Chapter 3

Brian was in the dark in his hospital room, feeling miffed at Peter.

"Ugh, that damn Peter," Brian said to himself, "I hope he has gotten his karma."

A minute later, the Griffins came back in for another visit.

"Hey Brian," Peter said, enthusiastically, "Feeling any better?"

Brian responded bitterly, "Does it look like I'm feeling any better?"

"Cheer up, Brian," Lois said, trying to lighten the mood, "We all came to visit you."

"And I know what will make you feel better," Peter added.

"What?!" Brian snapped.

"Everyone thought I was Miley Cyrus," Peter began, "And they gave me autographs and a bunch of hugs, too!"

Brian replied sarcastically, "Oh well good for you."

"Come on, Brian," Lois said, "Peter was just trying to make you feel better."

Brian replied, "Look, maybe I would feel better if you just pay for my surgery and rehab!"

Lois then said, "Brian, I must agree with Peter. We can't waste our money on someone who isn't a human. We need that money to repair that hole in our house."

Feeling both heartbroken and pissed, Brian responded, "Not paying for me to get new teeth is one thing, but not paying for me to get back on my feet is a whole different story."

"Brian, look on the bright side," Meg suggested, "At least you're still alive."

"Actually," Brian began, "I'd be lucky to NOT be alive. In fact, I really do wish I stayed dead when I got killed off or just put down because none of you seem to care about me. You are just nothing but insensitive assholes!"

Quagmire, who was outside and able to hear the conversation, wondered to himself, "Is that the Griffins I hear? I think I should say hi to them."

Entering the room, he said, "Hey guys what's shake- HOLY CRAP, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, BRIAN?!"

Brian answered, reluctantly, "It's a long story."

"What are you doing here, Glenn?" Lois asked.

Quagmire answered, "I just came here because I heard that the female vets are hot."

Lois then said, "That's kind of perverted."

"But that's what I am," Quagmire replied, "A pervert," and trying to change the subject he asked, "What happened to Brian?"

Peter answered, "Oh nothing, it's not a big deal. I was just swinging on a wrecking ball having a little fun."

Brian then yelled, "YEAH, YOUR FUN IS WHAT GOT ME IN THIS CONDITION IN THE FIRST PLACE AND NONE OF YOU BASTARDS ARE HELPING ME!" And beginning to cry, he said, "You are so insensitive. I just can't live with you bastards anymore. I am in misery. There ain't nobody who can comfort me. My whole body hurts, hell, even my fur hurts, but the worst part is that I will be in this condition for the rest of my life because I cannot get surgery or any physical therapy."

"Look at it this way, Brian," Chris said, "At least you have a good excuse to be lazy and pee on the floor."

"I agree," Stewie said, "Haven't you always wanted to piss on the floor without getting in trouble?"

This only made Brian feel worst. "That does not make me feel any better." He continued to cry uncontrollably.

Surprisingly feeling concerned, Quagmire said to the Griffins, "Okay, I know this is hypocritical since me and Brian are sworn enemies, but how could you do this to him?! I know I have done stuff to him before, but never would I do something this atrocious! First you knock out his teeth and now this? I may be a pervert, but I know pretty damn well how to help someone in need. Hell, I once helped Meg stand up to a bully before and I was the one who paid for Brian's new teeth."

"But didn't you knock them out again?" Stewie pointed.

"Yes," Quagmire said, "But that was just because Brian tricked me into buying a crappy condo, look, I really don't want to talk about that situation."

"Why did you knock out his teeth again?" Chris asked him and Quagmire said, rather irritated,

"I told you not to bring it up!"

"No you didn't. You told Stewie."

"Well what I told Stewie applies to everyone else. I don't want to talk about the situation, so do me a favor and leave me alone about it."

"Okay. Whatever."

To Brian, who was still in tears, yet finally calming down, Quagmire said, rather sympathetically, "Brian, even though we are enemies and been through so much in the past, I just want to let you know that I am here for you and I am going to help you though this because this is something that I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my enemies. I will take care of you. In fact, you can even stay with me at my place . . . if you like."

Feeling touched, Brian replied, "Wow, Quagmire. You are willing to help me when I am this hurt? Why haven't I seen this before? Also, I would love to stay with you. Hopefully, this will teach my family a lesson."

"Let's hope so," Quagmire said, "I hope they enjoy not having a dog."

Peter then said, "That's cool. I don't need a dog as long as I have fans."

"Um, fans?" Quagmire questioned, "What fans?"

Lois explained, "People think that he is Miley Cyrus."

"Oh, I see," Quagmire said, "Well, I'm not dumb enough to think that Peter is Miley."

Lois then said, "I've been telling Peter to change his hair back, but he won't listen."

"Because it's changed my life," Peter replied, with enthusiasm, "I am so famous now."

"His ego really needs feeding," Lois said, to Quagmire, rather annoyed.

"I see that," Quagmire replied.