Hi minna~san, I'm back with more 'Love is Screwed' =') thank you so much for waiting for me till now and I'm so sorry for the long wait~~ Also thank you so much for all your nice, lovely and unique reviews that made feel so special and happy every time I read them =') just like all the favs and follows you gave to my fic. I'm really thankful!

Anyway, this chap is beta'ed by my dear beta Scarlotte O'Hara =')

Then enjoy it as much as you can (though I hate this chapter ~_~ I only like the last 6 paragraphs of it *sighs*) x)

Chapter XXV

"Matsumoto Sakura was the person I loved the most." Ren started yet he had to pause, it was still hard to talk about Sakura. However he had to go on, he couldn't show Hijirikawa how weak he could be; but mainly because of Hijirikawa's words he really wanted to tell him everything. Hijirikawa had told him his true feelings and he was happy knowing that the blue haired teen felt in such a way about him. It was strange. When did he start to be so happy or so annoyed with every little thing Hijirikawa could say or do to him? Before the piano contest, or after? He didn't know anymore, he just knew how special Hijirikawa Masato had become to him.

However the blue haired male was suffering with Jinguji's words. He wanted to know everything about the blond; especially how he had fallen in love with Sakura. Yet it was painful, it hurt him listen to those deep words from his mouth about someone else. He had never thought about hearing Jinguji Ren saying he loved someone as he had said now. Even more with that gentle tone of his that he had already spoken so many times to the blue haired teen. No, maybe right now Jinguji's tone had been softer and kinder than when he spoke with him. What should he do? Masato wanted to hear the entire story but somehow he didn't want to. It was so frustrating feeling in such a way.

Ren took a deep breath before starting and closed his eyes, recalling all his feelings and memories from the past. So painful, so sad, so unique, however he didn't feel as bad as he thought he would feel. Perhaps Hijirikawa was the one who could ease his pain and sadness from those distant days. Instead of hurt Ren felt relaxed. They were both in his… in their room, the blue haired teen sitting on the bed and Ren lying down with his head over Hijirikawa's legs and his hand lightly laced with the blue haired teen's. Only from such a peaceful moment was he being provided with pleasant feelings instead of bad ones. Yes, it was Hijirikawa who could relieve his pain definitely.

"It's stupid because in the beginning I hated her a lot. We were classmates and we were always fighting with each other, even if neither one of us was right. Our classmates even called us 'the annoying couple', of course those words only upset us the most yet we ignored then and just continued like that, being annoying and fighting every single day. But one day something changed. At the end of the day I was sitting alone in my classroom and looking through the window, when she entered because she had forgotten her cell phone, and of course as she also hated me she began to fight with me. Being all annoying and telling me things like 'What? Thinking about how stupid you are Jinguji?' I didn't answer her; I wasn't in the mood because I was really sad. Even now I can remember all my emotions of that day. Anyway, as she didn't receive any answer she approached my desk and once she saw my face she remained static, unable to speak or move; unable even to blink because she was really shocked at my state. I was crying, for the first time in my life." The blond explained and the blue haired teen was shocked at those words. Crying? Jinguji Ren was crying? Masato had never seen him crying, he had already seen him sad but Jinguji's tears never. How did he look when his eyes were full of tears? He felt a sharp twinge in his chest and bit his lower lip in rage toward himself. How could he feel in such a way? How could he want something like that? How selfish could he be? Why did he have to get jealous over such a thing? However he couldn't stop wanting to see Jinguji's tears. She had already seen them and he hadn't, it was unfair. That girl knew more sides of Jinguji, yet right now he was the only one living with him; being with him every single day, even so he didn't know him at all. Why couldn't he know more of Jinguji's sides? More of his expressions, words, smiles…

"This is bad… I want to cry. Why does she have to be so special to him? His voice is so gentle while he's talking about her. I wonder if his heart is beating for her like mine beats for him. No I can't, my tears… I can't control them anymore." The blue haired male thought feeling desperate with his own feelings. His tears were about to fall, when suddenly the blond began to talk again.

"My mom had died the day before and…" The blond could only say that, because Masato interrupted him abruptly.

"Why?"

"Eh? What Hijirikawa?" Ren asked confused at Hijirikawa's interruption and reaction. He could feel him trembling so he quickly looked at him, and once he saw his expression he was astonished. The blue haired male was looking intensely at him; the sadness in his beautiful dark blue eyes could be clearly perceived, not even his glasses could hide that sad glow. Hijirikawa's hand had squeezed his own very tightly, as if he was trying to control himself from something. Why? Why was he so sad? What happened with him? Ren couldn't stand seeing him like this.

The blond stretched out his hand to Masato's face and caressed his cheek softly, his thumb always over the blue haired teen's mole surprising Masato who widened his eyes. Jinguji's gesture right now was too much. He couldn't contain his feelings anymore; those words had to be asked. He wanted to comprehend the blond better than anyone else.

"W-Why… Why didn't I know that your mother is dead already? Why do I have to be the one who doesn't know anything about you when you know everything about me? You know what I love, you know what I hate, you know what I want, you know why I suffer, you know every little thing about me but I… Why do you always hide yourself from me?"

"Why couldn't I be the one comforting you in those painful days of your life? Why couldn't I be the one drying your tears and making you smile? Why couldn't… No, why can't I be the special one to you?"Masato thought biting his lips harshly to contain those stubborn tears that insisted in gather in his intense blue eyes.

Ren sat on his bed and looking at the blue haired teen, his hand still over Hijirikawa's face, said "Hijirikawa… Hijirikawa I'm telling you something about me right now."

"I… I don't care. I don't want to hear anything anymore." Masato said looking away to avoid Jinguji's light blue eyes, at the same time also avoiding his gentle contact. He regretted having escaped to Jinguji's warm hand, yet it was the best he could have done. In every single caress he was being tempted in give in and lean his face before such tender touch, absorbing the blond's addictive heat that he remembered so well and loved so much. Why did being in love hurt so much? Wasn't it supposed life to be all pink whenever people are in love? At least that's what everybody said, yet Hijirikawa Masato's life wasn't pink at all. If he had to choose a color he would chose black. He only suffered with Jinguji Ren. He only wanted to cry, and the gentler the blond was with him the more it hurt him.

"Hijirikawa, why are you saying that?" Ren asked even more confused. He had only decided to tell Hijirikawa his story with Sakura because the blue haired teen had asked him, however now he was regretting his decisions and it was making the blond feel strangely sad. Didn't Hijirikawa want to know him better anymore?

"Because I already know the end of your story, Jinguji. From that day on, you and Sakura-san began to get closer and closer. You knew each other better and find out that in truth you two had a lot in common, despite the fact that you didn't think about her as someone as annoying as before; and I bet she thought the same about you. Then one day you two realized your own feelings and began to date each other. You see I know your story already, Jinguji?" Masato said still looking away, he didn't dare to face the blond after the harsh and arrogant tone of voice he had used. But he couldn't help it. He was mad, he was really furious at himself because he was so jealous; he envied Matsumoto Sakura so much because she had been Jinguji's first at everything. Seeing him cry, making him smile after such unbearable pain, falling in love, confessing, kissing, and making love... Sakura was a unique and special person to Jinguji; she couldn't be compared with anyone, much less with Masato.

Ren remained silent looking at the blue haired teen surprised and slightly annoyed. He wanted to see his face; he wanted to read all Hijirikawa's emotions in his deep dark blue eyes and find that way answers for all his questions, yet the blue haired male didn't face him. Why did Hijirikawa have to be so stubborn and incomprehensible? If he wanted something before, then why the hell did he have to change his mind so suddenly?

"Tsk, it's always the same shit. This idiot controls me too well, and why the fuck do I feel so annoyed? Just ignore him, he doesn't want to know then that's even better. I also didn't want to talk about this. Fuck!" The blond thought clenching his fists and teeth.

Masato stood up from the bed and said still not facing Jinguji "I-I'm going to make dinner." He then began to walk towards the bedroom's door and opened it slowly, yet before he could leave the blond quickly stood up too and ran toward the blue haired teen, pushing the door closed with one of his hands and trapping Masato's body between the door and himself.

"Sakura… She…" Ren started, yet the blue haired male closed his eyes tightly and yelled uncontrolled.

"I don't want to listen."

"Hijirikawa!" The blond also yelled.

"I don't care, just shut up already!" Masato yelled again trying to open the door, yet Jinguji prevented him once more.

"Sakura was in love with someone else." Ren said abruptly shocking the blue haired teen, who remained quiet as soon as those words sounded in his ears. The blond supported his forehead in Hijirikawa's shoulder softly and continued "Sakura never loved me the way I loved her; she could only see me as a friend. But the guy she loved didn't love her, besides he was dating someone else already. It was an unrequited love and my love for her too. She knew how I felt because I told her, and of course she rejected me. She said, 'Thank you for loving me Jinguji, I love you too but I can't love you as you want me to. You're someone very special for me so I don't want to hurt you, so I'm sorry but I can't accept your feelings the same way.', well of course I respected her decision but I didn't accept it as she wanted me to. I loved her with all my heart so I said, 'I don't care, I will love you so much that you will forget that guy.' And I forced my own feelings onto her; I kissed her showing her all the strong love I felt for her, then we went to my house and made love."

Masato couldn't stand it anymore and those stubborn tears from before were back, and this time he couldn't control them. Thank God he had his back to Jinguji, he didn't want to show him how sad and hurt those words were making him feel. He understood how the blond felt in the past; the same happened with him in the present after all. Both of them were suffering because of an unrequited love.

"However she didn't accept me. Even after showing her with actions, words and caresses she couldn't accept me. I understood her because we were both suffering because of the same thing. Of course I didn't force my feelings onto her anymore, it was the worst thing I could do because I loved her and I didn't want to make her suffer anymore. The day after I didn't go to school, I didn't skip it either… I only asked my father to transfer me to another school and that's the way how I came to our school now. That is the true end of my and Sakura's story. Can you see it now Hijirikawa? You were wrong about my story. It wasn't as sweet as you described, though I fell for her the way you described; getting closer, knowing her better. Everything that starts also ends, and so it was with us."

"Idiot! Idiot! You're an idiot Jinguji! That girl is also an idiot. Why couldn't she love you? If you showed her your deepest feelings why couldn't they reach her? Was her love toward the other person blinding her so much?" Masato thought clenching his teeth and fists to control his voice. It was painful. Jinguji's past was painful. He had lost his mother and the only person who had been able to comfort him, couldn't love him the way he loved them. Why did life have to be so unfair? However if Sakura had reciprocated his feelings then he had never asked his father to transfer him. Masato and Jinguji Ren would have never known each other. They would have never shared as much as they had shared until now. Masato had never entered at a piano contest, and he had never fall in love as he had fallen for Jinguji. It was strange, although it was sad and it hurt inside his heart so much he was relieved and happy that the blond's story with Sakura had ended the way it ended.

"I'm a horrible human being. I hate myself. How selfish can I be?" Masato thought distressed by his own thoughts and feelings. Suddenly the blue haired teen felt two strong yet gentle arms holding him and startled, his dark blue eyes were widened in amazement. Jinguji's body was tightly pressed against his, squeezing him but it wasn't painful. Masato opened his mouth to speak however he felt Jinguji trembling slightly and remained quiet. For a few minutes they both remained silent, only feeling each others' warmth and hearing their deep breaths. However the blond was the first one to break the uncomfortable yet pleasant silent moment with his deep, gentle voice.

"Hijirikawa I'm sorry." Ren said confusing the blue haired teen. Why was the blond apologizing? When Hijirikawa was about to ask, Ren interrupted him once more to continue, "That stupid Otoya told you that you reminded him about Sakura, but in truth you two are completely different."

"I know. I don't need you to tell me." Masato thought feeling desperate and sad.

"Sakura is the person I loved the most, and you are… someone special. I mean… yes you are special Hijirikawa. I can't explain you the reason when I don't even understand it myself. I only know one thing with all my certainty." Ren paused to take a deep breath, meanwhile the blue haired male had his eyes shut tight, countless tears falling from them with the fear he felt for the rest of Jinguji's words. He just wanted him to stop because every single word uttered by his mouth was torturing him painfully.

"I want you always by my side. If it's you I'm okay and I will never need anyone else, that's why Hijirikawa only you… please never leave me. Stay always with me." Ren finished, kissing Hijirikawa's neck softly making the blue haired teen shiver slightly; his heart was pounding so strongly that it was painful.

"I would never leave you, Jinguji." Masato thought letting the last tears fall from his eyes, he then turned around facing the blond for the first time and said, "Really Jinguji, how selfish can you be? To stay with you… Tsk you're just like a child." A small smile was exposed on his thin pink lips.

"I knew it Hijirikawa…" Ren began to say, both his hands grabbed the blue haired teen's face caressing his cheeks gently once again, "You've been crying. Why do you have to be so stubborn? Idiot."

Masato was ready to argue back, however Jinguji's lips didn't let him. The blond was fast to press both their lips together softly, gently and warmly connecting their feelings at that instant. Their bodies fiercely shaking were pressed together tightly exchanging their addictive warmth, letting them feel each others' strong heartbeats as if they were one. This was their second kiss with each other, yet it was as sweet; as gentle as their first kiss.

"Ah this is no good, I'm crying again. My heart is beating so strongly and so fast that it hurts. How much… How much will my feelings for him grow? How many times will I let him steal my heart without me stealing his? It's unfair… this is everything so unfair. Yet I can't stop loving him more and more. I wish he could love me as much as I love him."

~~ yeah I know… pretty sad and angsty ~~ damn me and RenMasa

Hope you had liked it even if just a little bit.

Chuu*