Chapter 16

The dream continued to bother Alfred for the next several days. Any time there was a free moment, he caught himself thinking about it, the last moments before he woke up playing in his head, over and over.

Why would he have dreamed everything exactly as it had happened only to dream that it had ended differently than it actually had? Was it paranoia that North had no desire to make peace and would betray him and South at the next available opportunity? Was it guilt over the fact that it had actually been Alfred who shot North that day? Was it a vision of the future?

Well, it couldn't be the last one, Alfred decided, since the dream had clearly been accurate to an event that had already occurred.

Whatever the cause, he was incredibly bothered by the whole ordeal. Alfred hadn't dreamed of the Korean War in decades. So, why now? And why in such a gruesome way? Every time he thought about the dream, he thought about the one crucial difference between the dream and reality.

No, North hadn't shot Alfred that day—it had been Alfred who had shot North. Alfred had gotten to his gun first. He'd taken aim.

And hesitated.

Why? Because he could have saved them both. He could have insisted all of Korea be under his supervision instead of letting Russia take North. He could have made sure those ideologies never mixed. He could have made sure there was no war to begin with. But he could see North pulling his gun around and there was no hesitation in his eyes.

So, he'd pulled the trigger and splattered North's blood across the dust. He'd thought, "Don't get up," because it was easier to live with the thought of North being dead for good than being faced with his failure every time he saw him. Maybe Alfred could have saved them both, but by pulling the trigger he'd chosen Yong Soo.

Despite how heavily it was weighing on him, he couldn't bring himself to discuss the dream with Yong Soo. Yong Soo was upset enough about the things his brother had done—he certainly didn't need Alfred talking to him about another that hadn't actually happened. Besides, Yong Soo was so happy to have Alfred with him, just enjoying the city. So, he kept quiet about it, unwilling to ruin the fun. Yong Soo had been having a hard time finding it lately, and Alfred hated seeing him down.

The two spent the next few days simply enjoying all that Seoul had to offer. Alfred, having been to Seoul enough times to have seen most of the tourist attractions, had Yong Soo show him what he liked to do for fun.

They spent much of their time in the great variety of themed cafés, hitting the cat café one day and the board game café the next. Between cafés, they would spend a few hours in one of the many PC bangs trying out new games or watching movies. They could have been two guys just hanging out on the weekend. Politics were rarely mentioned. It was almost as if, for a few days, they'd become human.

Well, except for the constant thoughts about the dream. Alfred needed to get them out, but he knew he couldn't bother Yong Soo with them. And yet, he couldn't talk to anyone else about them either. No one else was going to understand.

Except, maybe—well…

One night, after Yong Soo had gone to bed, Alfred lay under the sheets in the guest room, his phone filling the tiny room with a soft, blue light.

God. He couldn't believe he was doing this. It was stupid, but he was desperate. He spent a long time thinking before finally typing a message into his phone.

Alfred: hey can I ask u something?

He waited a few minutes and—

Commie: It's late, but yes.

Alfred took a deep breath before he started typing again. This could end so terribly.

Alfred: do u remember Incheon?

His thumb hovered over the send button for what seemed like an eternity. He grimaced, giving the message one last read over before finally pressing send.

Several minutes passed with no answer. Great! He'd pissed North off already. But finally, his phone buzzed in his hand.

Commie: I told you not to abuse this number.

Alfred: no wait! just listen for a sec.

Commie: What?

Alfred hesitated again, realizing he hadn't expected to get this far. How much was he going to tell North? They weren't exactly friends, but he was the only other person on the planet who had shared his experience that day. And he needed to get it out.

Alfred: I've just been thinking about it a lot lately

Commie: That's nice.

Alfred: I wasn't done GOSH CALM DOWN.

Commie: Hurry up then. You take forever to type.

Alfred: I'm THINKING now listen!

The words were practically falling onto the screen now as he hurried to say what he needed to say before North got impatient again.

Alfred: so like I had a dream about it the other night and it's really been gnawing at me and I thought you could relate. it was rly weird because I never dream about this sort of stuff but it was accurate to the real thing right up until the end but like

He paused again. Was North really sore over Incheon still? Things like this really did numb with time for nations, and Alfred didn't take his own deaths too personally, especially in wartime. But North? Who had made it exceedingly clear at every available opportunity how much he hated Alfred and how much he blamed him for everything? And Alfred just expected to sit down and have a conversation about it? Oh man, he fucked up, he realized. He shouldn't have tried in a million years to talk to North about this, but he was in too deep by now. He'd already been sitting there for several seconds typing nothing, and North was surely getting impatient again. He had to put something down.

Alfred: it didn't end that way. I didn't do it.

He stopped there. North didn't need to know why he didn't do it. Maybe thinking Alfred had been merciful out of the goodness of his heart would put him in a better mood anyway.

Several minutes went by again without an answer. Outstanding. He'd really done it now. Not only had he brought up something he shouldn't have, but now he'd probably ruined his chances of North ever answering a text from him again. In fact, he probably hadn't gotten an answer because North was trying to figure out how to block his number.

But finally:

Commie: I'm not sure what point you're trying to make.

Alfred: I guess…I wasn't trying to make one really. it was just kinda weird to dream about it again and then have it play out differently u know?

This time, North hadn't answered after ten minutes, and Alfred was sure he was being ignored.

Alfred: can I just ask u one thing? I promise I'll leave u alone after this.

Commie: What?

Alfred: do u ever have dreams about that kinda stuff?

There was a short pause, but it seemed to be a question North was willing to answer.

Commie: …Yes.

Alfred: well…ok. I kind of just realized I made it sound like do u dream about stuff like Incheon but I MEANT do u dream about that kind of stuff but then things are different?

Commie: No.

Alfred: ok then. sorry I know this was kinda weird but thanks for listening.

He almost typed "goodnight," and then he realized North probably didn't know he was in Korea. Or maybe he did—Alfred had no idea how good North's spy network might be, after all. But for now, Alfred was going to pretend like he was still in the U.S.

Alfred: I guess it's night where u are so goodnight!

Commie: And good morning to you.

Alfred set the phone down on the desk next to the bed. Well…it hadn't gone as badly as it could have. Talking to someone else about the dream had made him feel a bit better, but he still hadn't gotten to talk about why the dream had bothered him so much. Maybe he'd be able to tell Mattie or someone when he got home…

The next day, the day Alfred was scheduled to fly home, he and Yong Soo got their morning coffee at a famous coffee shop where some Korean drama had once been filmed. It was in a (relatively) quiet part of Seoul, situated atop a hill surrounded by trees, with a balcony overlooking the metropolis.

The coffee was overpriced and only average in taste, but Alfred knew he was really here for the experience. All around him couples were re-enacting scenes from the drama (which Alfred had already forgotten the name of), taking selfies, and enjoying the scenic overlook.

Yong Soo, though Alfred was sure he'd been here a thousand times, was delighted to share the experience with Alfred. The Korean towed Alfred throughout the shop, eagerly pointing out where various events had transpired.

"And this is where they had their first kiss… And ooh! Here's where she revealed to him that—"

"Yong Soo, I haven't even seen this drama!"

Yong Soo let out a gasp. "What? But I was sure you had! Didn't we watch it last time you were over?"

"No, that was Coffee Prince!"

The Korean seemed a bit annoyed to discover this, but he shrugged and took it all in stride. "I guess next time you come over we'll just have to marathon it. And I guess I should stop talking too because I've probably spoiled half of it for you by now."

"Nah, man, it's okay," Alfred assured him, grinning as he prepared to tease the other. "All your dramas have the same plot anyway."

"What?" Yong Soo cried, falling for the bait perfectly. "No they don't!"

"Yes, they do! Boy meets girl, parents don't approve, but they're so in love so they—"

"No they don't!"

"I'm just joking!" Alfred laughed. He took a sip of his coffee, the beautiful heart design that had originally floated at the top now long since destroyed. "But you gotta admit—a lot of them really do run with the same themes."

"Yeah…" Yong Soo conceded. "But so do your sitcoms."

Alfred simply shrugged. "Someone's always willing to watch them. That's why there are always sitcoms on American television."

"And dramas on Korean television," Yong Soo agreed.

For a few minutes, they sat in silence, enjoying their coffee. Or, at least, Alfred was. Yong Soo's silence seemed anything but relaxed. He stared into his coffee, stirring it absent-mindedly with his spoon the way he often did when he was deep in thought, seemingly lost in the vortex that formed. Finally, Yong Soo spoke.

"I feel like my life's a drama," he said softly, giving a weary laugh and pressing the heel of his palm into one of his eyes. "But you just can't write that kind of thing. China, Japan, North... How did I end up with such a dysfunctional family?"

Alfred was at a loss for words. What could he say that would be in any way comforting? 'Everyone feels that way about their family?' No, that was too invalidating. Alfred couldn't even claim to understand how Yong Soo felt.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alfred asked instead, hoping maybe talking about it would help him alleviate some stress.

"I…not here," Yong Soo replied, glancing at the people who passed them to go out to the balcony. "Let's finish up first."

The two of them finished the last of their coffee before grabbing their coats and heading outside. The street leading up to the coffee shop wound up and around the hill it was situated on and was flanked by snow-laden trees on either side, giving it a more isolated feel compared to the rest of Seoul. It was perfect for a conversation Yong Soo clearly wasn't comfortable having in the presence of others, even in English.

"So…you still wanna talk about it?" Alfred prompted after they were sufficiently out of earshot of the coffee shop.

Yong Soo glanced around to make sure no one was coming up the path. "Yeah…" he started, seemingly unsure. "I just…I don't understand why my family's like this." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I must sound so whiney."

"No, no!" Alfred assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "If you need to talk, you need to talk."

Yong Soo nudged Alfred's hand away, and Alfred stuffed it back into his jacket pocket to shield it from the cold. For a moment, he thought Yong Soo was going to end the conversation there. The pair continued down the path, but a few minutes into their trek, Yong Soo continued.

"Japan and I never really got along," he said quietly, looking down in front of him as he tried not to step on any ice slicks. "But I don't…I just don't understand what possessed him to do what he did. To all of us. He tried to erase our cultures. He tried to erase us. It was inhuman."

Alfred did not look at Yong Soo. It must have taken a lot for Yong Soo to bring himself to talk about something so painful, and Alfred almost felt like he was intruding if he looked. So, he kept his eyes forward, waiting for Yong Soo to continue.

"I know he acts guilty," Yong Soo went on, his voice lowering into a grumble. "But sometimes I wonder if he really is. Can a person really understand that they were wrong about something like that after managing to convince themselves such a horrible thing was right in the first place?"

By now, the conversation was making Alfred slightly uncomfortable. He considered Kiku his friend, even after everything that had happened in the Second World War. Alfred couldn't see the Kiku he knew now ever doing those things, but the Kiku he knew now definitely wasn't the same Kiku who had been Japan back then. Things had been different. Alfred had been fighting an enemy then who was so loyal to his mission that he could not bear the shame of defeat, who would literally rather die than surrender. There had been Japanese soldiers, with empty guns and snapped knifeblades, who would charge American positions knowing full well it was suicide. And of course Alfred would never forget the chills he got the day that he learned that Japanese pilots who volunteered to die in suicidal plane attacks were known as the Kamikaze, a name thattranslated to "divine wind." In every way, Japan had been fully devoted to his Emperor's cause.

That included hurting Korea more deeply than Alfred could possibly imagine. Sure, he'd heard the stories of the oppression, the cultural erasure, the military conscriptions, the starvation, the brutality, the camps not unlike those found in Germany—but he could not claim to understand. His own soldiers had suffered at the hands of the Japanese, but not like Yong Soo's had. What Japan had done in Korea was unforgiveable in every way. Just because he and Alfred had made peace did not mean Yong Soo would, or even could.

Did Alfred feel uncomfortable because he considered Kiku his friend, even after everything he'd done? Was it because Yong Soo made a good point in that it was impossible to know what he was really thinking? Was he really changed, as Alfred thought he was?

Alfred felt sure… Between the near inhuman man he'd faced on the burning fields of Okinawa and the man who seemed hopelessly soul-crushed when he lost a game of Pokemon… They weren't even the same person.

"People change…" Alfred said with a sad smile, unwilling to look at Yong Soo.

"I can't forgive him. Even if he has changed." The Korean sighed before going on, his voice growing ever lower. "And then there's North. Through everything Japan did to us, I thought I'd always have him." His voice began to waver. "I never gave up because I knew he wouldn't give up. Even when they separated us—even when they forced us through terrible things alone—I knew he was going through it with me. I loved him more than anything in the world. We were each other's everything when we had nothing." By now, Alfred didn't need to look at Yong Soo to know he was doing everything he could to keep the tears from falling. "And I was stupid to think it would always be that way. What he did hurt more than anything Japan ever could have done. And then China sided with him. The person I looked up to more than anyone. How could he choose one of us? After all those years he spent as our mentor?"

Alfred felt helpless. There was nothing he could say—nothing he could think of that would be consoling. No words that could provide comfort. What Yong Soo had told him was the most intimately personal thing he'd ever shared with Alfred, every word coming from deep in his heart. Alfred had no doubt Yong Soo had been so hurt by his separation with North because of how much they'd been through and how deep their connection had been, a bond so tight that North's betrayal was the single most physically and emotionally vicious act that could have possible occurred between them.

"Honestly, Alfred?" Yong Soo continued. "You're the closest thing to family I have."

"Yong Soo…" Alfred breathed, finally reaching out an arm to carefully wrap around Yong Soo's shoulders. He felt invasive, as if his touch would break whatever wall existed between Yong Soo and a full-on flood of emotion—but it was the only thing he could think to do. Yong Soo did not object. "I know it's hard. But I mean…you're still brothers. People can change. You said Japan was different, right? So—the North you know—he's there somewhere. And I know China still absolutely adores you, even if he tries to act like he doesn't."

Yong Soo was quiet, but after a pause, he seemed to warm up to the idea. "China—m-maybe he does… I wish he was more open about it," he sighed, finally shrugging Alfred's arm off his shoulders. "But then North's still…he's not Sang Kyu."

Alfred…was beginning to form an idea in his head. As much as he'd told himself he wouldn't talk about politics after his first day here, this seemed like the perfect time to try to talk to Yong Soo about having talks with North.

"He keeps asking to talk to you, you know," Alfred reminded him. "I know you said you didn't think he was sincere but…nothing can get better if you don't do anything."

"I guess…" Yong Soo muttered, not very excited about the proposition. Alfred frowned.

"I mean…at least if you talked to him, you might catch a glimpse of him? Of Sang Kyu I mean?"

Gosh, the name was so strange rolling off his tongue. He and North were definitely not on a first-name basis.

Alfred finally spared a glance at Yong Soo, who seemed to be softening to the idea. "I wish I could," Yong Soo sighed.

Did he mean that he wished he could talk to North? Or to see the North he used to know? Alfred—well—he had another idea, but he could see the potential for it to go wrong.

Still, with Yong Soo at least admitting that he wanted something positive to happen between him and North, this seemed like as good a time as any to actually get them to talk. Hesitantly, Alfred pulled his phone from his pocket, wincing as the cold air bit at his bare fingers. Yong Soo, probably thinking he was just answering a text from Mattie or someone else, didn't even bat an eye as Alfred pulled up North's number. What would Yong Soo think of Alfred having North Korea's phone number? North had mentioned even Yong Soo didn't have it.

"Yong Soo," he started slowly. "Do you—do you want to talk to him? Like, right now?"

"What?"

Alfred showed him the phone screen, muttering something stupid about how, yes, he'd entered North's name as "Commie." Yong Soo just seemed more confused than anything else, his eyebrows knitting together as he tried to comprehend what he was seeing.

"…Which organ did you have to sell to get the money to convince him to give you his number?"

"My brain, probably," Alfred snorted. "Do you want to talk to him? I can talk first, that way if you decide you don't want to I can just hang up and he'll be mad at me instead."

"I—I don't know," Yong Soo stammered, overwhelmed. He seemed torn between the belief that North was now a fundamentally different person who should not be appeased and the belief that the brother he used to know was still there somewhere.

"Um, think of it this way—" Alfred proposed, seeing his indecision. "If he really is sincere, he'll talk to you now, without his media fanfare or any government officials telling him what to say."

This argument seemed to click with Yong Soo, and eventually he nodded slowly. "Okay," he decided finally. "But only if you talk first, like you said."

"All right," Alfred said, holding the phone out in front of them. "Are you ready?"

Yong Soo nodded, and Alfred pressed the call button before placing the phone to his ear. Yong Soo watched him as Alfred waited for an answer.

North, obviously smart enough to check the caller ID before answering, seemed to be taking his sweet time deciding whether or not to pick up. Finally, a voice answered on the other line.

"Did you not think to text and ask if I was available before calling?" North griped as soon as he answered. "That would have been a bit polite, don't you think?"

"Whoa, you could at least say 'hi,'" Alfred retorted, though he was a bit taken aback by the aggressiveness. "That would be a bit polite." Yong Soo was looking at him with concern. Maybe this wasn't the best time to have the two of them talk, but Alfred was adamant about this.

"What do you want?" North demanded, ignoring Alfred's comment.

"Well, do you have a minute?"

There was a pause as North considered this. "…I suppose."

"It's about the talks with South," Alfred continued, hoping North would cool off in the next minute or so. "You're still interested in those, right?"

"Yes?"

"Well, um, I may have made a small breakthrough for you, no need to thank me," Alfred said, glancing at Yong Soo, who was still watching Alfred with anticipation.

Alfred could almost see North rolling his eyes on the other end. "Go on."

Alfred turned to Yong Soo and pointed to the phone, a silent way of asking if he still wanted to talk. Yong Soo nodded. "Okay, so, I've got Yong Soo here with me, and he's agreed to talk to you. Right now. If you want."

North was silent for a long moment. "Is this a joke?"

"No, it's not!" Alfred assured him. "He's right here, I promise! Do you want to talk to him?"

North sighed and was quiet again, apparently considering his options. "Put him on."

Alfred grinned, pleased at his apparent success. It was up to Yong Soo now. "All right, here he is," he said, holding the phone out to Yong Soo and giving him an encouraging thumbs up.

Yong Soo took the phone carefully, giving Alfred a hesitant smile. Alfred then stepped back and began to head out of earshot, wanting the two to be able to speak without any pressure from him. That, and he wasn't sure he could bear to watch if the conversation started to go bad.

The last thing he heard as he stepped away was Yong Soo saying the first, hesitant word.

"Yeoboseyo?"

Author's Notes:

- PC bang: Translates to "PC room" and is basically just a place people go to use the computer or play games. Usually have a very cheap hourly rate.

- If you are unfamiliar with the things Japan did to Korea during WWII, essentially, Japan had annexed Korea as a colony back in the 1930's and had proceeded to exploit Korea's labor force and natural resources. Koreans had to take on Japanese names, were not allowed to speak Korean at school or work, were often forced to join the Japanese military, and occasionally were sent to places such as Unit 731, which were essentially medical experimentation camps. Korean women were also forced into "comfort women" roles, which are exactly what they sound like...

- Yeoboseyo: Just the Korean way of answering the phone, equivalent to "hello?" or something similar.