.::I do not own The Outsiders::.

19. Leaving him blind

Johnny opened the door to the Curtis's. It was around noon, he had one week left. One week before he left for his examination. One week to enjoy his friends, his life he was going to leave behind. One week to be himself. Already he was thinking the worst, I could die... Ponyboy was on the couch with a notebook on his lap and a pencil in his mouth chewing it as he concentrated on finishing his homework. Darry wasn't home, he was at work. Only he and Ponyboy were alone.

His auburn haired friend put aside his things, Pony noticed Johnny's anxiousness. His eyes gave it off. The boy stood up walking towards Johnny feeling something come up. Something was wrong and he was going to find out soon enough. Johnny opened the door again gesturing him to go outside. Ponyboy didn't understand anything so he followed his friend.

They walked to the lot, there were no words exchanged. Only an awkward silence and the sound of their footsteps going down the streets. Even though Spring it was pretty chilly. Arriving, they sat down over a rundown car with no tires or windows. They gazed up at the sky, the sun was setting going lower and lower disappearing. The golden colors spreading through the sky leaving a purplish color on the clouds until only darkness was left. That's how Johnny was feeling, like his sunshine was taken away.

"Pone...I have something to tell you."

"Ok..."

Johnny cleared his throat feeling like his voice was about to break, "You know that-uh-you're the best bud anybody could ask for...And well you're someone I can always to talk to. I still remember the day we met."

Ponyboy's eyes widened, "You're scaring me man, what's going on?"

His lips trembled looking to him from the sky waiting for the right second to say it. A gust of wind blew against their bodies, Johnny shivered and ever so quietly he said, "I got sent to Nam Pone... I'm leaving in one week..."

Sent to Nam...

Sent to Nam...

Those words echoed louder and louder in Pony's head. He just stayed silent looking at Johnny in disbelief. His brain was trying to understand that information. A cold block of ice could be felt inside of Pony sliding down from his chest down to his stomach. Johnny is...Going to Nam...War. That's where people go and die. People shoot each other. They die...Johnny's gonna...die! No no no no no! Christ! Not Johnny! Ponyboy finally reacted. He slid down the car holding Johnny by the arms shaking him roughly.

"No Johnny! Y-you can't! Please! Oh Johnny please! We gotta do somethin! Y-you can run away! Or or I don't know! Please Johnny!"

The tanned Greaser closed his eyes not wanting to see him break down. He didn't mean for this to happen, he whispered, "It's too late Pone..."

Ponyboy fell on his knees gripping the grass underneath his hands. Another painful thing to bear with, "No Johnny-" He sobbed. "Not you, please...You can't leave me too Johnny...You just can't..."

Johnny was on his knees as well wrapping his arms around Pony, Damn it...Damn it... "Don't cry man...Please don't cry..." His own voice was breaking.

"I wouldn't know what to do if-if you die over there, man. I-I'll probably kill myself or somethin...You can't leave me Johnny Cakes."

"Don't say that Pone. Don't say it. I'll come back. I promise I'll try my hardest! I will Pony, just don't cry." He pleaded.

Yung Curtis kept on sobbing, he couldn't even catch his breath. It felt like someone punched him on the stomach with all their might leaving him with no air. No nothing. Ponyboy swallowed thickly shaking his head. First his parents, then his brother and now Johnny. His best buddy. His best friend. The person who he got along so well. His only friend who dug sunsets, star gazing, watching movies, going to church...Was going to leave. And maybe not come back at all. Now Pony had another gash on his mind, on his soul, on his feelings. It stung so badly. He wanted desperately to keep Johnny safe by his side. He could feel himself bleed internally. Feel his heart break again.

Johnny gritted his teeth so mad at life, so mad at the world. So mad at God for making himself and his friend suffer so much. As if he hasn't had enough of this kind of bull! For him this whole thing was unfair. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay, he wanted to live. Many stories from other Greasers coming back from Nam were horrible, how many people killed. All those people dead, all the blood spilled. Images filled his brain of him in that situation. It absolutely horrified him.

Ponyboy clutched on to his shirt for dear life still crying, "You better fucking try Johnny. You better..."

For an hour they held that pose, the sky was dark with the clouds covering up any stars. It was as if the sky was in mourn for the bad news understanding what they were going through. Later on it was time to head back home and break the news to everybody else. Johnny put his arm around Pony leading him to his house. The lights were on. Darry was sitting on his recliner watching the television but his mind was somewhere else. He was worried of his little brother. It was ten at night. Twobit was wrestling with Steve on the coffee table. Dally was smoking outside the end of his cigarette lighting up in the dark.

"There you are. Superman's getting all worried...Hey...What's wrong?" He asked seeing Ponyboy's red eyes sniffling. Johnny nodded for him to come inside.

Twobit grinned with victory, Steve grunted sitting down better not believing that Keith had actually won. Darry turned his head over saying in a stern voice, "Ponyboy. Where have you been? I asked the guys where...Pony? Something the matter?"

Steve and Twobit gave each other a look, Dally furrowed his eyebrows together confused. Johnny told Pony in a low voice to sit down. After some moments of silence when everybody was deathly quiet sensing something was going to happen Johnny spoke. Shuddering slightly he faced all of them with his head up high, he wanted to let them know he was going to face this as a man not as a boy. He was going to show them he was not afraid.

"I don't really know how to say this guys. Ya'll know you mean everything to me...We're Greasers. We always stick together."

Dally, "Johnny..."

"I got something yesterday in the mail..."

Darry stood up slowly from his recliner, "Oh no..."

"Something that-that's gonna change my life."

Twobit shook his head already fitting the pieces together, "No way..."

"I'm leaving in a week to-to..."

Steve shut his eyes, "Don't say it Johnny. Don't..."

"I'm going to Nam."

Ponyboy covered his face with his hands letting out a small sob. Dally was stunned, like a ton of brick walls falling on him. All his time knowing the eighteen year old Greaser he had promised himself to always protect Johnny and now he couldn't. He was leaving to somewhere that the Gang couldn't follow. Someone he loved as a little brother was going away. The possibilities of him coming back were slim. Dally clenched his jaw storming out of the house. Johnny lowered his head, I'm sorry Dally. Darry went over to Johnny putting his large hand on his fragile shoulder, "It's gonna be ok Johnny."

Johnny smiled weakly, "I sure hope so Dar."

Twobit's eyes were glassy with tears, "When-when did you receive the notice?"

"On my birthday at night."

Steve sighed, "This is just fucking great. Johnny, man. You better be careful over there. We can't lose another. We just can't."

Johnny nodded holding on to Pony, "I promise with all my might I'll try. I'm sure going to miss you."

"You have a week right?" Twobit asked wiping his eyes discretely.

"Yeah, next Thursday at eight I have to report myself at Oklahoma city. Darry, do you mind taking me there?"

Darry smiled, "Course not Johnny. You didn't even have to ask."

Ponyboy let out a deep shuddery breath, "Let's do something...I don't know..."

Twobit grinned, "How 'bout some friendly ladies?"

Steve snorted, "Is there anything else in that brain of yours that ain't chicks or booze?"

"There's Mickey Mouse too."

Johnny smiled, he watched as both of his friends argued on what to do. He was happy in that small moment. Even with the bad news given the Gang was trying to make things lighter. Trying so hard to get everyone happy even with the sadness lingering much.

When the day came when Johnny had to leave he was going to take a part of Pony with along with him. Soda had, it left Pony with a big gaping hole in his chest. Now...Johnny was leaving him one too, it was making him blind. Ponyboy didn't know how he was going to make it. Ponyboy gulped, it was gonna be tough to let Johnny go. It was going to take all his strength to get on with life as normal as he could with Johnny very far away.

Ponyboy straightened up, he had to live on. He had to, for his friends, for his brother and for Johnny. He was going to stay strong.

May 19th 1967

Seeing the date makes me think of all the time I have been gone away from home. Seems like ages that I have seen my family. Tulsa. Everything.

Ive healed though. I feel much better. Like a big monster that's been following me has finally disappeared. That makes me feel so much better. I feel alive again. I can smile without having to feel this small sting in my heart. Sandy's long gone in my memories, the death of my folks is something I could also leave behind. I mean, they are better where they are. I still miss em like hell.

I've learned a lot in my journey, saved a lot of money to buy three mustangs and even a house. Maybe more.

I know much better about cars, can build and rebuild one, handle a business of my own, I even got to ride horses in this man's ranch. Foals are much harder to take care of. They're stubborn little guys running around in the grass fields. They remind me of my little brother Ponyboy.

The man I'm working with, Mr. Hartley is such a good man. I met him when I first got here in Virginia. The place I stayed at the most. He's the owner of a huge ranch with beautiful looking mares and horses. Breeds them to make cash. I decided to work there and see what things I could learn, I still miss my horse Mickey.

Boss and I with time got to be best buds. He knows everything about my past. His son died in Nam. He said I remind him of his son.

He's given me a roof to live under for all my time that Ive been living here. Again, thank my angels up in the sky for this kind of good stuff in life.

Yesterday I was looking at a picture of my family and friends. One with Ponyboy and Darry. Guess I got sentimental...I started crying. God damn, I really missed my brothers. I really miss my friends. I miss everyone.

Mr. Hartley told me if I should go back home. Go back to where I truly belong. After all this whole journey has been a great experience. My wounds healed. Like I said before. I feel alive.

I thought about it long and hard. Today, right now as Im writing, I have no doubts in what I had to do.

I'm ready. I'm ready to go back home...

(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)

Another update!(: Sad sad sad, I know, things are bound to get better. Somehow...
Finally, Sodapop is going back home...

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