Chapter 47: Tris – Reconnecting

Tobias holds my hand as we walk from his apartment to the dining room. He keeps stealing glances at me and grinning, as if he can't believe this is real. I understand the feeling. It does seem like a lot of the dreams I've had over the past year, and only the solidity of his presence reassures me that this is reality.

As we get close, I find my palms getting moist with nervousness. I've spoken with Christina pretty much every week while we've been apart, but I've had much less contact with the others, and it's a bit overwhelming to think about seeing them all at once. Particularly since I'll be walking in with Tobias, and I know that will instantly launch speculation about what's going on with us.

I remember separating just before entering the dining hall in Dauntless, back when we were trying to hide our relationship, and I debate doing that now. But Tobias grips my hand more firmly as we approach the doorway, and I realize he doesn't want to hide this. I suppose he's right. There's no reason to keep the truth from our friends.

Ultimately, though, it's hard to say if anyone notices our hands. The moment we enter the room, I'm greeted by a chorus of voices calling to me in welcome, followed immediately by those same people launching themselves toward me excitedly. It's almost impossible to distinguish individual words in the chaos, except for the common theme of my name being repeated loudly and enthusiastically, but the message is clear. They're all genuinely glad to see me. I can't help but smile in response.

Tobias releases my fingers and draws back a little to give the group enough space to surround me, and suddenly I'm hugging Zeke and then George and am leaning down to embrace Shauna in her wheelchair. Christina and Cara latch onto me, even though I saw them both earlier, and I'm vaguely surprised when Amar pulls me into his arms, holding me close for a long time before stepping back and saying, "Man, it's good to see you, Tris."

Uriah is the last to reach me, since he was the farthest away initially, but he throws his arms around me eagerly as if anxious to make up for being last. I don't hesitate to return the hug. But when he pulls back far enough to wink at Tobias and then leans in as if to kiss me, I yank away, startled. Uriah and Zeke burst into laughter simultaneously.

"Still with that death wish," Tobias growls, stepping forward to claim my hand again while glaring at Uriah. But there's an undertone of amusement in his voice that tells me the two of them have come to terms since the kiss.

Uriah throws his hands up in mock surrender, grinning at me. "Hey, don't worry. I'm not dumb. I picked up on your subtle signals last time." He looks Tobias straight in the eye and adds, "What can I say? She wants to marry me and have my babies."

Shauna snorts. "Yeah, as long as they're blue-eyed and have four fears," she says, her eyes on the hand I have linked with Tobias'. From her height in the wheelchair, I guess it's not surprising she noticed before the others did.

Christina is the first to follow her gaze. She smirks before commenting loudly, "That didn't take long."

I feel a blush working its way up my cheeks, but before I can respond, Zeke answers just as loudly, "And yet it's long overdue." He claps Tobias on the back in some mix of approval and congratulations while smiling at me.

There's a general chorus of agreement from the others, and as I look around, I realize that everyone here seems to be delighted to see Tobias and me together again, even the ones I wouldn't have expected to react that way. Uriah grins widely, with no trace of sadness or jealousy in his gaze, and Cara gives her trademark little smile, making her approval clear.

But Amar's reaction is the strongest. He beams like a proud father as he places one hand on Tobias' shoulder and the other on mine, looking back and forth between us. "Now, that's a sight for sore eyes," he says. He squeezes my shoulder lightly as he adds, "You two belong together."

I nod, trying to think of a response, but right now I just wish everyone would stop staring at us.

Amar appears to sense my discomfort. He pats Tobias' shoulder a final time and then turns to his husband, taking George's arm and leading him toward the table.

"So, I hear there's food," he says to the others. "Let's eat it." The last statement is a command, his voice radiating authority, and I'm sure that must be the tone he used during years of training initiates. I don't know when he last used it, but judging by the others' reactions, it's been a while. They start a little, exchanging glances, before grinning and following him to the table.

I pause to glance up at Tobias and find myself caught in his deep blue eyes. He's staring at me intently, his face filled with a combination of pride and love and joy that makes my heart leap.

"Welcome home," he murmurs. His words and his expression seem to reflect the feeling in the entire room, and in that moment, I know that this is a place where I'll be happy. It may be my truest home yet.

Impulsively, I stand on the tips of my toes and kiss him. Only our lips touch, but it's enough to make a wide smile split his face. He makes no attempt to hide it as he leads me to the table to join our friends.

For our first date, Tobias takes me to a park that recently reopened north of Clark and LaSalle. There's an ice-skating pond there that is surrounded by walking paths, with small stores and stands scattered through the area. The part of me that ran a country for a year sees it as a good example of how the city is changing with its shift from faction control to smaller communities. People move around the city more now, and with that movement, businesses have sprung up to sell food and goods and entertainment to passers-by.

It's a clear day, but cold – ideal ice-skating weather, we're told as we rent skates from a small building by the frozen pond. An older couple runs the business. Judging by the tattoos peeking out from their coats, they were Dauntless at one time, and probably factionless after that. I suspect they recognize us – me as the former president and Tobias as Evelyn's son who won freedom for them. At least it seems that way from how they look at us a little too long and hang onto our words a little too eagerly, but they don't say anything about our identities, and neither do we.

Neither of us has skated before, so the couple gives us lessons on basic techniques before turning us loose on the deserted pond. I'm glad there's no one here to see us, since our initial efforts are certainly not elegant. I flail and flop and feel generally foolish. But at least my short stature works somewhat to my advantage. It's easier to keep my balance, and I don't have as far to fall when I do. Tobias has a much harder time.

"Ow," he says, looking somewhat embarrassed as he shifts from his crashed position to a sitting one. He rubs his left knee.

"I think you're moving too slowly," I tell him thoughtfully. "You need a little momentum to avoid falling."

"A minute ago, you told me I was going too fast," he complains.

I laugh. "Well, you were, but you overcompensated. There's a middle ground, you know."

He looks at me as I stand there, not moving but not falling either, and I realize I'm not exactly proving my point.

"Show me," he says skeptically, and I almost do before I catch the expression on his face.

"You just want to watch me instead of skating yourself," I state flatly, managing to cross my arms over my chest without falling.

"Well, yeah…" he replies with a grin. "It gives me a better view, and I don't hurt myself. That's kind of a no-brainer, Tris."

I watch him for a moment, trying to keep a straight face. "Are you admitting," I ask slowly, "that the mighty Four has been defeated by a slippery surface?"

"I think it's more the skates than the ice, to be honest," he answers, one corner of his mouth twitching, "but yes. You have found my limits, Six." I can't resist the smile any longer as I hobble over to him, extending both hands in an offer to pull him to his feet. He raises an eyebrow at me.

"Seriously, Tris? I think I'm twice your weight."

"I'm strong," I answer a bit defensively. "Besides, I'm assuming you can still support some of your own weight as you stand. You don't have to put it all on me."

"True," he mutters, grasping my hands. I pull, but so does he, bringing me down on top of him and immediately closing his arms around me. He rolls to the side before I can react, and suddenly I'm pinned on the ice with him lying on top of me.

"I don't have to, no," he murmurs with a sly smile, "but it's much more fun this way."

"And much less like skating," I say, struggling not to laugh. I fail miserably.

He hovers over me, his mouth inches from mine, his breath mixing with mine in the frosty air. "That makes it even better," he says softly before kissing me.

Every part of me responds as I fit my lips to his and run a gloved hand up the back of his neck, pulling him closer. Over the past year, I'd almost forgotten how much I enjoy kissing him. But now I admit to myself how much I missed this. How much I missed him.

When we finally break apart, he pulls me back to a sitting position, but neither of us attempts to get on our feet again. It's kind of nice to just sit here right now.

"Everyone seems to be calling you Four again," I comment, thinking of how I just used that name myself. "Do you prefer that?"

He shrugs. "I'm okay with either name now. I usually introduce myself as Tobias, but the people who have always called me Four still do. It doesn't bother me." He reaches over, running his fingers lightly along my cheek and tucking the loose hair behind my ear. "I still like it when you call me Tobias, though."

He smirks, and I feel a little pink creep into my cheeks. In a way, I don't like having others use his real name. There was something special about it being a secret he shared just with me. But it makes sense that it would be easier for him to use that name now that his father is gone. The reasons he had for hiding it don't exist anymore.

"Do you still have four fears?" I ask out of curiosity, wondering if he finally lost his fear of Marcus.

"I'm not sure," he answers thoughtfully, gazing out over the empty pond. His lips turn downward just a little. "I haven't gone through my fear landscape in months."

I pull my knees up in front of me, wrapping my arms around them for warmth. "Was Marcus still in there the last time?"

Tobias shakes his head. "No." He doesn't elaborate, and I don't push him. After a moment, he adds, "But you were in there twice, so the number was still four." His voice is a little uneven on the admission.

I'm not sure how to react. I remember him telling me before that he had to watch me die in his landscape, and I imagine that fear is still there.

"What was the second one?" I ask. He might not choose to answer, but the Erudite in me wants to know.

He pulls his legs up in front of him the way mine are, resting his arms on his knees and placing his chin on top of them. He doesn't look at me.

With a small sigh, he says, "I watched you marry Uriah."

Oh. I'm silent for a moment, thinking. I wonder when exactly he went through his landscape, if it was just after Uriah told him about the kiss. Or if it was later – if the fear stayed even after Uriah said I didn't kiss him back. I shrug the questions off. They don't really matter. What matters is how much it bothered Tobias.

"I could never be with Uriah like that, you know," I tell him. Tobias turns his head to look at me, his eyes dark. "He's too…Amity," I add. One side of my mouth lifts. "It would be like eating their bread every day. It would drive me nuts."

For several seconds, Tobias just watches me, weighing my words. Then, slowly, the corner of his mouth begins to twitch upwards. "I'd forgotten…" he comments, "that you like me because I'm not very nice."

A trickle of amusement spreads through me as I remember what I said while under the peace serum. "And I'm not, either," I respond. "So, we're just right for each other."

His gaze holds mine, his eyes deep blue and filled with emotion despite his attempt at levity. They make me serious again. "It's only ever been you, Tobias," I say softly.

His jaw tightens for a split second, and he swallows, staring at me even more intensely. His hands cup my cheeks gently, and then he hooks his fingers behind my ears and pulls me to him, bringing my lips to his. There's an odd mix of tension and relief in the kiss at first, but it slowly melts into a deep tenderness. I'm left a bit breathless when we finally break apart.

"Maybe I'll only have three fears now," he says with a small smile.

"I wonder how many I have?" I mutter, suddenly curious. Most of mine were related to losing control, and I suspect those have improved after a year of having more responsibility than I wanted. I've learned to be quite happy to let go a little.

"You can find out if you really want," Tobias answers. "That part of Dauntless is open to the public now."

I nod vaguely, considering the idea. "Maybe at some point…." But I doubt it. That approach feels like something that applied to me as an initiate, something that's very disconnected from the person I am now. I prefer to address my strengths and weaknesses in real life these days.

I rub my hands along my legs, trying to warm up. It's cold sitting on the ice like this.

"Do you want to skate any more?" Tobias asks, noticing my movement.

"No, I'm good," I answer, preferring to get off the ice to somewhere a bit warmer. "Maybe we could go for a walk instead?"

"Sure," he says with a smile. I don't get the impression he's a big fan of skating. He shifts a little, trying to regain his footing on the metal blades. "If I can figure out how to get up."

That proves to be difficult, but between us, we manage to get back on our feet, holding both hands to steady each other as we make our way slowly back to the shop to return our skates and retrieve our shoes. The couple says a friendly goodbye, expressing their hope of seeing us back again, and we give a polite, non-committal answer before heading off.

Tobias laces his long fingers through my gloved ones as we start down the walking path. It winds around the pond and then continues through the trees that overgrew the area during the decades this park was unused. They've been trimmed back now, but they still loom overhead, looking barren without their leaves.

"I'll be glad when spring gets here," I comment idly. There's nothing like returning to the city of my birth during the coldest time of the year.

"It'll happen eventually," Tobias answers, looking around at the empty park. "This place will be a lot busier then." He releases my hand and puts his arm around my shoulders instead, pulling me close to him to share his body heat. I snuggle against him gladly.

"When did this park reopen?" I ask curiously.

"Last summer," he responds without pause, and I wonder how he knows the answer so readily. He seems to read my thoughts. "My mother lives about a block that way," he says, using his free hand to gesture to our left. "I used to walk past here on my way there and back home. Now, I walk through the park instead. It's nicer."

I haven't thought much about his mother since I returned. We had some indirect contact during my time in office, while she and Anna were working on bringing Chicago into the UCA, but I left most of that task to my grandmother. I told myself it was because the two of them had already established a decent relationship while they prepared the city for attack. But if I'm honest, I have to admit that I just didn't want to see Evelyn. I kept remembering what she said when we first met – that I was only temporary in Tobias' life, while she was permanent. At the time, it seemed like she'd been proven right, and I didn't want to see the smug look I imagined she'd wear when she saw me.

It's different now. At some point, Evelyn and I will have to deal with each other, if things work out with Tobias and me. I glance at him, feeling the spark that still goes through me at even the sight of him. Of course, they'll work out, I realize. I can't imagine any other option.

"How are things with your mother?" I ask him.

He smiles a little. "Still complicated," he answers, lifting one shoulder. "But easier than they used to be." He hesitates for a second before adding, "She wants to see you, you know." I stiffen. I can't quite help it. He hugs me a bit closer before continuing. "It's not for anything bad. Believe it or not, she wants to apologize."

I raise an incredulous eyebrow at him, and he chuckles in response. "Really – she does. For multiple reasons, even. At some point, you should give her a chance to explain them." He doesn't press further, and we walk in silence as I think about what he said.

It's not like I ever got to know Evelyn well. I disliked her mostly for what she did to Tobias – how she abandoned him and then manipulated him. But I know more about her reasons now, and Tobias has clearly forgiven her for the worst of her offences. I should at least try again with her, for his sake.

"Okay," I tell him. "I'll talk with her…."

He smiles a little, looking grateful. "I have dinner with her and my sister every Wednesday. You'd be more than welcome to join us." He pauses, scrunching his eyebrows together. "You know I have a sister, right?"

I nod. "Yeah, Christina told me about her. She lives in Candor with her adoptive parents, doesn't she?"

"Yes," he responds, sounding relieved that I already know this. I guess Christina's tendency to blab is helpful sometimes. "That's where we have dinner – with her and them. It's…interesting getting together with all of us. Certainly awkward at times, but it works overall."

"Are you sure I wouldn't be intruding?" I ask. "You don't get much time together, and I'd hate to take away from the little you have."

Tobias shakes his head quickly. "I want you there," he says firmly. The side of his mouth lifts again. "Besides, Margaret will be thrilled to see you. Trust me."

"Why?" I ask uncertainly, trying to figure out why a girl I've never met would care about me, other than maybe as the president. But that doesn't seem like something a typical Candor would admire.

Tobias takes a moment to answer. His voice is quiet when he finally speaks. "You saved her from Eric."

My feet stop moving, and for a moment, I just stare at Tobias. The girl I helped in Candor was his sister? I replay that moment in my mind, trying to picture her, but I honestly barely looked at her at the time. There was so much going on. She was just a kid who needed help….

"Thank you for that, by the way," Tobias says softly, his eyes on mine. I nod awkwardly, not sure how else to react, but he continues, "And I'm sorry I got so angry at you over it."

I think about that for a moment. I remember him yelling at me that I was foolishly risking my life by going in there without a gun. Now that he knows who the girl was, he feels differently, but the thing is…it doesn't change what I did or why I did it.

"That's okay," I finally tell him. "In some ways, you were right. I was being reckless." I look into his blue eyes for another second before adding, "Besides, you realize I can win pretty much any argument from now on just by reminding you of this…."

He laughs, wrapping his other arm around me and pulling me a little closer. "Well, at least some good came out of it, then," he murmurs, resting his forehead on mine.

"Yeah," I whisper, feeling his breath warming my face. "That's why I did it. It's my crazy Divergent powers. I can predict the future."

He's close enough that I can feel the grin turning his lips up. "I see," he says lightly. "And what do you predict I'm going to do now?"

I don't bother answering, at least not with words. Instead, I tilt my head up, my mouth finding his. He's warm and strong and here and mine. And in this moment, there's nothing I want more.

The next few months pass quickly. I spend time with my family and Tobias', and with each of my friends. They show me their jobs as well as what they do for fun, and they introduce me to people they know outside my new faction. We also have plenty of visitors – some I already know and others I don't.

In particular, it's good to see Tori again. She comes over every week or two to visit George and Amar, spending time with the brother she thought was dead for so many years. They have a great dynamic, and it's almost as much fun to watch them together as to see Zeke and Uriah.

Between all of them, my weekdays stay busy – filled with people and activities and a tremendous sense of belonging.

But the weekends are by far the best part of each week. Tobias and I explore the original factions, as well as the largest of the new ones and the non-faction activities that have cropped up around the city.

We start with the amusement park that is now open and is run by former factionless. We spend most of our evening in the bumper cars, swiping each other repeatedly before teaming up and clearing the floor of all competition. But we end the night on the Ferris wheel. Despite the height, Tobias rides it willingly, watching me almost the entire time. I look at him, too, even though I love the view and the feeling the height gives me.

Seeing him here reminds me of the first moment I realized I liked him. It was difficult for me to admit it at the time, but I can still feel the odd mix of weakness and strength that runs through me when his eyes are on me. I doubt that sensation will ever go away.

The next weekend, we visit a museum in Erudite. It covers the history of Chicago, as best they've been able to piece it together from pre-war books. It's intriguing to learn about the early days of the city, particularly given how much the entire area relied on the Great Lakes. I can't help but wonder how different things would have been without the water.

After that, we spend a day in Amity basking in a warm greenhouse as we take a painting class. We start by using watercolors to paint images of flowers on large sheets of paper, but Tobias and I find ourselves becoming progressively less obedient as the day wears on and the empty chatter of the others begins to get to us. I'm pretty sure they've eaten too much of the local bread, because no one could be that spacey on their own.

We end up painting each other's portrait in true Divergent style – using every possible color to create a bizarre version of the other. The images look like balls of color with big blue eyes in the center and wild hair surrounding them. I can barely contain my laughter when our confused teacher tries to praise us for doing our best to capture the sunflowers in front of us. Clearly, neither of us is cut out for Amity.

In Candor, we engage in a mock trial, each taking a side of a famous court case from many years back. I get into the role much more than I would have expected, presenting my arguments with a fervor that leaves Tobias staring at me, his expression unreadable. I figure it out afterwards, when he presses me against the wall and kisses me with a heat and intensity that makes everything inside me ache with want.

But we're not in nearly a private enough location for that activity, and we end up making a hasty exit when we're interrupted by the people coming in for the next case. We get some very dirty looks as we hurry away, but I can't help but feel it was worth it.

We travel to Abnegation the next weekend, going back to our roots. It's a serious event, as Abnegation always is, but there's a quiet joy in spending the day together, helping to repair a damaged building. I come to realize how much talent Tobias has in this arena as he fixes walls and plumbing and electrical wiring with obvious ease.

He tells me that he's been helping to get new factions up and running, including the one we live in, and I think he speaks more than I've ever heard him talk before as he describes some of the projects he's worked on and the people he's met in the process.

We save Dauntless for last, returning to the place that I expected to be my lifelong home but where I never ended up living after initiation. I'm excited to explore new activities and parts of the compound I never had a chance to see. So, I'm more than a little surprised when Tobias instead takes me to the top of the Hancock building to go zip-lining – an activity I've done before and one that certainly can't appeal to him with his fear of heights.

It makes a bit more sense once I realize we're going in a special double-harness instead of zipping down one at a time, but it's not until I see the expression on his face that I understand. He wants me to know that with me, he can handle anything.

We end up going headfirst, both of us facing down with him above me so he doesn't block my view. I'm pretty sure he keeps his eyes closed the entire time, given how he presses his head into my hair. And he grips me so tightly I have to pull his hands loose at one point in order to breathe. But overall, it's even more exhilarating than the first time, and I crow with joy as I extend my arms like wings and feel the wind whipping against my body. I'm not sure I've ever felt more alive than during that ride.

When we get back to his apartment afterwards, still flushed with adrenaline and eyes still blazing with energy, we make love for the first time since we got back together. And now is when I truly appreciate how different it is to have Tobias trust himself. Our first two times, so long ago, were gentle and loving and sweet, but this time is wild and passionate and absolutely amazing.

I freak out a little that week, worrying that things are so good between me and Tobias that we must have peaked and that everything will start to get worse now. But that doesn't happen. Instead, things somehow just keep getting better – better and better until I realize that I can no longer imagine my life without him.

He belongs to me, and I belong to him. And that's how it will always be.