Chapter 2
Sasha sat, shoulders hunched and elbows on his knees, watching the blonde beauty sleeping fitfully on his couch. A quick glance at the clock told him it was nearly ten; that meant she'd cried into his chest for over an hour, raged against the unfairness of it all and cursed Lauren's very existence. He could still feel the wet spots on his t-shirt.
He was still so very lost. Though he liked to think that he knew Payson better than almost anyone, but she was very much a teenage girl, and he never had been. He knew how he would have handled the situation the next day; he'd punch his betrayer right in the mouth, they would fight it out for a few minutes, and then they would either stop speaking to each other or they would go back to normal. He had a feeling it wouldn't be that simple between Payson and Lauren.
Of course, he knew what his role in all of it would be. Outside the walls of his apartment he was not allowed to have a personal opinion on the matter; he was the coach and it was his job to make sure that the drama to come between Payson and Lauren didn't infect the rest of the gym. It would be nearly impossible, he knew, but he had to try.
There was a soft knock at the door. The sound made Payson stir and groan, turning onto her side and burying her face into the couch cushions, probably trying to stave off the waking world for as long as possible.
Sasha stood slowly, taking his time in answering the door. He and Payson had spent the evening locked in the warm cocoon of his apartment, where the outside world didn't matter and they weren't coach and athlete, just two people working through betrayal of the worst kind. He wasn't eager to break that spell.
"Hey, Sasha," Kim whispered when he finally opened the door. Her eyes immediately went to her daughter, softening with sadness and regret. Sasha followed her gaze for just a moment.
"Kim," he replied with a nod. "I'm sorry.."
"Don't you dare apologize, Sasha Belov. I'm glad you're here for her right now; she needs you, you're the only one who really understands what this feels like," Kim said, so forcefully Sasha found himself leaning away from her.
"I'll just wake her," Sasha muttered, eager for an excuse to move away from Kim. She reached out for his arm, stopping him in his tracks with just the lightest touch.
"Don't, she deserves some rest. Do you think you could carry her down to the car for me?" Kim explained. Sasha swallowed harshly, but nodded. He moved to the couch, pausing to stare down at Payson, to memorize the curve of her shoulder and the slope of her hips, the steady rise and fall of her chest as she slept. His allowed his gaze to linger for a moment on the tiny sliver of skin peeking out from beneath her shirt, the scars on her back just barely visible in the dim light, until he remembered that Kim was in the room.
Giving himself a mental shake, he knelt down and worked his arms beneath Payson's knees and shoulders, lifting her only once he was sure his grip was secure. Her head lolled against his chest and one of her hands fisted into the material of his shirt, like she knew that in a moment Kim would be taking her away.
As quietly as he could, Sasha followed Kim down to the car. Payson's body radiated heat, like a warming blanket against the chill of the night air and Sasha found himself holding her a little tighter.
Carefully, he settled her in the passenger seat and pulled the seatbelt across her body. Payson shifted in the seat, curling herself up like a cat and still blissfully unaware. Sasha smoothed a hand over her hair.
"Vise plăcute, dragostea mea," he whispered. Kim laid a hand on his shoulder, giving it a firm squeeze, and he turned to her.
"Thank you, Sasha," Kim said. She rose up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek before getting into the car and driving away.
#
Please,let it have been a dream. That was Payson's first thought when she awoke to the harsh sound of her alarm clock. Her eyes felt gritty from all the crying and her face was still puffy, like she'd had some sort of allergic reaction. It was the first time she could ever remember not wanting to go to the gym, unless you counted the time she spent unable to train because of her broken back, which Payson didn't. Instead, she found herself wanting to roll over and sleep for a few more days, drift back into that dreamland where Lauren wasn't a backstabbing bitch and Sasha wasn't nearly fifteen years older than her.
"Payson, you up?" Kim called through the door.
"Yeah," Payson called back. Too late to go back to sleep now. Besides, Payson knew that if she didn't go into the gym and face Lauren, it would only make things worse. At least Sasha would be there, at least he would understand.
Reluctantly, she rolled out of bed and pulled on her favorite training leo, purple with a black boat neck, before throwing on sweats and tennis shoes. Wandering into the kitchen, she avoided her mother's eyes and ignored the "Oh, Payson," that escaped from her lips, grabbing a Grrl Bar for breakfast. She was running mostly on autopilot, afraid that if she allowed herself to be emotionally present she would fall apart, so she focused on the new routines she wanted to take to the Olympic Trials instead.
It seemed unreal that the next big event for her was the Olympic Trials. Sure, there would be a few exhibitions and Nationals, but those were almost formalities; Payson was the World Champion, she had earned a spot at the Trials no matter how well or poorly she performed at the other upcoming events.
"Payson," Kim started, pity dripping from each syllable she spoke.
"I'm fine, Mom," Payson said quickly. She wanted her to stop talking, to stop trying to draw her thoughts back to Lauren's betrayal. Kim sighed, but she didn't say anything more. Payson knew her silence wouldn't last forever, but for now it was a welcome respite.
"I think I'll run to the Rock again," Payson said, making sure her ponytail was secure.
"Honey…" Kim started. Payson finally looked up to meet her eyes, silently begging Kim to give her that alone time. Blowing out a breath, Kim nodded. "Okay. I'll bring your bag in a little while."
"Thanks, Mom," Payson said. And then she was moving towards the door.
Besides actually being on an apparatus, running was the only thing that let Payson completely shut down her brain. While her feet were smacking the pavement, nothing else mattered; not the throb in her ankle, not the ache in her heart. None of it.
Unlike the morning before, Sasha was already there when Payson ran up to the front doors, pushing through them like they were the finish line. He was working out on the rings, his chest bare and shining with sweat, his arms shaking as they held his body parallel to the floor. Payson couldn't help but stare at the cut of his muscles, the contour of his body. She felt something flutter low in her stomach as he moved, throwing himself into a dismount and wincing at the impact, sagging a little to spare his knee.
He looked up and his eyes found hers.
"You too, huh?" Payson asked, jerking her chin at the bars. His gaze traveled down the length of her body slowly, making her shiver, and then back up to hers and he nodded.
"Yeah," he said. There was a pause when the very air itself froze; Payson felt like there was something there, something hanging between them and begging to be said, but neither of them could do it.
"You okay?" Sasha asked, his eyes drilling into hers. "And don't lie to me." Payson shrugged, looking at the floor.
"I don't know. I keep hoping…I keep wishing it was a dream."
And then Sasha was in front of her, close enough that his toes were nearly touching hers and she could feel the heat radiating from his body. Or maybe it was from hers, reflecting off of his. Either way, the space between them was like a furnace. His finger came up beneath her chin, lifting her face until she was staring straight into his eyes.
"We'll get through this, together, okay?" he said, his voice hoarse. Payson nodded slowly, frozen to the spot by the intensity in his eyes. His thumb ghosted over the end of her chin and Payson thought he swayed a little closer, but before she could decide if he had or hadn't, he dropped his hand and took a few steps back. "How's your ankle?"
"Sore, but I can train," Payson said. The charge between them had finally snapped, releasing them back into reality.
"Good, but I want you focusing on bars today. The less impact your ankle has to endure this week, the better," Sasha said, glancing at the floor.
"Okay," Payson said. She toed off her tennis shoes, tossing them into the corner where her bag would go when Kim came in. Her sweats followed quickly, and she thought she felt Sasha's eyes linger on her as she removed them, but when she looked up again his eyes were trained on a point above her head.
"Good. Get to work, I'll be in the office if you need me," he said, his voice a little strangled.
Payson took her time chalking up, relishing in the quiet stillness that fell over the gym. A full gym was a loud gym, which meant that all she could ever hear was the sounds of other people; but when the gym was empty, when it was just her and whatever apparatus she was on, she could fully experience it. She could hear the sound of her grips scraping against the fiberglass bars, the whoosh of her body slicing through the air, the clang of the bars as she transitioned from one to the other. There was nothing like it.
She was halfway through a mindless routine, one her body knew by instinct, when the doors slammed open and gymnasts poured in.
Lauren's voice rose among all the other as she and Kaylie laughed about something. The sight of Lauren's impeccable braids, flawless make-up, and cold, shrewd eyes startled Payson and she lost her grip. She wasn't prepared for the emotion that slammed through her at the sight of her very own Brutus. Her feet hit the mat with a sharp smack and she fell to her knees, unprepared for the contact.
Kaylie and Lauren stopped in their tracks, staring at her.
"Pay, are you okay?" Kaylie asked, glancing at Lauren before making her way over. Lauren approached much more slowly, eyeing Payson warily the whole way.
"I'm fine," Payson mumbled. Kaylie reached out to help her up but Payson shook her hand away and stomped back to the low bar, staring it down and the reaching out and jumping into it. Her grips hit the bar with a sharp smack and she pushed herself up into a handstand, her body perfectly, rigidly straight and her legs held tightly together.
"God, what crawled up her butt?" Lauren asked as she and Kaylie moved towards the beam to stretch. The words reached Payson's ears and white hot rage flooded through her.
She fell again.
"Damn it!" She cried, slapping her hands against the mat. Everyone in the now full gym stopped to stare. It wasn't like Payson to lose her cool during training, and she could feel the ripple of unease spreading through the crowd. She took a deep breath, held the air in her lungs until she counted to ten and then let it out again, slowly. She felt some of the rage drain from her body, but not all of it.
Staring at Lauren she waited for some sign of remorse, some indication that Lauren was truly sorry for what she had done. There was nothing. Payson marched over to her, not quite sure what she was going to do but knowing that she had to address the situation. Her future depended on it.
"What?" Lauren snapped as Payson stared at her. She noticed a slight tremor in her voice.
"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Payson asked. Lauren snorted, raising an eyebrow.
"What are you talking about?" Payson nodded, chewing on her bottom lip to keep from launching herself at Lauren. Her entire body shook with the effort.
"You're really going to play dumb? I know, Lauren, Sasha told me." Lauren's eyes went wide with panic, she couldn't pretend anymore.
Still, though, she said nothing.
"What are you talking about, Payson?" Kaylie asked, looking back and forth between her two best friends.
"Well?" Payson pressed. She'd never seen Lauren speechless.
"Lauren," Kaylie said, still trying to figure out what was going on. Lauren said nothing. Her lips were sealed together so tightly the skin around them was turning white. Payson nodded; clearly Lauren had made her choice.
"We're done," Payson said. Tears sprang to life in Lauren's eyes, but still she said nothing. Payson continued to stare, waiting for a trademark Lauren Tanner tantrum. Instead, Lauren turned on her heel and ran from the gym.
For a long moment Kaylie and Payson simply stared after her. Sasha came out of the office, his face drawn. Payson felt his eyes on her and looked up, her eyes finding his unerringly. The softness, not pity but something else, tenderness and affection maybe, made tears spring to her eyes. Immediately she looked away, fighting to erect a wall around her emotions. She would not break down in the middle of the gym.
"Payson, I don't get it," Kaylie said pleadingly. Payson just shook her head and swallowed past the tears clogging her throat.
"The video, it was Lauren." She stalked back to the bars, determined to get her focus back.
Lauren Tanner was not going to take that away from her
#
"What do you mean, it was Lauren?" Kaylie asked, trotting after Payson as they broke for lunch. Lauren still hadn't reappeared, which was fine as far as Payson was concerned, but Kaylie would not stop pestering her for information.
"I meant exactly what I said, Kaylie," Payson snapped. She took a breath and tried to remember that none of it was Kaylie's fault. "I'm sorry. Look, Lauren found the training cam video, she edited it to make it look like Sasha didn't push me away, and she sent it to Ellen Beals."
"But how do you know?" Kaylie pressed. Payson stopped walking and stared at her friend.
"You mean because her reaction this morning wasn't enough? Sasha told me."
"I'm sure she didn't mean to…"
"If you tell me she didn't mean to hurt me, or Sasha, I will hurt you. Lauren knew exactly what she was doing when she sent that video and she didn't care," Payson hissed, feeling the rage swell inside her, fill her like poison. She hated that Lauren had the ability to make her feel like that, like she wasn't in control of herself or her emotions. She hated that her anger made her lash out at everyone but Sasha.
"I just, Pay…you know she's been hurting," Kaylie stammered. Payson rolled her eyes.
"That doesn't give her the right to hurt others." Instead of waiting for Kaylie to respond, Payson took a hard right and dashed up the stairs to the office. She knew Kaylie wouldn't follow, Kaylie hated hanging out in the office, and she was eager for just a few moments of silence.
"Pay?" Kim asked as Payson slammed the sliding office door shut. "You okay, honey?"
"I'm fine," Payson said. Sasha looked up from his paperwork, his eyes meeting hers as he raised an eyebrow.
"I just needed a minute," Payson promised. He held her gaze for a moment longer before he nodded and went back to his stack of papers.
"Pay, I'm going to grab some lunch do you want me to bring you something?" Kim asked, grabbing her purse from her bottom desk drawer. As she stood up Payson slipped into her seat, curling her feet under her and laying her head on the desk, sighing at the feeling of cool metal against her skin.
"Yes please," she groaned. Kim rubbed a hand over her back and slipped out. Silence reigned and Payson breathed a sigh of relief; she wondered when the gym had stopped being a sanctuary for her, when it happened that the only place she could escape to was the office.
"Steve Tanner called," Sasha said quietly. "Lauren won't be back today."
Payson groaned and lifted her head from the desk.
"Good," she said, scrubbing her hands over her face. She was honestly glad that that Lauren wouldn't be back, it meant she could relax a little bit, she didn't have to be on her guard every second and she could concentrate on gymnastics again.
"Payson." The command in his tone made her look up. His eyes met hers with an intensity that nearly knocked the breath out of her. "Are you going to be able to train with her?"
Payson frowned, unsure where the conversation was going. Could she train with Lauren, every day for the next year, and look past what she'd done? Could she read the news articles and hear the snide remarks of gymnasts and fans all around the world, knowing that it was all Lauren's fault?
"I…I don't know," Payson said. Sasha nodded, his jaw clenched.
"I'm going to say something, but I'm saying as your coach, okay? As an impartial observer," Sasha warned her. She frowned, wondering why he was making the distinction.
"Sure," she said softly. Sasha leaned back in his chair, his eyes never leaving hers.
"What Lauren did was wrong, and I will absolutely understand if you can't or won't forgive her, but you must be able to work with her. You and Lauren are teammates, and if you want to win at least one gold medal in London, you need to be able to cheer each other on, encourage each other, and help each other. I'm not saying that you have to like her or ever talk to her outside of this gym, but I need you to find a way to tolerate her," Sasha said firmly. Payson nodded.
"I'll try," she promised. His eyes softened and he offered her a small smile.
"Thank you."
#
The last thing Payson expected when she got home was to see Lauren waiting for her. She was sitting on the front stoop, her head bowed, twirling her ponytail around her finger. She looked up, her eyes finding Payson's through the windshield.
"You gonna be okay, honey?" Kim asked. Payson nodded.
"Yeah. Better we talk it out here in private than in a gym full of people," Payson reasoned. Kim nodded and went inside while Payson went to stand in front of Lauren. Lauren stood to meet her, hands shoved into the pockets of her jeans. Brazenly she met Payson's eyes.
"Can we talk?" Lauren asked, her voice quieter than Payson could ever remember hearing it. One of the great constants in her life had been the volume of Lauren Tanner's voice.
"I'm listening," Payson said simply. She would hear Lauren out, she would find a way to work with her just like Sasha had asked, but that didn't mean she was going to make it easy on her. Lauren could deal with it.
"Look, I wasn't even thinking about you when I did it. I just wanted Summer and my Dad to get back together and I knew that Summer would leave Sasha if she somehow saw the video. I never meant for anyone to give you a hard time about it," Lauren said in a rush. She sounded so sincere that Payson almost heard it as an apology.
"You still haven't said you're sorry," Payson said through her teeth.
"I didn't think it would get that bad," Lauren insisted. Anger and sadness washed over Payson as Lauren continued to talk. She had always known Lauren was selfish, the act before you think type, but she had never seen her as totally heartless. She'd always thought that Lauren would recognize when she did something truly wrong and own up to it. Instead, like a coward, she was making excuses.
"I need you to forgive me, Payson," Lauren begged.
"Forgive you for what? Nearly ruining my career? Sasha's? For teasing me mercilessly for something that was totally your fault? No, Lauren, I'm sorry. I don't forgive you." Payson was clenching her fists, trying to hold the anger inside of her, trying not to say something that would make it impossible for the two of them to train together.
"Well," Lauren said, crossing her arms over her chest and jutting out one hip. "I'm not leaving until you do."
Payson shrugged her shoulders, pushing past Lauren and into the house.
"Fine, but I suggest you get comfortable."
Payson shut the door with a little more force than she intended. She went straight to her room, changing into her running clothes. She'd already gotten her run in for the day, but she had too much anger, too much pain in her heart to stay home and sit still.
"I'm going for a run," Payson told Kim as she sailed out the door.
"Honey…"
"I'll be back later."
Lauren grabbed her arm, trying to stop her, but Payson shook her off and just kept running. She didn't have a particular destination in mind, she just knew she needed to run, needed an outlet for the turmoil inside her. Tears stung her eyes as she pumped her legs faster, thinking of all the times she and Lauren and Kaylie had shared. There was a time that Payson had trusted them like family, had thought of them as sisters, but that would be impossible now.
The same sense of betrayal she'd felt the night before slammed into her again in full force, knocking the breath from her lungs and forcing her to stop, hands braced on her knees as tears overwhelmed her. She felt as if a friend had died instead of just betrayed her trust.
When she looked up, she realized she was standing in front of Sasha's apartment. How she'd gotten there she had no idea, but she didn't question it as she took the stairs two at a time to Sasha's front door.
He answered before she was even finished knocking.
"Payson?" he asked, alarm lighting his eyes as he took in her tear stained cheeks and her heavy breathing.
Payson threw herself into his arms, needing the strength she could only draw from him. His arms went around her waist without hesitation, pulling her into the apartment and closing the door. He held her tightly for a moment, just letting her cry, and it was only then that she realized he was shirtless, his skin warm beneath her fingers.
"Payson, what's wrong love?" Sasha whispered in her ear, one hand drifting up to grip the back of her neck. His thumb and forefinger stroked the base of her skull, massaging firmly until she felt her muscles relaxing and her tears abating just slightly.
"She can't even say she's sorry," Payson gasped through her tears. Sasha's arm around her waist tightened. "She just keeps making excuses."
"I know, love," he whispered. She felt his lips moving against her hair and shivered, clinging to his shoulders more tightly. Their bodies were pressed flush together; she could feel every inch of him. Slowly her tears dried, stinging against her cheeks, but still neither of them pulled away. Her heart hammered in her chest…or was it his? She wasn't sure anymore. Payson pulled back just enough to look him in the eye, and he didn't seem inclined to let her go any farther. His fingers still massaged her neck, making her knees a little weak.
"Thank you," she whispered. Somehow, those two little words didn't seem enough to really thank him for all he'd done for her so she lifted herself slowly onto her toes and pressed her lips to his.
This time, he kissed her back.
A/N: Thank you to JTellersOldLady, Kissin Concern, SunStar123, LauraW89, elliemarie84, and Barrel of Monkeys for your reviews! Also, a HUGE thank you to JCI for always being willing to read and critique.
I know, the ending of this chapter is evil. *Cackles* But you know the best way to get me to update faster? Reviews! The more reviews I get the faster you'll find out what happens, and the next chapter will pick up IMMEDIATELY after this one ends :)
Also, if you haven't checked out the chapter of WYHWT that I posted yesterday, go do it!
You know what to do!