Ai Hoshino, a twenty-year-old rising star in the entertainment industry. She started from a children's home, got scouted by a small agency and joined an underground idol group. Now she's waiting mere weeks until B Komachi's very own dome concert.
Savoring a spoonful of ice cream, Ai closed her eyes, basking in the overwhelming support that surrounded her. Countless fans hailed her as the epitome of talent, a charismatic force that could outshine a million stars. But beneath the surface, far from the adoration, Ai grappled with a different reality. She found her true self buried beneath a web of lies she had spun. The truth had become a hazy blur so inextricably linked with the truth that she wondered if it even mattered anymore. The masses craved the image of a perfect idol, and that was precisely what she strived to become. In her world, lies were love, armor that shielded her from stress and pain, allowing her to sing and dance on a stage as if her life were a tapestry of happiness and perfection.
Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a delicate hand pulling on her pant leg. She looked down, amused by the child standing there. She ruffled the fluffy blonde hair on his tiny head and smiled with the most genuine emotions she could muster. Her four-year-old baby boy, Aqua, looked up at her blankly, his blue eyes shining with intelligence. He was unknowingly the kill switch on her entire career and agency, a switch that would flick if it was discovered that Ai had given birth at just 16. The public didn't know about her twins, nor will they ever know as long as she lives. If the secret of her giving birth got out, she would be done for.
Ai was well aware that she was asking a lot to try and experience the love of an idol and the love of a mother at the same time, but she didn't care. Idols fake being happy. Ai became a mother to squash that lie, to make herself truly happy. Even if that happiness would be borne of even more lies, an idol should be able to love as deeply as any fan could.
She had children so she could love them with all her heart as a mother. It was the same reason she became an idol; she did it to love and be loved. Her smile faltered… the success of the latter goal is indeterminate, even now.
It's possible she's a fool and that she does love her kids as she hopes. She's thought about it before, yet she inevitably returns to the nightmare she often has of telling her children she loves them, and then discovering she was lying. That scenario haunts her like a ghost… it's an earthquake leaving cracks in the foundation of her mind. An ever-present specter that looms around each corner. That's why she's never told her children she loves them. It's not that she hates them… she knows that she doesn't, it's that she can't be sure that she loves them until she knows what that feels like. She's waiting for that day, and when it happens, she'll scream "Aqua, Ruby, I love you!" hundreds of times from the largest stage in the loudest microphone she can find.
"Ai," Aqua spoke suddenly, trying to get her attention while her train of thought takes her for a lengthy detour. She snaps out of her self-reflection with a radiant smile and lifts him onto her lap, hugging him. He sits still and stares, his petite hands clenching and unclenching nervously, he struggles to make eye contact with her, "You should get a door chain."
Ai pauses and looks at him, slightly confused. Where did this come from? Plus, when did this four-year-old learn about door chains? Her kid was a genius…
She pats him affectionately on the head, "Financially mama's not doing amazing, and I'm saving up money so you two can go to the best schools!" Ai's smile lingers on her face as if superglued there, satisfied with her excuse, but Aqua doesn't look too impressed, glancing at the expensive ice cream cups Ai eats almost obsessively. A bead of sweat drips from her face as she playfully tries to lecture him, booping his nose. "That's a work expense! You'll understand when you're older." The blonde toddler glares seriously at her.
"Idols are in a lot of danger of getting stalked or worse. Ai is the best idol ever, and therefore must erect precautions to protect herself." Aqua's cheeks turn red and puff up as he tries to persuade her.
She's glad her son admires her so much, and that he truly worries for her safety. She doesn't want to disappoint him, but she doesn't make that much money, and a door chain seems like a waste when she's never had problems with stalking. Cementing that, she just moved, and almost no one is aware of her address. She hates to refuse him like this… but he's only a child, her bank account can't take unnecessary hits.
"Don't worry about mama, Aqua, I scare away all the stalkers! Ai Hoshino can take care of herself!" The idol flexes her arm to show her strength as she exclaims her capabilities. Aqua shakes his head, frustrated.
"What if someone has a knife or a gun? What if there are multiple guys who try to break in? Ruby and I are mere four-year-olds, if a bad person breaks in, we have no means of defense," He continues with his eyes turning red and puffy, "It scares me sometimes. As you grow in popularity so does the potential for you to get harmed."
Aqua leaks a few teardrops, hugging Ai tightly, "I don't know what I would do if I lost you… It would break Ruby and me if you even got hurt. We love you!"
Aqua's tears rust her worn metal mask that has remained sturdy for a decade and a half, his concern like a sledgehammer smashing her steel facade into pieces. Countless possibilities play through her head, her children being kidnapped when she's not home, her family being attacked, a burglar breaking in, a stalker coming to the door and stabbing her.
It's been so long since she felt legitimate anger or frustration. It was as if the lies of perfection managed to coalesce with her personality. The wave of searing hate that flooded through her boiled the lies out of their hiding places and sent them running. If just for that moment, her real emotions bubbled up, she felt scared, worried, genuinely terrified for her family's safety. Aqua continued to sob as the twinkle in her eyes seemed to supernova with a transient abyssal light. The violet-haired idol took a deep breath and sighed, her eyes flooding with a radiance like the sun, snuffing out the short-lived dark stars that had overtaken her gaze. The darkness vanished just as suddenly as it had formed. She smiles once again, a new mask forming where the old one broke, malleable like clay, but strong as diamond.
"Mama got lost in her thoughts there… sorry you saw me like that. I think a door chain would be a good investment! You can never be too careful, and that's a good lesson to learn early on. You're so smart Aqua!" Ai puts him back on the ground and holds her smile in place, wiping his tears away and stroking his head.
There was something different about her new smile that put the boy at ease. It wasn't as dazzling as it was prior, but it calmed him, mesmerized him. Even alone, the idol kept this smile, she felt that she couldn't take it off if she tried… not that she wanted to. This smile felt like the truth, and it caused so many emotions and worries to hound her like a feral dog. Even if it stressed her, she was glad she was feeling it. Is this what it feels like… love?