or at least, I should have. And you can't take the blame for how we acted at the beginning of the year. I was just as horrible as you, if not worse. And…" Elphaba swallowed hard, hesitating. Since when did she pour her heart out to anyone, let alone her roommate? But she couldn't have stopped now even if she wanted to. "I'm sorry, too. I judged you just as quickly as you judged me, and for just as petty reasons. Even now, I treat you terribly. I push you away every time you try to get close, and I don't have the courage or confidence or whatever to try to help you when you come in and lock yourself in the bathroom for the night. I'm sorry, because you deserve a better roommate and a better friend. You deserve to be around someone who isn't so bitter and cruel and sarcastic and—and green, and—Oz, Glinda, would you please just look at me?"
The blonde rolled over slightly, lifting her face from the pillows. Elphaba was surprised—and immensely relieved—when she didn't see any sign of tears. The two girls stared at each other, each searching for something in the other's face.
"You're not mad at me?" Glinda finally broke the silence in a small voice.
Green lips twitched into the hint of a smirk—the first sign of amusement since her roommate had come into the room the night before. "Why would I be? Oz only knows the pressure you go through. Everybody might hate me, but at least they don't expect anything from me."
"I don't hate you," Glinda said, sitting up next to her roommate.
Elphaba pulled her hand away. She could feel herself shrinking back, running from any sort of connection. She hurt people, and people hurt her. That's all her life would ever be, and she had come to accept it. To let anyone stray closer to her would only cause her more pain. Dr. Dillamond had proved that.
And just like that, she felt the grief of losing her teacher all over again. Everything that had happened in the past hour crashed upon her. The only living being to care for her had once again been torn away, and she was left with nothing but her walls. She would push everyone out if it meant not dealing with this agony ever again. But then…Dr. Dillamond had also brought her better feelings, hadn't he? He had provided comfort and understanding and companionship. Was that enough to outweigh the loss?
She was vaguely aware of Glinda's eyes on her. Glinda, who was trying so hard to overcome the shackles her life had forced upon her. Glinda, who wanted to change her name, she hated her old self so much. It would be easy for her to slip back into her popularity and never change anything about herself, but she didn't want that. She refused to do so. Elphaba met the blonde's bright blue eyes, and her promise to Dr. Dillamond ran through her head once more.
She wondered if, during those last few moments, the old Goat had been talking specifically about Glinda.
"I know," Elphaba said finally, her brown eyes drilling into Glinda's. A sad smile returned to her face as she added, "I don't hate you, either."
"Are we friends, Elphaba? Can you forgive me for the horrible things I've said and let be said about you? Can you forgive me for everything I've done?"
"Only if you can forgive me in return, Glinda."
"Of course I can."
"Then yes. I suppose we're…"
"Friends?" Glinda reached for Elphaba's hand as the green girl looked away.
"I…I've never had a friend."
Glinda wrapped her arms around her roommate slowly, letting the green girl adjust to the contact. It was only when Elphaba's shoulders relaxed and she returned the embrace that the blonde found the words she was looking for.
"Neither have I, Elphie. Not really."