Jay didn't even know they had skidded to a stop and were at the hospital until the back opened and Brett and Mills rolled the gurney out of the ambulance and on the ground. Snapping back to reality, Jay jumped out and ran next to the side of Erin as they entered Chicago Med. As Jay looked around, his world slowed down. He heard words coming from Brett and Mills to the doctor and suddenly his hand felt cold and the nurses rolled Erin away from him, her hand slipping out of his as they did. Jay made to go with them, but felt hands on his chest. He walked them roll her through the urgent care doors and heard another voice, a voice he knew very well. He looked at the person talking. "Ryan." Dr. Ryan Halstead stood in front of his brother a concerned look on his face.
Jay looked down, aware for the first time that Erin's blood was on his hands and his shirt. "Jay." His head snapped back up to his brother. "Are you alright?" Jay stayed silent for a minute, looking back down at his hands. Knowing the answer, Ryan asked a second question. "Are you hurt?" Jay simply shook his head. Ryan took his hand off his shoulder and meant to leave, but Jay finally spoke. "She was shot, Ryan. You've gotta help her. I can't lose her." Ryan nodded, fully aware of who was being sent into emergency surgery.
His brother spoke highly of his brunette partner. On how she never let him drive, and how her smile made his cloudy days a little brighter. His brother was in love and he could tell, in the way his voice changed when he asked about her. Ryan knew that making sure this girl was okay, would not only save her life, but his brothers life. Him and his brother were very close, and he wasn't about to let anything bad happen to his life. Not again. Every since Ben died, Jay's heart has been very fragile, and he had admitted to giving his heart to his partner to only his brother. Ryan placed his hand back on Jay's shoulder. "Listen Jay." Jay looked up at him, tears coming to his eyes.
"I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure Erin walks out of here, good as new." Jay gave him a weak smile. "Me too." Jay turned his head and saw Alec Willhite standing next to him. "I heard the call come in and dropped what I was doing. Lindsay's a part of my family. We're gonna make sure she's okay." Just then both doctors were called to duty. Ryan nodded to his brother. "Go get cleaned up. I'll let you know what's going on after I'm finished." Jay watched Alec and Ryan walked away. He glanced once more at his hands, before making his way towards the bathroom.
He washed his hands, watching the water turn to crimson and he was brought back to the street once more. He scrubbed his hands and scrubbed, but he just couldn't get the color of red out of his mind. Finally, he shut the water off, but stood in front of the mirror and looked at his reflection. To anyone else, he looked like a normal man, but all Jay could see was a broken man. His eyes fell to the stain on his shirt. He felt a lump in his throat as he stared at it. He couldn't lose her. He hadn't even told her he loved her yet. They were keeping their relationship a secret from Voight and that weighed so much on his mind when they were at work, that when they were together at each others houses he just wanted to spent the time in silence, enjoying her presence that he didn't have to hide.
He looked back up at his face and only then realized that his had tears streaming down his face. If only eh wouldn't have listened to her and attempted to drive her home. If only the bust earlier had gone differently, she wouldn't have been so torn. The lump in his throat felt like it was getting bigger and he couldn't try to swallow it down anymore. Before he knew it a sob escaped his lips, followed by more tears running down his cheeks. He stood there, his hands gripping the counter top for dear life, sobbing on his own.
Attempting to regain composer he pushed himself off the the counter, only to find he was so emotionally drained, his legs didn't want to work and so he slumped against the wall, lowering himself to the floor. He continued to sob into his knees, feeling as though he would never stop. He barley even heard the sound of the bathroom door opening, but he couldn't even stop his tears or look up. He felt a body sit next to him and felt strong arms wrap around his shoulders and held him.
"It's gonna be alright, man." He heard Antonio's voice say to him. Jay's tears continued to flow and he gripped onto Antonio's shirt as he sat there crying for the woman he loved more than anything on this planet. "She's gonna make it okay? She's Erin. She's the strongest person we know. She's not gonna leave without a fight."
After what felt like hours, Jay was finally out of tears and he slowly lifted his head and Antonio let go of him. They continued to sit in silence on the bathroom floor as their minds raced. "I haven't told her that I love her yet." Jay's voice broke the silence, as he spoke ever so softly. Antonio turned his head to look at him. "She knows." Jay met his eyes. "Every time you guys get into that car together, she knows you love her. Every time you kiss her, hold her, and just be there with her. She knows." Jay simply nodded, not quite believing the words he was hearing, but just trusting that they were indeed true.
"You wanna go sit in the waiting room? I bet the chairs are more comfortable than the floor." Jay let out a small chuckle and Antonio patted his shoulder. They picked themselves off the floor. "I've got an extra shirt in my bag in my car. I'll go get it for you, alright." Jay nodded. They made their way out of the bathroom and into the waiting room. Jay was almost surprised to see how many people were there. Obviously the unit, but also the member of 51 that were in the bar when it happened. As he made his way past everyone to sit, they patted his shoulder, gave him positive words and even Gabby and Brett gave him small hugs.
What he was surprised most at, was the fact that Voight wasn't there. He sat down next to Ruzek, who out a hand on his shoulder. "Did you call Voight?" he asked Adam. Adam nodded. "I figured he'd be here by now." Jay nodded and they all sat there, in silence. Waiting.