.::I do not own The Outsiders::.

25. It just ain't right

His eyes opened slowly bit by bit. Sunlight shone though his eyelids as he flinched away quickly his hand covering his face. Someone closed the curtains. A hushed voice soothed him making the boy back down against his bed. It all felt hazy to him, like he was in some sort of dream. The person looking down at him was fuzzy looking. Sounds were heard far away.

"Pony..."

"Huh?" That's all he could respond.

"Get some more sleep will ya?"

Ponyboy shook his head, something was wrong he sense it. Swinging his legs around to sit up a pair of arms held him down, "No can do little man. We'll wake you up tomorrow. Don't worry."

Pony sighed heavily as he shut his eyes again. This time darkness overtook him once again.

The next day all that haziness disappeared. His eyesight was clearer as was his hearing. It was still dark meaning it wasn't morning yet. His window was closed letting no air inside. Rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands Ponyboy stood up from his bed carefully. In the back of his mind something was bugging him. A familiar sting burning in the back of his brain. He decided to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. Quietly he grabbed a cup filling it with liquids.

He tried remembering what had happened before he blacked out. Why he was just waking up. He noticed that nobody was in the living room. Where is everybody? Dally's probably at Buck's. Twobit usually crashed here after getting drunk...And Steve well his Dad probably ain't home. But what about John- His eyes widened realizing what had occurred. Memories crashed down into his mind. The two men, Mrs. Cade. Johnny's dead!

The cup slipped from his hand provoking a loud sound through the house. He began breathing hard and fast and he could hear his heart thumping loudly. No no no! Someone hugged him from behind shushing him quietly. Someone else had turned on the lights of the living room shouting some words Pony didn't grasp. Johnny's dead. Johnny's dead. Johnny's dead.

"Ponyboy. Please calm down honey. Please, you're gonna make yourself sick again."

Ponyboy's head turned around, it was Sodapop. His brother. The one who had left me a long time ago. Pony slumped in a chair running his hand through his hair suddenly calmed down. Darry sat next to him concerned filled in his eyes. Darry. He never left. He never would. If he wanted me gone he would have put me in a boys home from the beginning. I love Darry. Older Curtis rubbed his little brother's shoulder, "You feeling better?" He asked in a low voice.

Pony nodded, his eyes wandered off to the living room's window. Morning had arrived. The sun was slowly rising from it's usual hiding place letting everyone know a new day had begun. Darry sighed, he got up getting a glass of water for himself. He pressed his lips into a straight line. That day was a very bitter day. He knew what he was going to say but it was going to be hard. Especially on Pony, he had just woken up and for him to hear this now was probably wasn't the best idea yet if he made Pony stay at home he'd never forgive him. So he sighed once again and stared at Pony.

"Ponyboy. I have something to tell you." Darry started.

Sodapop narrowed his eyes, "Now now Dar."

"Maybe it ain't the right to say this I mean you did just wake up but I think it's best if I say it now... We only got a couple hours to get ready so I just have to. Pony, today is... Is Johnny's funeral." He said averting his eyes from Soda's cold look.

Their younger brother stayed silent, he walked out the kitchen and into his room where he closed the door shut. His eyes were filled with sadness, with finding out again about Johnny's death was enough to break to him and now also knowing that his funeral was held that morning was unbearable. Words to describe his emotions wouldn't form in his mind so he stayed quiet. With all his strength he saw that an hour had passed so he went to his closet and dressed up in the nicest clothes he could. For Johnny.

When he stepped out he saw the hole gang except for Dally. Steve had his eyes on the ground chewing on his nails while Twobit was on the couch his hands on his face. Darry was leaning against the wall lost in thought and Soda was watching him from where he was. Ponyboy didn't greet anyone, all he did was go out to the porch for a smoke. The air was very chilly even though it was still summer. The sky was bright to which he frowned, Johnny's dead, how can the day be this fucking cheerful.

Darry motioned for him to go in the car. Sodapop, Darry and Ponyboy got in. Steve drove his own car with Twobit by his side. The funeral would be held in church. Mrs. Cade had made the whole planning thing, she called the Curtis boys to notify them about the date. She had also called to check up on Ponyboy's health. When they arrived few people were there. Mrs. Cade was already inside, her eyes on her feet. She had regretted all those years of not being the mother she had always wanted to be. It was so painful. Now by boy's dead.

Twobit began crying when he sat down on one of the benches. He just couldn't believe their friend had died so cruelly, so young. And all because of that stupid war. Steve pursed his lips, he wouldn't cry. Not now at least. Damn it Johnny, what are we gonna do without you man. Stupid Nam. Stupid military people. Stupid Stupid! Darry closed his eyes remebering how Johnny would crash at their place, how he would always be hanging out with Ponyboy and now. He's gone. Sodapop paid his respects, his eyes watered. I left. I left Johnny and when I came back he left me. I'm really sorry Johnny Cakes. I wish could have seen you one more time. If I had known you-you were gonna leave... God damn it Johnny. I'm so fucking sorry. At least...At least we got to write to each other. Thank you that. Soda wiped away his tears and sat down next to Darry.

Ponyboy was still at the entrance of the church, he wasn't able to walk towards Johnny's casket. It felt wrong. It felt awful. He had denied Johnny was dead, he made up story on their way to the church about him just being away at some other place. But seeing all this was making things painfully real. Step by step he walked over. Breath by breath Ponyboy was closer. His head throbbed, he can't be dead he can't be dead. Unfortunately when he finally got there his eyes widened in shock.

His deceased friend laid inside looking asleep. Some hidden scars visible under what seemed like make up. His lips were pale. What scared him the most were his eyes. They were closed. And they will never open again. Ponyboy shook his head not believing any of this. Not believing that the person who was in front of him was never coming back. Never. The gang observed his moves, Steve flickered his eyes to Pony's brothers and the kid. Sodapop sat tense, Ponyboy. Darry had a feeling that Pony wasn't right. He wasn't ready. Damn it!

Ponyboy backed away, his throat burned, he needed to get out. He saw that his gang were about to stop him but he was faster. In a matter of second he was out the church his legs taking him anywhere but there. He ran without knowing where to go all he needed was to get away. He can't be dead! No! Please! No! He collapsed somewhere where there was grass, where there was no one to bother him. No one in sight. Falling on his knees Ponyboy gasped for air, his eyes filling with tears he gritted his teeth. Anger rushed into his hear.

The boy hollered to the sky, "No!...Fuck! No!...Why? Why God? Why'd you have to take him?! Wasn't it enough taking my parents?!" His voice cracked, "Wasn't it fucking enough...Now you took my best friend...Why don't you just take me." Sobbing uncontrollably he pulled his knees up his chest, "Johnny can't be dead. He just can't."

"Well you better fucking believe it kid."

"Dally?"

Dallas slumped down next to him, he had a cigarette in between his lips dangling loosely, his eyes were red obviously from crying but Pony didn't point it out, "He's dead Pony. Can't do shit about it."

"I know. But...How? I mean...Why him? It just ain't fair." Pony whispered.

Dally let out a deep breath, "You should of know that by now, kid. Life ain't never fair."

A moment of silence until Dally spoke up again, "Aren't you supposed to be in his funeral?"

"I just came from there. I don't wanna go back. It doesn't...feel right."

The Greaser nodded, "Let's get the hell outta here '."

Ponyboy shrugged as he rubbed his wet eyes, "Where to?"

Dally grinned, "Let's go forget about all this. And I know the perfect place to go."

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(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)