Chapter the Tenth, in Which Things Come To a Head. Messily.
This chapter needed some careful thinking about. Transcribing Offler's lisp is always something of a challenge. Blind Io can be quite mercurial, but a chance to zap unbelievers always cheers up the Gods. Multiple plot strands are working together with some characters following private agendas and, as ever, things are not always as they seem.
It had been a hot and sticky day leading up to the evening of the full moon.
It was towards the end of the evening meal and Dr Hix was moving around the tables dispensing water treated with drops of the Klatchian coffee he had homeopathically enhanced, his black – robed figure causing a slight unease as he approached, (the presence of a licensed Dark Wizard will do this to even the boldest) though that unease then vanished as, one by one, the men drank the doctored beverage and became slightly knurd.
The state of mind engendered was usually a gloomy one. The world can be a harsh place. For any outsider viewing what was going on, the grim smiles spreading around the refectory area might have been surprising. There was no surprise at this among the lumberjacks. They were looking forward to what was likely to be a rematch against the feral Elves who had troubled them previously. This time the intruders' one huge tactical advantage wasn't going to work. They had angered the lumberjacks. (1) They were going to pay.
Once this had been completed, everyone departed for the chapel clearing, ensuring they were each carrying a suitable tool for use as a weapon, so that it might be blessed at evening prayers. Mr Rashid's sword and helmet attracted some attention. There was some surprise (even given the coffee – induced clarity of mind) at Mr Washer bringing a heavy pressing iron and a cavalry sabre. Pastor Oats and his mighty axe, Forgiveness, were expected and welcome. He had impressed the other men with his diligence and hardiness, now they were curious as to how he would handle himself should trouble call on them.
Hickory Cutter had brought his own felling axe, which he made a point of keeping at hand. He glanced at it from time to time as he worked at the votive still.
Reverend Snorrisson led the service, though he had already asked Mr Oats to be his co – celebrant, to which the Omnian had agreed. (2)
Pastor Nutt, from his position near one of the camp's guards, heard the murmuring sounds of men at prayer and hoped he wouldn't be noticed as each guard was dosed by a still – circulating Dr Hix. He could see the increase in alertness take effect as men drank, covered as they imbibed by the busy wizard lest they be taken by surprise. There seemed to be something strange about the shadows gathered around the post – mortem – communicator. It was possible the Dark Wizard was up to something, though it was unlikely to cause problems for his comrades. Nutt made a mental note of this but decided to let it pass for the moment.
The priests had agreed with Mr Sharp that the foreman should lead a special prayer directed to the Pantheon as a whole on Dunmanifestin. This was a camp that could do with all the Divine assistance that could be mustered.
Blind Io, King of the Gods, was first in the Divine City to notice what was going on. (3) He digested the meaning of what was going on and demanded the presence of Sweevo, Om and Offler. (4) The subordinate Gods then heeded their leader's summons.
Offler, oldest of the Gods (and far too canny to ever try for the Kingship) was the first of the group to realize the situation and sought both to mollify his irritated leader, and rally his comrades in defence of their disciples.
'Lord Io, there are believerth out there who are petithioning uth all for athithtance againtht an enemy that would dare even to try uth and don't even care about our importanth to Humanity. (5) Thith ith an opportunity to increath general belief in the Godth and have thome fun. A good mountainthunderthtorm ith all the cover we need , oh king, and then it'th jutht a matter of who can thoot thtraight at ecthtradimenthional intruderth. If anybody miththeth, people are likely to aththume that the godlethth withard got fireball – happy.' (6)
Blind Io was surprisingly accommodating about Offler's plan but the chance to do thunder for everyone else's lightning in addition to his own thunder and lightning was too good to resist. Sweevo was happy to agree. Most of the threatened believers were his after all. Offler was happy to have arranged something that would increase Human adulation for his kind. Om was looking forward to the shooting party. (7)
As it happened, just as Dr Hix dosed the last of the guards on his rota, the Elves jumped the siege catapult.
Faerie barbarians began appearing right where an edgy wizard who was already spoiling for a fight (7a) could see them.
Oh dear.
Fireballs flew. Faerie barbarians burned.
The Gods took their cue and began throwing lightning at selected targets to a Blind Io drumroll scored for thunder hammers.
The men and Elves experienced this as the beginnings of an epic thunderstorm. Though the lightning only seemed to be hitting Elves at present. It was as if it was being aimed.
There was great consternation beneath the trees. It was not, under normal circumstances, a sensible place to be during a thunderstorm.
In the growing confusion, despite everyone from the camp being knurd, as men ran to support the guards and the wizard, Hickory Cutter worked to damp down the votive still. Nobody quite saw exactly what happened, but all were later agreed on seeing and/or hearing one event.
It blew up in his face, spreading his upper body in chunks over quite a wide area.
(1)Not to mention getting up the noses of the wizards of UU.
(2)After carefully examining his conscience first. Omnianism is officially monotheistic after all.
(3)And being the boss, he wasn't happy about effectively being the Pantheon's 'clacks office.'
(4)'Nature Boy and the Camel Jockeys!' He wasn't PC. he was annoyed at having to take the call.
(5)Someone to blame. Offler probably knows this, but is too smart to share it with his colleagues.
(6)'Trigger happy' and 'friendly fire' fit this. Wizards don't worship Gods. 'It only encourages them.'
(7)He hadn't yet cleared the Valhalla mead from his system. Possibly a big mistake.
(7a)Most wizards are celibate, so is Dr Hix. Unslaked stroppy male hormones as a driving force ?