Chapter the Fourth, in Which Diet and Prohibitions are Discussed.
Mr Oats and Mr Cutter briefly discuss dietary rules and we learn a bit more about the hazards of harvesting magical timber, along with some of the precautions which have to be taken. There is also the side issue of diet in men occupied in physically demanding work.
A priest and a woodsman were cooking breakfast at a small encampment in a forest. Nearby, an ass was foraging for vegetation to his own taste, and doing rather well. Ned was well practised at this kind of thing.
Mr Cutter had a question for Pastor Oats.
'Are there any rules about food you need to follow ? I know Cenotines (1) have a complicated list of things to avoid and Offlerians even prohibit broccoli (2) for some reason.' (3)
'At one time there would have been, but the reforms of the Prophet Brutha amended those observances to the point where they are no longer compulsory. Priests and laity in Omnianism are welcome to follow them if they genuinely believe doing so will help their spiritual development. Most don't. (4) I have found it pays to be pragmatic about the bounty the Gods provide.'
'Given the bulk of our breakfast will be porridge, I suspect even the most fastidious god would not object to that.' (5)
'I can think of at least one, though his current responsibilities do not lie in the forests, but usually in more developed parts of the world.' (6)
'Well we'd better tuck in to keep our strength up enough for the foreman to want to hire us. We are quite close to the camp now.'
Not far from this discourse, a lumber camp had just finished the morning's personal ablutions and their breakfasts and were turning their attention back to the serious and potentially hazardous business of harvesting magical timber. Not only was it sensible to camp (with all those iron and steel tools) a short walk away from the relevant trees, but the foreman, a specialist in such jobs, was one of the relatively few non – wizards (and wizards for that matter) to own and know how to use a thaumometer away from the laboratory. (7) It was a really good idea to assess background magic if you wanted the crew to complete their working day in the same shape as when they started. And the same species.
One of the men was not a happy camper. The Lumberjacks' Guild had hired him as the camp's only laundryman. The pay was good, but he had issues with the camp's Klatchian cook. Particularly with his signature dish of strong curry among men unused to spicy food and far too macho not to eat it. (7a) He took the view that chaps (9) who were comrades (10) should take the trouble not to add unnecessarily to each others' workloads.
That said, they still got on affably, swapping tales of their respective adventures in lands far for from this forest, both men of the world who discovered they had a great deal in common despite their homelands lying so far apart.
Mr Washer (11) determined to bring the problem to his culinary colleague's attention. As they were discussing the wisdom of strong curry as a staple food vis a vis the additional laundry work that might be generated, their attention was drawn to two new arrivals at the camp, as was that of Mr Sharp, the foreman. One was obviously a lumberjack, but the other appeared to be a priest of some sort. A priest who was toting a war axe. There was some mild interest on the part of those who still had business away from the actual trees, but no pushy curiosity. News like Pastor Oats travels widely. (12)
'Well, lads,' said Mr Sharp, 'we've work to be done around here, so we need woodcutters and flume riders to do it. We're building up the stock again, and there are ready lads helping out and preparing to ride the flumes. We haven't harvested the amount of timber the wizards ordered yet, and I figure we're at least a month behind, but we have to follow the 'partial fell' policy the University bods laid down. (12a) I can take you both on at Guild rates subject to review at the end of this month. Mr Oats, I'll need you to politely talk religion with our chaplain this evening. I don't want 'theological debate' (14) getting in the way of business.'
He then directed them to where they could put down their bedrolls and picket Ned satisfactorily, the ass finding his assigned quarters quite congenial compared to some of the places where his master had camped, before leading them to the 'workface' of the project, informing them of the duties expected of them, and assigning them to a work detail.
As with Mr Oats and Mr Cutter, he never saw one of Mr Nutt's men discreetly shadowing them.
(1)Being widely travelled, he knows there are still Cenotines in the world.
(2)Roundworld religions don't, but some followers avoid it for fear of eating insects in the florets.
(3)Canon implies Offler proscribed broccoli as it was an easy ban to adhere to.
(4)Some folk uncharitably suggest this is due to making priests more likely to be invited to dinner.
(5)Hmm, have I mentioned Nuggan yet ? Short god. Fussy moustache. Mental issues...
(6)After the Borogravian War, Nuggan hung on as God of Seeking Better Mental Health.
(7)'If a wizard can't feel a magical field, I'm amazed he's still alive !' - Archchancellor Ridcully.
(7a)The Roundworld song 'Ring of Fire' comes to mind.
(9)Use of the word 'chaps' can say a lot about a man's background...
(10)So can 'comrades...'
(11)This has to be another alias, surely.
(12)Wait until the news of Pastor Nutt breaks out into the world...
(12a)It would be unwise to clear fell magical timber. Magic can get stroppy.
(14)I think you can guess what he means. Sharp tools present. Used for cutting timber.