.::I do not own The Outsiders::.

22. Said no regrets but it's hard not to feel any remorse

The next couple of days were hard. Darry wanted Sodapop to feel comfortable in the house. Sure, he still had some anger hidden inside but he had to push that aside in order for his brothers to be somewhat stable in the house. Steve didn't come by anymore. His pride was bigger. Twobit was acting as the peace maker, he didn't want more down falls in the gang. They had about enough so why bring more problems? Dally wasn't excited about Soda's return yet he still stopped by every then and now. Pony had written to Johnny as soon as he could.

Dear Johnny,

You won't believe who showed up at our house... Ta-da! Sodapop.

Yeah, he finally returned. After almost two years the asshole of my brother comes back unexpectedly. No, I ain't happy. Not one bit. I would have preferred for him to not even come back at all. Things were getting better. Well some, I mean you did leave. That's a huge bummer.

I wish it were you here instead of Soda. Sounds cruel. I know but I like you better. You wouldn't have left me like he did. You're my best buddy. My friend, someone I can really talk to.

I told Soda I hated him. I do hate him Johnny. I won't ever forgive him for leaving me. For abandoning me.

The gang handles it well I think. Steve didn't, he kind of punched Soda in the face when he first saw him. Twobit told me. Dally I think doesn't care. Twobit, he's trying really hard to lighten the mood and Darry... He's okay I guess. I can tell that he's happy, it kind of makes me mad but whatever.

I miss you Johnny Cakes. More than you will ever know. I hope you're doing all right. Please come home soon. Don't do anything stupid, pay attention and stick close to your friends. Write back as quickly s possible. I really REALLY wish you were here.

Take care.

Your friend, Ponyboy.

Two weeks later Sodapop asked Darry where Johnny was, he hadn't realized he was even missing. Ponyboy was in the kitchen table eating dinner when the question was asked. He stopped chewing feeling sick now. Darry gulped down his bite and sighed. Ponyboy frowned, he had lost his appetite for being reminded where Johnny was. He stood up going to his room slamming the door. Darry told Sodapop that he was sent to Nam in March.

"Jesus Christ..." Sodapop whispered.

"It's tough for us but we're hoping he'll get back safe and sound next year."

"I didn't know...How...I thought he was still in school?"

"He dropped out last year."

Soda winced remembering when he decided to drop out. Pony had not taken it too well with his decision. Heh, I think everything I decide to do is wrong in the end. Steve still wouldn't say a word to Soda. His friendship had also gotten down the gutter. Resentment still invaded his chest. He worked double shifts evading the Curtis house, he sometimes saw Ponyboy walking home from school so he would offer a lift home and that's as close as he would get.

One day Sodapop was on the porch smoking, Steve had given Pony a ride. Twobit was with them too chattering away about how he had a date with a girl named Kathy. Steve made a face when he saw Soda. Dally sauntered by nodding a hello to middle Curtis. He grinned at the rest telling them if they wanted to have a night out.

"Let's hunt for some action in town." He suggested.

Twobit nodded excitedly, "Count me in!"

Steve shrugged, "Sure. I got the day off today."

Ponyboy smirked, "No bars though. Darry would skin me."

Sodapop flicked his finished cigarette on the ground hearing them make plans. It hurt him that Dally didn't bother to ask him to join them. He frowned sadly as they made their way out the gate. Pony quickly ran back into the house throwing his backpack on the couch then writing down a small note telling Darry where he'd be in case he got back from work eraly. Finally he went back to the Greasers disappearing down the street. Sodapop sighed going inside. He sat on the couch putting aside Pony's backpack. I never imagined this happening. Ever.

Later in the day he was bored to death so he decided to walk around. He managed to walk to the DX, his old work place. He got an idea. Getting inside he saw his old boss, Shane, who was done talking to someone in his office. When Shane turned around his eyebrows went upwards surprised to see Sodapop.

"Sodapop? Sodapop Curtis?" He asked bewildered.

"Shane. How have you been?"

"Well I-I-what bring you back here? Steve told me you had ran away with a-erm," Shane coughed awkwardly, "Some guy."

Sodapop was confused, "A guy?"

Shane scratched his neck, "You know. A guy. You."

Soda's eyes widened knowing what he was trying to say, "No! No no no. He told you that?"

"Yeah. D-don't be ashamed. I mean-"

"No! I'm not...Look, I had my reasons to leave Tulsa but I didn't leave with some guy!"

"Oh," Shane sighed in relief, "I wonder why Steve lied..."

Asshole, Soda thought. "I came by to ask if I could have my job back, I need cash right now and I got nothing else to do at home."

"Course you can my boy! I have Steve and this young man named Keith working. I need you though, Keith isn't useful with cars. Only in the cash register or pumping gas. I could use another mechanic like you."

"Keith? Twobit?! Holy shit..." I'd never think I get to see the day Twobit Mathews actually work. I sure missed a lot of stuff here.

"Yes, I'll insert your shift with them. It could be like old times!"

Soda rolled his eyes, "Sure, old times."

"Then it's settled, four days a week. You start on Monday." Shane went off to his office to check up on paperwork.

Sodapop left satisfied to know he at least had better things to do now instead of lazing around at home doing absolutely nothing. Or being ignored. The sky was cloudy, a probable rain night. Going back home he saw Ponyboy go up the porch stairs. The gang had already finished they're afternoon together. Sodapop sighed, he wished so much for his brother to love him back. For Ponyboy to forgive him and be back to his old self. In the kitchen, Pony sipped on a glass of water glancing at the living room where Soda had sat down. He wiped his mouth as he sat on a chair. His anger hasn't flickered away one bit. It only grew each day seeing Sodapop so calm.

"So, whose turn is it do make dinner?" Soda asked nonchalantly.

Ponyboy frowned, "I think it's mine. Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'll make it already."

Sodapop shook his head stopping him, he wanted to start a light conversation but it turned out bad, "No! No. I was just asking. I'll make. Don't worry."

Young Curtis scowled, "What? Now you're going to do everything so you could look good in front of me?"

Soda sighed again this time a little irritated, "No Pony. I just thought it would be a good idea."

"Yeah well it ain't. I'll do it."

Middle Curtis cursed in his mind, he wanted to do help out more. Show that he really does care and is sorry for his mistake. But Pony was making it hard. Actually, the whole gang except Darry was making it hard for him. Soda laid his head back against the couch closing his eyes. He felt like total shit. Opening one eye he could see Pony take out some ingredients from the fridge and cabinets. Pots over the stove, his hands making food. His heart ached remembering the days where both of them pitched in for dinner. They would play around laughing having fun. How Pony would look at his brother with those green loving eyes. Tears sprung to his eyes so he blinked them away.

Half an hour later Ponyboy was done, "There. You happy now?"

Soda sadly nodded, "Thanks."

The next day, Friday, Ponyboy was laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling. Lately he wasn't in the mood for anything but just curl up in bed and sleep. Sleep to forget. Life wasn't getting any easier. Apparently it gave Ponyboy blows so hard he kept falling, even when he stood up again from those blows another one would hit and make him slip. Right now he was trying to get up again. The day went by fast, around eight at night he was anxious. The walls seemed to get closer around suffocating him. He needed to get out. Putting on his shoes Pony walked to the entrance door. Sodapop was in the kitchen drinking a beer, he saw his brother leave.

"Hey! Wait. It's kind of late, where are you going?"

"Out." Pony slammed the door and left not caring when he glanced at Soda's hurt expression.

Home wasn't home anymore. It felt wrong. Nothing was the same. Everything was simply strange. The gang wasn't the same. Sodapop was back home, But he screwed things up. Ponyboy just couldn't get rid of that resentment. It was eating him up. He really did want to forgive Sodapop yet he was always reminded of how broken he was. How miserable he had been, his nightmares getting bad each day. How Darry was working more just to forget, Steve also working double shifts, Twobit drinking more, Dally being more at Buck's and Johnny well he was strong. Stronger than anyone. He was the only one who was trying to make everyone feel better in his own discrete way by listening to everyone's complaints. Especially Pony. Which is why he missed his best friend.

Strolling by some more a certain Greaser caught sight of him. With a mischievous idea in his head he sneaked up and pinched Pony's side making him jump with a loud yelp. Angrily rubbing his pinched sides he groaned annoyed, "What the hell Dally?!"

Dally grinned walking along beside him, "Serves you right for walking by your lonesome. Say, what are you doing?"

"Just walking. Is that a crime or somethin?" Pony mumbled.

"Don't get so wise ass with me kid. I'm being nice here. Meh, that's what I get for looking out for you."

Pony sighed, "Sorry."

"You should be home, it's not safe being alone no more. Especially you."

"What are you talking about?"

Dallas got out a pack of smokes offering one to Pony who had taken it gladly, lightening it up he talked, "Scott. He got out of reformatory earlier than he was supposed to. That's what happens when one has Soc parents. Money talks."

"Oh. I'm guessing he wants to take a swing or two at me."

"That would be better but I heard he wants to finish what he started."

Curtis's face went pale, the smoke inhaled by his cigarette got caught in his throat to which he started choking, Dally smacked his back, "Breath, man!"

With a raspy voice Pony asked, "So am I on his death list?"

"Don't sweat it kid, I got your back. Tim's already informed, we got this covered. I just need to tell Darry and Soda-"

Pony shook his head, "No!...I mean no. Don't tell Soda."

Dally flicked his smoke at a nearby puddle of dirty water, "Hell in paradise?"

"There ain't no paradise. Never was."

"Kid, your brother's back and you can't do jack shit about it. Either accept it or stop bitching around. I thought you were more mature."

Ponyboy glared at him, "You don't know nothing. You, Darry and Twobit think it's easy to just get over this and act like everything is normal again. Well it ain't. Nothing is! He abandoned me Dally. Left. Every day I kept on imagining he would come bursting through that door and-and say he was sorry to come back but now... I don't know. Home just ain't home no more."

"Is that how you're going to be with Johnny? Huh? You're gonna hate him too for leaving you?" Dally frowned.

"It ain't the same! Johnny didn't want to... He'd never leave me. Us."

Dally took out another smoke, "I get you kid, I do. I'm mad at Soda too ya know. He's stupid for believing that he coming back was gonna get things repaired and shit was he wrong. With Steve ignoring him and you doing what you're doing. Heh, serves him right. But Pone, he's back. You hafta move on, man. Let go. Like I said before, accept it. Forgive and forget."

Ponyboy gazed up at the night sky as each of Dally's words echoed in his mind, Forgive and forget. "Maybe Dally. Maybe one day..."

Sodapop was in his room sitting on the edge of the bed looking at some pictures. One by one he observed them. Some of the whole gang, others of his family. His brothers. Memories stacked up in a small blue box he got from the basment. He held one closely to him, one when he was about six years old grinning wildly as he held on to his three going to four year old brother. Ponyboy. He was smiling broadly his small chubby hands waving a hello to the camera. It made his heart sink.

Thinking of his decision of running away he was recalling the words he had once written in his diary saying he didn't regret getting away from home. He didn't think twice about leaving. All he thought was about himself and his wound that Sandy had created. Clenching his jaw Sodapop shook his head, I'm such a shit head, a fucking selfish shit head. Soda had a wound he wanted to heal but his departure also created wounds on the rest. Particularly on Ponyboy. A wound so big it was still fresh and Soda noticed it as bright as daylight.

His brother wouldn't even talk to him, acknowledge him if they were in the same room. He was bothered every time Soda tried to reach out for him. Their brotherly relationship that was once so special had disintegrated over the past two years. The picture in Soda's hands slipped landing on the floor. His elbows rested on his knees as his shoulders shook. A deep sob emerged from his chest, a real saddened sob. Tears slid down his cheeks really feeling miserable.

He took those words back, he did regret leaving. He wished he could go back in time and never have left. He lost so much in the process, his best friend Steve, Darry's warm look was now almost cold, Twobit's usual joking attitude and mostly Pony's love. Sodapop yearned for that bond with Pony. The old one where he would talk to him about everything. His laughter, his smile, his everything. All he received now was the cold shoulder. Not even a whole sentence from him.

Sodapop grabbed his diary from his journey and flung it across the room the diary making a loud thump against the wall. Sodapop ignored Darry's knocks on the door. All he wanted was to be left alone. After all nobody wants me anyway. Rocking himself in his bed his eyes closed slowly. Sleep took him for another night comforting him for only some hours...

oOoOoOo

(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)

Maybe not a great chapter or different from the last one. But I hope you had enjoyed it!
I made this chapter longer since I'll put on another one next week.

PS:Any ideas are welcomed at this point. Thank you for the reviews!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! NICE DAY TO ALL!